The One Liners
If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?
How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?
I pretend to work and they pretend to pay me.
Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
Ah, Suburbia, a place where they cut down the trees then name streets after them.
24 hours in a day ... 24 beers in a case ... coincidence?
Eagles may soar, but you don't see turkeys getting sucked into jet engines.
Whatever kind of "look" you were going for....you missed!
Ah, service, my mechanic couldn't repair the brakes, so he made my horn louder.
I started off with nothing and still have most of it left.
The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the piece of cheese.
Does a train of thought have a caboose?
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have any film.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
A cubicle is nothing more than a padded cell without the door.
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.
I thought I wanted a career, turns out I actually wanted a paycheck.
I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
I'm never lost, everyone is always telling me where to go.
For Sale: like new parachute. only used once, never opened, small stain.