Disclaimer: The characters of Xena Warrior Princess and Hercules Legendary Journeys belong to Universal MCA and Renaissance Pictures. I am sure Sam Raimi and Rob Tapert have something to do with that. Please don’t sue. Just so you know, I was listening to the Buffy soundtrack when I wrote this and the songs kinda get a bit sad, so sorry if it gets sappy. (It probably won’t though)
Authors Note: Anyone that really loves Herc and Iolaus probably shouldn’t read this story. It’s not that bad. Oh , and Gabby is really self centered.
Down on the scene: Athens Prep is the coolest high school in all of Greece. All the rich popular kids go there. The coolest teacher is Mr Salmoneus, and the way harshest is Ms Minya. We think that’s because her boyfriend left her for some leather wearing younger woman, kinky or what? Anyway Mr Salmoneus doesn’t care if we do our homework or not and never gives out detention slips, like totally cool.
Monday morning and the whole class are sitting in roll call while Mr Sal babbles on about something. He mentions something about a new girl and my ears perk up. I raise my hand. “Yes Gabrielle?”
“Did you say new girl?” I ask with excitement in my voice. My brain is ticking. Will she be half as pretty as me, the most popular girl in all Athens prep.
“Yes Gabrielle, new girl. I believe her name is Xena Bubbles.” Mr Sal answers the question to my satisfaction.
I interrupt the class again. “Xena Bubbles as in Cyrene Bubbles? The coolest fashion designer in all Greece. Not to mention one of the richest.”
“Yes Gabrielle. I can see the wheels turning in your head.” Mr Sal so nicely remarks.
Only the cutest guy in the school nicknamed Stud from his name, Ares Studly piped up. “So is this babe cute or what?”
Just then a voice came from the doorway. It was a sophisticated voice, feminine but definite. “I think I am okay.”
The voice belonged to a tall girl with long bronzed legs, long dark brown hair that fell over her shoulders and the clearest light blue eyes.She had high cheek bones and her skin was flawless. I looked over to see Ares mouth wide open. I also noticed the rest of the boys drooling, even the gay ones. I guessed they were drooling over her shoes because this girl had fashion sense. The most popular queen Hercules and his close and personal friend Iolaus stood up.
“Darling, welcome to our humble little class. As you can see we are quite impressed by you.” Hercules started. “My name is Hercules, and this is my little friend Iolaus.”
“Hello Princess. So your mother is a fashion designer, it has certainly rubbed off.” Iolaus was impressed.
Even my boyfriend, Joxer Totidy the 3rd who happens to be Ares best friend was paying close attention to this new girl. I wasn’t jealous, he always comes back to me. As for Ares he looked like he was in love. My two closets friends Callisto Madburn and Ephiny Amazalia leaned over.
“I think we should take her under our wing. She could teach us a couple of things.” Callisto suggested.
“She seems nice.”Ephiny pointed out the obvious.
“Miss Bubbles, welcome to our class. I am your roll call and Greek teacher Mr Salmoneus. Make yourself comfortable. Does anyone volunteer to show Miss Bubbles around the school?”
All of the male species hands went up. Myself, Callisto and Ephiny stood up. “We would be delighted to show you around, Unlike the male part of our class we are not rude, or drooling for that matter.”
“Come and sit over here.” Callisto pointed to a chair and desk that was surrounded by myself, herself, and Ephiny. The only bad part was that Ares aka Stud was situated behind her.
Xena went and sat down with a thankful smile on her face.
“Hi, I’m Ephiny Amazalia, these are my two best friends.
“Hi, my name’s Gabrielle Tocute, it’s Amazon.”
“Hello, I’m Callisto Madburn.”
“And hello beautiful , you light up this class with your eyes. I’m Ares Studly, but everybody calls me Stud for short.”
“Hi ‘Spud’ My name is Xena Bubbles, nice to meet you all.”
“Actually, it’s Stud, s..t..u..d.”
“I know, just screwing with you.”
“So what do you do for fun?” Asked Gabrielle
“Sword play”. Answered Xena.
Ares burst out laughing. “Females can’t use swords”.
“Want to make a bet?”
“You’re on babe.”
“Don’t call me babe.”
“Class pay attention.”
As Xena turned around she gave Ares a sickly sweet smile. The day turned out pretty well except for one incident when Gabrielle’s contact lens fell out on her lunch. Xena got home and her mother asked her if she wanted a chocolate sprinkle milkshake (my best friend wanted me to add the milkshake part). As they talked Cyrene announced that for business reasons Zeus and Hera Studly of Olympus and their son and daughter were coming over for dinner. At that point Xena spat her drink across the room. Cyrene sent her upstairs to get ready. Xena put on a simple dress but then was told off by her mother and had to put on a glamourous one instead. It was scarlet red in colour and reached just above her knees with a small slit up each side. To Xena it looked more like a slip you put under a dress but Cyrene assured her it was in. Cyrene made her wear heels, which did not impress Xena one bit. Cyrene let Xena keep her hair out but insisted she have loose curls. By the time her mother was done with her she looked like a Queen, not the seventeen year old she was. Cyrene also made her two sons, Toris and Licieus put on the proper dress code. Cyrene herself looked quite sophisticated and elegant. Xena heard a knock at the door and sent Toris, her older brother to get it. Toris opened the door to reveal an older couple with Ares and a girl around his age.
“Welcome to our home, where our mother makes us dress like penguins. Come in.”
“Toris!!! Don’t be rude.” Cyrene interrupted from the stairs.
“Welcome.My other son and daughter are upstairs. Toris can you go get them?”
“Yes mother.” Toris dragged himself upstairs. Cyrene led Zeus and Hera Studly and their children in the dinning room.
“Cyrene this is our son, Ares, and our daughter, Aphrodite.”
“You just met my son Toris, my other son Licieus is upstairs with his sister, Xena.”
Ares who had been drinking a cup of water almost chocked on it. “Xena Bubbles?”
At that moment Xena, Liceus and Toris chose to walk in. Xena almost burst out laughing at the sight of Ares in his best cloths. Toris and Licieus started drooling over Aphrodite.
“This is my daughter Xena.”
“Nice to meet you.”
“And my two sons Licieus and Toris.”
“Xena, could you show Ares around the grounds?”
“You are kidding me right?”
“No.” Cyrene snapped.
“Come on rich boy.”
Cyrene gave Xena a deadly look. Xena did a little curtsy in spite of her mother. Licieus burst out laughing. Toris was still firmly focused on Aphrodite. Aphrodite spoke for the first time.
“Like totally cool, you have brains babe.”
“Excuse me?” asked Xena.
“Usually girls turn to jelly around him, not call him rich boy. Which is exactly what he is.”
“Mum, Dite is being mean.” Ares complained.
“We are the baby of the family aren’t we?” Xena mumbled to herself but was silenced by a look from her mother.
Xena, Gabrielle and Callisto are sitting around a table at lunch eating well, lunch. Just then Ephiny came running up.
“I heard a rumor that Ares Studly is going to ask Xena to the dance.” Ephiny exclaimed as she sat down.
Gabrielle let out a little squeal, Callisto smiled and Xena rolled her eyes.
“What makes him think I want to go with him anyway?” asked Xena.
“He’s rich, the most popular guy in school, probably the cutest and he wants to take you.” Callisto pointed out.
“No one says no to Ares unless you want trouble.” Ephiny informed Xena.
“Look, he hasn’t even asked me. What makes you think he will even bother with me?”
“Have you looked in the mirror lately? Girl, look at yourself.” It was Gabrielle’s turn to role her eyes.
Just then Joxer Tocute came up behind Gabrielle and hugged her. Gabrielle screamed and hit him over the head with her purse while saying something about watching her hair. Xena, Callisto and Ephiny watched in shock as Joxer fell onto the ground and curled up in the fetal position as Gabrielle continued to hit him. Finally Xena thought she should probably put a stop to it but she couldn’t make herself move. Just about then Joxer started to cry. Xena guessed that with the amount of make up in Gabrielle’s bag it would be really heavy resulting in terrible pain for the poor guy on the ground. Ares walked up to see his best friend being beaten to a pulp by his girlfriend. He stood there for a moment until Xena’s voice shook him out of his thoughts.
“Gabrielle, don’t you think you should stop now? The poor guy is crying.”
Gabrielle looked up to Xena then back to her boyfriend that was crying in the fetal position.
“Maybe you are right.” Gabrielle stopped and helped Joxer up before kissing him on the cheek.
Ares, Callisto, Ephiny and Joxer all stared at Xena. No one had ever been able to stop Gabrielle hitting Joxer. Usually she just got bored and left him there crying until she forgave him for sneaking up. Poor guy never learnt. The bell rang and they all left for class except Ares who stared after Xena trying to figure out how one girl could have such an impact on him.
Ares and Joxer sat at a table in the coolest inn in town. Joxer played with a piece of bread while watching Ares think.
“What you thinking about mate?” Joxer asked his best friend.
“Xena. How can one woman get me so worked up. She isn’t that beautiful.”
“Now your just in denial buddy. You have the hots for this girl.”
“Then how come you wrote her name all over your scroll?”
“What?” Ares looked down to see his scroll covered in the letters x. e. n. a. He hadn’t even realized he’d done it.
“Ask her to the dance man. Half the school already thinks you have. Some rumor that Ephiny started or something.” Joxer smiled reassuringly at his friend.
“She will say no.” Ares argued
“Talk to your sister. She might be able to give you some advice.” Joxer nudged Ares in the side.
“What is it Ares? I am painting my nails, I need to keep my concentration.” Aphrodite looked up at her brother who was pacing the room nervously.
“Well, I have this friend, and he really likes this girl.”
“What’s his name?”
Aphrodite raised her eyebrows at this. When it came down to it her brother didn’t do well under pressure, and she was sure no girl had ever said no to him before.
“Okay, so this ‘Dares’ likes this girl, what’s the problem?”
“Well, he wants to take her to the dance but he’s scared she will say no.”
Aphrodite’s mind started and she settled on a particular person. Bingo. So her brother had the hots for Xena.
“Look, bro. I wouldn’t worry. I don’t think Xena hates you half as much as you think. Just ask her. Be romantic. Now go away!”
“It’s not me, it’s Dares.” Ares said defensively.
“Yeah, and I’m the Goddess of Love.” Aphrodite snorted.
“Sis, you are the Goddess of Love.”
“Oh yeah, sometimes I forget. Now be gone with you.”
Xena, Gabrielle and Callisto are sitting in role call with the rest of the class. Ephiny is absent and Mr Sal is really late. All of a sudden a flower delivery boy enters the class.
“Um, I’m looking for Xena Bubbles?”
Xena raises her hand and the boy stumbles over to her with a huge bunch of flowers and a box of chocolates. He smiles at her, dumps the presents and stumbles out the room.
“Who are they from?” Gabrielle asks excitedly.
“I’m not sure.”
“Read the card.” Callisto urged.
Xena pulled out the card and scanned it.
You are the most beautiful girl in the whole school, probably the whole world. You make my heart go thump. Please come to the dance with me. Please leave this note in the school office with your reply this afternoon. If your answer is yes you will receive further instructions later.
“How romantic Xena. So are you going to go with whoever this is?” Gabrielle looked at Xena seriously.
“I don’t know. I do want to know who likes me so much to send me chocolates and flowers at school. We’ll discuss this at lunch, k?”
“K” Callisto repeated.
Xena already knew who had sent her the chocolates and flowers. She turned around to see Ares staring contently at her.
“I am going to go with them.” Xena announced.
“Yay. I just hope it isn’t on of those losers in role call.” Gabrielle frowned at the thought.
Joxer and Ares came up, Joxer was about to hug Gabrielle but a warning look from Xena stopped him. Ares smiled at how well Xena had trained Joxer. Xena turned to Ares and gave him a ‘I know something you don’t look’.
“Hey Xena, saw the boy deliver the flowers and chocolates. Who were they from?” Joxer had a smug look on his face, obviously he knew who had sent them to.
”Just one of my many husbands.”
Callisto nearly chocked on her sandwich from trying to laugh and eat at the same time. Ares gave her a silencing look.
Xena dropped the note of with her reply that she would go to the dance with her secret admirer at the office that afternoon after school and went home.
Xena’s secret admirer found the note in the office and that her reply was yes. He nearly kissed the principal as he was walking out of the office.
Day of the Dance
Gabrielle, Xena, Ephiny and Callisto were all at Xena’s getting ready for the dance. Since Xena’s mother was a designer she had supplied a one of a kind designer dress for her beloved daughter.
“So where do you have to meet Mr Mystery?” asked the curly haired girl of the group.
“In the Garden outside Aphrodite’s temple an hour before the dance.”
Gabrielle was getting ready to go with Joxer who she had successfully not hit in a couple of weeks. Callisto was going with a guy called Autolycas from their math class. Ephiny was going with a guy named Philimon (not Diana’s), and of coarse Xena was going with mystery guy.
Xena, Gabrielle, Callisto and Ephiny were met outside Xena’s by an Iolaus dressed in drag and Hercules who was his date for the evening. They all had a little bet on who Xena’s date was. Xena refused to tell them who she thought it might be, so they were left up to their own devices.
Xena looked stunning in one of her mothers originals. The dress was long with a slit up each side to about mid thigh. It was a beautiful blue/silver colour with shoe string straps. Xena was surprised her mother let her out of the house in the dress. Slightly heeled sandals adorned her feet. A little diamond headband sat on her head in a mass of curls.
Gabrielle wore a beautiful baby blue off the shoulder dress that came to mid shin. She had her hair in a braid (old Gabrielle here) and wore quiet high shoes.
Callisto was in a Calvinea Kleinea dress that was a strong red that highlighted her face. Her long blonde locks left out and rather straight.
Ephiny was in a forest green top and skirt and her hair was pinned up.
Iolaus looked absolutely divine in his purple designer dress and heels. He also wore a tiara.
Xena said goodbye to her friends and promised she would find them at the dance to tell them who the mystery date was.
Garden Outside Temple
The garden was completely deserted except for a rose and note sitting on a bench. Xena went and scanned the note.
Your Secret Admirer.
Xena turned around to be face to face with her secret admirer.
“I knew it was you. You weren’t exactly mystery about it. Like come on, you stare at my neck in every class.”
“Hey!” Ares jumped to his defenses.
“But it is sweet.”
In the bushes everyone was paying Joxer cause he won the bet about who the secret admirer was. Gabrielle, Callisto and Ephiny were smiling ear to ear. Herc and Iolaus were already planning the wedding and Joxer was counting his money.
Xena gently kissed Ares on the lips and they left for the dance.