Hey, Rob! How's the babe? How's Julius? Har, har, har...

Listen, I want to come in and take over producing Xena for a while. Frankly, dude, I don't like what you're doing and my name's on this project as well.

See ya in a week.

Sam

Uhh...kay...

Rob

Sheezus...you've really messed things up, Rob. So much for impartiality. Just to let you know a few of the changes I'm making, I'm reinstating the subtext and I've asked Liz Friedman and Josh Becker to come back. Plus, I've asked Steve Sears to start working on that Sappho script again and to give me a detailed treatment, so expect that to go into production.

Was it your bright idea to have one of the KNB guys produce? C'mon, Rob...step off the crack.

Sam

Aww, geez...c'mon, dude. It's my baby, not yours.

Rob

You're dysfunctional, Rob. What have you done to Gabrielle?! She was one of the few reasons I tuned in to watch...and what's this memo that's tacked to the board: "If reporters come around sniffing after Renee, tie her up and give them Lucy. Be careful when you tie the knot because Ren's getting good at escaping. Those responsible for letting Renee do that FHM magazine shoot have been fired."

Tsk, tsk, Rob. Not cool.

Sam

You didn't remove that memo, did you? Aww, cripes...why not change the company name to Renee-ssance Pictures?

Rob

You killed Ephiny...you are such an idiot. Expect her to come back, too.

Jesus, Rob! Rosie O'Donnell has been asking for Renee to come on her show for the past three years and you've not let her!! Better tune in because Ren's gonna be on Rosie soon.

And what's this crap you've got airing now...Cleopatra 2525? Jack of All Trades? That's it, you're not allowed to make TV shows anymore. You're just gonna have to go sit in your room and think about what you've done.

I go direct a couple of movies and this is what happens when I'm away...

Sam

Aww, c'mon!! That's not fair!! None of YOUR shows stayed on as long as Xena and Hercules.

Rob

Grow up, Rob. I hate to be the one to tell you this, but Hercules sucked and you're putting Xena down the garbage disposal. Renee and Lucy know their characters better than anyone else, so I'm having them sit in on the brainstorming and progress sessions. I'm slowly trying to reverse the damage you've done, but I think it's almost impossible...

Sam

Welly, welly, welly, welly, welly, welly, well... Have you checked out the trade mags lately? Xena: Warrior Princess kicked butt at the Emmy nomintions. Joe, of course, was nominated, even KNB, Josh Becker, Steve for the Sappho script, Danielle Cormack for guest star, Renee for Best Actress (did you notice they didn't nominate Lucy?) and director (too bad she's up against Josh), and we got a best drama nomination.

Gee, and that was all since I took over.

Sam

What a night...too bad you refused to go to the awards ceremony, your lower lip jutting out and arms crossed. Renee kicked butt, getting both the director and actress statues. Danielle won. Steve won for the Sappho ep and the biggest surprise of the night, IMO, is that we won best drama... KNB lost to the guys who do Buffy the Vampire Slayer's makeup. Joe lost, oddly enough, to Mark Snow, even though all he did was recycle music from the X-Files movie.

It's a great way to end the run, especially after all that crap you did to sink the show.

Sam
P.S.: No, you can't make that Amazon High TV series again, so stop asking me about it.