by Liz
Disclaimer: These characters are not mine they are property of Ren Pics and Universal Studios. The story however is mine and I do not wish for any one to steal it without permission.
There are two women arguing in a tavern. One of them is holding a chicken.
Xena:What the hell were you thinking buying that chicken
Gabrielle: What? Look it's a chicken. Does there have to be a reason.
Xena: What are you going to do with it.? Gabrielle: (Looks at the chicken) I think I will keep it as a pet. Then we can eat the eggs.
Xena: (Licks her lips) Hell whats wrong with eating the original
Gabrielle: (pouts and holds her chicken to her chest) NO XENA!.God damn can't I have a pet. You have a stupid horse why can't I have my freakin chicken.
Xena: (grabs her sword and leaves while she mumbles )Stupid Bard and her Stupid freak chicken
Gabrielle: (Looks at her chicken) I will call you Mr. Tinky. Don't worry Mr.Tinky . Xena won't eat you she is just a bitch because she hasn't gotten any in ages. (sticks Mr.Tinky under her arm and also walks out of tavern)
Up in clouds a child giggles as he is pulled by his grandmother to settle down.Aphrodite: Bliss Im too old for this. Stop trying to jump off the cloud. Your going to fall off and break your head. Then you will be all like, Grandma I fell off a cloud and broke my head and now everyone is laughing at me cause I walk weird. Then I will be like, too bad Bliss go get a job.
Bliss: (wrinkles his nose and sits next to Aphrodite)
Aphrodite: Now stop pouting. We can have fun. You want to do my nails
Bliss: ( shakes head still mad).
Aphrodite: Help dress up Ares soldiers in the latest motifs
Bliss: (shakes head and points into crowd at the market) Play, Bliss want to Play
Aphrodite: (looks down and smiles) that's duable. It will be fun .Its not everyday you get to mess with the warrior chick and blondie. Okay Blissy, how mean shall we be
Bliss: (wrinkles nose and wonders how much hairspary has deterioted his grandma's brain .Holds up 5 fingers trying to show her, her own IQ)
Aphrodite: Bad thoughts again Bliss.
Bliss: (frowns and puts on puppy dog face while holding up the middle finger behind his back)
Aphrodite: You know Cupid used to do that a lot. He finally stopped when I turned him into a goat.
Bliss: (slowly stretches out all his fingers and puts them on his lap smiling) Whispers behind to himself Damn her and her authority. When I conquer this world her and everything in it shall be mine. Than I shall have my revenge by slowly making her watch Richard Simmons in a poke o-dot and striped outfit..Evil laugh, looks back and forth with evil looking cat eyes.
Aphrodite: Okay,I'm up for some spell doing. (waves finger toward Gabrielle and Xena then feels a tug at her lingere )
Bliss: (pronouncing slowly)Ar,Ar,E. Are too
Aphrodite: I don't know . Ares might get pretty mad.
Bliss: hunches over and pouts (mumbles incoherent thoughts about dominating the gods stock market and making it crash.)
Aphrodite: but since he did take away my horsey when I was little. (she waves finger to where Ares temple is) Now we watch
Bliss: (pulls out Mr. Bubbles his rabbit) Fools.Fools. We shall soon rule the world Mr. Bubbles.and soon the interstellar recombulator of total world domination shall be mine(Evil laugh). Looks side to side with evil eyes
Back in the middle of Town
Xena: I'm not taking that thing with me to Aphipolis
Gabrielle: Too bad. Mr. Tinky is my friend.
Xena: Yeah just like Eli.
Gab: Hey what the hell is wrong with Eli you bitch.
Xena: nothing if you like guys unsure of their sexuality in dresses with pink underwear and braided hair.
Gab: Yeah well its better than having a transsexual mom.
Xena: My mom is not a transsexual
Gab: Whatever.whistles as she goes and walks over to Argo
Xena: damn Bard, I should have told Michael to make sure you burned in hell. Last time I sacrifice myself for some chicken lover Light twinkles and Xena turns around to see Ares
Xena: So you run out of sluts and come to find new ones at the market Ares. I will sell you Gab for FREE, she comes with scrolls
Ares: No matter how revolting that makes me I would have to say NO.
Xena: Too bad I would have slept with you.
Ares: WHAT DID YOU SAY
Xena: Damn rat I'll have to shoot you
Ares: Oh.
Xena: Well I have to go and kill people.
Ares: What?
Xena: Just screwing with your mind Ares. (walks away and gets hit in the back with pink arrow to look up and see Ares.) Hiya stud muffin .(pulls Ares down and kisses him passiontely)
Ares: (enjoys kissing Xena for awhile then backs away) Hey. how do I know you aren't screwing with my head again because I could be killing people right now instead,
Xena: Shut up and kiss me.(pushes Ares to ground and they start to make out in the market.)
Aphrodite: (appears next to Ares but Xena cant see her.) Dude, never thought it would work this well.
Ares: What?
Aph: The spell bro. Do you really think the warrior chick would go for you without it. Anyways just to make sure it gets even funner for you(giggles and whispers into Ares ear.)
Ares: Noooo!..I will lose what ,if I sleep with Xena.
Aph: Whispers into Ares's ear again
Ares: (pushes Xena off of him.) Umm Xena, you know how much I value you as a warrior and umm...if we do this we might be destroying something precious.
Xena: What? When the hell did you become god of loyalty. Now take off those pants before I tear them off you. (grabs her sword and comes after Ares)
Ares: Help Aphrodite..
Aphrodite: hey its what you always wanted your warrior chick with an additude..
Ares: I said I wanted Xena not the incredible hulk. ( ares dissapears as Xena is about to hack his pants off)
Xena: rats, got to go to plan B
IN THE STABLES
Gab: Mr. Tinky what is the meaning of life? Am I supposed to go around endlessly searching for my love trying to save people I dont even know. People are rotten . a lady I saved from a fire stepped on my foot and called me a whore.. Do you think Im a whore
Mr Tinky: cluck cluck
Gab: You stupid chicken did you just call me a whore.
Mr. Tinky: cluck
Gab: So now Im a whore and a chicken to stand here for your amusement and talk about my problems while you cluck and make fun of me. (kicks the chicken)
Mr.Tinky: Clu..u.uu.kk.. Gab: the hell with you, your name sucks by the way. Your new name is Bavh.. ( gabrielle grabs a bottle in her bag and drinks some) Yep, that's the stuff. (drinks some more and burps.then finishes the bottle and throws it at the chicken) fetch
Bavh: cl..uc,,,ck
Gab: (arrow hits her in the back and looks at Bavh thinking he did it.) Oh Bavh, my sweet piece of chicken ..Come to mommy.(reaches for Bavh who flaps wings and runs out of stables.) Wait Bavh , I never told you I love you.
IN ARES TEMPLE
Ares: (plucks at dead flower) Lose Xena or lose my (interrupted by strange gypsey music playing)
Xena: (walks in wearing a very tight genie outfit and veil. Does her little dance in front of Ares and slowly strips off his shirt as she takes off her shoes)
Ares: We can't do this Xena
Xena: Why not! Don't you like me ( pushes her cleavage towards his face)
Ares: Yes, very but (gets xena off his leg and drops her on the floor) I would lose something very valuable.
Xena: (gets synical look in her eye. Begins to sing as she strips) Your just to good to be true,(takes off veil) can't take my eyes off of you. ( takes off shirt.) Your just like heaven to touch..( takes off skirt) I want to hold you so much ( takes off braw and lands on Ares kissing him)
Ares: Says to himself- You have a beautiful naked Xena on top of you, why the hell are you thinking to your self go and get some action. ( Ares kisses her back and they both dissappear into his room.
Xena: I'm glad I could change your mind
Ares: So am I.You know I can never see you after this ..
Xena: yeah yeah, you will lose something..
Ares: You know this might have been a bad idea Xena.
Xena: I knew it..I knew you were a wuss. Forget it, Spell or no spell .You're a wimp Ares. ( walks out without any clothes on ,causing a farmer and his wagon full of chickens to crash into a buildingChickens everywhere .)
Gab: Noooooooooooooo!.Mr. Tinky ,,,I can't find you .Oh where ..the hell are you. I can't live with out you. Remember the good times, when I bought you for a dinar and kicked you and we all had a good laugh.
Xena: Gabrielle what the hell is up your ass today.
Gab: he is gone. My love, my soul is gone.(kneels down on floor and is about to cry but decides to drink from her bottle instead.)
Xena: Oh..I get it drunky. What did you do pass out and hit your head against a wall and imagine a evil shamaness stole your chicken.
Gab: Shut up daughter of a transexual.
Xena: Yeah, make me chicken lover.
Gab: (tries to hit Xena but ends up falling on the ground onto something soft) God I have to learn to stop fighting Xena when I'm drunk .She always out numbers me five to one. Damn Xena and her twins! Hey whats this thing I fell on. (looks down to see feather stuck to her and a dead chicken)
Xena: (laughs) you crushed your chicken to death. Hah..went down the same way as Perdicus.
Gab: Oh Mr Tinky, how I loved thee. (peels off chicken from ground and sticks it on her head as a hat.)
Xena: Hey didn't your chicken have a black spot on his beak.
Gab: Yeah (looks at her hat) who is this then (throws it to the ground and stomps on it.)
Xena: I'm going to Ares again
Gab: Why the hell are you seeing him.
Xena: Im trying to get the loser to have sex with me
Gab: Oh, can I watch
Xena: no you drunken idiot..go find your chicken.
Olympus
Bliss: Excellent my plan is working. Xena shall do the nasty with Ar..Are..damn his name ..I will call him Ass..anyways Xena will do it with Ass and then when they are not looking I will go into his temple and steal the interstellar recombulator. Then I will rule all the gods. EVIL LAUGH
Aphrodite: Blissy its teletubbies time
Bliss: Yay teletubbies.(writes down evil plans and then scurries off into TV room with toy gun.) Die Tinky Winky Die!.I like you Lala you can come and stay with me when I ditch grandma and the folks.
Aphrodite: bad thoughts Bliss.
Bliss: (evil cat eyes.and points water gun at Aphrodite shooting black dye towards her. evil laugh.) Take that you pink bimbo..
Aphrodite: (Points finger at Bliss and transports him to the teletubbies show.)
Bliss: the horror.. the horror! Help tinky winky is doing a little dance in front of me. He is hitting me with his purse..
.....to be continued....