Ó Starbright 1999

This story is developed from one of Nesciri's many brilliant ideas. So in fact, it's really her story. Thank you for letting me use (abuse?) it!
And special thanks to Kirsten for helping me find all these new words! Bless you girl! She is also currently severely delaying the progress of writing this story since I find myself rereading all her stories while writing this one. So if there's plagiarism involved, it's all Kirst's fault (mind you , no way am I accountable). She shouldn't write that well! Keep those stories coming or you know I'll be holding out on this one!

   Chapter 1

"Jimmy!"

Lou's voice rang out from outside the barn. He sighed and let the hay fall to the ground, for a split second he contemplated running. There was no way to hide in this place, and that was what he needed right now. To hide from the world and get himself back on track. He needed to forget and Cody's latest infatuation had made many bad memories surface yet another time. Alice foremost, the memories of her would never leave him, he knew that, but he had no idea it would haunt him night after night like it had these past weeks. And now Lou was coming again, trying to get him to talk and spill all his sorrows onto her. "Yeah Lou?"

She appeared in the door and Jimmy threw her a halfhearted smile. "Something you wanted Lou?"

"Hidin' again, huh?" She tilted her head and smiled at him, he couldn't help but chuckle. Lou had him figured out all right. Always did. She answered his smile and shook her head slightly, not believing Jimmy actually thought he could hide his hurt from his friends. "Kid told me you'd been in here since this morning, thought I'd come see how you were."

"So you're on speaking terms today?" Jimmy asked sarcastically. Regretting it when Lou narrowed her eyes and curled her upper lip. "Sorry Lou!"

"Just can't help yourself can you?"

"Excuse me?"

"You have to take your hurt out on somebody else, don't you. Kid's been on the receiving end for a week now, won't you finally let up?"

"Why do you two keep defending each other, I thought it was over between the two of you!"

Lou stared back at him. Her face blank and Jimmy knew he was being unfair, no in fact he was being cruel. "Lou, I didn't mean to...I'm sorry, it came out wrong."

"We're your friends Jimmy, why do you keep pushing us away? What happened to cast you into this mood?"

Jimmy turned his attention back to the hay he was spreading. Angrily he flung it over into the stall. Lou let her eyes rest on him, silently watching his doings while absentmindedly chewing on a straw of hay. Her gaze made him nervous. Finally she had worn him down. "Ok Lou, there's obviously something you need to tell me, why don't you just spit it out and get it over with."

"I just want to tell you I'm here if you need somebody to talk to."

Jimmy turned to the tiny rider. Leaning on the hay-fork he shook his head. "There's nothing to talk about Lou. It's over and it's all my fault. What else is there to say?"

"What's over?"

"Everything," Jimmy muttered angrily.

"Jimmy, Alice dying is not your fault. You didn't pull the trigger!"

Jimmy cast her an annoyed glance, she already knew so why was she putting on this unknowing act? "Might just as well have!"

"No Jimmy, you know that ain't true. Sometimes things happen that ain't nobody's fault at all. You couldn't have known and you shouldn't regret having loved her! It just happened Jimmy, it was wrong and hurtful but it happened. Don't go blaming yourself, there will be others, I've told you before."

Jimmy smiled tiredly and shook his head. "Lou, you're talking about yourself not me. I know you loved Kid, maybe you still do. If you're trying to get me to tell you you both did the right thing, well maybe you did maybe you didn't. That's life Lou, you can't ever know."

Lou kept her eyes on him. She seemed so calm but he knew that underneath all the peace she was hurting. Both she and Kid were and they both tried to bend themselves double not showing it to one another. Not doing it very well. Their desperate trials to behave like old friends wasn't going so well, every once in a while one of them would forget and let everything shine through. Adding to the rest of the riders' amusement.

"There's one other thing I have to say Jimmy."

Jimmy let the hay-fork go and flung his hands up in the air. She was not leaving him alone, that much was sure.

"It's time for supper" She told him before he had time to say anything at all. Jimmy remain staring at her when she turned and walked out of the barn. Then a smile started to tug at the corner of his mouth.

"Lou, wait up!" A couple of fast strides made him reach her side. Nudging her with his elbow he smiled at her. "Afraid to face the Kid, huh?"

Lou swatted him hard on the arm, muttering something he couldn't make out.

"Listen up, it's Sunday tomorrow, how long since any of you've been to church without being forced to?" Cody let his eyes wander over the table. Ike hid a smile, Cody wasn't really interested in saving their souls, he wanted them to come look at his newest interest, the sweet Lindsay Lohen. Cody had been spending more time doing chores around the house of the new Pastor than on the Sweetwater waystation.

"Ike?" Cody was persistent, burying his eyes into Ike's and forcing him to come up with a good excuse.
Ike looked around the table for some help. His eyes landed on Kid's, reading the plea in them he stifled a laugh. They were both running out of excuses for not participating in Cody's new obsession.

Kid and I got a ride, Ike signed, relieved he had a good excuse this time, he wasn't about to reveal that Buck and Noah were due back late tomorrow. That would probably make the excuse fall flat on its face. He didn't think mucking out the stalls or mending the fences would always get him out of helping the good Pastor. He could hear Kid sigh in relief as Cody turned his eyes to Jimmy.

"Jimmy?"

"Aw Cody, don't start on me again. I've been out there two times this week, I ain't had enough sleep in days 'coz of you and your Pastor, not to mention the pain. Still got the blister's to prove it. I ain't cutting no more wood!"

"It's for a good cause, Pastor Allen is helping all these homeless and pregnant girls and young women, he takes them in when nobody else would. Jimmy, he's a good man!"

"Nobody said any different, Cody!" Teaspoon remarked from his place at the end of the table, "we ain't questioning the man's integrity or anything like that. We're just wondering when you're gonna start functioning around here too?"

Cody squirmed in his seat, he had been bribing everybody at the station to do his chores, now he sensed they'd not be so willing any longer. "I swear I won't ask anything of you again if you come to the sermon tomorrow, Pastor Allen has to get people to join up! If he don't, those poor girls will be out on the street again. And you know what that means!"

"Well..." Teaspoon stated, leaning back on his chair;"Cody here's probably right. It ain't like you've ruined too many pants sitting on a church bench. Maybe some words from the Lord would do you a world of good. I'd say you all go. Kid and Ike; Buck and Noah won't be back until late, you'll have plenty of time to attend."

"And what about you Teaspoon? Won't you give us the pleasure of your company?" Kid peered at the Stationmaster.

"Son, unlike you I have work to do this Sunday morning," Teaspoon gave the Kid a look that tolerated no arguments from the rider.

Ike and Kid threw each other a desperate glance, Lou snickered to herself. Kid shifted his eyes to her from opposite the table and frowned. Lou had to lower her head not to laugh out loud at the face he made.

Cody noticed the smirk and patted Kid's shoulder. "Now that you ain't got no obligations, I'm sure there's plenty of girls for you, now that Samantha's gone and all."

Lou's laughter got stuck in her throat. Glancing up at Cody she felt a sudden urge to kick him. Jimmy watched her from the corner of his eyes, a smile starting to form on his lips. "You're right Cody, we'll all be there, don't worry. I can see how deep your devotion is."

Rachel laughed hysterically at Jimmy's words. Cody looked like a skinned rooster, or maybe slightly worse.

Kid moved uneasy in his Sunday suit, he'd rather be brushing down Katy than riding in the buckboard to attend the sermon. The fact that Lou was sitting silently aside him didn't help matters much. Being around her caused pure pain. Seeing how she handled their brake-up so calmly was even worse. Kid knew he had said a couple of things that had hurt her, what she didn't know was that he had to move on. And for that to happen he had to deny his feelings. Dwelling on what might have been was harder than pushing everything away. Still, he thought about her every instance, but she had said no and that was it. She didn't want him and he couldn't keep putting her in danger like he had been. It was over and there was nothing he could do. Except move on, if he'd ever find the strength. Now she sat at his side and he could feel her eyes on him, she was hurt by what he had done and said and he didn't know how to take those actions and words back. Knowing he had treated her wrong made the situation so much worse. He had to avoid her at any cost. Going back to being just friends wasn't as easy as he had thought it would be. Not for him anyways. Lou seemed to handle it with ease.

"Kid!"

He flinched when Jimmy's voice exploded into his ear, nearly knocking him off the buckboard. "Jimmy," he moaned rubbing his ear, hoping to stop the echoing in it.

"We're placing bets here Kid, would you kindly get back to this day and age. Lou says Cody will endure two weeks before he moves on to the next girl. Ike says a week and I've placed myself in between, I say ten more days." Jimmy looked expectantly at him. "Come on Kid, what's your guess?"

Kid threw a glance at Cody sitting besides Rachel in front. "Maybe he won't move on at all," Kid muttered.

Cody? Ike signed, giving Kid a look like he doubted his sanity.

"Well some people stay together, all their lives in fact. It's known to have happened." Kid mumbled, clearly uneasy about the topic.

"Well, huh...Kid...how many of these people do you actually know?" Jimmy asked.

Kid looked back at him, not knowing what to say. Hating the fact that they were discussing it all together. He felt Lou's eyes on him and found absolutely nothing to prove his earlier statement.

"See," Jimmy remarked and held out a hand, "place your bet and pick a number of days."

"Five," Kid said to get out of the discussion.

"So that's the span of your devotion," Jimmy observed matter-of-factly.

Lou turned her face away and stared out over the plains.

Cody jumped around like he had fleas attaching him. The riders stood back and watched their blonde companion run around and talk to everyone. There were mostly young girls, some of them with children.

Lou noticed there was not many men other than Pastor Allen himself around. Not counting her bunkmates. Pastor Allen was young, maybe thirty and very handsome. Lou found herself staring at him, there was something mesmerizing about the man. He was tall and lean, a straight nose flanked by two bluish-green eyes. Much like the Kid's, Lou thought. Waking from her transfixed admiration of the man she glanced around to see if she had been caught.

Kid watched her with squinted eyes.

Lou stuck her nose up in the air and turned her face back to take another look at the man. He was stunning, the high cheekbones and the white teeth that twinkled everytime he smiled was enough to make anybody look twice. The dark hair gleaming in the sunshine. Lou found herself smiling, next time she'd come dressed as a girl. She wanted to get to know this man. When Pastor Allen walked towards their small congregation Lou held her breath and tried to shield her face, this was not how she wanted him to see or get to know her. She'd come back more presentable, she'd bribe Cody into taking her here and presenting her like his cousin or something.

Pastor Allen shook their hands as Cody introduced them. Rachel lit up when the man bowed and kissed her hand. Their eyes met and Lou could have sworn Rachel blushed slightly. Jimmy and the Pastor shook hands like old friends, the man patting Jimmy's back and thanking him for the good work he'd put in. Kid just muttered as he shook the Pastor's hand. Lou fought the will to kiss the man's cheek and reveal the fact that she indeed was a girl. But maybe that was too much for the man, there's was more subtle ways to go about things, Lou giggled to herself. Lou noticed that Jimmy seemed to be completely at ease with the man. The three of them started towards the newly-built small Church-like building, discussing in low voices. The reverend holding Rachel's arm hooked around his. Lou turned to look at the Kid and tell him he was wrong, she sensed he had some reservations against the man. If Jimmy liked him he was all right.

Kid was turned to the buckboard waving at Ike standing by the horses, hurrying him along to follow the group into the building. As he turned back and caught her looking she read the reservation in his eyes, loud and clear. Lou snorted and turned to follow the rest. Kid never recognized the good things in life, and she was living proof of it. Maybe she had found the man that could make her forget?

Lou ran to catch up with Pastor Allen, leaving Kid and Ike far behind.