Driven
Disclaimer: Don’t own the characters, not my show, I’m just playing with them, I’ll give them back unscathed.
Rating: PG-13, some slightly suggestive scenes, nothing too vulgar.
Last time: Joey stopped Dawson right as they were about to have sex, and he insisted that she go home for her sake. His decision made her realize it was time to make one of her own about what she wanted. Joey went to Jen for advice and she told Joey to call Anderson. After Joey left with the phone, Jen glanced outside and noticed Dawson on the docks, angrily contemplating everything that had happened to him. Knowing there was nothing else she could do, Jen broke down and cried for them all.
Sorry it’s been so long since I added a new part to this series. I just got a new computer, so hopefully I will update more often in the future!
Driven
They rolled around on the beach until one of them had to come out from underneath the stifling blanket for air. Pacey took a deep breath and then grinned down at Julie.
“I’m all smiley now,” he said, his grin widening.
“I didn’t even do anything to return the favor,” Julie said, mesmerized by his childlike excitement for her. “Yet,” she added suggestively. Pacey continued staring at her.
“Do you know how happy you make me?” he murmured, gently placing a strand of hair behind Julie’s ear before nuzzling her neck with his nose.
“Yes, since lately you’ve been telling me every ten minutes, but do go on.” Pacey kneeled up over her.
“Good, because I was going to tell you again anyway. You bring this glow with you, Ju. You brighten my day, brighten everything. I mean it, too. Like I can be on this beach with you and notice so many details about things that have previously all blurred together. I look and I see the sand has little flecks of white shell in it, I actually watch the waves crash and then ripple away. Everything is so detailed and I can see it all and remember everything so vividly. Does that make sense? It’s incredible. Everything about these last few months with you has been incredible.”
“That makes sense,” Julie smiled sheepishly. “That’s also the sweetest, most genuine thing anyone has ever said to me.” She moved up to meet him but then pulled him down to her. “Now about returning that favor…” she cooed seductively. She kissed him and let both of her hands slowly drift down to the button of his pants.
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“I—I need to see you,” Joey finally broke her silence.
”Ah… miss me already?” Anderson smirked. “I guess when it’s that good—I’ve been thinking about it, too.”
“It’s not that, Anderson,” Joey said seriously. “I’m—I’m not going to say any more over the phone. Will you come tomorrow?”
”Yes, but, Joey, I know you.” Joey flinched. “What’s wrong? Tell me. It’s not good news, is it?”
”Just meet me tomorrow,” Joey spoke with her eyes closed, her hand shaking as it clutched the receiver.
”Okay, I will. You know I will,” Anderson agreed. “Joey, one more thing.”
”Yes?”
”I love you.” Joey’s eyes flew open. She found that she couldn’t remember mumbling a good-bye and placing the phone back in its cradle when Jen walked in ten minutes later.
”How did it go?” Jen asked. She hugged herself to try and disguise the discomfort she felt under the scrutiny of Joey’s startled expression. Joey just silently stared at Jen and then back at her hand, which still rested on top of the disconnected phone. “Joey?” Joey’s eyebrows narrowed and she put her hand over her mouth to keep her lip from trembling. It didn’t work. “Oh no, Joey,” Jen crouched besides where Joey was seated on the floor and put her arms around her. Joey slowly wrapped her arms around Jen before bursting into tears. “Joey, Joey, it’s going to be okay. Shh—you’re—you’re going to make me cry again.” Jen kissed her forehead before Joey let her head fall into Jen’s lap. She clutched Jen’s legs and tried to get out an apology for making Jen’s pants wet. “Shh, no it’s okay,” Jen said, a few stray tears visible on her cheeks. She stroked Joey’s hair and frowned. “I hope you figured out what you want with Anderson. You and Dawson are making each other miserable and it’s heartbreaking.”
“Tomorrow, Jen. Tomorrow I make things right.”
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“Hey,” Joey said to Anderson, giving him her trademark crooked smile.
”Hey,” he smiled back, taking her in his arms and leaning down to kiss her. She turned her head so that his lips landed on her cheek. He responded with a slight noise in surprise, but then thought better of it and released her from his arms. “You’re breaking up with me, aren’t you,” Anderson gave her an unreadable look. “I’m not stupid and I know you, Joey. So please do spare the it’s not you, it’s me, crap and tell me why. Was… was the sex not good enough for you? Don’t even give me the chance to try again or anything…”
”Anderson, stop it,” Joey yelled, finding her voice. “This isn’t about that. Not only that…”
”What is it. Tell me, we can fix it…”
”No, we can’t. We can’t. I messed up. I made too many mistakes. We can’t fix this…”
”We certainly can’t if you don’t tell me the problem. Please, Jo,” he put his hands on her shoulders and tried to look her in the eye. She shook her head and shook off his hands.
”Anderson, I don’t want to hurt you any more than I have to, then I’m already going to. Don’t make me have this conversation with you.”
”I think you’re too scared to have this conversation with me. You don’t want to spare me for me, you want to spare yourself from confrontation. I’m not letting you leave me until you tell me why.”
”I’m not going to let myself cry,” Joey sniffled. “Not again. Look, I don’t know how to do this, Anderson. I’ve never… broken up with anyone before. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I—“ she put her hand over her mouth. Anderson grabbed her wrist and pulled her arm away, holding it.
”Don’t cover your mouth. If you need to cry, cry. I’ve seen you vulnerable before. Don’t hide from me.” Joey looked him in the eyes, her mouth half-open because his words startled her. Her eyes welled up with tears as she remembered Dawson saying exactly the same thing. She angrily pulled her arm away and turned around.
“I cheated on you.” She looked over her shoulder and watched him out of the corner of her eye. “Is that what you wanted to hear? I cheated on you.” Anderson’s expression changed from unreadable to perfectly clear. She turned back around and saw an almost murderous expression in his eyes, even though she knew he would never hurt her or anyone else.
”That is the worst, most unforgivable thing you could do to me,” he growled. “Why did you ever go out with me if you still wanted Dawson?”
”Do you really want to know the answer to that?” Joey whispered. Anderson looked at her narrowly.
”Yes,” he whispered back.
”I liked you. I did, I do. I care about you a lot, otherwise we wouldn’t have stayed together this long. You listen to me, you’re attentive. In fact, you’re a wonderful boyfriend and you have an amazing body. But from the very first time I met you, you were my fantasy Prince Charming rescuing me from all my Capeside problems, you know that. I wanted to be Cinderella and I thought I could be; I thought that once we were honest and had a basis for a relationship that somehow we could live in this fairy tale. But you can’t just live in a fantasy and my other problems never went away. I could ignore them easily, but I never dealt with them and I woke up one day and… they were overwhelming. It’s not fair, I know, and I’m sorry…” Anderson leaned against the dock and crossed his arms. “Well, say something,” Joey said, giving him a crooked smile. “None of this uncomfortable silence. Say you don’t hate me and one day we can be friends.” Anderson continued staring forward, not at anything in particular. “Look, if it means anything, especially for what I’ve heard about what the first time is usually like, the sex was amazing—“
“The sex,” Anderson interrupted her suddenly. “First you made me fall in love with you, then you let me give you my virginity.”
”You took mine, too—“
”Oh, so I took it now. It goes both ways, Joey. I may be a guy, but I wouldn’t just sleep with anyone. I was waiting for someone special, someone I thought I could trust. I just realized I was in love with you, and yeah, the sex was amazing for our first time. Only time. I find you and all of these amazing things and get to enjoy them for two days and you take everything away from me. You knew how I felt, how could you let me have sex with you if you were always thinking about someone else? Didn’t you ever stop to consider my virginity may have been important to me, too? Why did you sleep with me?”
”I’m sorry. I am so sorry, I wasn’t thinking about anyone else, I was thinking about you. I got caught up in the moment with you. You know, we only see each other maybe once a week, it was a long distance relationship. There was a lot of suppressed sexual tension, it happened. Don’t be sorry that it did.”
”Why not? You are.”
”Anderson, how much can I regret it? It was clearly a positive experience… I want to have sex again, eventually. You didn’t make me think sex sucks,” Joey pleaded, genuinely believing what she was saying. Anderson was quiet for a long time. He then took Joey’s face in his hands and looked at her lovingly before kissing her deeply.
”Don’t call me, Joey. I know it’s the first real relationship for both of us, and I don’t hate you. I can’t because I know you didn’t mean to hurt me and because I don’t want to have any regrets, but that doesn’t change the fact that you have hurt me more than anyone else ever has. So we can’t be friends. Not now. I’ll be okay eventually, but if you were betrayed and then lost the best thing in your life, how long would it take you to be okay again? Just know I will be okay eventually and let that be enough closure so you don’t try to get in touch with me. I love you.”
”Anderson, I’m sorry. There are no words to tell you—“
”How sorry you are? I know.”
”I was attached, and I care about you a lot. I want you to be happy. But I could never make you happy. I’m sorry I couldn’t lov—“
”Don’t say it, please. Just go to Dawson before I do something crazy, which I seriously might.”
“No, you handled this rationally. Thank you. I hope one day we can be friends.”
”I doubt it, but I’m not sorry. Goodbye, Josephine.” Joey frowned at the desperate look on his face, and knew, to spare him of any more pain, it was time for her to go. She couldn’t face Dawson just yet, though. Soon.
Anderson walked into the bottom of his boat, closed the door, and screamed, smashing a framed picture of him and Joey that was on the table.
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