Signs That You Watch DOOL Too Much

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• You check behind all mirrors.
• When you read the obituaries, you don't believe them.
• You can't seem to put down your cellphone.
• Your pregnancies last over a year and you expect the hospital to let you stay indefinitely.
• Your child goes from diapers to puberty in a matter of days.
• You develop a craving for tea, chowder, and doughnuts.
• You start buying your clothes 4 sizes too small.
• You punctuate 90 percent of your sentences with "that's a fact!"
• You don't notice when your own spouse (child, etc.) becomes a few inches shorter or taller with a different face and voice.
• You stop working, yet all your bills get paid.
• Wigs become a major part of your wardrobe .
• Other people hear your thoughts.
• Even if you are not a police officer, the police commander calls you for advice.
• You decide to get your own private jet.
• You regularly develop amnesia and/or forget who you are.
• You are regularly kidnapped.
• You suddenly find your child referring to a redheaded woman named Caroline as "Mom".
• You start hanging out on the pier.
• When you go anywhere - here or abroad - at least a dozen of your friends show up.
• Suddenly you always feel the need for closure.
• You feel the need to "Just be a family".
• Your OB, Pediatrician, Optimologist, Neurologist, Surgeon, and ER resident are all the same person- (Mike Horton, the man who never sleeps.)
• No one minds if you use a cell phone in the hospital.
• You wear the same clothes for a week, but your hair and makeup change.
• Your bustline sharply increases.
• You can neglect, ignore, and/ or forget your child and Department of Human Services never steps in.
• Getting some air solves many (if not all) of your problems.
• You start getting psychic impulses involving Elvis Presley.
• You decide to name your child Elvis.
• You always have a gut feeling about something.
• You don't think it is in poor taste to marry two women a weeks time.
• You fly to and from Rome (or Paris) at the drop of a hat.
• You can come up with a really lame excuse time after time, yet people buy it.
• A fake mustache can fool anyone.
• You can always count on a psychic to be around at least once a week warning of danger.
• You begin to think kidnapping might be a good way to get a date.
• While standing next to your home phone you still use your cell phone.
• When your new husband still is obsessed with his ex-wife, rather than dump the jerk, you want him more.
• When your ex-husband marries someone else AND you find them in bed together, rather than dump the jerk, you want him more!
• Your daughter sees so little of her father that she doesn't even notice he's been recast 3 times.
• A certain lawyer never ever wins a case, yet all of your friends and family still hire him.
• You feel the urge to dress up as a nun.
• You are an executive with a large company but still buy your hair accessories at Kids R Us.
• You can make it all the way from Salem (which is supposed to be in the Midwest) all the way to the Grand Canyon and only stop for gas once.
• You've attended more than one funeral for the same person.
• You cheat on your husband with the local doctor, and when you and your husband get a divorce your ex goes straight for your sister.
• You are the most popular girl in school but you only have one friend named Mimi.
• You enjoy dressing up as John Travolta from Saturday Night Fever.
• You leave your honeymoon to have sex with another woman on a submarine.
• You have a henchman named Rolf.
• You enjoy planting microchips in peoples’ brains and "devices" in peoples’ mouths and then control their thoughts and actions.
• You are Caucasian but can dress up like an Asian person and fool everyone.
• You start to believe that you are a princess from Europe.
• You used to live in a swamp.
• You will only marry a man for 5 million dollars.
• Your butler "Henderson" does everything for you.