by Jen Disclaimer: I do not own Surivor or Xena. They belong to USA studios and CBS. I just stole names and story ideas.
Episode1
Salmoneous: Here I am with 16 people, about to be shipwrecked on an island in the South Pacific! Welcome to Survivor. The winner will get 1,000,000 dinars! First let's introduce the teams and get them shipwrecked!
Team 1: Pagong
Gabrielle
Joxer
Iolaus
Najara
Callisto
Cyrene
Team2: Tagi
Xena
Alti
Ares
Borias
Autolycus
Hercules
Salmoneus: Let's get started then. Tagi jump off this ship and swim to land.
(Xena rolls eyes and does it, the rest follow her.)
Sal: Now the rest of you swim to the other side.
Gabby: Way not fair! I want the closest side! It's bad enough I'm with
Joxer!
Sal: Shutup! Go swim with the sharks.
(Pushes her off)
TAGI
Alti: It seems we are building a shelter first. I however, think that we
should be hunting and cooking. I am the best person, the oldest with mose
experience. I've padi my dues, I'm gonna cook.
Xena: Yeah, I hate Alti. She only wants to cook, and she's gonna poison us.
Borias: I am going to kill Alti. Then Ares, and everyone else that tries to
touch Xena.
Xena: Bory is being overprotective as usual. I think that we should be
making aliances, not killing off people.
Alti: I'm not into the aliance thing. I'll curse them all.
Autolycus: I need to steal!
Hercules: Yeah, I need to go save someone. That's what I miss. I miss
Iolas. And Ares is smelling pretty foul.
Ares: I uh...smell because I ate bad fish the other night. I am in a mortal
state. Zeus is punishing me right now. I hate hygene.
Alti: No one is doing anything!
Ares: Hercules keeps wanting to build a wall or something like that.....I
told him no and he got all weepy and emotional about his mom.. Give me a
break
PAGONG
Najara: The Jinn said that I should do this show if I wanted to get money for
a hospice. When I get that hospice, I will get Gabrielle.
Callisto: I'm not buillding anything.
Cyrene: Most of us are building a sheeelter. But Gabby's been sick.
something she ate. But other than that.....HEY!(yelling at Callisto) Stop
trying to set that on fire!
Joxer: I'm hoping to hook up with Gabby on this island. We just built a
shelter and it's off the beach a bit. It'll hold up.
Iolas: Yeah, I like them all. I just wish I could be on Herc and Xena's team!
Tagi
Hercules: We're going fishing soon. But before we did we found some tree
scrolls. So it's competition time.
Autolycus: It says: "You're all real tired, so listen up. You're first
challenge could end you up in the muck." What the-
Borias: Autolycus has a potty-mouth.
Xena: Bory and Auto don't get along. Borias is all: "Oh potty-mouth" and
Auto's just ticked cause Borias is with me right now." (Faint yelling) Oh
gosh, there goes Alti.
Alti: (Cooking rice) These punks don't appreciate me. They're lazy.
Hercules fishes and they all try to build a stupid shelter.
Ares: Alti is an evil old witch.
Day2
Pagong
Najara: We have a challenge to go to now. See? (Shows team the tree scroll)
Gabby: (Reading) Well this is gonna be great. "You're all real tired so
listen up, the first challenge could end you up in muck."
Cyrene: It must have to do with mud.
Callisto: Great deduction mommie-dearest.
Cyrene: Shut up.
Challenge 1
Sal: Now we have our event. The tribes each select one person to swing from
the trees and get to the oother side. Meanwhile the other team members will
be taunting the opponents on the trees. There is quicksand at the bottom of
the trees. So don't fall. First one to the other side wins. Looser gets
tribal council. Winner gets Meg's Mead! The #1 choice in cheap, warm, mead!
On with the challenge.
Pagong chooses Iolas.
Tagi chooses Xena(duh).
Sal: On your mark get set go!
(The contestants shove off and swing from the vines on the trees. XEna is in
the lead when Iolas falls)
Alti: You pansy!
(Xena wins and no olne helps Iolas get out of the quicksand)
Iolas: Uh..guys?
Najara: Should we save him?
Callisto: Nah, leave him.
Xena: Come on guys, we won. Let's go back.
Alti: Is that a good thing?
Xena: FREE MEAD!
Pagong
Joxer: Tonight, I am sooooo dead. Tribal council. I think I'm dead.
Cyrene: Yeah, Joxer's dead. We've discussed it.
Najara: I'm doing my own system. The Jinn system. They tell me who to
choose. Even now, Iolas is not looking so good. Oh Gabrielle.....
Gabrielle: Najara won't stop looking at me! Neither will Joxer. It creeps
me out.
Callisto: I need to burn something!
Iolas: I could be nominated......but why?? I got out of the quicksand by
myself!
Tagi
Xena: (Incoherent) Wooooohoooooo! Free mead!
Alti: I'm cooking, stay away or I'll curse you!
Xena: Too late!
Ares: Sucks to be Pagong, huh?
Xena: Joxer is soooo gone!
Herc: Ya think?
Xena: Yup....(burp) Want more mead?
Herc: Who would you vote off.
Alti: I'm gonna vote you off prissy boy.
Xena: Um.....Auto.
Herc: Me too.
Alti: I'll curse you all if you don't get out of my kitchen! Autolycus, put
that spoon down now.
Tribal Council
Sal: Hi, guys. So who do you think it'll be? We'll find out now. Each of
you go over there and write down you're castoff.
(Najara rises and gets pen)
Najara: The Jinn told me Iolas.
(Callisto writes Joxer)
Callisto: No comment.
(Cyrene writes Najara)
Cyrene: She's a psycho.
(Joxer writes Najara)
Joxer: Psycho.
(Iolas writes Najara)
Iolas: She's psychotic. Callisto is next.
(Gabby thinks then writes.....)
Sal: OK. Let's tally the votes.
Joxer: I know who you all voted for! So stop staring at me!
Callisto: Off the island or not I am going to kill you!
Sal:Simmer down now! (Achem) Ok let's read them.....
1st vote-Najara.
Najara: The Jinn told me I wouldn't get picked!!
Sal: Shut up! 2nd vote-Iolas.
Iolas: It's my hair isn't it?
Sal: 3rd-Najara, 4th Joxer, 5th......(pauses for dramatic effect until
Callisto tries to stab him with her pen.).......Najara.
(Najara cries while she leaves)
Gabby:Thank the gods she's gone.
Sal: Shut up and get back to camp.
Gabby: But it's cold out there and Callisto is trying to burn us.
Sal: Shut up wussy.
After thought of Najara.
Najara: Yeah, I hate them. I really thought that Joxer was going tonight. Or Iolas. I didn't expect.....(speaks to herself) What Jinn? A burger? Oh, sure let's go.
End of Episode 1.
Preview for next week.
Alti: I saw Xena and Borias kissing last night! More cursin' is a commin. Iolas: I need to eat something. Oooooohh! Look a rat!
On Next Time''s Survivor!