“You’ve got to take me with you. Teach me everything you know. You can’t leave me here,” Gabrielle implored.
“Why?” responded Xena, collecting her belongings from the shelves of the barn.
“Did you see the guy they want me to marry?!”
“He looks like a gentle soul. That’s rare in a man.”
“It’s not the gentle part I have a problem with. It’s the dull, stupid part. Xena, I’m not cut out for this village life. I was born to do so much more.”
Visions from the past flooded back into Xena’s mind. Visions of Gabrielle. Of their first meeting back in Podedia. With every memory, Gabrielle became more deeply embedded in Xena’s mind. ‘Gods, no!’ Xena thought. ‘Gabrielle can’t be dead. She couldn’t leave me. She wouldn’t leave me.’
“Hey, Xena.”
“What?”
“I could probably get up there in that saddle behind you,” stated Gabrielle, pointing to Argo.
“What are you talking about?”
“Wait, you’re not going to just leave me here, are you? I came all this way to see you.”
Xena mounted her mare. “That is your problem.”
“Hey, I just saved your life.”
For a moment Xena thought about Gabrielle’s words. She sighed. Reaching her hand down, she pulled Gabrielle up behind her.
‘Heading for a life of adventure…and her own death. Gabrielle didn’t really know what she was getting herself into.’ Xena thought. She could still smell the scents of pine and wildflowers in the air as if this had happened only yesterday. ‘Tell me bard, if you could do it all over again, would you still decide to ride with me?’
“You know, where I’m headed they’ll be trouble,” Xena stated seriously.
“I know,” Gabrielle replied, smiling.
“Then why would you want to go into that with me?”
“That’s what friends do. They stand by each other when there’s trouble.”
"All right...friend."
‘You were right. Friends stand by each other when there’s trouble…. And I am so sorry I wasn’t there by you when you needed me. Now my mistake has killed my best friend and ruined my life.’
Xena couldn’t help but blame herself. Blame needed to be placed somewhere. ‘It’s my fault. Maybe if I’d played things a little bit differently, she would still be alive now. I wouldn’t care if I did end up as some gift for the god of war, just as long as Gabrielle would be saved.’
Xena’s whole body was shaking. Guilt and depression threatened to overwhelm her. Her eyes were mirrored with distress.
She was still sitting by the edge of that cliff, staring at the lifeless body of her beloved friend. She felt so lost. Gabrielle had been her home. And now that she was dead, Xena was alone. She felt hot tears beginning to roll down her cheeks. ‘No,’ she thought. ‘Warriors don’t cry.’ Wiping away the tears, she struggled to her feet.
Everything seemed to remind Xena of her precious bard. The wind, Gabrielle’s comforting touch, drying her tears. The crashing ocean, her voice. Gods how she missed that voice. If she had to pick what she missed most that would be it. Gabrielle’s stories and talkative nature brightened even the darkest of days. Now Xena’s life seemed like an eternal night. She would give anything to get Gabrielle back. She would have done anything to save her from that awful fate, even if it meant sacrificing her own life.
Tired, she raised her fingers to her mouth and whistled for her horse. Argo immediately came running. Sensing her mistress’s distress, Argo approached her and softly nuzzled his head into Xena’s arm. Xena gently patted Argo’s head. “Good boy,” she whispered. As soon as she mounted, they were off. Xena had no idea of where they were headed or of where they would go. They just rode. Rode away from the sorrow, away from the pain, and away from the body of Xena’s best friend.
The wind rushed at her face, sending her hair flowing wildly behind her. The two made their way to the sandy shore. The sun was setting, reflecting lights of red and yellow off the warrior’s now pale face. But on they rode, never stopping. Each hoof print sending bursts of sand flying up into the air.
Finally, after traveling a good distance along the shore, they stopped. Xena decided to spend the night in a small cave right by the shoreline. It seemed as good a place as any. Actually, it didn’t matter to Xena one bit if she slept. She was immortal now. Argo however, needed a break.
She tied her horse to some outstretched rocks on the side of the cave. She also gave Argo some food while they waited for sunrise. Seeing all the little leaves and twigs scattered around within the cave, she gathered them and started a small fire.
The fire blazed forth at its peak. For such a small amount of fuel, it certainly was big. Xena sat there, mesmerized by the flames. She took in deeply what little light and warmth the fire could provide. It was growing increasingly cold now that winter was approaching and Xena of course fully felt its force. She seemed not to be bothered by it though. She was lost in her memories again. Although her face didn’t show it, her heart was truly breaking with every beat. Her face looked void of all emotions.
Xena sighed. “I know you’re here. You can come out now, Ares.” Looking up, she watched the god materialize before her in a flash of blue and gold. “What do you want?”
“Want? Well I want what I have always wanted…you. But that’s not why I’m here. I’ve come to offer my condolences for your loss.”
“I don’t accept because I know you don’t mean it.” “That’s not true. I liked the bard. I felt bad when she died.”
“Then why didn’t you do a thing to stop it?!”
“I couldn’t. I didn’t see it until she was already over the edge. I’m sorry.”
“Yeah. I’m sure.”
“No really. When I heard the Gabrielle scream for you, it just….”
“Just stop, Ares. Just stop,” she yelled, her voice breaking. Xena found herself on the verge of tears. Standing up, she took a few steps away from the war god and put her back to him. She wouldn’t let him see her cry. No one except Gabrielle saw her cry.
“Xena, I’m sorry. Believe me, and I know you’re in pain. Let me help you.”
“What can you do? Gabrielle is dead.”
Ares slowly walked up to her, as if trying to tame a wild animal. Cautiously, her wrapped his arms around her waist. He didn’t want her to get defensive. Then for the first time since Gabrielle’s death, Xena felt support from another. She leaned into him as he cradled her in his arms, tightening his grip a little. Xena actually felt some of the pain lessen.
“Listen, Xena. I can’t bring Gabrielle back. I hope you know that. Only Hera has that power. But I can help with the pain. Xena, my princess, I know of the pain that you feel deep inside. I’ve seen the effects of death on so many people to know what I’m talking about. You need to let go of your emotions. That is the only way your soul can ever heal.”
Xena turned to face him. He actually looked as if he genuinely cared. Xena decided that maybe he was right. Hesitantly she put her arms around him and laid her head on his shoulder. He embraced her, giving her unspoken support, and began to lightly stroke her hair, comforting his warrior. Relieved that she had found a little comfort, she let herself go, and the tears began to fall. Ares knew this. He felt their wetness as each one hit his shoulder.
“It’s all right. I’m here for you…always. Everything will be all right now.” Xena remained silent, letting herself melt into his powerful body.
Suddenly, he put his hands on her shoulders and moved her head to face him. “Xena, my sweet, I want you to come with me. You need comfort, and I’m the one to give it to you. You can’t handle all the pain alone. I will take it away, give you hope, and maybe even love again. I promise, if you will do just one thing for me. Come back to me. Leave all of this behind you and I will give you a new life. I would give you anything. You need only ask.”
Xena thought hard about Ares’ proposal. Their eyes met. Ares felt as if he was going to loose himself in her blue eyes. Never had he seen anyone with eyes as blue as hers.
“How will you take away what I feel?”
“Well that is the easy part. No magic involved.”
“Then how?”
“Like this.” He pulled her close as their lips met and Xena felt a serge of adrenaline rush through her body. “Will you come back to me?”
“You mean fight for you.”
“That is not what this is about. Xena…I love you. Please.” Xena was taken back by his words. He never in his life had said that to her, even when they had been lovers. To her this was proof of his sincerity.
There was a silence that followed. Xena’s mind was struggling to get a handle on the situation and decide whether or not to join him.
Finally the silence was broken with a simple, “I will,” as a hint of a smile appeared on her lips.
