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Leads
Writing
The All-Important First Paragraph

The opening of a news story is called the lead. It is usually one paragraph, and is usually only one sentence. The typical lead is called a summary lead or straight summary lead, and it, of course, summarizes the story. The journalist must, therefore, write a clear, fairly short sentence that reveals all, telling the end result of the story. Someone should be able to read the lead and be informed about what happened without reading the rest of the story.

A news story essentially has two parts, the lead, which gives the gist of the story, and the body, which adds details which expands on information given in the lead. The body is written in inverted pyramid style: short paragraphs in descending order of importance.

A summary lead should answer as many of the 5W's and H as possible: who, what, when, where, why and how.

When writing the lead, you should attempt to feature the feature, which mean to put the most important aspect or main point first in the paragraph. Grab the reader's attention with the news immediately, without making him or her read through introductory words to find out what happened. Newspaper readers expect to be informed about what happened immediately -- no beating around the bush.

Leads should:

open with bright, interesting, colorful nouns and verbs
be brief (often only 20-30 words)
be, for the most part, one sentence in length
be crisp and to the point
effectively summarize the story
"feature the feature"
include attribution (the source) if needed for credibility
give the title for any person mentioned
not include personal pronouns such as "we" and "you"
not include reporter opinion
In order to write an effective lead,
you need to know how to
IDENTIFY THE 5W'S & H
See https://www.angelfire.com/trek/puknews/introfp.html


When writing a news story, you must
FEATURE THE FEATURE

Depending on what you decide is most important, any one of the 5W's or H could be featured, which means it is placed first in the opening sentence.

Take a look at the follow facts:

 
Who: Washington television station
What: withdrew from a project to construct a 1,200-foot television transmitting tower
When: today
Where: in Silver Spring
Why: declining revenues
How: board of directors decided
The lead might read:
"A Washington television station announced its withdrawal today from a project to construct a 1,200-foot television transmitting tower in Silver Spring."
Which ever of the 5W's is mentioned first is featured in the lead.
 
1 When the who is featured, it is called a name lead
The example above is a name lead. It features the Washing television station.
2 When the what is featured, it is called an event lead.

Withdrawal from a project to construct a 1,200-foot television tower in Silver Spring was announced today by a Washington television station.

This lead, however, is awkward because it is in passive voice; in other words, the doer of the action (the Washington television station) is at the end of the sentence as the object. Active voice requires that the subject of the sentence act, which means placing it first in the sentence, as in the first first example. 


3
When the when is featured, it is called a time lead.
Today a Washington television station announced its withdrawal from a project to construct a 1,200-foot television transmitting tower in Silver Spring.
4
When the where is featured, it is called a place lead.
A Silver Spring project to construct a 1,200-foot television transmitting tower was cancelled today by a Washington television station.
This, too, is passive rather than active voice.
5
When the why is featured it is called a cause lead.
Because of declining revenues, a Washington television station announced its withdrawal today from a project to construct a 1,200-foot television transmitting tower in Silver Spring.
6
When how is featured, it is called a manner lead.
After a decision by the board of directors of a Washington television station, a project to construct a 1,200-foot television transmitting tower in Silver Spring has been cancelled.

The most used openings for leads are the who and the what.
 
Below are examples of leads which feature the various 5W's & H. The words that make up the "W" that is featured are in bold face type.

Who
Reckless drivers who don't seem to be drunk may well be high on cocaine or marijuana, according to roadside tests that indicate drugs may rival alcohol as a hazard on the highway.

Monica Lewinsky, the former low-level aide at the center of the current White House investigation, is willing to submit to a polygraph examination in exchange for complete immunity from prosecution, her lawyer said Sunday.

What
A pack of wild monkeys terrorized a seaside resort town south of Tokyo last week, attacking 30 people and sending eight of them to the hospital with bites. (This also co-features the who.)
 

A Soyus spacecraft docked flawlessly with the Mir space station Saturday, bringing a fresh crew of two Russian cosmonauts and a Frenchman to the orbiting outpost -- along with a bottle of French wine.

Why
With more amateurs cutting wood for use as an alternative to high-priced heating oil, hospitals are coping with an increasing number of injuries due to chain-saw accidents, reported the American College of Surgeons.
How
Louisiana-Pacific Corp. plans to sell seven out-of-state lumber mills and expand production at 17 others in order to boost output by up to 40 percent. (The how in this lead is also the what.)
Examples of when and whereleads are not given here because you should avoid using them. Professionals avoid them, so examples are hard to find.

First, let's learn what
NOT TO DO

Incorrect:
Sen. Robert Brown spoke to the assembled student body of Oakdale High School at 3 p.m. in the high school gym.
Who spoke is usually secondary in importance to what was said. And, the mechanical details -- time, date and place -- do not necessarily have to be included in the lead, since the event has already taken place. They can be worked in later, perhaps the second or third paragraph. "Assembled student body" is a burdensome, unnecessary phrase, and "high school" is used twice in one paragraph. Avoid repetition.

Incorrect:

At 3 p.m., March 18, in the high school gym, Robert Brown spoke.
Time and date (the when angle) are almost never important enough to merit first consideration in the lead, yet they are often used to kick off a speech story. The heart of this story is not included in the lead at all. Note, too, that in this reference the title for Robert Brown (senator) has been omitted. Titles should always be included on the first mention of an individual in the story.

Incorrect:

To further our interest in ecology, Sen. Robert Brown spoke today in the high school gym.
The why angle is usually not the most important aspect of a story and, therefore, it seldom works as the take-off point for a news story. Also, the use of second person (our), unless it's in a direct quotation, should be avoided in news writing.

Incorrect:

Last Friday, March 18, all of the sophomore, junior and senior students assembled in the gymnasium. After Student Body President Gary Winchman led the students in the flag salute, Vice Principal Barry Jones presented Sen. Robert Brown, who talked about ecology.
This is filled to the brim with details that don't belong in a lead to a speech story. It is basically written in chronological order rather than focusing on the "feature." It is dull, too long, and needs severe copy editing. In fact, it needs complete rewriting.

Incorrect:

"We must clean up our rivers and streams and get the internal combustion machine out of the automobile and sit hard on the Food and Drug Administration to remove additives from our foods if we are ever going to clean up the air we breath and make our world a pleasant place to live in again," stated Robert, senator, to the assembled student body of Oakdale High School on Friday, March 18, in the gym at 3 p.m.
The quotation is too long, covers too many subjects for the lead. In addition, mechanical details such as date and time, can be worked in later. Since the event has already happened it is not necessary to tell the readers the place and exact time in the lead. "Stated" is a stuffy, greatly over-used word for attribution. Save it for quoting material from official documents rather than people.

Correct Example:

Pollution must be stopped and air and water cleaned up in order to make the world more liveable, Sen. Robert Brown told students at Oakdale High School last Friday.
This lead zeroes in on the main message delivered, which is what the audience would be interested in, and it gives the source at the end of the lead rather than at the beginning.



Make sure you write in
ACTIVE VOICE

The secret of active voice is to make the subject of the sentence perform. Make the subject act rather than be acted upon. What this means, for the most part, is that the person or thing doing the action appears first in the sentence.

These sentences are written in passive voice:
The match was won by senior Jake Standish.
At dawn the crowing of the rooster was heard.
The test was taken by all the French classes.

Notice that the verbs (won, crowing, taken) are accompanied by a helping verb (was, in this case). This is a clue that you may be in passive voice.

When you see the main verb accompanied by was, were, is or are, make sure to evaluate whether it is written in active or passive voice. Find the person or thing doing the action, place it first in the sentence, and write a simple subject/verb sentence.

Caution: Just because a sentence contains is, are, was, or were does not necessarily mean it is in passive voice. For example, the sentence,

Senior Susan Patterson is the winner of the speech contest,

is not passive voice. Also, be sure to distinguish between past tense and passive voice. The following sentence is past tense:

Senior Susan Patterson was the winner of the speech contest.

These sentences are written in active voice:
Senior Jake Standish won the match.
The farmer heard the rooster crow at dawn.
The rooster crowed at dawn.
All French classes took the test.
Active voice is important because:
1
Fewer words are used, so it is shorter and saves space. (Passive voice is often awkward.)

 

2 Each sentence is more crisp and forceful. (Passive voice robs a sentence of power.)
Acceptable Use of Passive Voice

Occasionally in journalistic writing, the situation calls for a passive voice verb. Injuries, deaths and natural disaster often fall into this category. In such instances, the passive voice is preferred because the subject has been the victim of the action. For example:

The 12-year-old was kidnapped.

The elderly woman was struck on her way home.

Five children were trapped in the burning house.

The special prosecutor was taken by surprise.

In such cases, those receiving the action are more important than those performing the action. 
When writing the lead, make sure you remember the
NINE TRAPS TO AVOID
1 Avoid overcrowding the lead.
 
Crowded

MORTON -- Grant Zorn, state trooper who investigated the crash at 3 a.m. Sunday resulting in the deaths of three Morton youths, said at an inquest Friday that William C. Libolt of Chillicothe, whose car ran over Larry, 7, and Martin, 19, told him he did not see Martin until he was directly in front of him, that he did not realize he was a person, but thought he was part of the car from which he had been thrown, and that he did not know he had run into him.

Better

MORTON -- The driver of a car involved in an accident that killed three Morton youths Sunday says he did not see them early enough to avoid hitting them. 

2 Don't begin with a generality.
General

Plans were being made today for doubling the capacity of the city's sewage treatment plant. 

Specific

Cost estimates and blueprints were being drawn up today for doubling the capacity of the city's sewage treatment plant.

General

Work is progressing on a $107,000 complex of 11 tennis courts, the city Parks and Recreation Commission reported last night.

Specific

Grading has been completed and fences have been installed for a $107,000 complex of 11 tennis courts, the city Parks and Recreation Commission reported last night.

General

Professor Beth Carlisle spoke last night on the development of the French language.

Specific

The purity of the French language spoken by Frenchmen themselves has deteriorated "profoundly" during this century, Professor Beth Carlisle told students at the monthly academic forum.
 

3 Be wary of figures.
Before a crowd of 4,000, Fremont's Pathfinders trampled Roosevelt's Rough Riders 42-6 for the state high school football championship.
Figures must be placed in context. Is this a large crowd, or is the stadium only half full?
Inconclusive

Central High School's flood relief drive stood at $1,500 today.

Better

Central High School's flood relief drive stood at $1,500 today, 50 percent of the goal.

Also, don't slow the pace by overcrowding figures.
There are 3.5 million eligible voters in the state, of whom 1.7 million are over 18, yet only 391,000, or less than 25 percent, are registered to vote.
4 Don't back into the lead.

Backing into the lead means the lead has not been written with the most important information first. In other words, the writer has not featured the feature. If a writer backs into the lead, the most important information is often near the end of the lead paragraph, when it should be first. Also, remember that news comes first, attribution second.

Not the greatest

Dr. Robert P. Fowler, Southwestern University president, announced today that a medical school will be established on the campus next year.

Better

A medical school will be established at Southwestern University next year, President Robert P. Fowler announced today.

Not the greatest

According to Adm. Elmo P. Zumwalt, chief of naval operations, Navy seamen may henceforth sport mustaches, beards, goatees, flared sideburns and long hair.

Better

Navy seamen may now sport mustaches, beards, goatees, flared sideburns and long hair, Adm. Elmo P. Zumwalt, chief of naval operations, announced today.
 
 

5 Don't bury the lead.

Burying the lead is even worse than backing into the lead. Burying the lead means the writer places the major element several paragraphs down in the story.

Not the greatest

On Friday, May 19, and Saturday, May 20, the Valco League Championship Track Meet was held in Philomath. Schools in the league are Jefferson, Yamhill-Carlton, Willamina, Newport, Taft, Walport, Philomath, and Toledo.

Newport's boys team placed third, scoring 103 points. Top scoring efforts on the team were put out by Toby Scott with 28.5 points and Steve Twidwell with 24 points.

The girls team placed fourth with 94 points. The girls team was strong in the distances with a one, two finish in the 1,500 meter and 3,000 meter.

Better

The boys' track team placed third with 103 points and the girls' team fourth with 94 points in the Valco League Championships held in Philomath May 19-20.
 
 

6 Avoid "question" leads.

The question lead is an overworked tool of the lazy writer. The reporter's job is to inform, not ask questions. The question lead works best if the article focuses on answering the question posed in the lead.

How can auto insurance rates be lowered?

The answer to that question will be sought at a public hearing conducted by the state insurance commissioner at 7 p.m. tomorrow in the council chamber in City Hall.

It's also best if it can be answered quickly.
Will Riverside annex the Brockhurst subdivision? The city council decided last night that the answer is "No."
It can, however, be used quite effectively, often with a feature approach.
What is born in dung, makes love in flight, has no sting, and doesn't travel before 10 in the morning? The love bug, that's what. The pesky, little, windshield-smearing, radiator-clogging love bug.

In Florida and other Gulf Coast states, love bugs are a semi-annual nuisance. This year they are like a plague. . .
 
 

7 Don't write negative leads.

Don't report what didn't happen or what won't happen, or you are likely to confuse the reader, who may misread or misremember.

Confusing

Main Street won't be closed to traffic tomorrow afternoon after all, the
Chamber of Commerce said today in announcing that its plans for converting two blocks into an experimental shopping mall have been canceled.

Use a more positive approach.
Better

It will be traffic as usual on Main Street tomorrow afternoon, the Chamber of Commerce announced . . .
 

8 Avoid quotation leads.

Quotation leads, too, are cop-outs by lazy writers. Quotations rarely capture the essence of a news story in a succinct manner. Occasionally, however, a quote can provide a powerful opening:

"Dying is beautiful," Lyn Helton confided to her tape recorder, "even the first time around, at the ripe old age of 20."

She made the comments two months ago, as bone cancer sapped her strength.

For most instances, however, rather than relying on a quotation, a reporter's paraphrase can brighten, shorten and clarify what the source said:
Children are not cocktails that need shaking to be good, a physician warns.
9 Beware of "phrase" leads.
At a meeting of ASB officers yesterday, the president resigned because he plans to graduate and enter college early.

ASB President Ken Marshfield resigned yesterday, announcing he plans to graduate early and attend college.

Be wary of phrases such as:
In a unanimous vote. . .
During the game. . .
During class. . .
At a cost of. . .
For the third time. . .
On the morning of. . .
At a meeting of. . .
According to. . .
It was announced that. . .
The phrase lead essentially forces the writer to back into the lead.



Try your hand at three
STRAIGHT NEWS LEADS

Read the reporters' notes for the three stories that follow. In each story, select facts to answer each of the 5 W's and H questions. Be sure you select the most important facts in each story from the many included in the notes. The notes are in the abbreviated form a reporter might use for jotting down information from a news source, so they don't necessarily follow journalistic style.

1. All-school party lead

-all-school party, Fri., Nov. 15, 7-11 p.m.
-Booths to be in gym, cafeteria
-Miniature golf, turtle races, hot dogs to be featured in some booths
-Sponsored by student council to raise money for student activities
-Party committee -- Jane Anderson, Judy Miller, co-chairpersons
-Student talent show in auditorium, 10 p.m.
Indentify the 5W's & H that are present in the information above. You may not be able to fill in information for all 5 W's and the H.
WHO 

WHAT 

WHEN 

WHERE 

WHY 

HOW 

Final Copy of Lead:
2. Vocations Club lead
-Vocations Club visited Inland Steel Co. plant, Indiana Harbor
-33 members went Wed., Nov. 13
-19,000 work in plant
-Inland Steel one of largest steel companies in U.S.
-Workers combine coke, limestone, iron ore to make steel
-Group saw huge furnaces and rolling mills
- A guide outlined job opportunities in steel industry
-Returned by chartered bus; home at 6:30 p.m.
-Mr. Charles Morrison, club sponsor, in charge of trip
Indentify the 5W's & H that are present in the information above. You may not be able to fill in information for all 5 W's and the H.
WHO 

WHAT 

WHEN 

WHERE 

WHY 

HOW 

Final Copy of Lead:
3. Holiday assembly lead
-Holiday assembly to be Thurs., Dec. 20, auditorium
-The 7 candidates for Snow Queen to be presented to the student body
-Dramatic sketches by drama classes
-Chorus, under the direction of Mrs. Nancy Anderson, to sing medley of holiday songs
-Dick Fallon is chairman of the student assembly committee
-Band to feature instrumental holiday music and accompany the chorus
Indentify the 5W's & H that are present in the information above. You may not be able to fill in information for all 5 W's and the H.
WHO 

WHAT 

WHEN 

WHERE 

WHY 

HOW 

Final Copy of Lead:


ere's three more
STRAIGHT NEWS LEADS

Read the reporters' notes for the three stories that follow. In each story, select facts to answer each of the 5 W's and H questions. Be sure you select the most important facts in each story from the many included in the notes. The notes are in the abbreviated form a reporter might use for jotting down information from a news source, so they don't necessarily follow journalistic style.

1. Science Department lead

-Science dept. recently received 4 Macintosh computers
-Will be used as an aid in teaching physics
-Cost: $1,950 each
-Purchased with school district funds
-Part of a district experiment to see if they should be used in all high schools
-May be used in other science classes in the future
-"This is a big advancement for high school physics classes. It will allow us to analyze data that before was reserved only for college courses." (John Harris, Physics teacher)
Indentify the 5W's & H that are present in the information above. You may not be able to fill in information for all 5 W's and the H.
WHO 

WHAT 

WHEN 

WHERE 

WHY 

HOW 

Final Copy of Lead:
2. Burglary lead
-Snack bar and band room broken into on Tuesday
-$100 in merchandise stolen stolen from the snack bar: candy, school supplies, chips, soft drinks, pepperoni sticks, other snack items
-Thieves broke into the snack bar through an outside window
-Thieves gained entrance to the band room through the south-end window, which was broken with a rock
-All lockers without locks in the band room were ransacked with selected items stolen, including valuable musical instruments
-The police believe that the two break-ins were done by the same person or persons
Indentify the 5W's & H that are present in the information above. You may not be able to fill in information for all 5 W's and the H.
WHO 

WHAT 

WHEN 

WHERE 

WHY 

HOW 

Final Copy of Lead:
3. Football game lead
-Varsity football game against North
-"We're better now than at any point in the season." (Coach Jack Barnes)
-Score: South 27, North 15
-Played last Friday night at Autzen Stadium
-South's record now 6-3
-South now eligible for state playoff competition
-South rushed 291 yards, including an 86-yard touchdown
Indentify the 5W's & H that are present in the information above. You may not be able to fill in information for all 5 W's and the H.
WHO 

WHAT 

WHEN 

WHERE 

WHY 

HOW 

Final Copy of Lead:



 
It's important to know how to
REWRITE POORLY WRITTEN LEADS

Sometimes a reporter must edit or rewrite stories that need improvement. Beginning journalists often do not write adequate lead paragraphs. The leads may fail to feature the feature, or they fall into the nine traps you learned about earlier. In such cases, the leads need more than editing; they need to be totally rewritten. In this assignment, you are to rewrite the four leads that follow. They are wordy, feature the wrong fact, contain style errors, and, as a result, are uninteresting. Remember, a good summary lead should be one sentence in length.

HINT: You'll do better rewriting these using your own wording rather than relying on the original reporter's lead. In other words, just gather the facts from the leads that follow, and write your own leads from the facts.

1
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

 

Because of a severe heart attack, often referred to as a coronary, Galen Hendrickson, who teaches social studies, and also serves as varsity basketball coach, has been in Community Hospital since Monday afternoon when he suffered the near fatal attack. As this issue of the paper goes to press, a telephone call to the hospital revealed that his condition is critical.
2
 
 
 
 

 

At a meeting of the Drama Club Wednesday afternoon in Room 506, the officers decided to sponsor a talent show in February to raise money for the club's theater trip to New York during spring vacation.

 

3
 
 

 

Our high school will be featured in a television program over WEAW today at 4:15. Jack Ogden, WEAW's sports announcer, will interview Foster Garn and Dick Daub, two members of our varsity basketball team. He will interview them about basketball prospects for this year.
 
4
 
 

 

South Eugene will challenge Niles in Beardsley Gym tonight at 8 o'clock. Our team will be without the services of Bill Biggs, our star center. He has the flu. The game tonight opens this season's basketball schedule.
 
 
You should now be able to write
PROFESSIONAL SUMMARY LEADS

Rewrite the following leads so that they are professional, one-sentence summary leads that conform to journalistic style.

The first lead is one in which delayed identification should be used. This means that the names of the individuals involved are not given in the lead paragraph, but rather in the second or third paragraph. Unless the individuals are well known so that their names would be recognized by most people in the community, you would not identify them in the lead. 

1 Assume you are writing for your local daily newspaper.
Three people were killed in an auto accident yesterday. The three people were Lad Smith, 43, Ellen Smith, 42, and Jason Smith, 13. They drove off a cliff and fell a distance of 100 feet. They were driving home from a company picnic at a mountain park.
2 Assume you are writing for the South Eugene High School newspaper.
South Eugene High School played against North Eugene High School in boys' basketball Tuesday. It was a varsity game at the Purple Pit at South. South won by 10 points. The score was 35-25.
3 Assume you are writing for your local high school newspaper.
Yesterday the Marching Band was in a statewide competition of bands in Corvallis. They placed 2nd in state. 26 bands competed.
4 Assume you are writing for your local high school newspaper.
Student government officers met yesterday to discuss the upcoming prom. They decided to hold it at Chuck E. Cheezes pizza parlor. They also decided to hire the Bee Gee's to play. The prom will be held Saturday, May 12th.
5 Assume you are writing for your local high school newspaper.
Senior Class President John Waters got suspended from school last Friday. He is 17 years old. He was selling drugs in the boys' restroom and was caught by Principal Barry Friend. Waters will be suspended for 5 days and will no longer be allowed to be president of the senior class.
 

Smooth, professional writing must include
TRANSITIONS

As you write, link paragraph to paragraph with appropriate transitions. In longer paragraphs, transitions may be needed between some sentences. Try to achieve coherence and a sense of movement. Your copy should flow, have rhythm, not seem like a group of unrelated paragraphs haphazardly placed together. Organizing information into a logical sequence is important, but within that structure, you must use transitions so that the copy progresses smoothly and the reader has no trouble understanding. Think of the copy as a winding path and transitions as the signposts to help lead the way.

Select your transitions carefully to convey the intended meaning:
To Indicate Addition
moreover
again
in addition
first
lastly
furthermore
also
To Indicate Contrast
however
but
yet
nevertheless
on the other hand
after all
To Indicate Comparison
similarly
likewise
correspondingly
To Indicate Summary
in sum
to sum up
on the whole
in general
overall
To Indicate Time Relations
shortly
afterward
formerly
now
soon
then
at length
later
meanwhile
To Indicate Place Relations
nearby
beyond
next to
along side
opposite from
beside
Possible transitions may be anything from one word to a complete sentence to the logical progression of paragraphs without definite transitional words.
Single Word: for, also, finally, therefore, nevertheless, furthermore, meanwhile

Phrase: on the other hand, in addition, in response, others agreed

Clause: when this had been done, if this were the case

Sentence: A second factor needs to be considered.

Repeat a Key Word: This is one of the most used transitional devices. In copy about Homecoming, for example, the key word "Homecoming" will usually appear a number of times, often with other transitional words. Example: "In addition, Homecoming..." The two paragraphs below show how the repetition of the word team becomes transitional.

Concentration was the name of the game when the Chess Team eliminated top contenders from around the state to capture its first state championship.

The team, eight members strong, kept silent vigil as players won individual match after individual match.

Inherent in the Meaning: Commonality of the subject matter that links the paragraphs without use of actual words or devices; a natural progression of information on an event or subject.

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