Voiced by: Frank Welker
Catchphrase: "The date, blah, blah, blah. The place, blah, blah, blah."
Father Time (a brief gag listed his full name as Father Time-Warner...heh, heh) serves as Histeria's narrator, introducing the time, location, and the premise for a number of sketches. Usually accompanied by Big Fat Baby to provide a bathroom humor chaser to his strictly factual introductions, Father Time still isn't afraid to deliver a few jokes of his own. Along with his role of guide through time, he's played the characters of the Soothsayer from Julius Caesar, King Solomon, King Numa Pompilius, one of General Custer's soldiers, and a sacrificial well keeper in ancient Mesoamerica.
Usually dressed in long, blue-grey robes, Father Time has a long white beard and hair (except on top), and dark brown skin. His voice is good for his age (his age, which would be...a mystery), and, thanks to Welker's gifted vocal chords, he can do lots of impressions, including Bill Cosby (see Return to Rome), and that of a grizzled 19th Century gold prospector. He's often mismatched with Loud Kiddington for dramatic reenactments, and often introduces the Kid Chorus before they start a song. He has his own jingle explaining who he is and why he "tracks time night and day", and hates when people make jokes about his age (Marie Curie and the Kid Chorus both have). While he may not always get the laughs and the recognition he deserves, Histeria! would be lost without his ability to hold everything together.