Far from Home

Last time: Buffy explained the whole Slaying and vampires deal to Pacey, Dawson, and Joey. Dawson then went to find Jen and see how she was doing. Jen went home and had a moment with her grandmother and found out that Willow had called and asked Giles to meet them at the Icehouse. He’s not exactly pleased to see Buffy and in his reprimanding of her spills Xander’s secret, that he still loves Buffy, to everyone, including Buffy and Cordelia.

Rating: PG-13 (look, I’m actually sure this time!)

Author’s Note: Please note that there is something in here that happened on the show, as you will see, although under slightly different circumstances. There are no spoilers, but I had this idea when I started writing this series before season three of Buffy even started. You will see that it is my own idea when I explain it a little later on.

Far from Home Part 10

“So?” Pacey asked.

“So,” Joey agreed.

“Wow,” Dawson nodded.

“So, we’ve been staring at each other now for 17 minutes and 39 seconds,” Pacey said. “Did we really watch vampires exploding and turning into ashes?”

“I think so,” Dawson frowned.

“Okay, just checking.”

“Angel is Buffy. Buffy the Vampire Slayer,” Joey’s eyebrows nervously kneaded together.

“Nah,” all three said at the same time and continued sitting in the booth.

***************************************************

“I’m sorry,” Giles muttered.

“A little late for that,” Oz noted.

“It slipped.”

“How could you let something like that slip? In front of Buffy and Cordelia?” Willow yelled at him.

“I just blew up. Buffy, I really am relieved to see you. I-- I missed you.”

“I don’t think I want to talk to you right now,” Buffy looked down and shook her head before walking into the Icehouse. She joined Pacey, Joey, and Dawson. “Hey, guys,” she tried to smile. She just received three rather disturbed stares in return. “Pace, do you think we could go back to the beach?”

“Vampires.”

“Don’t worry, Pacey,” Buffy smiled. “I am the Slayer. I’ll protect you.”

“Okay.”

“What about us?” Joey asked.

“Don’t worry, vamps don’t attack during the day unless you’re in the shade near the sewer. Then they can get you without being burned by the sun. You two just need to be more careful where you choose to make out,” Buffy said, a little amused. Dawson and Joey didn’t look convinced of her assurance. Buffy rolled her eyes. “Okay, you can come with us if you want. Scream if you need anything.”

“Maybe tomorrow, Buffy,” Pacey said, staring vapidly in front of him. “I’m feeling a little overwhelmed, okay?” Buffy looked a bit hurt.

“Oh, that’s okay. Yeah, no problem, tomorrow.”

“Buffy, can I talk to you?” Willow asked as she entered the restaurant.

“Yeah, sure.”

“In private?”

“Oh.” They left the Icehouse and walked down to a deserted section of the dock. Buffy let her legs swing over the plank.

“Buffy, can you please tell me what happened?” Willow pleaded/ “I’m still your best friend, right? If you can’t tell me, you can’t tell anyone. Did the curse work?”

“The curse?”

“Yeah, I did it. I think I did, to Angel. I felt something... go through me. Was he... cured?”

“Buffy? What’s going on? Where are we? I-- I don’t remember.”

“Angel?”

“You tried the curse again?” Buffy shook her head back to reality.

“Yeah. I’ve done a couple of spells since you’ve been gone. I--”

“Xander.”

“What? Are you still thinking about what Giles said?” Willow asked nervously. “Listen, he--”

“No. Xander told me that he had a message from you when... right before we went into the mansion,” Buffy said, getting upset.

“Sure, I told him to tell you--”

“To kick his ass? Or that you were going to try the curse again?” Buffy demanded.

“To kick his... does that sound like something I would say?” Willow looked startled.

“No,” Buffy shook her head, “it doesn’t. I have to talk to Xander.” Buffy pulled out her stake automatically.

“Whoa, Buffy, calm down. What’s with the stake?” Buffy looked at the wooden object in her trembling hand.

“I feel like I haven’t seen you in months. Everything’s so muddled, I... oh. Oh, Buffy. What’s happening?”

The stake fell from her grasp. She stooped down to catch it before it rolled off the pier.

“He lied to me,” she said simply.

“Buffy, please tell me what happened!” Willow begged.

“I could have saved him if I knew I only had to stall him and keep him away from Acathala,” Buffy whispered to herself. “I could have saved him.”

“What? What did you say? Buffy, please, you’re scaring me!”

“I could have saved him,” she repeated softly.

“Stop mumbling. What is it, Buffy?”

“I love you.”

“I love you.”

“Close your eyes...”

Buffy ran down the dock screaming at the memory of Angel’s anguish as the sword went through his chest.

“Buffy...”

“I could have saved him!” she yelled out. Buffy kept running aimlessly without even noticing Willow running after her. He couldn’t have gone too far, Capeside isn’t that bug. Buffy thought. “Xander! Where are you?” She found him in the bushes at the Ruins where Dawson had found Jen. He was huddles up miserably, staring in front of him until he took a blow to the head. He rolled over and Buffy jumped on top of him, stake in hand. “I could have saved him!” she screamed again. Her tears fell freely onto Xander.

“Buffy? Buffy, hold on. What are you doing?” Xander screamed back. He threw her off of him with a sudden rush of adrenaline. “Put the stake down.”

“Kick his ass, huh? Willow said to kick his ass?”

“Well, no, she didn’t, but...”

Buffy lunged at Xander again. They had a short struggle before Buffy had Xander pinned again. “Kick this,” she said, raising the stake above her head.

“Oh my g-- Buffy, what the hell are you doing?” Willow yelled wide-eyed. She pulled Buffy up off of Xander and shook her. Buffy looked at her. She was completely disheveled. She looked at the stake in her hand and looked frightened as she dropped it. She fell to her knees.

“Could I have saved him?” she wept uncontrollably. “Xander...”

“Buffy, I’m sorry,” he put his hand on her shoulder. She shook it off.

“Do you know what I had to do? I had to kill him. I had to kill him,” Buffy was absolutely hysterical. “I could have handled killing Angelus. But he wasn’t Angelus. Willow, your curse worked. He was Angel.” Buffy sank to the ground. “And he’s still here, haunting me...”

“I had no idea,” Willow bent down to comfort her. Xander looked down guiltily.

“I had to kill the one person who loved me more than anything else... that I loved. I love...”

“I love you,” Xander said softly. Buffy stopped crying and looked up.

“You love me?” she laughed. “You? How could you do that, then? If you really loved me, you should have wanted me to be happy. Do you know how much it is killing me inside to know that I sent Angel to eternal torment?”

“Yes, because it just almost killed me, too.” Buffy was silent. She just sat there for a few minutes before she stood up.

“I’m so sorry, Xander. I’m so sorry.” Buffy fell into his arms. “I just...” She took a deep breath. “I just can’t even move on, you know? He’s here, he’s in my dreams. In Pacey. He won’t let me forget.”

“In Pacey?” Willow asked.

“He talked to me through Pacey, on the beach from my dream. He said... he said he got it right and that he misses me.”

“So do we,” Xander stroked her forehead. “You have to move on. Even if you don’t, you can’t, come home. It won’t be any worse than you staying here, the memories I mean and we can help you.

“Yeah, Buffy, come home. Nothing is the same without you. We miss you. Your mom...”

Buffy stepped out of Xander’s embrace. “My mom. How is she, Wil?”

“Come home and see for yourself.” Buffy looked away. She looked down and smiled.

“I’m sorry I almost killed you, Xander, but thanks. I needed to get that out. I’m going to go back, but there’s something we need to do first. Prepare yourselves for a really long walk...”

**************************************************

“I love you so much,” Buffy whispered as she kissed the ring, “but I can’t do this anymore. I’m going home. Good-bye, Angel, and I mean it this time.” She put the ring onto the sand. The waves came in and swept it away.”

“It’s okay, Buffy. It will be,” Willow said, taking her hand.

“It will now,” Buffy agreed. She sniffed and stared at the water. “Well, come on. It’s a long walk from the beach back to Capeside. It will be well after dark when we get back and Giles will be worried sick. I hope I can find the way back...”

As the moon rose on the horizon, Buffy, Willow, and Xander were no where to be seen. High tide came in. Through the darkness, the moonlight reflected off of two things: a ring symbolic of love and the one who had given it.


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