I Must Have Cried a Thousand Tears

“I must have cried a thousand tears.

When Gabrielle died, my heart was ripped from my chest. My world was shattered. Such a good friend and someone I loved deeply was gone. It took me a moment to get my vision back, to push back the tears that threatened to fall. There she was, lying in the sand motionless. Xena beside her screaming at the Gods. They had killed her daughter and best friend.

Was it all worth it? Did the Gods realize what they had done? One did, Ares. As Xena went to kill herself Ares appeared. In the end she drank poison.

“He loved her.”

Strange that the very essence of war could love a mortal woman. He went about it wrong, even Gods get scared. When he took their bodies...........

Then Augustus came and explained what had happened. But it was too late, they were gone forever. I knew Ares loved Xena but if we told him they were still alive, there was too much at risk for Eve. They would want that precious baby safe.

I lost contact with Augustus, Eve just seemed to disappear. That was good, the Gods would never get to her, Xena’s ‘dying’ wish would be fulfilled.

And every night, I must have cried a thousand tears.

As time went on the memories faded, but the feelings never did. I grew older and met up with Meg. We decided to get married and I managed to give her the child she always wanted. I felt like I was betraying her, because deep down I didn’t love her like that. As a friend yes, but not the way a husband should love his wife. I think she knew.

Each night in my dreams I saw them. I saw Xena die in Ares arms and Gabrielle lifeless on the sand. Deep down part of me hopes that Ares knew. Maybe he did, maybe it was part of the plan. Maybe they are all a big happy family somewhere. Xena getting to be a mother to Eve, Ares a father to that precious baby and Gabrielle an Auntie.

It could have happened, no one heard from the God of War after that day, no mortal that is. I saw Aphrodite once. At that awful spot. I went back exactly ten years later and there she was. She laid a black rose were Xena fell, a daisy where Gabrielle laid and a bunch of baby’s breath were Eve rested. If she cared so much why didn’t she help stop it?

Then twenty five years later a miracle happened. Two angels walked back into my life. They hadn’t lived the perfect life I’d hoped they’d found. Xena hadn’t raised her little baby with Ares, Gabrielle didn’t get to play Auntie. They had been as good as dead.

He had frozen them. Oh by the Gods that showed he cared. He had taken them to a place where no one could disturb them. In a way I feel sorry for the God of War, I know the pain he has suffered because I suffered it too. I have a feeling he will keep on feeling that pain because even twenty five years won’t have changed his ego.

Then we went to Rome. I was right, in coping without the one thing he loved he managed to corrupt the one thing he tried to protect. That didn’t make Xena happy. Humanity had suffered at her daughters hand and she blamed him for it.

I died protecting one of the people I loved most at the hand of a person I used to love dearly. Laying there on the ground waiting to die, “I must have cried a thousand tears.

The End