Having ridden into a forest, Xena dismounted her horse and grasped a tree for support. She concentrated on breathing…just breathing as she leaned with all her weight into the hard bark. She now had no one…absolutely no one left to turn to. She grasped the tree tightly while her body was shaking from sobs. Xena glanced at her horse, her faithful Argo, who was standing by his mistress’s side. “Why me, Argo?” Xena asked her horse. “What did I do to deserve all this? When will it all end?” She exhaled deeply.
“Xena.”
Slowly she turned towards that all too familiar voice. “Ares.” She fought hard to maintain control of her raging emotions, but her stomach was already in knots and her pained eyes shown with tears.
“I know what you’re thinking and it’s not what you think it is! It was not what it looked like!” His voice sounded pleading.
“Then what was it, Ares?! What was it exactly?! Because from my point of view it looked like a betrayal.”
“Xena no! I didn’t want to! She was the one who made me.”
“Am I supposed to believe that?! You’re a god! No one makes you do anything! And just look at yourself. You’re nearly twice her size. How could she force you?”
Ares could easily see the rage which Xena held within, and he both feared and anticipated the day she would let it all out. “Xena, I know I hurt you, and I’m sorry. What can I say? I’m sorry for all the pain I brought you. I’ll do anything to make it right again.”
Xena raised her head up so she became eye level with the god. She searched his eyes, and then took a step back away from him.
“Ares…I don’t think it ever was right.” She nearly choked on her own words as they brought even more tears to her eyes. “You and I were just not meant to be.”
Ares was so taken back by her words, that for a moment he was speechless. He couldn’t believe she had just said those things. “You don’t mean that.”
All Xena could do was nod.
“I said I was sorry. What more do you want?”
She sighed. “I need some time….Please just give me that. Please…just go away.”
“I can help you. I’m sure together we can make this work.”
“You’ve all ready helped me more than enough, Ares.” Her voice was taut with anger and sarcasm. She paused just to catch her breath. “How could you do this to me? I trusted you…I even loved you.”
“Xena….” He reached out to touch her, but she pulled away sharply.
“Don’t…touch me.”
“Listen to me…our love can’t end like this…. I won’t let it.”
“Ares, there isn’t any love left to end.” With that she did a back flip into the air, landing evenly on her horse. She grabbed the reins, gave one final glance at the god, then left, never looking back.
That night began a series of storms, more severe in size and strength than Greece had ever seen. Xena didn’t care though. She continued on her journey. The rains poured down on top of her and on Argo. Wind seemed to try to force them back while lightning crashed to the ground. Xena’s mind was screaming out in pain, and her heart felt as if it would burst. So many thoughts were stirring in her head and she didn’t know what to believe.
The forest seemed to be unending. No matter how fast she rode or what road she took there was no way out. No way out…just like her life. There was no way out of her curse of immortality. Now not only did she hate Ares, but she also hated Zeus. It was his fault she couldn’t be with Gabrielle. It was his fault she had to endure this pain. And she began to hate Zeus more and more. She hated Ares, hated herself for letting her trust far too easily, and hated her life. She continued riding until she heard a noise.
Xena slowed her horse down to a trot. As she approached its source, she saw a light. A fire was glowing, surrounded by an army…Draco’s army. Xena remembered him well. She wondered if they were even on good terms, considering their last encounter back in her hometown. She had nearly killed him, as he promised never to attack her village again. That was really the beginning of her new life, fighting for good. Xena herself had been partners with him back when she was a warlord. They had shared an army and their love.
However, she and Argo needed a little rest, and she wasn’t about to go back to Ares’ temple. So they found a nearby tent, which was seemingly deserted. It looked to be where they kept their battle materials such as swords and bows. It was there that they finally fell into a restless sleep.
In the morning Xena awoke to find herself in a completely different room on a bed. All of her armor had been removed and all the dirt that had been on her was washed away. Slowly she sat up and looked around. Draco who had been sitting in the corner of her room, sat up and stared intently at Xena. “One of my drunken soldiers found out last night in the armory tent,” he stated calmly. “I figured you’d be more comfortable here.”
“Thanks for the hospitality, but I’d better be on my way.” She stood up. Draco reached out and gently laid a hand on her shoulder.
“I think you need rest, Xena. You’re not yourself. In fact I’ve never seen you like this before. I completely moved you from one tent to another and even changed your armor – none to quietly I might add – and yet you still didn’t even wake up.”
“Yeah…well I have a lot going on right now and the last few days…well….” She trailed off.
“Wanna tell me about it? Or are you going to make me guess?”
Xena sadly looked into his eyes. He could see all the visible pain written there and the glistening of tears in her eyes. Draco felt the urge to comfort this warrior woman before him. A woman he knew as so proud and strong was now on the verge of tears.
With a sigh Xena began her story. How it all began…with the idea of a gift, Gabrielle’s death, even her time with Ares. But she also told him how she wanted to end the story, and she needed his help.
“I can’t believe you did what you did and still want her back!”
“Strife, I was messed up at the time. I was drunk. You know how I was that night.”
“But you had her! She was yours! After all those years of trying to get her back, she just agreed, and you…like an idiot, threw all that away for a one night stand!” He sighed. “I just can’t believe you did that.”
“I know…it was stupid, and I may have lost her forever, but I refuse to give her up without a fight.”
“I dunno, Unc. You really screwed it up this time. I don’t think she’s going to come back. Perhaps it’s time you accept that.”
Little did the gods know, but at that exact moment the warrior princess was making her way towards the chamber where they were. And as she drew nearer she began to hear voices.
“Well…maybe you’re right. Maybe what happened was for the better,” Ares stated, very unconfidently. “I mean now I’m free to do what I want when I want to do it.”
Xena slowly pushed the door open a crack and peered in, careful not to make a noise.
“I don’t know think I ever really loved her in the first place. I mean I’m the god of war, and the god of war does not fall in love.” He tried to convince himself that what he was saying was true, but deep down he knew it to be false. He may be able to fool others, but he could never fool himself. He was in love with her, and whether he’d admit it or not, he missed her deeply, and there was no denying it. “I know we had out moments, but frankly…if she wants to leave…I don’t care.” Ares nearly choked on his words.
Those words hit Xena hard. He didn’t care. She nearly started to cry right then and there, but remembered her mission…what she had come here for. She’d come with the intention of reasoning with the god for one last time. But since she had heard how he felt already, there was no point in asking. She already learned what she needed to know.
“Goodbye, Xena.” That was the last thing she heard him say before Xena decided she couldn’t take it any longer. She bolted for the door. This time however she was no longer careful and didn’t care if the gods heard.
They did hear. “Xena?” Ares only mouthed the word. Knowing she had been listening and knew what he had said, he ran after her. “Xena, wait! You don’t understand!”
Once she was about ten feet from the temple, Xena slowed her pace down to a walk. She was almost in line with her army ranks, which she had posted outside Ares’ temple. It was Draco’s army…her army. Ares followed her out of the temple. He stopped dead in his tracks once he saw the army.
“Xena, please listen to me. Give me a chance to explain,” he pleaded.
For a brief second she stopped and glanced back at the god. She slowly raised her arm. Then, turning back, let it drop. At that command her army attacked, setting the temple ablaze, and causing it to fall to the ground. It was reduced to cinders.
The temple was left in ruins…at her command. The very next day Xena…the warrior princess began a march along with her army. That temple was only the beginning of what laid ahead. She began to travel all over Greece, destroying every single temple dedicated to the god of war. Statues were destroyed, offerings were burned, and buildings crumbled. Ares could only sit back and watch as his entire mortal world collapse before his eyes at the hands of his own creation. Xena was unstoppable.
A month later Xena finally had found her revenge, and in a way also found the peace she so desired. The god of war was almost forgotten in the world. Soon every single temple would be gone. ‘Serves him right,’ she thought. ‘I hope he’s enjoying this.’ As she stared into the flame of a small fire, which blazed forth in front of her, her mind started to wander and questions started to arise. She had been in love with him. Did he deserve what she was doing or did? She trusted him. But he did betray her before…what was so different now? She had given him chances before. Why couldn’t she do the same now? When she herself was dying inside, wishing that she’d give him a chance. Her soul had been split. Part loved Ares still even after what he did…that part was buried. Part hated him, and that was the side that was dominating her actions.
The air was cold and Xena had a purple shawl draped over her shoulders. “All right Ares, I know you’re here. Show yourself…or go away.” ‘Please show yourself!’ she thought. Out of the corner of her eye she saw the god appear in front of the fire. She didn’t look up. She couldn’t face him.
When Ares didn’t see her look up, he assumed she was still upset. “Why are you doing this, Xena? What could you possibly have to gain?”
“Personal satisfaction. The satisfaction of knowing you will feel at least some of the pain you have caused me.”
“You still don’t get it.”
“You know what? You’re right…. I don’t get it. I don’t get why you’d throw away everything we had. I don’t get why you’d do such a thing when you know how much that was going to hurt me. And I don’t get…why you stopped caring…stopped loving me.”
“I never stopped loving you. I would assume you’d know that by now. I let you destroy me temples. I let you disrespect me. I let you get your revenge…. All because I knew it was what you wanted…because I knew it might help you deal…even make you a little happier. I then thought…maybe, just maybe…she’d feel satisfied enough to let me back into her heart. But you’re not that easy.” He paused. “I never stopped loving you.”
‘God’s why does he have to do this?’ Xena thought. “Ares…you hurt me…hurt me worse than any sword ever could. I don’t know if I could go through that again…. Just answer me one question…please.” Ares looked at her intently and nodded. “I need to know why. Why? Wasn’t I good enough for you?”
“No…no, you’re perfect.”
“Then why?”
“Um….”
“The truth, Ares. Please just tell me the truth.”
Xena could tell Ares was uncomfortable. He sighed. “You were gone for that entire week. I hadn’t planned on your absence for more than a day…at max. That very day you returned from your ‘thinking time’ was the night of the marriage of Cupid and some mortal…I don’t keep track of these things. Anyway, Mount Olympus held this huge reception…and since Cupid is Zeus’ favorite grandchild, you can imagine how huge we’re talking. He made it mandatory that every god attends. I had planned to bring you, but…you were unavailable. I didn’t even know where you went. No one did. Well I needed someone to accompany me. Cleo and I were good friends…you know that. She’s been a priestess in my temple since she was nine. So I asked her. I did explain to her that we were going as friends. As for the rest of the night…well we got drunk…very drunk…and well…one thing led to another.” He paused and took a deep breath. “And I am so sorry. It was not like we had planned for that to happen. It just sort of…did.”
He looked into Xena’s eyes. “Ares, I just don’t know if I can take that kind of pain again. You don’t know how much it hurt.”
“Oh yes I do. I felt it when you left me…when I saw you leave, unable to do a thing to stop it. I didn’t mean it when I said I didn’t care. Truth is, every day you were gone, my soul was dying. Like you lost a part of yourself when Gabrielle died, you took a part of me with you when you left. I am a part of you, Xena. And I will be forever. You can’t deny it…accept it.” Slowly he leaned towards her, and brushed her lips with his own. “Be mine again.”