by Kim
Disclaimer: Don't own them, just borrowing them. Please don't sue.
“Xena I’ve been talking about myself for the last three hours; can’t you share? Come on, Xena, tell me a little bit about yourself, you must have had times before you were a warlord.” Gabrielle pleaded, she hated the silence when she stopped talking and knew that her throat would get too dry soon if she carried on much longer, plus she was running out of stories to tell, which said a lot seems though it was Gabrielle.
Xena looked at her, from the other side of Argo and gave her an exasperated look, rolling her eyes. “You love to talk about yourself Gabrielle; don’t tell me you want me to deprive you.” Xena teased.
“Come on Xena, my throat hurts, tell me just a little bit about your life; you must have had times; with your brother, your first love, your first kiss. Feed the bard, I need some nourishment.”
Xena chuckled, again rolling her eyes, “There not that much to tell, Lyceus and I used to mess around, climb trees, stay out when Mother or Toris called us. We trained to be warriors, it’s what we did. We had play fights and learnt sword skills. I never did any of that stuff, you used to do, other than that we helped at the tavern. I’m sorry Gabrielle but I never did anything really funny or interesting when I was young.”
“Well you had to have a first kiss and a first love; perhaps not when you were young but you had them, tell me. Else I’ll pout.” Gabrielle pleaded, adding a threat on at the end.
Xena chuckled, then her face turned a little sour, “You don’t want to know about my first kiss or my first love; just trust me okay.”
“But, Xena it must have been so romantic and… you in love!” The bard was smiling away, imagining Xena’s first love, “Was it one of the children Lyceus and you played with?” Her eyes were sparkling at the possibilities.
“Gabrielle it wasn’t a child and neither was I. Just leave it okay, I don’t want to disappoint you. It really isn’t a subject that you’ll enjoy.” Xena smiled as she said it, but Gabrielle knew that she meant it and suddenly a few more door ways opened to her, with scenes of horrid men, forcing Xena to lie with them, telling her that they loved her; she did grow up in a tavern.
“Oh, Xena was it awful, were you hurt?” Gabrielle’s voice was sympathetic and utterly sorry for what Xena had gone through, or not gone through as the case my be. This time Xena couldn’t catch her breath through laughing and Gabrielle that she might have gone insane until she realised that she had just offered Xena sympathy for something that never happened and that she had whole heartedly meant it. When Xena finally got a little control back she said, “Oh Gabrielle I’m sorry it’s just your face and I could see the images playing through your mind of big, drunk, burly men forcing themselves on me, in my little nighty all naďve and defenceless. I wasn’t like that, I told you I was training to be a warrior. My first love wasn’t until way after that, it was after Lyceus died… it was a long time ago.” She finished her laughing speech solemnly. She remembered the comfort and protection she had felt, she quickly wiped the thought away.
Gabrielle, laughed a little admitting it was kind of silly, thinking Xena was ever like that but still she made Xena promise to tell for someday then she dropped the subject and they carried on their stroll, relaxing into a companionable silence, rather than the one that Gabrielle dreaded.
“Gabrielle, who was your first lover?” Xena asked, she was ready now to talk about the subject of her first love. She knew that Gabrielle would be perceptive enough to realise this was the case, it was just whether or not she wished to bore Xena first or not.
“You know that already Xena; why don’t you tell me about yours?” Gabrielle urged, obviously in a good mood and eager to hear Xena’s tale.
“Okay; I will, but it doesn’t go in any of your scrolls.” After seeing Gabrielle make the cross my heart sign Xena continued.
“My love came to me when I was a warlord; at first it was a you provide help, I’ll help you type of thing, then it was more of a mentor thing, he taught me a lot. He taught me most of the moves that I do today and was a very good teacher to me, a very nice person to me.”
“But Xena…” Gabrielle received a glare for interrupting, but it obviously didn’t register with her, “Xena, the only person that fits that description is…” She trailed off, Xena was looking at her as if she might be a four horned camel.
“Yes Gabrielle it was him. Shall I continue?”
“Oh Xena,” Gabrielle started full of sympathy once again, “It must have been awful, I mean he is such a creep.”
“Don’t judge him. Don’t judge me.” Xena said sharply, “It was nothing like that; he is nothing like that.” Her annoyance showing.
“I didn’t mean to Xena, but, I mean Ares, you can’t hate him without reason. He must have done something and that would suit it and … oh Xena!”
“Gabrielle!” Xena said trying to work some sense into the girl, “ I don’t hate him, he doesn’t hate me and he would never, ever do anything like that!” Gabrielle almost recoiled, “You don’t hate him? Are you in love with him still?
Xena ignored her questioning, going into a reminiscing pose, “Do you want to hear the story?” Xena asked Gabrielle quietly and altogether in a strange voice.
“Yes, go a head.” Gabrielle said, reaching out to gently put a comforting hand on Xena’s shoulder. As Xena started her story a tingle went up her spine….
“Ares was my mentor at first; after we got to know each other a bit more. He taught me a lot and for that I will always be grateful, just like I’m grateful for the time I did have with him.
When he was my mentor we would train and he would push me hard, I’m get so angry and he would smile arrogantly, teasing me and getting me even more worked up; it usually got to the point when I would go up to him and we’d fight. Hand to hand, with swords, it didn’t matter. Always though he would force me to do the move we had been practicing. I knew what he was doing but I got worked up. Together we worked on that, we developed moves, we just talked sometimes; about war, armies or maybe just family. He would sometimes confide all the stupid things his family had done recently. *A light smile touched Xena’s lips* It was fun and somehow we became close, we connected, it got to where if I needed to talk about anything all I had to do was call and he’d be there for me and if he needed to talk I’d drop everything to go and listen to him. You wouldn’t believe some of the places we went to just to talk, he showed be places I didn’t know existed, describes the plants found there and what they could do. We were close and I suppose even then we were in love, I didn’t realise it then. I didn’t realise for a few years, when we kissed.
That kiss; it changed everything, but neither for the better or for the worst, it was just change. He never asked for anything more than a kiss and once when we were getting heated he even stopped us. He was in control, even though I could see he was completely confused. He excepted it, after we talked about it, we was the God of War he wasn’t supposed to feel like that, and he felt so strongly. He was protective, but encouraging, he loved the sight of me, his heart raced…he opened his heart to me and only then did I realise how lonely that heart was and mine just seemed to want his; I gave it up, my heart was his and I suppose vice versa. We were in love, what more can I say, you must know the feeling and I pray everyone does, just to see him or smell him was to make all the world disappear, all my problems and insecurities. There was just him and for him there was just me, I was completely his, he could have asked for my life and I wouldn’t have asked why.
“When did you…consummate the relationship?” Gabrielle asked lightly as she watched Xena smile away to herself, aware of her surrounding as normal but you could tell she wasn’t looking at the trees around them. Gabrielle smiled slightly happy to know that her friend was happy, or had been, Gabrielle just couldn’t grasp the with Ares part of that sentence.
Xena looked up still beaming with happiness, “That was when I turned eighteen we had a big party.. I’ll tell you…
It was coming up to me eighteenth birthday and although I was still planning attacks and issuing orders I was really happy; I can’t remember being happier. For the past week Ares had been teasing me about a special gift and a party he was holding. The party wasn’t what excited me, in fact I could have done without the party, I told him that I would be happier with just him, but he assured me that the party would be great, it was my eighteenth! I just laughed; I could but up with one disastrous party it was the gift that sparked my interest, Ares is fabulous at getting gifts, he seems to know what you want…well he did. (Xena adds somewhat bitterly). The day soon came around and I couldn’t wait, even my soldiers commented on my good mood, I had let more people live than I ever had, they said, though looking back I don’t know what they meant, I had killed loads of people. The day soon came and when I woke in the morning Ares was stood, patiently at the bottom of my bed, beaming with pride. Immediately I jumped to him, asking whether I could have my gift; I didn’t act like a little girl, I know that’s the impression I’m giving but I wasn’t around Ares, I was just me, myself, it didn’t seem to matter what I was wearing, whether I looked nice, whether I was crying or cutting someone up. I just pleased him no matter what, just like it wouldn’t have mattered to me; not that he ever looked anything less than his best.
“You can’t have your gift until we’re at the party.” He stated.
“Then why are you here so early? Did you miss me?” I teased him, he took it, saying that of course he did, but he wanted to show me something this morning that couldn’t wait until later. I was intrigued, and immediately started to get dressed so that I could go with him, I didn’t rush, but I was as quick as I ever was and soon we were standing on top of a cliff.
It was the most beautiful view I had ever seen, the sun was coming up over the ocean and the orange was reflecting off of the white cliffs, making them seem orange. There were no boats on the sea, the whole place looked tranquil and there was no-one but us. I leaned back into Ares’ arms and watched the whole scene until the sun was completely up, we just stood in silence, feeling each other, knowing each other rather than talking. I turned around and kissed him, it was deep and passionate and I waited until I was desperate for air before I pulled back. It was the perfect day, it truly was, my lieutenant took care of the army and I was free to be with Ares. We played all day, we went to an island, no-one lived there, it was ours. We fought and we had play fights, we sometimes just sat kissing and talking; sharing each other whilst basking in the sun.
I didn’t want to leave for the party; I would have stayed. Ares taunted me with saying I couldn’t have his gift until after the party. I played along, I knew we had to leave, the next day I had to control an army.
When I stood up to go I found myself wearing a long flowing red gown, it had a low neck line and had lots of criss-crossed straps on the back, it was magical, it was so deep in colour and it clung to me. I felt like a princess, I even had the tiara, I also had the crown jewels on I remember thinking at the time, it was just a necklace, but it was so pretty, it had a flower in the centre, a black rose, it was set onto a circular piece that was half gold and half silver, with Ares’ symbols around the outside. I loved it, I felt so very special and feminine. I looked up to see Ares admiring me, I was shocked at his attire though, he was wearing black trousers, that weren’t leather and a black silk shirt, it was him that set it off. He was all in black and I was in red and we went together, I smiled and so did he. He was my King and I was his queen. He offered me his hand, laughing I took it and soon we were outside of a huge ball. The palace seemed to be made of gold, but I recognised it as Ares’. I was amazed and a little relieved when he mentioned that Aphrodite had helped him. He had gone to so much trouble; all for me. I felt so special and invincible, nothing mattered, I wasn’t a warlord, he wasn’t a god. We were just at the most magical ball there ever was.
Together we walked up the stairs and into the main room, the chandeliers glittered the crystal ware sparkled and more to the point I recognised everyone there. Even Lyceus was there, I’m sure I had tears in my eyes, I was so very happy.
“Just for tonight princess. For you.” Ares said from my side, I nodded and together we went down the steps leading to the ball, where everything I had ever wanted was, my brother, my mum, friends from the village, everything I could ever want to eat or drink and Ares.
We danced all night, I was floating in his arms, occasionally we would part and I would dance with my friends and relatives are just greet people. I was had a fabulous time, I got to tell Lyceus that I loved him, Mum that I was sorry. I also got to just drift into the music with Ares, I felt completely new and I forgot about everything almost, just living then. It almost seemed unreal when it was time to leave. But, I said my goodbyes and with Ares, I left.
We went back to the Halls of War I was still floating from all the music and love around me. I couldn’t have slept so instead when Ares left me in my room and turned to leave I asked him to stay, he was unsure, saying that he would only stay for a while. We talked about the evening and finally had another dance in the middle of the room, again I fell into his arms, into his world. I rested my head on his chest and we danced away. Then I don’t really know how but it turned into a party dance and we were twirling all over the place, getting completely high and laughing our heads off. It was so much fun! Then of course, inevitably, we fell down. I landed on top of him and this close to him I couldn’t stop myself. I reached down and kissed him, it was gentle and it displayed who I felt for him. When the kiss was broken I looked at him questioningly. I was ready I told him. He tried to protest, he had taken away my childhood, he didn’t want to take way my virginity, he was so soft and sweet and loving about it. I just shook my head and kissed him again, longer than last time. He nodded this time and things lead on. It was beautiful, it was a symbol of our love, it didn’t seem like sex or anything else, it was just a joining. I remember waking up in the morning, I was a little sore but seeing his face took all of that away and I wanted him again. I laid there against his chest as he ran his fingers up and down my back, I ran mine across his chest, kissing it occasionally. It was all perfect, I was eighteen, in love and a women. I thought of the previous day and the magic of it and then I remembered that I hadn’t gotten my gift.
“Ares? What was my gift? I mean you gave me all I could want but you said…” Xena felt Ares bounce up a little as memory struck him.
“I almost forgot! Here it is.” I turned around on his chest, to look at what was in his hand, there was a circular disk with an intricate design etched all over the top, it was a masterpiece and it looked deadly, I was instantly aroused by it. I licked my lips.
“What’s it do? Does it have a name?” I asked.
“It’s called a Chakram,” He told me promising to show me how it worked later during the day, after I had seen to my duties and he to his. I smiled, not wanting to get up, but knowing that I had to. I went back to see to the army and he kept his promise, our relationship developed after that.
“Wow.” Breathed Gabrielle, “I never thought as Ares as caring, in anyway. How can you pretend to hate him, you obviously still love him and he you.”
“Don’t be silly Gabrielle and anyway, I thought you didn’t want me to be a blood thirsty warlord.”
Gabrielle gave her a disapproving look, “Xena, this is love, you can’t cheat it, I’m sure you wouldn’t have to be a warlord. What does Ares think?”
“Gabrielle I have fought this for over three years and Ares doesn’t give a damn!”
“How do you know, have you asked him?”
Xena rolled her eyes, “Gabrielle why don’t you ask him?”
“Umm, because I don’t get on with him, he wouldn’t listen.”
“Gabrielle, he’s here. I’m going to go to bed.”
“What?!! When did he come? Why didn’t you ask him to show himself.”
Xena chuckled, “He is here and I didn’t ask him to show himself because at least when I can’t see him I can deny he’s here, he was here from the first mention of his name. You should have known.” Xena added, a little hurt.
“I’m going to go over here Xena, you two need to talk.” Gabrielle said eyeing the shadows and hurrying off. Xena called after her but it was no use. “Okay, Ares, come out come out wherever you are.” She said flatly, looking to the end of the log she was sat on. He appeared there, he didn’t have an expression on his face, except maybe a little confusion.
“You remembered.” He stated.
“It’s kind of hard to forget something that you liked so much.”
“Yeah, but you remembered it all, even the words I used in conversations, are you sure you don’t still feel something for me?” He pleaded with her eyes and she felt herself soften slightly.
“I’ll always love you Ares but we are on opposite sides now and we can’t…can’t do anything about it.” Xena explained, losing her voice at the end of the speech.
“I’m sorry Xena. For hurting you like I have, I never made this easy did I?”
“Ares, it never would have been easy and at least by hurting me I can pretend I hate you.” She smiled wryly, “I’ll be fine Ares.” She added, they still cared about each other even though they fought each other during the day; it just wasn’t a necessary façade when they were alone and in this mood.
“Just remember that I’m sorry and I that I will always love you.” Ares said looking into her eyes and pouring out his heart. Xena nodded and watched the space he had sat in, he was gone. When Gabrielle returned Xena was asleep in her bedroll, with the black rose necklace clutched firmly in her hand, a little bag next to her.
“She had it all the time.” Gabrielle whispered, quietly she got into her bedroll and went to sleep.
The End