DISCLAIMER: The story is mine; the characters do not belong to me. There, I said it… are you people happy now? I’m a teenager, so don’t have money for lawsuits, I’m afraid.
SUBTEXT/SEX: No, no… how could you accuse me of something like that? Oh, but there is kissing!
VIOLENCE: Well… um… there was a lot of hitting people on the head… Gabrielle was quite bossy in my story, nothing horrible though; so don’t hide behind the sofa, okay?!?
TIMELINE: Takes place some time after ‘The Furies’
SUMMARY: Xena and Gabrielle get involved in a play (not to mention a certain god). That’s it I’m not telling anymore…
AUTHER’S NOTE: This is just another sappy story I wrote, to pass time. Sorry, I gave Hercules such a crap part… it was just funny. Well, at least it’s supposed to be funny. Oh, and I’ve never seen ‘The Play’s the Thing’, so this was my idea of them being involved in a play.
By Jane
Xena was passing through a town with her loyal companion. They heard someone advertise parts for a play. Xena ignored it and continued walking towards the tavern. “May be we should go see what it’s about,” Gabrielle suggested. Xena gave her a questioning look. “Come on, don’t you think we could try acting as well? And have you seen those competitors? Please…”
“Fine,” Xena stated, “You sure know how to play with my pride, don’t you?” They smiled at each other and headed towards the theatre.
~*~~***~~*~
The god of war was sitting on his huge throne alone, as usual. Just weeks ago, he send the furies after Xena. He figured she was still mad at him, so he didn’t go to see her. Life seemed so boring right now. Not many wars going on and the warrior princess wasn’t involved in some major fight… Ares decided that it may be pointless to even get near her, now, but it’s not like he had a big choice. He had to see her…
~*~~***~~*~
“Auditions this way,” a woman with a really high voice pointed towards the stage.
“Just for the record… this was your idea,” the warrior princess told her friend. Suddenly Xena was pushed onto the stage. All lights were at her. As soon as she got adjusted with the brightness, she could see a funny looking woman sitting in front of the stage. She somehow resembled Iolaus.
“Well, come on, girl, dance,” she ordered.
Xena made a face. “Dance?” she repeated, “who are you anyway?”
“I am the dancer from across the seas, the woman who can put a show together, Widow Twanky.”
“Well, I’m Xena and there’s no way I’m going to dance for you.” The warrior princess turned around to leave.
“But wait, you didn’t say you were famous,” Widow Twanky pleaded, so Xena turned to face her. “Oh, yes I think you’ll be perfect for the part.”
“And what’s the part?”
“It’s a beautiful princess, trapped in a palace, waiting for the prince to save her…”
Xena gave an annoyed moan. Even when she was a little girl, she hated stories like that. “Helplessly waiting for someone to save me? Yeah, right. Look, if you want to make a story worth-while you’ve got to talk to my friend…she’s a bard,” Xena suggested, “Make something interesting, then we’ll talk.”
“Oh, well…then, bring her in. I’m a dancer, not a story teller.” Gabrielle must’ve been eves dropping, because she arrived faster than usual and gave Xena a grateful look.
“You two work on it and I’m going to get something to eat. Oh, and Gabrielle, you know what kind of parts not to give me…” With that Xena walked out and headed towards the tavern.
~*~~***~~*~
After lunch, surprisingly, Widow Twanky and Gabrielle agreed on a few things. They asked Xena to join them on casting the rest of the play. “Have you two come up with a decent story?” Xena asked.
“Yeah, we did,” Gabrielle, responded, trying to hide a smile.
“Well, what is it?”
“It’s…um…it’s a surprise!” When Xena gave her a suspicious look, Gabrielle saw she needed assurance, “trust me, you’ll like it.”
They spend another three hours going through pathetic excuses for actors, who weren’t big on looks either. So far they cast the witch, demon #1, the king and queen… “Well, that just leaves five more parts,” Gabrielle pointed out.
“Yeah, we still haven’t found anyone to play the hero,” Widow Twanky sighed sadly. “If only my friend… Hunky Herc was here…”
“You know Hercules?” Xena asked.
“Yeah, I was his dance teacher,” Twanky stated, while Xena burst out laughing. Seeing Hercules dance would be fun! Suddenly, she felt that intoxicating shiver run down her spine. She excused herself and walked out of the room.
“Come out Ares, tell me what you came here for and go back to wherever you came from,” by the time she finished talking, he appeared, in front of her. He advanced ever so slowly, towards her.
“You know, I only came to apologize.” When she didn’t make a witty comment, he continued, “I know you’re still mad about the furies thing, but I’m willing to do whatever it takes to make it up to you…”
“Yes, he would be perfect!” Widow Twanky whispered, but not quiet enough. They both turned towards the door, to find Gabrielle and Widow Twanky there.
“For what?” Gabrielle asked, somewhat puzzled herself. Then the dance teacher whispered something in her ear. Gabrielle first considered it and then smiled evilly. “You said you would do anything to make it up to Xena? Well, we have a part for you.” Ares raised an eyebrow and then looked over to Xena. The warrior noticed the payback look in her friend’s eyes.
“All right,” Xena said, “You take the part and we’re even.” Ares thought that it was too easy, but decided to go for it.
“What’s the part?” he enquired.
“*That* is the mystery,” Xena said looking over to Gabrielle.
~*~~***~~*~
After a couple more hours of tedious auditions, they were finally satisfied. Ares joined in the selecting, making witty comments, which made everyone laugh. Only Xena had the will power to keep a straight face, at most times that is.
“Now, tell me what the play is about,” Xena enquired.
“Um, okay… um there’s this princess…”
“Oh, great another princess…” Xena commented, bored.
“Don’t interrupt me. Well, anyway she lives happily, until her evil uncle kills the king and queen…”
“I presume that will be played by me,” Ares guessed.
Gabrielle only smiled evilly, and then pulled on a more serious statement. “The next person to interrupt me will get hit by my staff… on the head,” she added rather pathetically. When no one said anything, she continued, “This princess enlists the help of a hero to reclaim her kingdom.”
“And then she gets it back, they get married and live happily ever after,” Widow Twanky added dreamily.
Gabrielle gave her a bad look and grabbed her staff. Twanky saw what she was about to do and started to run away from the bard. “I told you not to interrupt me!” she screamed as she chased after the poor dance teacher. At this even Xena couldn’t resist laughing.
~*~~***~~*~
They were all in the tavern, eating dinner. Ares had to admit that this company wasn’t so bad, and the bard was a good laugh. Widow Twanky sat as far away as she could from Gabrielle. No one really knew whether she got the hit on the head or not, she seemed fine though. Ares gave Xena ‘looks’ from across the table, which she returned with glares!
Suddenly a loud voice addressed her, from behind, “Xena, someone told me you were here, doing a play, for charity…” it was Hercules, and he hasn’t noticed Ares… yet, “Mind if I join you? What’s he doing here?” Hercules suddenly switched to a darker tone.
“Relax, brother I’m in the play,” Ares answered coolly, but didn’t forget to shoot a bad look at his half-brother.
“Hey don’t look at me,” Xena stated, “Gabrielle explain.” The bard looked uncomfortable for a moment and then asked to talk to him alone. When they came back, Hercules looked better, but still not happy.
“We’re going to gather all the actors tomorrow and explain the parts,” Gabrielle announced.
“Yeah, whatever,” Xena spoke for a couple of people there. “Just one thing- does any tavern in this town have a decent room?”
“You could stay with me,” Gabrielle suggested, dully.
“Your room is tiny!” Xena pointed out.
“Hey, it’s the best I could do,” her friend protested.
“Alright, you guys get some sleep, while I search for a place to stay,” the warrior princess walked out of the tavern. Everyone else did the same and scattered in different directions. Ares disappeared and reappeared outside.
“Yes,” Xena raised an eyebrow.
“You could stay over my temple… I still didn’t redecorate your old room…” he had the urge to cross his fingers. “I promise not to do anything… well, you know what I mean…”
Xena looked suspiciously at him, then at the tavern she was headed towards. Drunks could be heard shouting, from that direction. “Alright,” she said, “But you know the conditions…” He took her by the hand and they disappeared.
~*~~***~~*~
It was a lively morning. They all gathered in the theatre. Hercules was determined not to let Ares ruin his good mood. “So, did you find a place to stay?” Hercules asked the warrior princess.
“Um… yes, I did,” Xena said, dismissing the way Ares gazed at her.
“Hey, the penalty for interruption is severe, like some found out yesterday…” she said, looking over to Twanky. Xena and Ares just couldn’t help smiling at the memory. They skillfully pulled on a straight face, when everybody else stared at them. Gabrielle then continued, “Now, Hercules, you showed up a bit late, so you’ll get the part of demon #2…”
“HEY!!!” Hercules protested, “I don’t look anything like a demon… Ares should get that part…” Gabrielle skillfully reached for her staff. Twanky seemed to hide behind Xena. “What is this?” Hercules asked. Before he could fully finish what he was saying, a big staff was swung towards his head. He blocked it, but Gabrielle kept going.
“Oooh, brother this is the worst punishment, I could imagine for you…” Ares managed to say, before doubling over in laughter.
“Hercules, you hurt her, I’ll kill you myself,” Xena warned, as the demi-god was chased out of the room. Gabrielle returned, after about 20 minutes of trying to hurt Hercules. He however was nowhere in sight. Xena figured he’d be okay, or just has a headache, as Ares gladly suggested. The bard seemed satisfied, though, because she didn’t try to knock anyone out.
“Now, without any more interruptions, Hercules will play demon #2. Ares you will play…the hero…” she smiled gleefully.
“What?!? ME? A hero? That would ruin my reputation… and, and Hercules will laugh at me…” Ares panicked.
“Precisely why I chose you…” Gabrielle and Xena exchanged looks.
“Wait, did you say the princess and the hero fall in love? Is there a screen kiss, then?” He looked over to Xena and smiled devilishly. Gabrielle looked like she was about to throw up.
“NO! NO! Wait; hold on, nobody said anything about a screen kiss. It was all Twanky’s idea,” Gabrielle blamed the dancer.
“Oh, come on, what’s a play without a kiss at the end?” one of the other actors present pointed out. As a bard, Gabrielle was forced to agree.
“So, should we rehearse that scene?” the god of war asked Xena seductively. All the girls in the room sighed.
“No,” the warrior princess relied flatly. They finished telling the other people what to do and went to search for Hercules.
~*~~***~~*~
In the afternoon, they were split up into groups of four, because the rehearsal rooms were quite small. Xena and Ares were on the same group (if you haven’t guessed already!). Also there was a farmer who was to play the evil uncle and an old woman to play demon #1. “Now, we don’t have time to write a script, but here’s a list of scenes you are in and what happens during those times. You’ll have to make up the words,” Gabrielle instructed, “and Ares, no rehearsals for ‘the scene’, got it?” With that she walked out.
“We’ll see,” Ares muttered to himself.
The rehearsal went well, at least in their group. The god of war was slightly put off to play the part, at first, but then decided he was going to impress Xena. “Well, I’m impressed,” the warrior princess admitted, jokingly. It was already late when they were satisfied with the performance and words. The other members of the small group went home and Xena was left alone with the god. “So, should we go?” she asked. They were instantly transported to the temple.
They were standing outside her room. Ares slowly walked closer to her and gently brushed her lips with his own. She didn’t realise what happened until it already too late to stop. The whole world seemed to slow down, in his arms. When the kiss was broken, she walked into her room and quickly shut the door. “Hey, I was only rehearsing,” he joked, before he left for his own chamber. Xena tried not to think too hard about what happened, because she was afraid to find she might’ve actually enjoyed that little encounter. Nevertheless, the warrior princess decided to beat him up, next time he tried something like that.
~*~~***~~*~
The following day, Xena was brushing Argo down, after an early morning ride. Gabrielle joined her in the stables. The bard was somewhat enjoying directing and managing the play, but it also had it’s problems.
“Gabrielle, aren’t you going to play a part yourself?”
“No, I realized that I love ordering people around more,” she answered her friend. They both smiled. “I think that a play is a way to bring a story to life. And since I’ve made up this story, I know exactly how I want it to be. If I give that job to Widow Twanky, she would turn it into a fairy tale…”
“Well, that’s true…” Xena agreed. “How are things going with the other groups?”
“Okay, I guess- steady progress. Except the Hercules group, which became known as the ‘losers club’.” Gabrielle couldn’t help laughing herself. “Well, at least one thing is good… he doesn’t interrupt me anymore. Their parts need a lot more work, though.”
“I could help you organize them… our people finished everything yesterday,” Xena offered.
“Wait, you mean that Ares actually did a good job of playing a hero???” the bard asked, eyes wide.
“Pretty much,” Xena saw Gabrielle get angry, as she spoke, “Gabrielle, he’s good at it… remember when he even fooled me into thinking he was my father…”
Gabrielle decided to drop it. And instead of making it obvious she’s upset, the bard thought she would wait until he interrupts her! “Alright, come on.” Both of them walked out of the barn.
~*~~***~~*~
The two friends made their way to the rehearsal room. Even before entering, they could hear shouting coming from that direction. When they came in they saw demon #3 dancing with Hercules. Widow Twanky was shouting at them for doing the wrong steps, while Hercules shouted something about his pants being too heavy for any other moves. Demon #3 was complaining that Hercules kept stepping on his feet. The remaining people who were to play the King and Queen watched in horror, as did Xena and Gabrielle.
The bard soon snapped out of it and silenced them all. Xena had to admit; Gabrielle did have a talent for getting people’s attention. “What is going on here? Twanky, I thought I made it clear that this play isn’t going to be a musical.” Widow Twanky looked really scared and attempted to hide behind Hercules.
“Oh, just leave the poor woman alone, will you?” Hercules said defensively.
“Aha, siding with Twanky are we?” Gabrielle came closer. “ Xena, give my staff…” The warrior princess looked around the messy room, but had no luck finding it. “Okay, I guess this is your lucky day… From now on Xena is my deputy manager, in this corner. Now, go to your places and start to work.” Everyone obeyed and Xena guessed that yesterday Gabrielle must’ve spent time setting rules. ‘That’s my girl!’ she thought.
Hercules had a little trouble with the part, but everyone else worked efficiently for the rest of the afternoon. Finally, they decided to do a whole recap to see how it looks. Ares appeared next to Xena, feet hanging down from the table. “What are you doing here?” she questioned.
“Just here to see how ‘demon boy’ is getting on,” he smiled, managing to get a laugh from the warrior princess. That name got Hercules’ attention, though and he glared at Ares.
“I’m not doing it while he’s here…” Hercules protested.
“I’m here to play judge… Gabrielle, you don’t mind do you?” Ares looked over to the blonde. She was still unhappy that he got out of his part so easily, but decided to do the same thing to him later. Right now, the bard was angrier at Hercules for siding with Twanky.
“You can stay if you like…” she answered reluctantly, “We need someone else’s opinion…” Hercules made more protests, but he got defeated and cursed, before starting the act. The demi-god looked like one of those muscular guys, with no sense of direction. The onlookers tried very hard not to burst out laughing.
As soon as the act was done Ares doubled over in laughter, punching the table, to keep himself from falling over. He was joined by a few other chuckles, until Xena elbowed him in the ribs and the god finally managed to shut up. “I think it needs a little more work…” the warrior princess commented.
~*~~***~~*~
The day flew by very fast and before they knew it, they were trying on costumes. Xena got a flowing ocean-blue dress for the first scenes and another leather armour for the rest of the play. It was very tight fitting and black, in colour. The dress had a neat sip along the left side of the front and two slits at the thighs. When she came out of the dressing room everyone just had to say ‘ahhh’.
Ares looked stunning (naturally) but it was surprising to see him out of his leathers. He was wearing a dark-beige vest and a white shirt. The trousers were brown and a belt around his torso, similar to his own.
The demons were wearing clothes similar to the furies’, but a bit more covered up. Hercules looked quite funny in the black robes. The rest of the cast looked normal or a bit more impressive than usual.
“Alright, listen up,” Gabrielle shouted over the noise, “We’re going to go through the play once and those who are not involved in particular scenes, can sit down and watch.” Ares gulped… now he’d have to play hero in front of the real hero, who he was trying to kill, for what he was… Just thinking about it made him feel dizzy, not that gods get dizzy.
“Just imagine he’s not here…” Xena whispered, when she saw his nervousness. If Ares screwed up the words, she’d have to screw the words and last minute changes would not help her act.
“Now, do this for real,” Gabrielle informed them. “First scene… action!”
Xena wasn’t too nervous about it and her act came out quite natural. When Ares did his first scene, his acting was excellent. Only Hercules burst out laughing, to have his revenge, but when nobody joined him, he was forced to stop. The play was coming to an end and Twanky looked incredibly bored. The rest were fascinated. It was the last scene, where the hero, Glamus, was supposed to kiss the princess/warrior, Thea. Ares finished his line and pulled Xena very close, for a kiss. She decided not to hesitate and ruin the act. They kissed juuust longer than needed and found half of the audience clapping happily and the other about to explode.
“WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING???” Hercules shouted equally at both of them.
“Well, excuse me,” Ares put on a cool statement, “But didn’t Miss. Director here, say that we have to do this for real?” Gabrielle regretted those words, but secretly admitted that the scene did look good.
“Hercules, don’t look at me like that,” the bard held her staff, as a warning, “You know what I meant.” Hercules stormed out of the room, angry, not wanting to go through another session of ‘hit the head with the stick’. His scull still ached from last time. “Now I want everyone to be ready for 2 o’ clock,” the bard instructed.
~*~~***~~*~
A lot of people arrived for the play. Hercules once again looked like an idiot, while Ares and Xena had another go at that kiss. Gabrielle seemed satisfied as were the audience. Widow Twanky took the opportunity to advertise her musical, to be performed the following week.
“Hey, call me up next time you do a play,” Ares told them, but mostly Xena. Then he leaned over, “meet me at the temple tonight”, he whispered to the warrior princess. First she looked shocked, and then tried to hide a blush.
Gabrielle decided to question her friend later and just show everyone her good side. The bard realised she was quite strict to them the last few days. “I just want to thank everybody involved,” she said, “You all worked very hard preparing for this… except for the odd few that is,” she added.
“That wasn’t my fault,” Hercules said defensively, “It’s ‘cause you gave me that stupid demon part!”
Gabrielle reached for her staff. “I’ve told you not to interrupt me, when I’m trying to thank people!” the bard screamed. She caught him on the side of the head, with the staff.
“Oh, that’s it. It’s your turn to suffer now!” Hercules shouted and headed for Gabrielle.
“Not so fast,” Ares said, as he reappeared between the two.
“Oh, why would you want to protect her?” Hercules asked sarcastically.
“Two reasons: One, she has the right idea of who to hit with that stick…”
“Staff…” Gabrielle put in.
“Whatever… and secondly, she Xena’s little friend, which means I protect her and Xena wouldn’t hate me as much…” Xena smiled at that comment; sometimes he was so honest. “Oh, and I just need an excuse to fight you… Zeus wouldn’t fry me with his lightning if I was protecting an ‘innocent’ girl from you.”
“Woman,” Gabrielle corrected again. Before they could be stopped, they launched into a fight. Widow Twanky ran in, trying to get back at the bard. The rest of the room started fights of their own. Xena was left standing there, not knowing with whom to side. Soon, she didn’t have to make that decision… a group of thugs came in, wanting to take advantage of the situation and take someone’s money. It was a good afternoon of fighting!
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^~*~~***~~*~^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Hercules was left with a massive headache after that incident and decided not to cross the bard again. He and Widow Twanky performed her musical the following week.
Gabrielle won ‘best play of the year’ award and did a couple more plays later on. However, she turned down Ares’ offer to discipline his troops. The bard never did find out where the warrior princess was staying or where she went the following night, although threats were made.
Xena did go over to Ares’ temple that night and many other nights (wink, wink!). She gave Hercules a black eye, during the fight and still continues to travel with the bossy blond, companion and sidekick. Xena also changed her armour to that black one she was wearing during the play.
Ares’ reputation was ruined, but he had much more respect for staffs. He then invited Xena and ‘Blondie’ to do a play on Mount Olympus, but advised her not to whack the gods on the head. His temple reunions with Xena are still going on and he admitted he “must be the luckiest god on this side of Tartarus, man!”
THE END