Joey: You did it again, you grabbed my ass.
Pacey: (waving it off) Like you even have one.
Pacey: Hey, it's Meryl Streep's fault okay, I'm doing my best.
Joey: (glaring at him) Bite me.
Pacey: Drew Barrymore in Scream.
Joey: (looking at Pacey) Ah, rip-off of a rip-off.
Joey: And what are you up to this evening?
Pacey: Well, it just so happens that the woman of my dreams is going to be at the school dance tonight and I plan on attending.
Joey: (smirking) Lucky her
Pacey Witter: Please, summer school?
Josephine "Joey" Potter: Yeah.
Pacey Witter: It'll never happen. Only morons go to summer school.
Josephine "Joey" Potter: Oh yeah? Well, the last time I checked you were pulling a stellar F-minus, so without this extra-credit project, Pacey, I'm very well certain that your grade will not only place you squarely among the morons, but you may very well be their leader.
Josephine "Joey" Potter: Let me get this straight. You've tried to create some sort of a snail menage-a-trois?
Pacey Witter: Well, it sounds stupid when you say it out loud, but I just saw this really pretty snail in the tank over by the window, and I don't know. Last night it just seemed really brilliant. I have some pictures but I don't have the time to send it so i'll send it later!!
Josephine "Joey" Potter: Let me fill ya in on something here. You know this pretty little snail over here by the window? It's what you call a carnivorous snail, and do you know what carnivorous snails eat?
Pacey Witter: Other snails.
Josephine "Joey" Potter: Yeah, other snails. Other snails such as our snails, such as the snails we are desperately relying on to raise our marine biology grades.
Josephine "Joey" Potter: Wait a second. You're taking romantic advice from a guy who spent his evening trying to get 3 snails to sleep together?
Joey - 'Let's go over this one more time.'
Pacey - 'Okay, I invite Dawson out to dinner with Andie and me tonight, keep him occupied 'til about 9 o'clock at which point we make up some lame-ass excuse as to why we have to call it an early night. Then we drive him back to his place where...'
Joey - 'I will have set up the most fabulous surprise party ever... I hope.'
Pacey - 'I'm sure it'll be fantastic. Testimonial to true friendship. The party to end all parties. From here on out the Leery household will be known as the Delta house of Capeside.
Joey - 'Thanks. I don't know why I'm so nervous, I've never organised a surprise party before.'
Jack walks in and then leaves.
Pacey - 'Listen, Joey, not to pry or anything, but how are you doing with the whole Jack thing, now that you've had time to process?'
Joey - 'Everyone keeps asking me that in these solemn tones like I just came down with a terminal disease or something, but Pacey, the fact is that Jack is the one who is going through something, and yeah, I admit at first it was obviously a shock, but I'm fine, really it's...' (shrugs shoulders)
(Talking to Dawson) Pacey - She does that cute little hair flip thing she does and locks those truly remarkable brown eyes of hers on you...what do you do?
Pacey - She should be here any minute. It's the junior assembly. She has to come!
(Joey is sitting on the dock, crying. She looks up and sees Pacey rowing to her house.)
Pacey - Ahoy! Anyone ashore?
Joey - What are you doing here?
Pacey - Well, a funny thing happened. I got in Dawson's rowboat and it magically drifted to your dock.
Joey - Magically drift any closer and I'll kill you.
Pacey - I almost believe that.
Pacey ties the boat up and sits beside her. She looks at him angrily.
Joey - He told you, didn't he? Didn't he?
Pacey - What do you think?
Joey - I think I hate you both.
Pacey - You're gonna hate what I'm going to say even more. He did the best thing, Joey. You two need to be apart now.
Joey - How would you know what I need?
Pacey - You're probably right. I'm sure I don't have any idea what you're going through. How hard it is to let someone go. How painful it must be to know that as right as you two are for each other, it doesn't mean you're right for each other right now. I wouldn't know a thing about that. About how it makes you want to scream, or hit someone... or cry.
Joey - Of all the people to see me like this, it had to be you.
Pacey - It's a new year, Joey. You never know, we could even end up friends.
Joey - Pacey, I'm upset enough as it is.
(He smiles and pulls her against his shoulder)
Pacey - Hey Potter. C'mere.
(She leans into him as she starts to cry.)
(Pacey is walking towards Joey sitting on the truck.)
Pacey - This is ridiculous.
Joey - What happened?
Pacey - Well, the clinic doesn't allow visitors after hours so subsequently I can't talk to Andie subsequently I can't get her permission to take her home.
Joey nods. She holds out her and Pacey helps her down.
Pacey - What?
Joey - Follow me.
(Joey is now talking to the nurse.)
Joey - You don't understand. I have to see a doctor immediately.
Nurse - This is a private care facility. Unless it is a medical emergency, we do not take walk-ins.
Joey - This is a moral injustice -- I have psychiatric concerns!
Nurse - Well, obviously.
Joey - Fine, if that's the way it is, then you'll just have to do.
Nurse - Excuse me?
(Joey moves the things on the desk away and sits on it, leaning against the wall.)
Joey - Well, somebody's got to listen to me. I've had a tough life, lady and I have a lot to talk about. It all started when I fell in love with this boy down the creek, that was after my mother died of cancer but before my father went to jail for the second time. (With the hand the nurse can’t see, she waves at Pacey, who crawls under along the floor past the desk) The boy's name was Dawson. He was your typical, overanalytical, adorable teenager who happened to be my best friend...
Joey - Pacey, drop the male jealousy thing.
Pacey - It's a long walk home, Potter.
Pacey - We shall be arriving at Capeside around 10 so place your station requests now.
Joey - Alternative.
Pacey - Classic rock, it is.
Pacey - Personally, I think I've seen enough. What do you say we get out of here?
Joey - I agree.
Andie - Nope, we're here. We're staying put.
(Pacey is driving Joey home.)
Joey - Well, I don't think we'll be attending any more pep rallies any time soon.
Pacey - Probably not.
Joey - Thanks for the ride.
Pacey - No problem.
Joey - Pacey, you probably don't want to hear this right now, and I'm sure you don't want to hear it from me, but you have to talk to her.
Pacey - No, not right now. I couldn't even look at her right now.
Joey - You have to, Pacey. You have to hear her out.
Pacey - Why? What's the difference, Joey, huh? No matter what she says the ending's still the same. She slept with somebody else.
Joey - You think that just because the two of you were together what she did hurts more? It doesn't. There's no difference, Pacey, I mean... Look, she's sixteen years old and so are you. We talk like we know what's going on, but we don't. We don't have any idea. Look, we're really young and we're gonna screw up a lot! You know, we're going to keep changing our minds and ... and sometimes even our hearts. And through all of that, the only real thing we can offer each other is forgiveness. And I couldn't do that. Or at least I did it too late. Don't let yourself get so angry that you stop loving because one day you wake up from that anger and the person you love will be gone.
(Joey’s in the office at work, studying for the PSATs when the service bell rings.)
Joey - Be there in a minute!
(Joey goes out to find Pacey, who is still ringing the bell)
Joey - No loitering, Pacey.
Pacey - (slurring his words) Listen, I am a legitimate customer, and I demand some service, OK?
Joey - Have you been drinking?
Pacey - (holding his arms up) Only liquor, I promise.
Joey - What's wrong?
Pacey - Oh, it's nothing that a little bonfire won't fix. (he picks up box and begins walking down the pier) You see, our friend Andie, decided that she needed to *cleanse* me from her life to maintain her sanity. The casualties were the contents of this box.
(Pacey trips over and the box falls into the water)
Pacey - Ahh. Hello Mr Dock.
Joey - Pacey …
Pacey - (he turns around) Hey Jo?
Joey - Yeah?
Pacey - Can you do me a favour? I probably shouldn't go home like this-you think you could ring my dad and tell him I'm hanging here?
Joey - Yeah.
(Joey gets up and steps over Pacey into the office. Pacey sees that the photo of Andie and himself is on the edge of the dock and reaches for it)
Pacey - That's my girl.
(He accidentally knocks the photo into the water and watches the photo slowly sink)
(Pacey punches Dawson, who hits him back, knocking Pacey to the ground. Joey comes out.)
Joey - Dawson, what are you doing? (She goes to Pacey.)
Pacey - It's my fault, I'm sorry.
Joey - Dawson, this has *got* to stop. (to Pacey) Are you OK?
(Office at Joey's work - Joey enters. Pacey is sitting on the table)
Joey - Here, I brought you a Pepsi.
Pacey - No thanks, I'm not thirsty.
Joey - (handing it to him) It's for your lip moron, in lieu of ice.
Pacey - (holding the Pepsi to his lip) I can't believe he thought I took it-
Joey - So what, Pacey?
Pacey - I thought if I'd earned anyone's respect, it was Dawson's. I mean, if the guy who knows you better than anyone on earth thinks you're a loser, then maybe-
Joey - Then maybe you are one? C'mon. (jokingly) I mean, I thought you were a loser for years, but you've never believed me.
Pacey - It's just, you know, when does a person start believing the general consensus about themselves?
Joey - When it's right.
Pacey - Do me a favour?
Joey - What?
Pacey - Would you tell your friend, Dawson, that I'm innocent. I mean, he'll believe you.
Joey - Oh, my friend? Look, he's your friend too. And you know as well as I do that he's somewhere right now sulking over the gravity of his wrongful accusation.
Pacey - Oh, well, good. Let him stew in his own pride for awhile.
Joey - Oh, we're all guilty of that.
Pacey - Yeah, well, I'd never accuse him of cheating.
Joey - Yeah, well, I'm pretty sure he would never take the first swing at you.
Pacey - He started that whole thing!
Joey - I'm not getting into this.
Pacey - OK, so tell me?
Joey - What?
Pacey - What do you think happened to that test
Joey - I don't know. And to be honest, I … I don't want to know.
(Pacey is having a hard time drinking.)
Joey - There are certain things in life you're better off not knowing. Some things you wish you never knew, never asked, and ah, never saw.
Pacey - OK, so tell me honestly, does it look that bad?
Joey - On your face, any reconstructive surgery whatsoever, is a definite improvement.
(Pacey is still trying to drink as Joey laughs)
(Pacey gets up, and also hands his test in.)
Pacey - I left the oven on. (He and Joey smile at each other as he leaves)
(School - Pacey follows Joey as he hides behind a cardboard cut-out)
Pacey - (in a high voice) Like, oh my God, go team! Haa … Haa!
Joey - For a minute, I thought you'd been possessed by these school spirit creatures from planet overzealous.
Pacey - Not quite yet, but I am thinking about making a run for it before the pods hatch. What do you say Scully?
Joey - Cut class with you? Sounds delectable. I'll pass.
Pacey - What if I told you that there were a mission to my madness?
Joey - Are you serious?
Pacey - (in a French accent) But of course! The monsieur in the stylish shirt requests the presence of the Madame for a very pressing appointment. Yeah?
Joey - What is it?
Pacey - Well that would be the surprise part.
Joey - Just tell me Pacey.
Pacey - Let me think about that-nope.
Joey - Well fine. You won't tell me then I'm not going anywhere
Pacey - Oh little Joey (as he grabs her cheeks ), you are so cute. But friend to friend, honestly, you should check into more of those feigning disinterest classes.
Joey - No thanks. But trust me Pacey, I couldn't care less.
Pacey - Well, OK. Whether or not you're actually interested, you have about ten seconds to make up you mind after I round that corning, starting now. One … two … three … four (he just rounds the corner).
(Joey gives a 'what the hell' look and turns around to follow Pacey)
Pacey - Six seconds? Six? I mean, C'mon, have you no pride? I though you'd last at least eight.
Joey - I loathe you.
Joey - This isn't a surprise, Pacey, it's a death march on a deserted road.
Pacey - We're almost there.
Joey - Why didn't we just drive?
Pacey - Because, Potter, on occasion my pop actually likes to use his car.
Joey - So I risk my future to cut class so I could stand in line at the postoffice and then traipse five miles through the wilderness carrying some stupid package?
Pacey - (whispers) Oh, God. (normally) You know, did you ever stop to think about how much hormonally charged energy you waste on these quick quips and the biting banter? Your life would be considerably more productive if you would just take some more, ah … (as he snaps his fingers), oh, what is that? More, ah … action! If you took more action.
Joey - Oh, what, like voluntary manslaughter?
Pacey - Well how 'bout like sticking out your thumb, huh?
Joey - Oh yeah? And what else? Maybe hike up my skirt, pout my lips, strike some sexy pose for some horndog trucker? Stick out your own thumb you sexist toad.
Pacey - I am not a sexist, I am a pragmatist. OK? You ever seen "A Sure Thing"? That movie elegantly portrays one of life's simple truths-that a female standing on the side of a road, even one with a perpetual scowl like yourself, has a better chance of flagging down a car than a guy.
Joey - Since I'm the only one here with an opposable thumb, I guess it's up to me to use it.
Pacey - (handing her the package) And here's you chance. (He runs away and jumps over a hedge of bushes)
(Joey sticks out her thumb as a car comes along, and it slows down)
Joey - (places her hand in the window frame) Hi … (looks and sees that it is Principal Green)
Principal Green - Today is your lucky day Miss Potter, need a ride *back* to school?
Joey - (Looking as though she just got busted) Thanks.
Pacey - (Comes running out of the bushes holding some leaves) Oh! Principal Green. Whoo! Thank God you were here. In preparing for out botany assignment it appears Josephine and I wandered significantly farther away from the school than we had anticipated. Frankly, I was beginning to worry that we weren't going to make it back by nightfall.
Principal Green - (chuckling) That's a good one, Pacey.
Pacey - Yeah, well, you know, let it never be said that I'm lacking in the creativity department.
Principal Green - Let's hope you're not lacking the calamine lotion department either. Now put down the poison oak (Pacey drops it like a hot potato), and get your butts in my car.
Pacey - (holding open front door) After you Josephine.
(Principal Green's office where Joey and Pacey are seated)
Principal Green - Now, since Mr Witter's attempt at lying to me was so creative, I've some up with a little creative response in kind.
Pacey - Well, coming from a just-minded soul as yourself, I'm sure your punishment will be nothing but fair, sir.
Joey - Well thank you, Eddie Hascall.
Pacey - Where is your school spirit Josephine?
Joey - I think I left it cowering in the bushes.
Pacey - Now that is a gross misconception. I hurled myself upon the flames of responsibility.
Joey - I hope a deer tick crawled in your ear and laid eggs.
Principal Green - Enough. (puts down a large cardboard box) Honestly, I am not sure how to get through to the two of you. But since you obviously have an affinity with one another, here's what I have in mind. (opens box)
Joey - No way.
Pacey - Oh, that's not gonna happen.
Principal Green - (smiling) Oh, I'm glad to see we're all in agreement here.
(Joey and Pacey are unpacking the Minuteman mule costume)
Pacey - Just think of it as method acting.
Joey - Think of it as out of the question.
Pacey - I'll flip you for it.
Joey - Not a chance.
Pacey - please
Joey - Forget it.
Pacey - Fine. I'll just cut to the chase and beg you … (falling to his knees and grabbing Joey around the waist) please Joey, please, please, please don't make me go out there.
Joey - Pacey. Look. I am supposed to be at work right now earning much needed money, but instead, because of you, I'm standing on a football field fighting over the rear end of a mule.
Pacey - Fine, fine. I'm just giving you fair warning.
Joey - What?
Pacey - Well I tend to get a little car sick in back seats.
(She puts the mule’s head on Pacey)
(Joey getting out of car)
Joey - This is it? This is the surprise?
Pacey - Isn't she beautiful? (a run-down old boat)
Joey - Yeah, in a Titanic, post-iceberg sort of way. Where did you get this?
Pacey - A friend of my brothers, he works down at the marina. He rescued her after the last hurricane. The guy who owned it didn't want her any more, so I convinced him to sell it to me for like, two hundred bucks. When I finish with this boat it is going to be sheer perfection. Look at that.
Joey - Pacey, do you know how much money and time it will take to even get this boat to float.
Pacey - Yeah. (climbing aboard) Not a minute more or less than as long as it takes me. You watch Potter, in a couple of months I'll be sailing this baby around the world.
Joey - I hate to break it to you Captain Stubing, but you can't sail around the world in a twenty foot boat.
Pacey - Sure I can.
Joey - Where are you going to put the supplies?
Pacey - Hey, the USS Minnow was no bigger than this, and they found room for all of Mr Hallow's money, all the professor's tools, all of Ginger's clothes and … where do you think you're going?
Joey - (holds our her hand) Permission to come aboard.
Pacey - (helping her up) Permission granted.
Joey - Thank you. Ah.
Pacey - Now the purpose for our fore into truancy. (unwraps package - holds our name plaque for boat) What do you say?
Joey - True Love?
Pacey - Yeah, it's my girl's name. Kind of on the (smallish?) factor, huh?
Joey - Acutely. But sweet.
Pacey - Now remember, I told you I needed your help for something.
Joey - With what?
Pacey - (he hands over some sandpaper) Start sanding.
Joey - (taking it) You are so overboard.
(They begin sanding)