" Nighttime TV drama provides a vicarious escape to therapy-land.
Once and again, I'm addicted to a new nighttime soap."

By Polly Drew -- My last TV addiction, "thirtysomething," required me to get just one child under 6 to bed by 9, but I had to defend my love of the show and its whiny,self-absorbed characters to my husband and friends. So this time, I'm a little sheepish about admitting that I rush home from my job as a psychotherapist, where I deal with divorce, co-parenting, unconscious thought and keeping good boundaries, to watch "Once and Again." The hourlong drama deals with divorce, co-parenting,unconscious thought and keeping good boundaries.

"thirtysomething's" Ed Zwick and Marshall Herskovitz are again bringing us an ensemble clique that's older, deeper and definitely less depressed. For one thing, they have more sex.

After work, I rush in the door, kiss my husband, kids and pet the dog. I finish the dishes, sign permission slips and make sure there's milk for the next day.

But then, around 8:55, I pull on my flannels, pour a glass of wine and slip into the basement for a trip to family-therapy Disneyland. There, the characters, story lines and emotional issues seem so real that it almost feels decadent to indulge in the lives of these richly developed TV people.

They ache. They all see therapists. Or so I think. Cleverly depicted through the use of black-and-white footage, each character is shot reciting a monologue of insights or musings to an off-camera interviewer (who I imagine is me!) asking just the right questions.

During one episode, Jessie, the 12-year-old daughter of lead hunk Rick, gets her first period while staying at his apartment. The show swirls around their father-daughter relationship, issues of growing up, Rick's new serious relationship with Lily and how that squashes any Jessie-fantasy of her dad reuniting with her mom.

As Jessie's "real life" unfolds, she decides against wearing a dress that "is so 10 minutes ago," and to skip out of going to the movies with her friends who suddenly seem young. Instead, she wanders the mall alone, feeling thrust into womanhood, conflicted.

Her struggle is made more poignant through the use of the black and white "therapy sessions" laced into her in-living-color real life.

In "real life" Jessie meanders through the mall, bumping into teenage boys and viewing herself on a bank of televisions in a department store. In "therapy," she describes the morning that her dad poured her a cup of coffee for the first time and then, together with her mom, told her they were divorcing.

Toward the show's end, Rick is hit upside the head by his ex-wife of three years, Karen. She suggests that, perhaps, Jessie is reacting to the fact that, for the first time since the divorce, he is falling in love. The Rick knocks on Jessie's bedroom door and they talk.

"Dad?" says Jessie through tears, "Are we ever going to be a family again?"

His voice cracks: "No sweetheart. Not in the same way, we aren't."

"I just hate that everything is so different . . .that you're different. . . You're so happy now . . . I mean, I'm glad that you're so happy .. . It's just that - when you were so unhappy, I felt like I could really help you," she says, revealing that dad may have let his daughter take care of him a little more than he should have. She's grieving the loss of that special,yet unhealthy, closeness. What she needs is to be a kid and have him take care of her.

Through this sweet, honest discussion about change, how hard it is, and yet exciting, Jessie talks (to her therapist?) about the first time her dad helped her ride a bike without training wheels. "I looked over and he wasn't hanging onto me any more. And I was free," she says, metaphorically reflecting on her own separation from dad.

I am teary now. I relate to the dad: I'm a parent and my girls are growing up. I relate to the daughter: My parents are divorced. I relate to the unseen therapist: At home, I can well up as Jessie tells her touching story. In real life, in my real office, I don't tear up - much.

This may sound either pathetic or very self-involved on my part, or both. But truth be told, I am not alone. I mention this show and how much I love it to my single friend Jessica, 29. She loves it. So does my married friend with two kids, Gise, 42. Even my dad, 67, likes it.

It's been reported that psychologists and divorce experts are taping the show to use in workshops to train future marital therapists. No one asked me, but I approve.

This show isn't for kids. It's heavily nuanced with adult themes that frequently show the grown-ups, albeit real, in adolescent- like situations. That's too confusing for young kids, many of whom have parents who are going through a divorce. For older teens, the kids on the show and their genuine feelings may be comforting.

I know what you're thinking: "Life! Get a real one!" But my escape to therapy-land is no different than a doctor watching "ER" or a lawyer viewing "Law & Order," or anybody watching sports and identifying with the players and their asinine plays.

Even I shout at the TV characters each week: "Boundaries! Use 'em!"___Milwaukee Journal Sentinel (February 27, 2000)