AUTHOR'S NOTE:  "Death...and Life" is the first SMK story I ever wrote, shortly after the series went off the air.  It was originally published, with a few minor changes, in the fanzine, "A Need to Know" back in 1996.  "A Need to Know" was a terrific SMK zine, and also includes a story by Becky.  For futher information on these fanzine's you could contact brendaw896@aol.com who is the publisher.  She could advise you on availability and prices.
 
 

"Good morning, Sweetheart. How'd you sleep?" Amanda kissed Lee hello, their private morning ritual when they had been apart for the night.

"I missed you," Lee responded, right on cue, kissing her in return as they stood just inside the front door of the house. They were alone, since the boys had already left for school, and Dotty was visiting her sister for the week. Lee and Amanda were both noticing that it was becoming harder, rather than easier, to cope with the situation, as they neared the third anniversary of what Lee had once called their "mystery marriage." It was on their minds a lot just now as they contemplated another celebration without the congratulations of family and friends.

"I wish --" Lee began, but broke it off. "Well, come on, let's take your car. We'll need the room for Ashton."

Amanda understood. To maintain the facade of partners and friends (for work) or lovers not quite ready to commit to marriage (for the family) deprived them both of many of the joys and comforts that being married should have brought them. But what else could they do? They'd been over and over the options. But, she thought, something was going to have to give, and soon. But until then -- "Well, I guess we'd better get going if we're going to be there on time. You said Ashton was the kind who spooks easily. He'll probably leave if we get hung up in traffic."

As they were walking out to the car, Amanda began reviewing their assignment for the morning. "All right, you've got the book that Ashton wants as a recognition signal. I stand in front of the Cafe Roman, and when he comes up and asks me if I've read it, I tell him I'm reading it now, and take this out of my purse." With a smile, she held up the book she had taken from him as they talked, then said suddenly, "Wait a minute, I meant to get my other purse. This one isn't big enough to hold the book. It'll only take a second." She dashed back into the house as Lee watched her bemusedly.

"That's my Amanda," he thought happily, earlier gloomy thoughts overshadowed by the pleasure of her company. All that really mattered was that they had each other, and in their business, that was rare enough to be worth any price.

"Come here," Lee said with a twinkle in his eye when Amanda returned moments later, grabbing her by the hand and tugging so she had no choice but to follow him around the corner of the house and behind the shelter of the trellis. He grinned broadly as she peeped back around the corner to make sure they were unobserved.

"Is this some sort of secret rendezvous, Mr. Stetson?" she inquired with an indulgent grin.

"Mmmm, you bet it is!" Lee said as he pulled his wife to him and wrapped his arms around her. Abandoning pretense, he breathed, "You are the most wonderful woman in the world! How did I get so lucky?"

"I'm every bit as lucky as you are," she said, running her hands up his back to his shoulders, caressing him happily. "So let's have a proper kiss before we're off to face the wide world."

"I'm not going to argue with you on that one!" Lee bent to kiss her passionately, and it was some time before they were ready to head back across the front yard to the car, and their meeting with Ashton.
 
 

As they drove to their rendezvous, Lee remarked, "I don't know what Ashton wants, but I hope it's worth all this secrecy. He's strictly a low-level informant."

Amanda nodded. "As far as we know, he doesn't have any serious contacts, or access to anything secret."

"Right. Last time he insisted on one of these complicated meetings, he wanted to tell us the President's dog was having puppies again." Lee laughed.

"Then why are we going to all this trouble?"

Lee shrugged philosophically. "Because you never know," he said. "You never know."

"Right," said Amanda, and then she added, "Well, there's the Cafe. Looks like you can drop me off at the curb."

As Amanda got out and closed the door, Lee leaned over to roll her window down. "Be back in about five minutes," he said with a confident smile.

"No problem. I'll be waiting with Ashton," Amanda answered with a smile of her own. "You be careful in this traffic."

Lee chuckled, and headed off down the street, as Amanda gave him a little wave.

His good humor faded as he turned the corner and drove into a major traffic snarl. Traffic, never good at that hour of the morning, had come to a dead halt. Lee leaned to the left, and then to the right, trying to see what was causing the problem. Whatever it was, was too far ahead to see.

He glanced at his watch, calculating how long before Amanda -- and their contact -- began to worry about him. As the minutes stretched to five, and then ten, with only the slightest of movement, Lee's impatience got the better of him. He reached a one-way alley, and edged the Cherokee into it -- the wrong way. Through good luck and judicious application of the horn, he made it through the alley with himself and the vehicle intact, and began mentally rehearsing his apologies as he pulled up to the curb where he had left Amanda minutes before.

But there was no sign of Amanda, or of Ashton. All right, maybe the man had felt they were too exposed; the location had been his choice, but maybe he got nervous while they were waiting. Amanda would have gone along with his fears and moved to a more sheltered spot nearby, Lee could understand that. It was still a nuisance; there was no place nearby to park, and he didn't have change for the meters, either. Why wasn't she watching for him?

Cursing mildly under his breath, Lee moved on down the road. He finally found a parking place that didn't need a meter, and headed back down the block on foot to the pre-arranged meeting place. There was no sign of either Amanda or her contact, though Lee called to them both. He looked at his watch again. By now, half an hour had passed since he had dropped Amanda off in front of the cafe.

He walked briskly past nearby businesses, glancing at any possible hiding places, with no success. He was about to head back to the car when he saw, out of the corner of his eye, something which chilled his blood: Amanda's purse, lying back along a wall between two buildings, half hidden by a trash can. He ran for it, and reached out to grab it, though he instinctively whipped out his handkerchief before he actually touched the bag. With growing fear, he searched through the contents, in hopes that Amanda had left him a message. Nothing. The obvious inference was that she had lost it in a scuffle, and her captors hadn't noticed or had been in too much of a hurry to care.

"Don't borrow trouble," he told himself firmly. This was a perfectly routine pick up, no reason whatsoever to think that there would be danger. Ashton probably panicked, and she ran after him, and..... Then why wouldn't she have stopped to pick up her purse when she dropped it? No reason. It wasn't that important to stay with Ashton. She would have waited for Lee. She would have waited.

Lee abruptly shoved his rising panic to the bottom of his mind, and let his agent's instincts take over. All right, check the apartment, check at the house, check at the Agency.... As he stood at a phone booth and made his calls, Lee found it harder and harder to keep his fear under control. After he'd had no luck at either of their homes or with the Agency's message center, he asked to be transferred to Billy's office.

"Francine Desmond here, may I help you?" came the brisk greeting.

"Oh, uh, hi, Francine," Lee said, somewhat befuddled. Somehow he'd expected to reach Billy directly. "Is Billy in yet?"

"Sorry, Lee, he's not here yet. Can I help?" Francine was bright and chipper this morning, Lee thought, even through his growing fear for Amanda's safety.

"Uh, yeah, I was just wondering if Amanda had checked in, or, you know, left any messages for me?" The last trailed upward hopefully, and caught Francine's curiosity.

"Had a fight?" she asked somewhat cattily.

"No, Francine, we did not have a fight," he said, and the edge on his voice set off every warning sensor she possessed.

"I'm sorry, Lee. Trouble?"

"I don't know yet," he lied. "We had a routine pick up this morning. Amanda was to make contact, and I was to pick them both up. I got delayed in traffic, and when I got back, they were gone." He paused for a moment. "I can't find either Amanda or Ashton, but, I, uh, found Amanda's purse. Maybe she just dropped it and was in a hurry."

It sounded lame, even to Lee's own ears, and Francine could guess how worried he was. "I'm sure she's all right," she said with as much assurance as she could muster. "Look, Lee, do you want me to call out the troops?"

"Uh, no. No," he answered quickly. "Not yet. Let me look around a little more, and try a couple of our drops. I'll be in touch. If you hear from her, let me know, okay?"

Francine murmured, "Of course I will," and as she heard the telephone click, she began turning over the pieces of the puzzle in her mind. She punched some inquiries into the data computer at her desk, with no result. She was still thinking over the information she did have when Billy arrived ten minutes later.

"Morning, Francine," he said absently, starting to sweep past her and on into his office, carrying his morning coffee and donut. Francine rose and followed.

"Excuse me, sir, but I think we've got trouble."

The tone of her voice and her formal phrasing sounded like serious trouble. Billy groaned inwardly. Not a crisis so early in the morning? He reluctantly abandoned any hopes he'd had for a quiet day. "Tell me about it."

"Lee called a few minutes ago. Amanda's missing." Francine filled Billy in on the details. "I would have thought she could take care of herself, but Lee's pretty worried, I could tell by what he didn't say."

It didn't sound good to Billy, either, but... "Well, if Lee doesn't want us to send out a team yet, let's just stay calm and wait till we hear from him. Keep a lookout on the various news lines, though."

"I've already started with my information net. Nothing so far," she said.

"Well, keep looking," Billy ordered gruffly.

"Yes, sir!" Francine said crisply, recognizing his mood. She headed back to Operations to begin checking any information they might have received from other agencies.

Billy turned his attention to his rapidly-cooling coffee and tried not to worry, though he knew that was impossible. Any agent missing, for whatever reason, was enough to ruin his day -- and his digestion, he thought, as he abruptly slammed the cup down on his desk. He wrinkled his nose in disgust as the coffee sloshed onto his donut, and tossed the soggy pastry into the trash.

Looking up from mopping the top of his desk, he saw Francine walking back across the bullpen. She was carrying a piece of paper pulled from a printer, and looked paler than Billy had ever seen her. "What is it?" he asked.

Francine hadn't been gone long, and with his mind still on the remnants of his "breakfast," he was totally unprepared for her response. "Look at this, Billy," she said in a strangled tone, handing the paper to him.

Billy took the paper, scanning it quickly. "This is a Metro Police Jane Doe report," he said as he read, chest tightening. "Brown hair, brown eyes.....height....weight....scars from bullet wound on chest --" He broke off and looked at Francine. "You think this is Amanda, don't you?"

Francine looked back. "The description fits her to a T," she said. "And look at this -- The body was found half an hour ago, not three blocks from where Amanda disappeared," she finished, in an apologetic voice. "I certainly don't want it to be her, but..."

Billy sat leadenly. Unfortunately, Francine was right. And he could think of only one possible response. He made his decision and stood suddenly before Francine could even move. "I'm going over to see this body. If it is Amanda, there'll be hell to pay. But I don't want Lee to see this report if it's a false alarm. You bury it, you understand? And if Lee comes in, stall him until I get back." He grabbed his coat and hat and headed out the door of his office.

Francine scurried behind, her paralysis now worn off. "Wait, I'm going with you!"

"No you're not," he snapped. "I need you to handle Scarecrow! Now get back to your phone in case he calls in!"

Francine winced, and accepted the order, and Billy stepped into the elevator alone.
 
 

Lee was sitting in the Cherokee, head leaning against the steering wheel, doing his best to stay calm. An hour and a half missing was nothing, not in this business. Hell, agents were out of contact for a lot longer than that, under more mysterious circumstances, without ever having been in any danger whatsoever. Ashton was the nervous type; he'd probably just convinced Amanda that they needed to keep on the move to avoid being followed, that was all. Amanda was very good at humoring frightened people. She hadn't had enough time to make a phone call, or didn't have money for the phone. Right! She didn't have money for the phone because she'd lost her purse. That was it.

But he couldn't make himself believe it. The lost purse was just WRONG, and he could feel it in his bones that this was bad trouble. Very bad trouble. How bad, he refused to even picture, but he could feel the panic rising, the more so because he felt totally helpless. With all his searches leading to dead ends, he hadn't a clue where to begin -- except Ashton, he thought suddenly.

All right, all right, that was something. Maybe if he tried Ashton's haunts he could find something, some handle to this case. That's it, think of it as a case. It is a case. Let's do this logically, step by step. It's the only chance you have to find your wife. With a deep breath, he sat up and tried to bring to mind the details of the file on Ashton that he had reviewed with Amanda the night before.
 
 

"Well, Melrose, what brings you out here this morning?" Johnson asked. He was keeper of the D.C. morgue. Enough agents wound up there, that Agency personnel were not total strangers to him.

Billy wished he could turn around and leave, but he'd come this far. And he had to know. "You've got a Jane Doe, brought in a little while ago?"

"Yeah. You think you know who she is?"

"I've got a missing agent," Billy said simply.

"Well, come and have a look."

As they walked back to the morgue, Billy asked the question he'd been wondering about on the way over. "How come this got out on the wire so soon? If you only just found the body...."

"This is just one of those real mysteries. Well groomed, well dressed. Obviously not a bag lady. With scars from an encounter with a high-powered rifle, and dead of a gunshot wound -- in this town, the first thing you think about is somebody's agent." He shrugged as Billy nodded. "What about you, anyway? We don't usually get the big boss running down here to make an i.d. as soon as a report goes out over the wire."

Billy didn't want to think about it. "I told you, I've got a missing agent."

Johnson turned a speculative look on him. "This one special?"

Billy stopped dead. "Dammit, man, all my agents are 'special'!" he exploded. Billy glared at Johnson for a moment, then collected himself and said, "Let's just say that I'd rather not tell Scarecrow his partner is dead unless I've seen the body, and leave it at that, okay?"

Johnson was suitably impressed, and they walked the rest of the way in silence.

In the morgue proper, Johnson called for the Jane Doe, and Billy only had to glance at the body to know that it was indeed Amanda King, pale and still, but indisputably Amanda. He sighed, and said softly, "Her name is Amanda King. She lives -- lived -- in Arlington"

Johnson was writing this down, and asked, "Next of kin?"

"Mother and two sons. They'll have to be told, but let us do that." He turned away from the too-still form and said, "I imagine I'll be back with Scarecrow. Can I use your phone?"
 
 

Francine grabbed the phone immediately, saying, "Billy, thank God it's you."

Before she could say more, Billy broke in. "Francine, I want you to find Scarecrow for me."

"That's easy, he just called in. He's trying to track down Ashton, their contact. He's coming in to use the computers."

"Good. Get him into my office, and keep him there. I don't care how you do it. I don't want him in the Q Bureau."

"Oh my God, it was her, wasn't it?" Francine sounded as if she had managed to convince herself that it couldn't have been Amanda, even while she worried about Lee's state of mind.

After a moment's silence, Billy answered the question: "Yes. And I don't have any answers for Lee on the whys or hows." The silence stretched again. "Just keep him in my office when he gets there, okay?"

"I'll do my best," Francine answered. She didn't think she had faint hope of keeping Lee Stetson anywhere he didn't want to be.
 
 

Francine was more than a little relieved when Billy made it back to the office before Lee. He looked terrible, but that was to be expected. "Francine, I've just had five people ask me if it's true on my way in here."

His tone was accusatory, and Francine found herself getting defensive. "Well I didn't tell anyone! Bad news travels fast, I guess."

Billy made a placating gesture with his hands. "Anyway, I need you to get up to reception and meet Lee there -- and keep people quiet! He doesn't need to find out from some idiot in the hallway!"

"He'll suspect, though, the way everyone is acting."

"I can't help that, and neither can you. Just do your best."

She talked with as many people as she could on the way up, and convinced them they would be well-advised to stay out of the way when Scarecrow arrived. It seemed the better part of valor to most of them, anyway.

When Lee arrived, radiating unease, Francine put on her most soothing face. "Hi, Lee, Billy wants you in his office. Shall we go?"

Lee was anything but reassured by her demeanor, and by the way people seemed to melt away from their path. He sprinted across the last few yards between them and Billy's closed door, and flung it open with his fear showing clearly on his face. His instincts in the field had all said something was very, very wrong, and this just made it all the more certain.

Billy was on his feet inside, his own face mask like. As Francine skidded to a halt behind the man she was supposed to be escorting, Billy never took his eyes off Lee. "Close the door Francine. I need to talk to Lee alone."

Reluctantly, she complied.

"All right, Billy," Lee said, with something close to a sob in his voice, "What's happened? Is she going to be all right?"

"Amanda is dead, Lee," Billy told him quietly.

All his fears hadn't prepared Lee for the stark reality. It was more than he could bear, the loss of his center, his anchor. He paled, but abruptly rejected the news. "No," he said firmly, shaking his head. "Uh-uh, Billy, no way." He glared at Billy defiantly, daring him to contradict his statement.

Gently, Billy tried to make the man face the tragedy, in the only way he knew how: with facts. Ignoring Lee's outburst, he said, "The Metro Police found her over an hour ago, Lee, not far from your rendezvous. She'd been shot."

Lee actually covered his ears to avoid hearing any more. When Billy tried to continue, Lee finally exploded. "NO!" he shouted with all of his pent-up fear and pain. He brought his fist down on Billy's desk so hard he shattered its glass top. Unremarked by either man, blood dripped slowly from Lee's hand down onto the desk. Emotion made his breathing loud and ragged, and he looked as if he were about to begin a rampage. Desperate, Billy put all of the force he could muster into his next words.

"Dammit, Lee! Do you think I would tell you something like this if I wasn't sure? I know how much Amanda means to you."

Lee sagged abruptly. "You don't know the half of it, Billy," he said, suddenly quiet, staring into the distance as he accepted the destruction of his world. "She was my wife, Billy." He brought his gaze back to Billy and repeated, "She was my wife."

Billy stared at him in consternation, certain for one brief moment that the agent -- and friend -- standing in front of him had lost touch with reality. "Your wife?"

His skepticism must have showed in his face, because Lee rounded on him with a fierce passion. "Yes, my wife. We were married, Billy." He looked bleak again. "She can't be dead. What am I going to tell her mother and the boys?" Then, abruptly, he crumbled into tears.

Melrose stared at him in astonishment and more than a little concern -- Lee Stetson did not handle bad news this way. Billy stared at his friend helplessly, then reached out an awkward hand. "I'm sorry, Lee," he said. "I'm so sorry." It was all he could think of to say, but it was apparently enough. Still sobbing, Lee reached blindly toward him.

A couple of years ago, he would never have admitted how much he hurts, Billy thought, as he pulled the trembling man into an awkward, fatherly embrace. You taught him well, Amanda King -- Stetson! -- and it is going to help him get through this. I hope. He couldn't bring himself to intrude on Lee's grief by saying any more words. Useless words. Meaningless words. It was as tough a situation as Billy had ever found himself in, even in all his years with the Agency. There was nothing to do but simply continue to hold Lee as he was wracked by sobs.

At last, Lee began to run out of tears, and Billy guided him over to a chair and sat him down. He looked at Billy gratefully, though words continued to fail him.

As Lee began to regain control, Billy stood back and tried to offer some distraction. "I don't know what happened, Lee, but we'll get to the bottom of this, I promise you."

The result was gratifying. Lee looked up sharply, and though his pain and loss still showed clearly on his face, he was able to pronounce with conviction, "Oh, we will indeed." Then the spark of anger died, and he asked almost wistfully, "Can I see her?"

Billy mentally breathed a sigh of relief. This was settling down into something he could handle. He nodded and said, "Of course you can. I told them I'd bring you." He looked around the office and at Lee's appearance. The younger man's eyes were puffy, and his face was streaked with tears. For the first time, Billy noticed the blood on Lee's hand, as well.

"Um, look," he said, "I'll just wait for you out here while you get yourself together, all right? You probably want to wash your face, and I think I've got some Band-Aids in my desk." Lee looked puzzled at the last, and Billy pointed to his hand. "You cut it on the glass."

Lee nodded, grateful for the courtesy. "That's fine, Billy," he whispered wearily. "I'll be out in a minute."
 
 

Francine leapt to her feet when the door opened and Billy walked out. She nodded in the direction of Billy's office. "How is he?"

"Coping, under the circumstances." He looked back at the door himself. "Would you believe they were married?"

Francine gaped, then looked thoughtful. "I never would have guessed, but now that you mention it, it fits. Poor Lee, what he must be going through."

"Well, don't tell him I told you, and don't tell anyone else yet. I don't know if he means for it to come out now or not. Look, I'm taking him over to the morgue. Get somebody into my office to tidy up, will you? Mostly it's glass."

As Francine looked speculatively over towards the office, the door open suddenly, and out stepped Lee Stetson. He was pale and drawn, and his eyes were red-rimmed, but he seemed otherwise under control. As he came up, Francine touched his arm and said, "I'm really sorry, Lee."

"Yeah. Thanks, Francine," was his only response.

"You ready?" Billy directed the comment strictly to Lee.

"Yeah, let's go."

As they drove across town, Billy was acutely aware of Lee sitting beside him. Lee's pain was almost palpable, and Billy wished he knew some magic words to make it easier to bear. He started to speak once, but thought the better of it.

Lee stared silently out the car window, lost in a million thoughts of Amanda: her smile, her voice, the day they met, the cases they worked together, their wedding day.... But when he began to imagine her laid out in a coffin, he wrenched his thoughts away, and in a desperate attempt to keep his mind away from death, finally broke the silence. "You haven't asked me about our marriage," he said to Billy.

The sound of Lee's voice broke into Billy's own brooding, and it took a moment before he collected himself and replied, "I didn't know if you wanted to talk about it. People say things they wouldn't ordinarily say when they've had a shock."

"Oh, you don't know how much I want to talk about it! I just wish we'd had the courage to talk about it sooner...." He trailed off miserably, running his hand through his hair.

"All right," Billy said, seizing on the distraction as they drove. "Let's start with the obvious. How long? When did you get married?"

Lee almost smiled. "That's the obvious question? I would have thought, 'Why didn't you tell me?' would have been the one on the tip of your tongue." He looked sideways at Billy, who also almost smiled, but didn't actually comment. "It just seemed the safest thing to do at the time. Protect Dotty and the boys, protect Amanda.... Keep Dr. Smyth -- or you -- from deciding we shouldn't work together. It seemed like the logical thing to do." Lee looked over at Billy again. "But in almost three years, we never really had a normal married day. I wish...." He trailed off again.

Keeping Lee talking seemed the best therapy, so, into the renewed silence, Billy asked, "So, when, how? Did you tell anyone at all? When Jeannie and I got married, I was so happy I couldn't keep from telling total strangers, much less everyone we knew!"

Lee looked dreamy, remembering. "You remember the Nick Grant/Jason McMaster affair?"

Billy groaned at the memory. "How could I forget?"

"The reason we were so antsy to get out of there is that we had an appointment with the Justice of the Peace in Marion."

"So, when Amanda was shot in California---"

"We were on our honeymoon," Lee finished. That story had had a happy ending, but it was too close to the present tragedy for Lee to handle just yet. He lapsed into moody silence.

Luckily for Billy's nerves, they had finally arrived at the morgue. Johnson was still on duty, and, Billy, determined that Lee should at least this once get the privileges of a spouse, said, "This is Lee Stetson. Amanda King is his wife."

Johnson raised an eyebrow, but nodded, "Right this way. I'm very sorry, Mr. Stetson."

Lee's face was a bleak mask, and he couldn't manage a reply. He only nodded when they reached the morgue proper and Billy said they would leave him alone. As they left he could hear Johnson saying, "I thought you told me she was his partner," but it didn't really register.

Lee walked slowly forward to where Amanda -- Amanda's body -- lay. He hadn't let them uncover her face, so now he hesitantly pulled back the cover himself.

"Amanda," he whispered in agony, looking at her still face. He didn't want to touch her, to feel the coldness of her lifeless body. "I'm so sorry. I never meant this to happen. It's my fault."

He could almost hear her saying, "Don't be silly, Lee. It's not your fault. You couldn't have known this would happen. It wasn't supposed to be dangerous."

"I should have known," he whispered again. "Don't try to make it easier on me." But when he began to hear her "reply," he shook himself fiercely, to head off the madness. Amanda would not have wanted that.

He focused his vision on her lifeless features then, blinking back tears, with only the fact that she was gone running through his mind. Gone, gone, gone. Then the tears spilled over again and he stood beside her, weeping, until through the mist he heard a tap at the door. All right. Amanda would want him to be strong now, for Jamie and Phillip and Dotty. Time to pull himself together.

"Just a minute," he called softly. He wiped the tears from his face, and bent to kiss her one last time.

He was bolt upright in an instant, fingers frantically on her neck. "Oh, my God," he whispered, though he did not get the reassurance he sought from the gesture. "Billy!" he called loudly. "Billy, she's alive!"

The door opened, and Billy and Johnson came in, looking puzzled. "Lee?"

"She's alive," he repeated, his face flushed.

Billy looked questioningly at Johnson, who shrugged.

"Lee," Billy began, but the man was beyond being reasoned with.

"Don't just stand there, get a doctor!" Lee shouted.

Johnson quietly moved around the table to check her pulse. He'd humored enough bereaved relatives to make the gesture without prompting. But before he could say anything Lee said frantically, "I already checked, she doesn't show a pulse. But feel her skin! She's too warm!"

Billy had his hand on Lee's arm, willing him to give it up and stop grasping at straws. Johnson was saying, "Mr. Stetson, it takes time for a body to cool down. I assure you, she was checked by the paramedics when she was found, and there was no sign of life. And she wouldn't end up here without being examined by an M.D. who pronounced her D.O.A."

Trapped between the two voices of reason, Lee was rapidly losing any control he had. "You think I don't know what a corpse feels like?" he shouted. "You think I don't know what my wife feels like?"

"Scarecrow! Stop this! She's dead!" Billy was shouting as well, and suddenly there was silence in the room, punctuated only by loud breathing.

"All I'm asking is that you get a doctor in here to check one more time, Billy. Please." Lee's voice was soft and pleading.

Billy made up his mind suddenly and snapped at Johnson, "Well, do as he asks. It can't hurt to make sure!" Johnson gave him a look that said, "Grieving people sure can be crazy," and went to do as he was told.

Lee and Billy stood in silence, Lee now clutching Amanda's hand in his own. Some portion of Lee's mind would not allow him to believe, but still, his face was filled with hope. Billy didn't know what he was going to do if Lee didn't give up this delusion, but for now, they waited.

When Johnson returned with a doctor, Lee said firmly, "She is alive."

The physician seemed almost bored as she brought her stethoscope to her ears and listened for a heartbeat. Lee searched the woman's face for any sign that she heard something. His heart fell as she began to remove the instrument from Amanda's chest, and then suddenly she started, placed it back and listened intently. The doctor straightened, and said with urgency, "He's right! There is a faint pulse! Get this woman over to Emergency, on the double!"

Everything blurred then for Lee, as he was overwhelmed with relief. "Did you hear that? Did you hear that, Billy? She's alive!" Lee was shouting now with joy, and Billy beamed with him, and they fairly jumped up and down in their delight. Even the knowledge, deep in their hearts, that she could still die, or be as good as dead, couldn't keep them from bouncing as they trailed along after Amanda as she was rushed for treatment.
 
 

As they sat in the waiting area, Lee finally sobered, but after the day's emotional roller coaster, he found it impossible to sink too far down. That his beloved Amanda was alive was a miracle, and he refused to believe that it would be anything but a full miracle. She would be restored completely, he was sure of it, as she had been after the shooting in California.

Despite his confidence, Lee finally roused himself to make the difficult phone call to Dotty at her sister’s. Then he called Joe King to pick up Philip and Jamie from school and bring them to the hospital as well. The boys were almost grown, and he couldn't imagine not including them in the vigil. But even before they arrived, far sooner than Lee had imagined, the doctor was standing in front of Lee, exuding satisfaction.

"Mr. Stetson? I believe your wife is going to be just fine. She's been in deep shock, and there's been internal bleeding, but her brain scan is fine, and her vitals are steady. I don't think she'll be conscious for a while, but you can see her, if you like."

Though he didn't have the will for much speech, Lee's grin had grown steadily broader as the doctor spoke, and he finally grasped the woman's hand, and managed, "Thank you. Yes, I want to see her." He glanced at Billy.

Billy patted his arm. "I'll wait here for Joe and the boys. You go on. I should call Francine with the good news, too."

Lee followed the doctor to Amanda's room, beaming.
 
 

As Lee sat holding Amanda's hand, this time blessing his incredible good fortune, he came to a sudden decision. The cat was out of the bag, anyway. There was no point in even trying to put it back in. For better or for worse, it was time to be Mr. and Mrs. Stetson to the world, as well as to each other.

He was still sitting there, a stupid grin on his face, when Amanda opened her eyes and groggily focused on him. "Lee?" she asked fuzzily.

His grin never fading, Lee said, "We've got to stop meeting like this."

She smiled weakly, catching the reference even in her current state. "What happened?" she whispered. "I don't remember a thing."

"I don't know, and at the moment, I don't care. I'm just happy to have you back in one piece." Later, he knew, he would make someone pay for what had happened to Amanda -- and maybe Ashton -- but for now, he was too relieved to worry at the question. "You scared me to death!" He bent down and kissed the fingers of the hand he was holding.

Just then a nurse walked in. "Mr. Stetson, your wife needs her rest," she said in a brisk tone.

"Two minutes," he said, as he turned his attention back to Amanda. She was looking puzzled.

"What did she call me?"

"I wanted to tell you about that. I, uh, got a little carried away. The hospital knows, and so does the Agency." He looked so guilty, Amanda would have laughed, if she could have managed it. As it was, she smiled.

"I guess it's about time. What about Mother and the boys?" It was a long speech, under the circumstances, and she was beginning to show signs of fading. But the question was too important for her not to stay awake for the answer.

"They aren't here yet," Lee said carefully. "But I want to tell them when they get here, okay? Otherwise someone will tell them accidentally, and I don't want them to find out from someone else." He knew she would rather they could tell the family together, under better circumstances, but he thought she would understand that there was no alternative.

She did. "Mother will kill me," she whispered with a dreamy smile, and faded out at that.

Lee bent to kiss her, and whispered to himself as much as to Amanda, "Yes, she probably will, and me, too." And Phillip and Jamie, too, would be hurt and upset, but they would all get over it -- Even the boys were old enough to accept the reasons in time. And it would be worth it, because they could all be together at last. Lee gently released Amanda's hand and went back to the lobby to wait for their family to arrive.

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