2313-43

Jimmy slammed the saddlebag down as he rounded the curb to take Sundancer to his stall. It was freezing outside, a cold that bit on the skin, numbed the fingers and generally damped the mood all around. Visiting all the new settlers in this kind of weather ought to be forbidden by some law, where did it say that a protor shouldn't be protected too? He mumbled to himself when he tried to pry the cinch open, his fingers were oddly uncooperative.

Lou walked inside and shoved Jimmy to the side. With nimble fingers she opened the latch and freed Sundancer from the saddle. Leering at Jimmy she shoved the saddle into his arms and walked over to take the snaffle next. Fumbling a bit with the cold metal she grunted, casting a glance over at Jimmy still standing there, watching her. "Go get a rug Jimmy."

Finally managing to open all the slots she slid the leather over Sundancer's ears and liberated him. Without looking at Jimmy she handed him the last piece of equipment. "I'll take care of him Jimmy, just go."

"You're avoiding the man you're engaged to and you tell me nothing's wrong? Come off it Lou, what the hell happened?"

She turned to watch him, wondering what Kid had told Jimmy. How much he had told him?"

"He's worried Lou, and I'm starting to worry too. You have rings bigger than Saturn's around your eyes, you look like you haven't slept in weeks. You're not eating, you're edgy and nervous, fidgeting if anyone comes too close. Lou, don't tell me everything's all right."

"You don't know what you're talking 'bout Jimmy!" she wheezed at him, anger rising immediately at his prodding. This wasn't Jimmy, Jimmy didn't prod and force her to talk. She had others for that.

"Well don't look then," she hissed, forcing her way past him to get a rug for the horse. Jimmy remain where he stood, following her with his eyes, like trying to look straight through her and reveal her to the world. Trying to understand. Well he would never understand something she didn't understand herself, would he? She'd better offer him something, anything.

Walking back to the stall, clasping the rug, she sighed. "You know what he did Jimmy, he bought a lot up at the Pond. Wants to build a house up in the wilderness. Doesn't ask me or nothing, just takes the money he got off the insurance and goes to buy a lot! And buys it in my name. Calls it an investment. I could kill him."

Jimmy watched her bemused, smiling at her face revealing and odd mixture of annoyal and content, with just a streak of something he wasn't able to identify underneath. She draped the horse with the rug, fastening it carefully, mumbling something as she did. Then she stopped and stroke the horse's neck pensively. Her eyes to the ground, watching the hay Sundancer was devouring, her mind seemingly miles away.

Lou glanced at him over her shoulder, her face now irritated, tense; "Who said something is bothering me Jimmy?"

Jimmy almost jumped as the door to the stall shivered in an assault of sudden weight laid upon it. "Don't do that!" he wheezed to his side."

"Do what?" Kid asked, leaning in over the door, smiling warmly in Lou's direction.

"Sneak up on people," Jimmy growled, "I'm gonna shoot you one of these days if you don't lay off it."

Kid turned his head and watched him wearily, cocking his left eyebrow in a question. "Was something going on?"

"You know what I mean," Jimmy continued, "it will prove hazardous to your health."

Kid shook his head and turned back to Lou; "I made you sandwiches and tea, for the both of ya."

"I wanted to," Kid stated and opened the door to walk up to her. Automatically his hands went to examine the horse's legs and Lou cracked a smile.

"Oh, he's fine Kid," Jimmy groaned in frustration, Kid never trusted his judgment and it was irritating as hell. He was the master of second guessing anything Jimmy did, or left undone.

Kid let his eyes wander between the two of them and shrugged. Guiltily letting go off Sundancer's front leg. Turning and offering his hand to Lou, he waited, his eyes on her. Pleading.

Jimmy watched the longing wash over Lou's face as she looked down on the outstretched hand. But he didn't quite understand it. There was a flash of the old gazes between the two of them, that hunger they both tried to suffocate at the beginning. That hunger that had been so evident that it practically filled the room and made the tension rise several degrees. A tension so evident that sometimes he had been afraid that they'd rip each others clothes off and do it right there and then. Which would have been totally so out of character for both of them. How well he knew that hunger, how consuming when not placated, how insistent if not pushed back. And it looked like there was no way for them to push it back, that passion was relentless, it seemed to dwell in their proximity, just waiting to explode and suck them in. But now, now that they had each other Lou's face showed uncertainty and a slight wariness as she tentatively took Kid's hand. She was a master in concealing her feelings, but this time she didn't quite succeed.

He knew Kid had noticed the shift in Lou, his hand moving back just a bit. Jimmy moved his eyes to Kid's face, trying to gauge the reaction, trying to understand.

He looked pained, like he was lost. His lips moved but Lou interrupted him; "All right Kid, let's go and see what you've concocted now? Just let me check that Noah has stacked up on his antibiotics first." She leered at him.

Kid lifted their joined hands to run his thumb down her cheek. Lou ducked with a fleeing giggle, then she started walking, fast. Dragging him behind her, making him stumble over his own feet.

He nodded and proceeded to follow them, his eyes on their backs. Watching the couple walking, Lou's swift moves, her grip on Kid's hand, a grip like she was afraid he'd disappear. But her body was never close to his, she kept her distance. When Kid took a playful step closer to her she skidded away, concealing her action with a teasing snigger. Her eyes yet again resting on Kid's, with that same sense of craving, a craving that was consuming her yet she tried desperately to run from it.

Jimmy sank down at the table with a content sigh, glancing over the table, smirking just for the heck of it at the sight of the plate with the sandwiches. Eggs and cheese? The man was out of his mind. "Oh geez, another veggie meal?"

"Shut up Jimmy," Kid scoffed as he approached the table with a teapot. Grimacing slightly at the heat it emanated to his bare fingers.

"Heard off? He made 'em in first grade, a real ugly one, red and yellow as I recall," Jimmy leered, reached for a sandwich.

"He did?" Lou had to giggle at the mental picture of Kid crocheting a domestic utensil.

"And what?" Kid seated himself at the table, leaning over to Lou with a crooked smile, "you didn't?"

"Me? Never!" She answered his leer with a superior glance in his direction. "I was far too skilled and went directly to knitting a muffler, well it was meant to become a muffler but the darned thing kept getting thinner and thinner. Mom finished it and I did get an A thou'. But I somehow got the distinct feeling my future wasn't in the fashion design area."

Jimmy rolled his eyes at the flirtation and let out a pained 'oh please'. An uttering that went unheard since a wild eyed Amanda appeared in the kitchen. "The elves are killing me! I'm gonna puke on them soon if they don't lay off!"

"They want homemade candy! As if the ones they sell. nicely packed into ornamental packages, isn't enough! Now they want me to get into the kitchen, slave for hours so they can sink their teeth into 'genuine' fudge?"

"The elves Kid, those two that held a two and a half hour long lecture on how to find the perfect Christmas tree." Amanda sneered.

"Worse than ever," Lou chimed in. "Me an' Cody's gotta go out and make the barn christmasy, latest order from Emma. I'm still waiting on Rachel's next one. I'm tellin' you, if she asks me to sing carols for the hogs I'm on the next ASA outta here."

Jimmy arched an eyebrow in Kid's direction; "They're driving you nuts? Do they have you climb the icy roof to get those hideous lights up there?"

"Apple-tree," Kid replied, "colorcoded lights, exact distance, has to be done in the dark so the fairies, mean elves, can approve of the outcome. Apple-tree don't look too steady to me."

Amanda groaned and Jimmy's sidelooped grin grew wider. "Digging out old sleigh and oiling it for soundless approach to Christmas Mass, sleigh in the darkest corner of the barn, looks to belong in a museum. Has to be ready for test drive in two days."

"Driver of said vehicle on Christmas Day at 5 a.m." Kid retorted, "horse to be equipped with bells. No horse around here accustomed to such things, takes off at mere sight. Training of suitable horse, to be done in two days, for test driving."

Lou was hiding her face in her hands, her shoulders shaking suspiciously. Kid threw a glance at her and sighed. Amanda had sunken down at Jimmy's side, the corners of her mouth twitching.

"Finder of Christmas tree! According to Rachel to be , 'wide and low, plenty of room for the top star, with thick dark foliage and a steady stem'. According to Emma, 'elegantly thin and light in color to fit in the recreation room corner and cast the light out to the hall'. Either won't budge."

"Decoration," Kid groaned, "I have to go to Tompkins and get all them little thingies, ribbons and...."

Amanda's squeal stopped him in his weary tirade, the woman was drying her tears as Jimmy draped his arm around her shoulders. Lou looked up at Kid and , wiped her nose before hiding her face again, trying to laugh soundlessly. Kid leaned in over the table to catch her eyes.

She looked at him and fell into a helpless heap over the table herself. Kid ruffled her hair.

Jimmy smiled and looked over to Kid, "Know what Kid, I'll come with ya, I have orders to get Santa caps for us all. I'd rather be shot in the leg than tell Tompkins that. With bells! Add that to your list Kid, I'll be waiting outside, holding the horses."

"Red little silly caps that Santa wears," Jimmy mumbled, "complete with jingle-bell, to be worn by everyone at Christmas Day dinner."

"Don't blame the season Kid, blame those two!" Amanda pointed to the door as the aforementioned couple busted in. Cheeks red with excitement, Rachel fiddling with a memoslot, a steady stream of words coming out of her. Emma nodding excitedly. Then her eyes fell on the group around the table.

"..things we just simply need." She continued with a hushing motion of her hand in Jimmy's direction.

"Let me guess," Amanda wrinkled her nose, "the chimney needs to be cleaned up so Santa won't mess himself up?"

"That's it," Lou shook her head in sheer disgust, "I'm outta here. All this fuss is givin' me hives, gotta get a shower and shake this whole holiday off." Rising to her feet she walked past Kid, ruffling his hair, "you be a good boy and do the dishes, right?"

Jimmy let the banter between the three women left in the kitchen subside into the background as he watched Kid's gaze follow Lou out. The confusion and concern he saw in it made him realize Kid was fully aware that something was going on with Lou. Jimmy felt an urge to ask him what was going on? But men didn't talk about these things now did they? Not emotions and stuff. Suddenly Kid met with his gaze, catching him red-handed. They locked gaze, both trying to understand how much the other one knew. Jimmy lazily raised his eyebrows in a dismantling smirk. Kid rose and snatched the plate from under his nose."You done yet Jimmy?"

He paused when he touched the doorknob. Lou was in there, probably all curled up into the bedspread, pretending to sleep to avoid him. And he had no idea what was wrong. Why did he see panic in her eyes when he touched her, was she hurting? Had he done something and she wouldn't tell him? Jimmy knew too, how much he had no idea. Maybe Lou had told Jimmy but decided to spare himself? Why?

The look she got in her eyes when he tried to hold her close tore at his heart. It was fear, pure fear and he had no idea why. It seemed like everytime he closed in on her she wanted to run and scream. That look she got stopped him as effectively as if she would have slapped him and screamed bloody murder. Everytme he reached for her and she slid away with panic in her eyes he wanted her to slap him, he wanted her to do anything, except skid away with fear in her eyes. He so needed to hold her, if nothing else just hold her and feel her breathing. At least that. If she would at least tell him what he did, or had done, wrong? If she would just speak! Not just stiffen when he'd lay down besides her, stiffen and bury her face into the pillow. Turned away from him, cooconed safely into the bedspread. Making him want to scream at the torture of having her close, but yet so far away. Further than she had ever been. Always gone early in the morning, thou' smiling at him, playing him when he finally saw her. Touching him only when she was at a safe distance? Far enough so he couldn't scoop her into his arms and hold her. He just didn't understand it, like so many things with Lou, he just didn't comprehend. And yet, he knew enough, he knew something was terribly wrong and it needed to be fixed. What pained him the most was that he had no idea how, all he wanted was to hold her and tell her he would never hurt her again, he'd rather die than do that. But the words he had spoken in a fit of jealous rage haunted him, and he was afraid to speak and cause further damage.

|Prologue||Chapter 1||Chapter 2||Chapter 3||Chapter 4||Chapter 5||Chapter 6||Chapter 7||Chapter 8||Chapter 9||Chapter 10|
|Chapter11||Chapter 12||Chapter 13||Chapter 14*||Chapter 15||Chapter 16||Chapter 17||Chapter 18||Chapter 19||Chapter 20*|
|Chapter 21||Chapter 22||Chapter 23||Chapter 24||Chapter 25||Chapter 26||Chapter 27||Chapter 28||Chapter 29||Chapter 30|
|Chapter 31*||Chapter 32||Chapter 33||Chapter 34||Chapter 35||Chapter 36||Chapter 37||Chapter 38||Chapter 39||Chapter 40| |Chapter 41||Chapter 42||Chapter 43||Chapter 44*|