Disclaimer: As you probably already know I do not own these characters. Please don’t sue.

Rating: NC-17

Author’s note: This section is being narrated by Pacey.

Feedback: I’d love some! :) Good or bad, send it to allegras_world@yahoo.com

--Pacey--

She’s in my arms, spooned up against my chest, sleeping. She looks so peaceful as I idly trace the pads of my fingers up and down her naked body. An ache spreads through me just watching her...she’s so beautiful.

When I slipped into the darkness of her bedroom tonight all I wanted was to talk to her, make sure we were both okay about everything that had happened earlier. I never expected that she’d pull me under the covers with her or kiss me with such desire. I didn’t even think of protesting when her hands began tugging off my pajama bottoms and there was nothing hesitant about the way my hands sought out her breasts but still, it was never my intention for this to happen again.

I don’t know how to deal with everything that’s happened in the past 24 hours. This is what I thought I wanted but somehow it all feels different than I expected. I guess I didn’t anticipate feeling something more than just physical attraction for her and it scares me. I can’t imagine letting her go...I can’t imagine not being able to touch her...and I know it will kill me when she’s gone from my arms. This is more than just sex to me and I’m starting to realize it always has been...

“Pacey?” she murmurs, stirring slightly.

“I’m right here,” I whisper hoarsely.

Her eyes flicker open and she looks back at me, smiling drowsily. I can feel my heart breaking...I’m not going to be able to let her go.

“What are you thinking about?” she asks, turning onto her back so she can see me better.

“Nothing really...”

“It’s Dawson, isn’t it?”

I want to laugh. How could she possibly think I’d be giving Dawson a single thought when I’m holding her in my arms. I don’t laugh though, I can see from the troubled look in her eyes that she’s upset.

“Jo?”

“He’s getting married...he’s leaving us. We’ll lose the house, we’ll all go our separate ways and everything will be different...”

I don’t know what to say, she’s probably right...everything will be different. To be honest though, I haven’t really had much of a chance to think about it...I’ve been too preoccupied with other recent events in my life.

“You shouldn’t be worrying about this...at least wait until he pops the question.” It’s the only thing I can think to tell her as I stroke her arm gently.

“She’ll say yes,” Joey sighs, “you’ve seen the two of them together. They’re nauseatingly in love.”

“Well, we could get another roommate,” I offer, “and then we’d at least be able to keep this place.”

“Pacey, where are we going to find a roommate willing to pay the insanely large sum that Dawson shells out each month. He pays more than either one of us. Plus, I don’t want a new roommate, I want you and Dawson.”

“Let’s not worry about this right now, okay,” I say gently. “Even if Dawson and Elysse decide to get married it could be a year before it actually happens. A lot can happen in a year...”

“What does that mean?”

“It means it’s too soon to get yourself worked up over this.”

She gives me her patented angry glare.

“I’m just trying to help...”

Her face softens. “I’m sorry...I know.”

“It’s all going to work out,” I tell her, kissing her forehead. “I’m going let you have your bed back now...try and get back to sleep, okay?”

“But--” she reaches out, grabbing my arm as I start to get up.

“What?”

“You don’t have to leave...”

“Are you sure...we can’t let Dawson find us like this in the morning...”

“I could set my alarm really early...”

“Do you really think that’s a good idea?” I ask, wanting to stay more than anything in the world but knowing I shouldn’t.

“You’re probably right...”

She releases my arm and I slip my clothing back on soundlessly.

“Good-night, Jo,” I whisper.

“Night,” she replies softly, watching me leave.

~~~*~*~*~~~

”Just this one time...”

Her words echo through my head as I sit here in Friday evening traffic on my way home from a day filled with bored teenagers reciting Macbeth. It’s been two weeks since she uttered those words to me but it didn’t turn out to be just that one time. One time led to two and three and four...

We don’t discuss the fact that we were only going to let this happen once, actually we don’t discuss anything related to the fact that we’re sleeping together. It’s weird the way we can move through the days as if nothing’s changed, when really everything’s changed. Maybe it’s just me though...maybe to Joey this all means nothing. Maybe she really is as unaffected as she appears...

Tonight Dawson leaves for his big weekend with Elysse and so I’ve decided this will be the perfect time to bring up all my concerns to Joey. We can’t just keep avoiding what’s going on.

I’m feeling fairly optimistic about this decision as I pull up to the house...then I see Connor’s car in the driveway and my chest tightens.

“Good, you’re home,” Dawson greets me at the door. “Have you seen my camera?”

“Video?”

“No, the regular one.”

“Um...did you check the hall closet?” I ask.

“No, but that’s a good idea,” he says, dashing off down the hallway.

“Hey Pace, how did rehearsals go?” Joey asks from the couch where she sits with Connor.

She’s stretched out, her feet resting in Connor’s lap as she reads the newspaper and he watches TV. It’s still hard for me to see them together and I’m mad at myself for being so weak.

“Not bad...”

“Well you’re just in time for the game,” Connor says, his eyes never leaving the TV. “The Dodgers are going to kick some ass tonight.”

“I found it,” Dawson announces triumphantly, appearing with his camera in tow. “Now I think I have everything.”

“The ring?” I ask.

He pulls it from his pocket and slips it into his suitcase. “Check.”

“You nervous?” I ask, as he surveys the house, looking for anything he might have forgotten to pack.

“Yeah, a little...”

“Don’t worry, it’ll all go great.”

“Thanks,” he says gathering up his bags and checking his watch. “Well, I guess I better get going. Everyone wish me luck.”

“Good luck,” Joey calls from the couch, “and don’t forget to enjoy yourself this weekend.”

“Yeah, good luck man,” Connor chimes in.

Then, Dawson turns to me, waiting.

“Good luck,” I salute, opening the door for him. “See you Sunday.”

He takes a deep breath, gives me a nod and then goes.

“So why are we wishing him good luck,” Connor asks, after I shut the front door.

Joey looks up from the paper. “He’s going to ask Elysse to marry him this weekend.”

“No way...are you serious?” he asks, looking from Joey to me, surprised.

“She telling the truth,” I nod.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I thought I did,” she shrugs.

“He’s going to ask her to marry him and I can’t even get you to move in with me...” He looks at her, shaking his head woefully.

Joey seems to be ignoring him but I’m feeling a little sick to my stomach. I stand there, mute, pretending to watch the game on TV.

“Jo?” He jiggles her foot that’s resting in his lap.

“What?” she looks up at him.

“You and Pacey aren’t going to be able to keep up the rent on this place once Dawson’s gone...”

“What’s your point Connor?” she asks, giving me a quick glance before her eyes fall back to the newspaper.

“You’re gonna have to move in with me,” he smiles matter-of-factly.

She says nothing but my can feel my heart beat quicken.

“Right?” he pushes, tickling her foot.

“Yeah, maybe,” she answers with obvious irritation as she squirms away from his tickling.

He looks over at me and grins knowingly. “She’s just irritable because she hasn’t had dinner yet.”

“No, she’s irritated because you are bugging her!” Joey snaps at him. “I’d really like to get through the paper without you harassing me.”

“Sorry babe,” Connor smiles, completely unfazed. He turns back to me. “Pacey, you wanna come with us, we’re gonna go out for some pizza later?”

“Thanks, but I’ve got plans tonight.”

This is a complete lie that slips from my mouth before I can stop it.

“Hot date?” he grins.

“Something like that...”

Joey’s head snaps up from the paper and a look of what I’d like to think was jealousy, flashes across her face.

“I thought you weren’t dating anymore?”

I shrug. “I guess I changed my mind.”

“Well, have fun,” Connor tells me, turning his attention back to Joey as I escape to my room.

I have no date, no plans, and a whole night to kill if I don’t want to look like a lying fool. There’s only one thing to do. I pick up the telephone and start dialing.

~~~*~*~*~~~

Her name is Sasha. She’s a pretty blond who claims to be a model. It could be the truth or she could be lying...it doesn’t really matter either way. We’re not going to build a relationship out of this or anything. She is at the bar looking to hook up with someone and I guess I am there for the same reason. My friend Jake, who I came with, is already long gone with a feisty redhead he hit it off with, so it seems only logical that I invite Sasha back to the house with me.

Everything is dark and quiet when we arrive. I’m relieved that Joey isn’t here, which is weird since I’ve spent most of the night wanting to know how she’d react if I were to bring someone home with me. Would she care? Would she be happy for me or feel jealous the way I do when I have watch her and Connor together?

“Which room is yours?” Sasha whispers, her hands busy roaming my body.

“Right this way.”

I lead her down the hall, feeling a little pang of regret when I pass Joey’s room.

“What’s this?” she asks, pulling a taped note from my door.

I take it from her and flip on the light. It’s a scrap of paper with Joey’s writing scrawled across it.

Pacey,

We need to talk. Wake me up when you get home.

Joey

“Is everything okay?” Sasha asks.

I look up to answer her but something catches my eye. Joey. She’s standing, pajama clad, in the doorway of her bedroom.

“Never mind...I didn’t know you’d have someone with you,” she mumbles wearily, closing the door behind her as she slips back inside.

“Jo...”

Sasha looks at me. “Who is that?”

“That,” I think to myself, as the sudden realization hits me, “is the women I love...”

To be continued...