It was late afternoon in November, and it would have been hard for the sky to get any gloomier. It would surely rain tonight. Still, Amanda was smiling to herself as she bustled around the Q Bureau, tidying away the week's work and preparing for the weekend ahead. She disposed of the somewhat tired-looking flowers she had brought from her garden a few days earlier, then dashed down the hall to pour out what remained of the milk from the refrigerator. Lee might still be able to face a carton of sour milk on Monday morning, but Amanda's habits wouldn't allow it.

But mostly, she waited for Lee to return from a last-minute meeting with Dr. Smyth. Lee and Amanda had exchanged uneasy glances when Billy stopped by to say Lee was wanted in Smyth's office, since Smyth seemed intent on ignoring his agents unless he wanted to chew them out for some real or imagined error. But Lee had shrugged and followed orders -- He and Amanda hadn't been working on anything recently that was likely to attract Smyth's attention, so how bad could it be?

That had been more than an hour ago, and Amanda was beginning to get concerned. This was supposed to be a free weekend, one of their few chances to be husband and wife. That Smyth was keeping Lee this long suggested an assignment, and not one that could wait.

Finally, as Amanda straightened up the last stack of files on Lee's desk, she heard his footsteps outside in the corridor. With relief, she turned to face the door and greet Lee with a smile.

But her smile almost died as he flung the door open and stalked into the room, and she had to struggle to keep it pasted firmly on her face. Amanda could almost feel the anger seething beneath the surface. His jaws were clenched tightly together, and he looked as frustrated as she had ever seen him. Obviously, his interview with Dr. Smyth had not gone well.

Cautiously, she asked, "So....How'd it go?"

Lee started, then shook himself a little as if to bring himself to the here and now. With a somewhat chagrined smile, he waved one arm off-handedly, and said, "Aw, just the usual line of bull from Smyth. Why they let a man like that dictate to trained agents...." He broke off sharply. "Aah! Forget it! We'll talk about him later!"

With a smile, he reached for Amanda as the outside gloom darkened the office. He obviously did not want to talk about it. Amanda sighed inwardly and put the matter out of her mind for the time being, going to him happily, enjoying his pleasure at her closeness.

They stood facing each other, arms locked around each other's waists, reveling in their personal relationship -- At this late hour, no one was likely to enter the Q Bureau to see their less-than-professional behavior. Lee finally broke the moment, saying, "I believe we have a date tonight, Mrs. Stetson."

"Mmmm, you're right, Mr. Stetson," Amanda replied. "After a home cooked meal of beef burgundy, green beans, and salad, we're going to sit around the apartment like any normal married couple and watch TV until it's time for bed." She grinned broadly.

"Sounds wonderful," Lee said with enthusiasm "--especially that last part!"

Amanda laughed and kissed him gently.

* * * * * *

They had arrived home just as the threatening storm finally broke, drenching them both on the short walk into the apartment. By the time they had changed and got dinner on the table, it was coming down in buckets, and tremendous crashes of thunder added to the noise.

Lee was remote all evening, still brooding, Amanda sensed, on his encounter with Dr. Smyth. Amanda tried to ignore his mood and chattered away about the weather, the boys, and whatever else she could think of, with little in the way of results.

Her patience began to wear thin, particularly since she knew Lee would feel better if he talked about whatever was bothering him. But, it usually didn't do to push him on that sort of thing, and so she waited, hoping he'd open up.

Finally, however, she could take it no longer. They had switched on the TV, and were watching a movie she genuinely enjoyed, and wanted to talk about. After repeating herself for the third time and still getting no answer, she decided it was time to take the bull by the horns.

She picked up the remote control and switched the TV off. "All right, Lee," she said as he turned towards her in surprise. "Are you ready to talk about it?"

"What?" he began, with an innocent expression. "What did I do?"

Amanda wasn't going to let him off the hook, however, and in annoyance began, "Look, you're the one who's always complaining we don't get to spend enough time together, and here we are with a perfectly good weekend ahead of us, and you haven't heard a word I've said all evening." She paused to take a breath. "So, are you going to tell me what Dr. Smyth said and get it over with, or should I just go back to the house now and save us both the frustration?"

Lee put on his most charming smile, and Amanda knew she wouldn't be able to hold out for long, especially when he said with repentance, "I'm sorry. I just didn't want to spoil our evening." His face reflected the knowledge that he'd done just that, and Amanda capitulated.

She smiled her acceptance of his apology. Caressing his arm with her right hand she said, "Well, I guess Dr. Smyth is enough to upset anybody."

Lee snorted in agreement. He looked her in the eyes and said, "I guess I owe you an explanation."

"You betcha," she smiled.

Lee looked away again. "I have to go away on assignment starting tomorrow night," he said, still not looking at her.

Amanda was nonplused. "Alone?"

"Ah, no. No, I'm going with Johnson."

Lee seemed very uneasy, and Amanda knew he hadn't told her everything. What's more, she was hurt at not being included on this mission. "But we're partners," she protested. "Even Dr. Smyth knows that."

Looking at her again, Lee said softly, "You think I want to go without you to watch my back?"

The intensity behind the quiet words gave her a new respect for the situation. Beginning to get the drift of how serious this mission was, Amanda looked at Lee more meekly and asked, "Is it dangerous?"

Lee brought his hands together and started intertwining his fingers, bending his hands backwards and then straightening them out again. The silence stretched, and then he finally said, "I can't tell you."

"What do you mean, you can't tell me? Either it's dangerous or it isn't," Amanda began indignantly. "Look, where are you going?"

Lee looked at her helplessly. "I can't tell you," he repeated.

Amanda and Lee looked at each other for a long moment while Amanda digested this reply, and finally realized what he was saying. "You mean you can't tell me because this is classified," she said, just to be sure she understood, and Lee nodded. "That's silly, Lee, I'm your partner, I've got the same security clearance you do!"

The fury and frustration that had showed in every line of his body when he returned from Smyth's office that afternoon were back. He looked as if he was having trouble speaking, but then he said gently, "I know, Amanda, I know. But the mission requires two men, so I've got to take Johnson."

"I understand that. But where are you going? What are you going to do? Am I supposed to just sit here all weekend and worry about you? For that matter, how long will you be gone? When should I start panicking? Are you going to be here for Jamie's birthday? What do I tell him?"

Lee had listened to her with pain in his eyes, and when she stopped, he took a deep breath and grated out, a word at a time, as if they were being dragged from him, "On a need-to-know basis, you don't need to know."

Amanda's wide brown eyes showed her hurt, and for once she was at a loss for words.

Lee looked at the walls, the floor, anywhere but at his wife. "I don't like this any better than you do, Amanda," he said finally, having gathered himself together. "We're partners, and we work better together than either of us do alone. I want you along on this mission, and I said so, but Smyth is so sure he's right...." He trailed off for a moment. "Maybe if Billy knew we're married...."

Amanda had recovered her perspective as he spoke. "I'm sure you did everything you could, Sweetheart. We both know you can't argue with Dr. Smyth, and orders are orders. I can't believe it would make any difference if they knew about us." She smiled at him encouragingly. "It's just that you haven't had to keep me out of a case in so long, I guess we both forgot it was always a possibility. I just wish I knew how much I should worry...." She trailed off wistfully.

Her rationality had struck a chord with Lee, and when he spoke again, there was a briskness to his voice. "I'll be fine," he said. "Don't you worry!" A mischievous note crept in as he added, "Dr. Smyth or no Dr. Smyth, I'll try to keep in touch as often as I can. And I hope," he said, defying the gods -- or at least Smyth -- "that I will be back before Jamie's birthday!"

Accepting that she would get no more information about this mysterious case, Amanda resolutely turned back to the matter of the coming night. "So, you said you leave tomorrow?"

Lee nodded.

"Well, then, Mr. Stetson, I believe we have a date...." She stood up and held her hand out to him.

Lee shook his head and smiled. "Amanda, you really are something, do you know that?" He took her hand and stood gazing at her in wonder. "I will never know how I got so lucky." He drew her towards him and kissed her, still holding her hand.

"I'm pretty lucky too, you know," she said.

His grateful smile turned impish, and Lee tugged her towards the bedroom, saying, "Come on, I'll show you how lucky...."

Amanda laughed and rolled her eyes, and followed him willingly.

But despite their laughter and their joking, their lovemaking that night had an intensity that reflected their deep knowledge that this might be the last time they were together. Afterwards they lay quietly hand in hand for a long, long time as they listened to the rain, and watched the sporadic flashes of lightning.

* * * * * *

"Amanda, you've been moping around the house for three days. Is anything wrong? Are you sick?

"I'm fine, Mother," Amanda said soothingly, startled from her reverie. They were both in the kitchen. Amanda had finished the supper dishes and was gazing out the window. Dotty had come in saying she thought she might make some popcorn, and had received no response from Amanda.

"Is everything okay with you and Lee?"

Amanda almost laughed. There, at least, there was no problem. "Of course, Mother. Everything's fine. It's just that Lee's traveling, you know, and I worry when he travels. You remember, I always worried when Joe was traveling."

The explanation was plausible, and Dotty accepted it. She tried to cheer Amanda up with soothing facts. "Yes, well, I'm sure Lee will be fine. Joe used to travel to all those primitive places, no wonder you worried. But how could Lee get into trouble traveling with a film company?"

"Oh, Mother, you'd be surprised at how many things could go wrong, you know film making...." Amanda said with a trace of a smile and an obvious attempt to change the subject.

For once unwilling to be put off, Dotty challenged, "Oh? Name one!" The moment the words were out of her mouth she regretted them; she remembered all too well the hoards of armed men swarming through the house asking questions about Lee -- and Amanda -- when they had had their mix-up about ... "secrets." It had been a frightening situation for all of them. She braced herself for Amanda's expected touchy reply.

"On a need-to-know basis, Mother, you don't need to know," Amanda said without thinking, stopping in horror as she suddenly heard her own words and saw with a flash that she was about to say something from which there was no turning back. As Dotty began to interrupt in indignation, Amanda hurried on, "I'm sorry, Mother, that just slipped out. Besides, it isn't true anyway, you do have a need to know, I need you to know." And after the briefest of pauses, she added, "And Lee would, too, if he were here." Amanda winced. This was not coming out well. At least the boys were visiting friends, so she didn't fear interruption.

Dotty sat frozen with a mother's instinctive fear. There was no question in her mind that Amanda was about to reveal something that her mother was going to regret knowing about.

Amanda stared out the window for a moment, trying to think how to tell her mother, well, everything she needed to tell her. It seemed a hopeless task, and she suddenly said, "At least the weather has cleared up, isn't that nice, Mother?"

Dotty looked her daughter up and down and then said, "Nice try, Amanda. Worthy of the boys at their best. But you are not going to scare me to death and then get out of it that easily. Now, give."

Amanda opened her mouth to protest and then closed it again, nodding her head in acceptance. "Well, Mother, you know, it's hard to know where to begin."

Amanda looked over at Dotty, who gazed at her placidly. "You could try the beginning," Dotty said with a calm she did not feel.

But what was the beginning? Amanda finally decided on her work at the Agency as the place to start. "Well, you know, Lee and I work together, right?" Dotty nodded encouragingly. "Well, Mother, we don't make movies. We don't make documentaries." Amanda winced again. "We, ah, we're Federal agents, Mother, we work for the Agency. Mr. Melrose is our boss."

Dotty looked slightly perplexed. "You're Federal agents? Amanda, that's the silliest thing I've ever heard," but even as she said it, the pieces fell into place, and Dotty knew that it was true. All the changes in Amanda, the skills, the way the whole family seemed to get mixed up with things involving National Security.... "Federal agents?" she repeated with more vigor. "Spies?"

Amanda was alarmed by the note of stress in her mother's voice. "Yes, Mother," she said quietly. "I wanted to tell you, I really did. I got involved in it by accident, and it was a matter of National Security so I couldn't tell you, and then they asked me to help with little things, but they were still secret, and then things got dangerous and they said it would be safer for you and the boys not to know and, well, it just kind of snow-balled." She looked at her mother to see how the explanation was going over.

Dotty had recovered her equilibrium. "Wait, wait, Amanda, if you're going to tell me this, tell me from the beginning. How did you get into this? What do you do? What do you mean, 'dangerous'?"

Amanda took a deep breath and began to explain how she had innocently taken Dean to the train station, and Lee had picked her out of the crowd and handed her his vital package. After that everything almost blurred together, as she began doing little jobs, civilian jobs, for the Agency, got more involved with the business, and found she not only was good at it, she liked it. There was her growing rapport with Lee, the way they became informal partners long before she'd even had any training. Now, they were full partners in a dangerous but vitally important business.... Having finished her tale, Amanda paused and gave her mother a moment to absorb it all. She found herself once again worrying about Lee, off somewhere she didn't know, doing something she also didn't know, without her there to protect him. Perhaps worry about Lee was safer than worrying about how her mother felt....

Dotty was frightened to know that Amanda was in such danger so often; she was hurt and somewhat angry to find that she had been deceived for well over five years; but most of all, she was relieved that the deception was over. She had known, deep in her heart, that Amanda was leading a life that her mother knew nothing about. For a while, Dotty had hoped it was simply the romance with Lee Stetson, but when that came out into the open, and there was still something "wrong," she had become more and more uneasy. Lee was so charming, so handsome, and so obviously in love with Amanda -- but had he gotten Amanda into something unsavory, a life of crime, drug running? Preposterous as the ideas were, Dotty still had found herself contemplating them in the wee hours of the morning. This, this secret agent business was something she could accept as honorable, at least. Dotty looked back at her daughter.

"Amanda?" she said. "Amanda, you're off in dreamland again."

Amanda came to with a start. In keeping with her new policy of honesty, she said, "I'm sorry, Mother. It's just that I really am worried about Lee. He's out of town somewhere on an assignment, and he couldn't tell me where he was going or what he was doing, and I know it's dangerous, and I'm not there to help him." Her voice suddenly quivered, and she seemed on the verge of tears.

Dotty felt a surge of sympathy for her daughter, keeping such a frightening secret, and having so many very real reasons to fear. "Amanda, I'm sure he'll be fine, you said yourself he's a top agent." She reached out to pat Amanda on the arm.

"I know," Amanda sniffled, too worn out to hold everything in anymore. "But we haven't been apart like this, without me knowing what he was doing, in years. It's what we've always been afraid of, the possibility of him not coming home, and me left with no explanation.... Mother, I don't know what I'd do without him!" Amanda finally burst into tears, quiet sobs, and Dotty held her as she wept, stroking her back and making the appropriate soothing noises.

Still, Amanda was strong, and she soon won out over the tears. Wiping her face, she apologized. "I'm sorry, Mother. That was pretty silly of me. I mean, Lee's in danger often enough when we're together; why should it be any worse just because I'm not there? Part of the reason I didn't tell you about this before was because I was afraid you would worry, and here I am, scaring you to death! Really, most of the time the stuff we do is a bit tricky, but not really dangerous. Really." She looked at her mother earnestly.

But this time Dotty was racing past the present and back into the implications of what she had just learned. "Amanda," she said suddenly, "when you were shot in California...." She trailed off questioningly.

"Oh, no, Mother," she hastened to explain, "Really, that was exactly what we told you, just in the wrong place at the wrong time. That wasn't work at all. Really. We were just--" Just on our honeymoon, Amanda realized she had been about to say. She'd conveniently forgotten she had one more big secret to let out....

Dotty studied Amanda's face. "You'd better tell me the rest of it, Amanda," she said wearily. "You were just what?"

"We were just....on our honeymoon," Amanda said meekly, looking down at her hands and studying her fingernails closely. She waited a moment, then looked up again.

Dotty almost laughed. "Amanda, are you telling me that you and Lee are married?"

Amanda nodded reluctantly. "We wanted to tell you, really we did, but it just seemed safest for you and the boys not to know. Nobody knows," she added, "nobody at all. Well, except the Justice of the Peace in Marion, and his secretary, and the two old friends of Lee's we were supposed to visit in California. I guess he just blurted it out when I got hurt, and he couldn't very well take it back once he'd said it.... I'm sorry, Mother, I wanted to tell you, and so did Lee."

"Amanda, Amanda, I should be furious with you! I probably am furious with you, I just don't know it yet, you'd better watch your step once all this sinks in. But you know I adore Lee, and the boys do, too, and we've all wondered why you two couldn't seem to make a commitment. And now you tell me you've been married all this time! I could strangle you, but I could hug you too. Come here, let me hug you!" She wrapped her arms around her daughter and gave her a big hug.

Amanda was near tears again, tears of joy this time. At least she knew her mother approved of her marriage; she could hope to win forgiveness for the multitude of sins in time.... "Do you know how hard it was not telling you?" Amanda demanded. "I thought I was going to burst! And the sneaking around, to see my own husband! It was so embarrassing...."

Dotty laughed at that. "There's a problem most of us don't have," she agreed. She sobered. "Amanda. You and Lee obviously have given a lot of thought to all these secrets you've been keeping. How is he going to react when he finds out you've told me?"

How indeed. Amanda had been worrying at the problem with the back of her mind. "Well, Mother, really, I think he's going to be just as relieved as I am. I hope. He didn't just marry me, you know, he took on this whole family, and to be able to really be a part of the family will mean so much to him." She smiled, then realized the implications. "I guess it's time to tell the boys, at least about us being married. When Lee gets back. I know he'll want to help me tell them, and I think it will be better for them to hear it from both of us, too." Amanda began to look frazzled again. "Mother, there's so much still to do.... I thought, I think I thought, that once I told you everything would be fine, but it's almost as complicated as it was." She looked at her mother with frustrated eyes. "And what if Lee doesn't come home this time?" she whispered

"Amanda, everything will be fine. Lee will be fine, and the boys and I will forgive you. Do you want to know why we'll forgive you?"

Amanda said softly, "Yes, Mother. I don't think it was very forgivable of me to lie to you all like that."

"Keeping so much of your life hidden from me really hurts. I won't lie to you and say it doesn't. But this wasn't something you did casually. You felt you had reasons, and it was a hard thing for you to do. You know, Amanda, I've only seen you cry twice since you were a little girl, really cry, not over a movie or a wedding or something. Once was when your father died. The other time was when you and Joe finally decided to get a divorce. Only twice, until tonight. It wasn't easy, and you didn't think it was fun. You did what you thought you had to do. And I'm sure Lee did the same thing."

"Thank you, Mother," Amanda whispered. She caught a glimpse of herself reflected in the kitchen windows. "Look at me, I'm a mess. The boys will be home soon, I'd better go wash my face." She looked to Dotty for dismissal, and got it.

"That's a good idea. I think I'll make that popcorn. The boys will probably be hungry, unless they've been eating the Morrisons out of house and home." Dotty smiled, and watched Amanda's departing back with a mixture of relief and sympathy. "At least she didn't tell me she's pregnant," she said aloud in a soft voice.

"I heard that!" came Amanda's reply from the direction of the stairs....

* * * * * *

Amanda spent the next few days worrying about how she was going to tell Lee what she'd done. Despite his vow to try and contact her, she had not heard anything from him. She was in the Q Bureau again, wrapping up some paperwork from their last assignment, when she heard familiar footsteps outside.

Lee ducked inside and closed the door quickly. In spite of her nervousness over having spilled the beans, Amanda wrapped her arms around him, exclaiming, "Oh, Lee, you're back!"

He returned her embrace, murmuring, "Would I let my best girl down?"

Then he stepped backwards from her far enough to be able to see her face. "Look, I'm not supposed to be here, I'm supposed to be in debriefing, but I wanted to warn you."

She looked puzzled. "Warn me? About what?"

"I, uh, told Johnson we're married." He looked sheepish.

Amanda stared at him in disbelief. This was going to make things a lot easier.... "You did what?"

"Well, I kept trying to find a chance to call you, and he asked why, and I said you worried when I was on assignment, and he said, 'What, is she your wife or something?'--"

"And you said, 'Yes, as a matter of fact she is,' is that it?"

Lee looked guilty. "Something like that. I'm sure he's off telling the debriefing team right now, so the you-know-what is about to hit the fan...." He looked at Amanda again. She was smiling broadly. "You don't look like you're upset with me...."

It was Amanda's turn to look sheepish. "Well, you know, you promised you'd call and you didn't, and I was worried about you, and I guess it showed, you know, because Mother started asking me what was wrong--" She broke off as Lee, unable to stand the suspense, cut in warningly, "Amanda...."

Amanda looked up at him and winced slightly, still unsure of his reaction despite his own indiscretion. "I, uh, told Mother about the Agency," she said, "and that we're married."

"You did what?" Lee's outraged voice echoed out of the room and down the hallway until it was covered by double peals of laughter....

* * * * * *

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