Yes....exactly what the title indicates. I'm feeling like a Yoyo.
It has come to my ...sensing... attention, that one of my blogs was being, hmmm, "observed", for lack of better words.
I did a few investigations, and came up with some interesting data. Now, I don't know if Loreena is doing this, but once again, I have given her benefit of the doubt. (could someone bop me on the head, as I seem to be masochistically inclined towards Loreena in my assistance towards her).
I have, instead, chosen to take into consideration that someone may be giving her a difficult time in regards to my blog on McKennitt vs. Ash, which is publicly open.
Despite the sensitive issues which have arisen between Loreena and myself, as I've stipulated before, this would not make me care about her less.
There's an irony to my life which is: If someone I care about assaults me, I will not strike back. However, if someone assaults someone I care about, I do stand my ground firmly against them, and they would have wished they never harmed my loved ones. In the latter, I am a warrioress. And, exceedingly business-like.
Fact: I do care about Loreena. (Why else would it have hurt so much? The amount of support I've invested into this person is beyond words. Literally). She's fortunate that I care about her. Not too many people would give the amount of support which I've given her in the background scenes, which at times surfaced to the front.
Now, am I being gullible again? Time will tell.
I've contacted Su at her office, needing to discuss the latest in details, and I pray she doesn't think this has to do with our latest discussions. Her office gave me Quinlan's tel. # instead. I sighed, and thought, "here we go again". But, she is Loreena's GM.
I left a message somewhere between 12 - 12:15 p.m. And, I too, am collecting documents. Do they really think that the police would divulge my privacy to them? They are digging into matters that do not concern them. That is my privacy, and a very legal privacy.
I've said it before, I have always been straight and upfront with Loreena. Whatever information they have, has been of my own free Will due to trust towards Loreena. If she has been working in the background to dig up more, believe me, I know about it, or it eventually falls on my doorstep.
Loreena, should be fortunate that I have trusted her this much. So, this is another area which has hurt me. I have not only "supported" her, but have given her much trust. She bashed the two areas. Not wise.
Still, I have given this situation serious contemplation. That's why I mentioned, "I, too, have serious decisions to make". I know how to separate my apples from oranges..
Monday, December 17, 2007
Yes....exactly what the title indicates. I'm feeling like a Yoyo.
Posted by -- at 12:59 PM
I don't know what to think or feel anymore. Loreena has thrown me to the vultures. The pain is searing. I hold my head. Actually, I can't seem to feel anything.
I had this dreamstate, or was it really a dreamstate?, where I was in the spiritual sub-layers, and it was winter, but I couldn't feel the cold...and I was watching Loreena emerging from the precinct. She had this strange look on her face. It was night, or so it seemed, but I was looking right at her. I could feel nothing, except emptiness. There was no love. There was no emotion. There was nothing, except a very empty feeling. I was standing in the middle of a barren street.
You had it all. I gave you all. It was wrong what you did, and all you can do is have some strange illegitimate confidence, you and Su, that you're right on everything. I never did you any wrong. Negativity breeds negativity. My chest is heavy. Where there is no conscience, there is hell. You are too sure of yourselves. You maim people's lives. My chest is hurting. It's cold in here. I'm an empath. Are you cold?
So, it was you all along. You were the one that had become the catalyst to my returning into another lifetime. Now I understand why you had been foreshadowed a very long time ago. I never understood who it was. I see who it is now. I never did you any wrong. And you think this is a game. You poor soul. If there's any game, it's certainly not me playing it.
Posted by -- at 2:12 AM
Sunday, December 16, 2007
... a traumatized one. I have had a lot of time to think lately. Looking out of the window, looking at the snow...I had so much to give. That doesn't seem to mean much anymore. I don't think this pain will ever go away. Now that the snow is so high... it would take a long time for anyone to get here.
This whole lifetime has been done before. Indifference, I think, is what was responsible last time. Seems, like it's going to happen again. I'm so sorry Loreena. It was going well....it was. We could have talked this out, but you didn't want.
I think, the happiest moment, was when you outstretched your arms and hands, and you said, "...there you are..."... that was not a bad thing. That was a good thing. If what Caroline sent you, bothered you so much, why couldn't you have written to me about it? Why didn't you give me benefit of the doubt? Now, you shun me, you reject me... all for the wrong reasons. I never hurt you...
You yourself said it, "Shan-Lyn, I thought you were a really nice person but after receiving Caroline's e-mail, I don't know what to think of you anymore..."
You judged me on Caroline's influences. But you should have known better than that. Were you just using Caroline? What was really bothering you? It is so traumatizing, cruel and so painful, that you would just shuffle my life aside, when in truth, I never did wrong to you....
Listen to the winds of the past...
they howl at night when there's no chance
they howl to cover the sighs of pain
they howl and catch the last remains.
Where there is no love, I don't exist. Nobody does, for that fact.
Breathe life into this feeble heart
Lift this mortal veil of fear
Take these crumbled hopes, etched with tears
We'll rise above these earthly cares
Please remember me
Please remember me
Please remember me, ...
Posted by -- at 10:31 PM
What are you people going to do when some more sensitive than I, walk amongst you? And they won't care about your mundane rules... or what you dictate. Come to think of it, to them, they'll just brush you aside and treat you as if you don't exist.
You don't think it's possible? It's already started. They look at you and what appears like petty little rules to them, and it amuses them. Thank God and your lucky stars, that I'm at least on the right side of the fence, and that I do care for you...all of you.
You are asking me to prostrate myself to a lower level of awareness which I cannot do. There is reason for everything. Why do you think I make such an issue about "privacy". It is because I've experienced a lot more damage in areas where "privacy" makes no difference to many. And they wouldn't give you the time of day. Trust me on that fact. I have compassion for all of you, but I cannot expect you to give that much. It is not my right to impose this on you. Your boundaries have always been respected. More than you'll ever realize.
You are scared, because you do not understand. I've tried to explain, but you ignore my explanations and toss them aside. So why should I bother? Do not ask yourselves questions after. And ignorance is not always bliss. Please remove the arrogant smiles off your faces. You are not as knowledgeable as you believe yourselves to be.
It is your God-given right to learn, and to give.... but it is not your right to dissect people as it pleases you, just so you can create a false sense of security for yourselves. If you feel 'insecure' now, what will you do later? And you say that I am cruel? You don't know what 'cruel' really is. You have been pampered too much.
I respect ALL your energies, Mind/Spirit-Soul/Body. And it is within the purpose of my Life to fight for your rights. You just don't see it yet.
Again, it is not I your enemy. And I am also getting tired of begging for your respect, whilst you're trying to desecrate the sacredness of my soul, mind and heart.
You obviously don't understand what I've given you, because you're so busy thinking that you're the only ones giving.
And I also don't like being compared to other people, or to be presumed over. You're trying to create my mind, and yet, if I were to do this to any of you, you would certainly show your aggressions.
Why is it alright for you to demand respect from people, but that privelege is not allowed for me? What makes you think you're better than other people? What gives you that perogative to think lesser of people? Is it because you are huddled together and ignore your individual consciences? Then, maybe, you should be scattered....and learn what it's like to discover your true worth, without having to depend on someone else's verdict.
Maybe you should learn to take charge of your lives, without anyone holding onto your hands. Then, maybe, you might discover true evolution.
I asked you not to challenge me. And that's all what you have been doing. If it comes to that point, believe me, it will not be you that will win in the coliseum. You don't have the experience.
Now this may sound a tad brazen on my part, but you want me bending backwards to satisfy yourselves. You think that you have the right to assault people as it pleases you, and keep deluding yourselves into thinking that you're more right than anyone else. You even have the brazen audacity to show anger against me.
I will tell you now, I do not stand alone. Even though it seems as such. And I will also tell you, that my "friends" are not exhibitionists and have their own natural techniques in handling situations.
Peace, is always the common denominator in everything. Which is something I will always strive to have with you. Now, that is the "decision" that should really be on your minds.
Do you want peace, yes or no?
There is nothing for me to lose here, except my own dignity. You have trampled over my Heart Force, but you will not trample over my Soul. I offered you the utmost with my Heart...I gave to you what no one else has ever received. I held you to the Highest level, and embraced you with all my Love of Soul, and you....spat on it. For you, what I gave you, is not real. You're indifferent to it. So be it. It is your choice.
Don't presume over me, and project into me. Nor compare me to others, thinking that I would respond towards you in the same manner in which others have responded to you when you did the same actions to them.
I am not them.
Posted by -- at 6:40 PM
I just woke with my chest so heavy...it's starting again. I'm trying to understand if the timelines are clashing or what...
I can't deny what I am Loreena... please understand. I beseech you. I can't deny what is happening. Please understand. I, on my end am trying to understand also.
You're angry and I can't get angry. I can't get angry against you. You say, "Shan-Lyn I gave you my best"... and I'm standing there in spirit right next to you. The last thing I would ever want is for you to be unsettled. But there is a connection, whether you want to realize this or never. Loreena, I can't change the Laws of Life.
We are both conduits. If my calling you a sister bothers you, this is the only title I can relate to, to best describe the essence of this connection. The waters run deep here Loreena. Rejection and indifference are not the answer. I'm not stopping you from doing your journey.
God...is this another timeline... I'm struggling to understand. Are both timelines clashing... I can't force her to understand these things....
Loreena, you have the power to gravitate me... you have the power to manifest.... you have more potentials than you can possibly realize and these potentials are to be kept in the strictest of sacred privacy. And I am doing so. Part of this has to do with lifetimes we've done, whether you can understand or not. This may not be what you want to know, but it is a constructive reality, nonetheless. I can't deny what exists Loreena. I can't run away from it. It is part of your reality as well.
Why I am able to have a better sensing of this, goes into details. But I'm trying to explain, that at any given time, you have this potential also to reach, not just me, but many others.
Jack is coming through. And I continue stumbling over these words... struggling to explain.
Loreena, I don't know what symbolisms or metaphors I can use to help you to see what I'm trying to explain. For now, the only thing I ask of you, please, is to keep an open mind. You will need this for what is coming ahead. There are transitions taking place for everyone Loreena. Do you think this is some type of Sci-Fi movie? No...it is real. And it is happening.
Keep an open mind. You have strengths within you that need refinement. No one is messing with your mind here. Certainly not I. (Correction: Some have tried. And it was made known to me. I stepped in for you Loreena, because when these people were messing around with your energies, THIS is the phenomena here...they were also messing around with mine.) I have always been upfront and honest with you. Always. And I will always continue to do so. That is my vow to you Loreena. That is my solemn vow to you. And in sacred Truth, it doesn't concern anyone else.
I can't expect you to understand overnight what this is all about. I can't. I perfectly understand this.
Su is there in the background, and it is good that she is there for you. She's trying her best Loreena. Mark also is good. I have sensed them both. But there is much more that I'm sensing.
I understand fully, that you can't relate to this. But it's real Loreena. Not just for me, but for you as well. It's real.
Your anger, your frustration is understandable, but to a certain extent. I'm grabbing the reins now, and I cannot allow this upset to throw me off my horse again. This 'catapulting' was a hard blow.
It is your right to be angry. It is your right to feel anything you want. But if your energies lash at me, it is my right to shield myself and not to allow you to catapult me again. I will shield myself. But, this will not deter the reason I am there. If anything, it will just strengthen it.
It is not I, your enemy here. I am there for you.
No matter how you want to perceive this, it is your choice. Right now, I'm trying to get back on my horse. And I don't love or care about you less. You can clash, you can whip out at me, you can think I'm the one that's off her rocker... do whatever you think you feel you want to do. Yes, every blow you give, will assault me. But my horse and I will just ride around you Loreena. I will not care less for you.
I have to go... there's a snow and ice storm coming. My Guardians are near. As a matter of fact Loreena, they are near you also. I am asking them to shield you. And 'they' respect all boundaries.
You can find this amusing, but it's not wise to smile in a time of learning. You, of all, have my deepest loyalties. I pray you can at least understand this.
God...the wounds have to heal faster. Speed it up here.
Oh, and speaking of wounds, take care of your back Loreena. It is you that has the spinal injury. As soon as I can get my footing here, I'll send healing. Now, I need to assimilate.
Muttering to self: Aye, I have one tough little sister. .... but I'm tougher. But family does not strike family. Blood may be thicker than water, but Soul is thicker than blood. Just....don't strike my Heart Force. That's all I ask. Because, by striking that, you're also striking yourself,...because you're in it. But I'm not going to let you get within distance of that for a while, because you're just waving your sword around and you're not thinking. You stay in your Castle and I'll stay in mine...on the other end. I'm not being cruel. I've had a lot of pain in my life Loreena, and the last curve ball I expected was one to come from you. We both have our sensitivities, but I would never purposely hurt you.
And for the one that said, "This is highly unusual"... aye, I wonder if you understand the profoundness of your own words.
Alright, I'm beginning to feel sad again. I'm trying so hard here. She just called me "cruel". I am not cruel.
Posted by -- at 11:59 AM
I fell asleep but I've just woken up feeling so disoriented. Greg visited me. All he said was "spinal injury". 12:48 a.m. I'm still half asleep. What am I suppose to make of this now.
1:08 a.m. I need to focus. I can hardly breathe. I need to focus. I have to go back to sleep. "The boys", as Jack calls them, always seem to come to the right channels, so I'm sleeping on my right side and then Greg just filters through. There's a strange stillness in this room. Later, I need to sleep...
Well, sleep was lying on the bed and staring through the darkness and out of the window for the last...almost 3 hrs. I can't sleep and I'm listening to the winter winds. What did Greg mean... I have no spinal injury. What was he trying to tell me. Does someone else have spinal injury? This is the 2nd time within the month that I'm given information through the waves about some illness or other. The other one was... I can't remember the name at this hour, something to do with some autoimmune system disorder...whatever. And I'm expected to assist. I just let a sigh out.... yes, I will assist ... alas, whomever is connected to me, I invoke that these ... physical disorders... be vanquished once and for all. I feel like I'm floating here.
These waves are proving a tad tumultuous. It won't be the first time, and I haven't the faintest clue as to what is arousing these waves. Jack is being so protective.
He's so noble.
Timelines are clashing. Aye, that they are. The winter winds are mysteriously haunting tonight, for some reason or other. Before coming to wakefulness, when Greg came through....how can I explain this...I sensed he was simultaneously trying to help with 'something', whilst wanting me to help also. I have to get it together. I realize everything happens for a reason, but this reason is out of my scope at present and not being shown.
Also, before waking up, I had a visual of the "QR messageboard". Of all the things to dream about. Whatever. Why is my solar plexis being affected? As if something is coming? I'm rubbing my chest. I pray there's not more pain coming.
Someone needs some type of healing. The vortex is open, because it feels like I'm being 're-charged' to pass energies for someone... someone needs some type of physical healing.
I'm propped up against the pillows falling asleep. I'm having flashbacks of past lives.
I'm looking at Loreena's CDs...they were just over my head on the mantel shelf. I'm staring at the cover... she's so gifted.... I'm still feeling too vulnerable to listen to the music. No, I will not use her CDs as frisbees. Why on earth did this incident have to happen. It just seems so senseless. I will continue marching for her....but at a distance.
The room is getting cold. I'm going back to sleep under the warm covers.
Posted by -- at 1:01 AM
Saturday, December 15, 2007
I've been reflecting on all the details that seem like echoes bouncing off the walls of my mind at present.
No matter what has happened, .... I still care about Loreena... I don't agree with what she's done. I will never agree with what she's done. But I'm crying right now, because I really did accept her into my life as if she were my own sister.
I have seen an aspect of her, that most people would probably want to aggressively charge at her with, because she IS provocative.
Yes, she hurt me very much, and I have forgiven her, but this has been a wild test on my emotions. I have been put through Loreena's vicious temper, and yes, it hurt, and now I'm just sitting here on this bed with the realization that I can still love and care about her no matter what she expresses about herself.
But I can't allow her to mistreat me any which way she wants. I don't have to be attacked like that. If I could speak to her, I would gently say,
"Loreena, you have hurt me...don't deny it please....and I'm not trying to make you feel uncomfortable, but in truth you brought this upon yourself. You could have treated me differently... but it's the past now. And I've discovered that no matter what you've done to me, I can still accept you as the 'whole person' that you be, virtue and faults....but Loreena, when you slam at me, I can only make a U-turn and walk away. I don't need to be treated like this. I have always supported you, and it seems to mind-boggle you that I am capable of doing this. It's just my nature to want to help people Loreena, so why are you so suspicious of me? I have no ulterior motives. I have learnt so much, though, about your behaviour on the phone with me. I have learnt how so fragile you can be, even if you snap at people. But, if that is your nature, then so be it. But I'm letting you know that I didn't deserve that from you.
No matter what you think of me, I'm also letting you know that I also care about you, but I must do it at a distance because it hurt too much Loreena. It hurt too much."
Posted by -- at 3:15 PM
In the last two days, perhaps 3, this is what has come to my attention...remember,
"When two or more of you are gathered in my name, I'm right there in the midst of you"
....and alas, they have gravitated me in their midst. I should have written everything that was unfolding.
Well, there was definitely a conference. And I saw their thoughts and their facial expressions and all the details. I saw the "manner" of their thought patterns, in other words.
I believe I wrote about the Conference which they had. And at that one point of "receiving", it was then when Loreena began her business attitude where I wrote in that post I didn't want her challenging me.
Later, I saw Loreena engaged in a conversation with Caroline, and I saw Caroline's "thought patterns" also. I saw, in other words, the exchange of spiritual and psychological frequencies which were transpiring, because simply, they were talking about me.
Later on, I saw Brian's energies coming into the picture.
Mark was given the task of assembling all writings and documents of mine. Who started reading these documents, I am not certain, as there seemed to be too many involved in the reading of these documents, so there's a 'collage of energies'.
Alright, so, whomever is reading, is seeking to see only one thing... because I have detected a very pessimistic outlook of my writings/documents ...
Words received, such as: (not necessarily in order. I will place the words in order after reviewing the events)
- "...there's a pattern"
- "...unstable.." (this word was received last night, so someone was up as late as I was)
...in other words, whomever is analyzing, is only perceiving what they want to... placing very pessimistic judgment, I might add. Now, again, I am not certain who's reading, but the manner in which they're reading, is not at all fair....they're seeking to discredit me.
I believe, the events of the Conference, is what unsettled me most.
They discussed my ability to "know" what is being said...and someone mentioned it as such...
- (To paraphrase) So, she can know what we're saying... )
However, it was more their energies that I was picking up on and their manner of perception... Loreena, was no doubt in high gear, and that was searing enough. Mark, actually felt for me... he's a good person in his own way. As for Su, she really needs to do something about this patronizing attitude of hers...not that I have anything against her, but she's too...hmmm...sure of herself.
So they had their Conference, and oh yes, Trish came onto the carpet, which I believe I also mentioned in my post at the time all of this was unfolding. Again, I have left Trish to the winds. Trish has been a strong antagonist in all of this and has not helped at all. Anyway, I don't even know where she lives. She moved and I don't even have her phone number anymore. Just as well. Good bye.
Next in line, was Loreena's phone conversation with Caroline. Caroline seemed at certain intervals, genuinely concerned, but.... she rather enjoyed or appreciated that Loreena was reasoning along with her and agreeing with her. Loreena seemed to have a different state of mind at the time... a different mood, so to speak. Naturally, more personally inclined. Still, the conversation between these two was unsettling, because there they were talking and analyzing and determining what should be done "with my life"....that was the unsettling part about it.
Next, I received impression that Brian was talked to as well... but... there's something about the energies of this that has me wondering if "timelines" are clashing...in other words, if it was really happening. Whatever, it DID happen, otherwise I wouldn't have received it, but the question is "when".
Next, Mark began collecting documents.... now at this point, what is Loreena trying to establish? Is she trying to better understand me in a better light? Is she giving me fairness? Or is she just trying to "paint me out" to be a certain way because she's allowed herself to fall into a state of fear about me, and is showing some symptoms of paranoia about me, because of Caroline's influences into her life.
At one point in her conversations with Caroline, she seemed to be rather patronizing herself. Rather condescending of my life. Caroline had the full opportunity to express her version of the story, and Loreena was allowing Caroline's influences into her mind to prejudicially determine me.
Yet, at certain intervals, weaving in and out of time, Loreena seemed concerned, but I don't think it was any real concern for "my life". I think it was her fears and concerns on not knowing how to perceive this situation, and perhaps not understanding on what I would do next. But I did stipulate on the phone with her, that I did not want any problems with her. I tried to reassure of this, because I so much sensed how stressed out she was. How 'nervous' she was.
In all of this, Loreena seems to be having problems or difficulty dis-associating me from previous turbulent experiences she's had with other people in her life. Indeed, if the word "pattern" must exist in this scenario, then perhaps Loreena should examine the "pattern" of how she has treated other people.
It is not right or fair, that I should be classified or categorized with other people that have hurt her on purpose. I have never sought to abuse Loreena, and I was very hurt when she said I had been dis-respectful. If anything, I have always sought to support her. And maybe this is what perhaps baffled her. "Why is Shan-Lyn always wanting to support me?"....maybe this is what she's trying to comprehend.
It's nature, that when we don't have answers to certain questions that rotate in our minds, that we seek to "find answers" in order to pacify the stress. Loreena, really never had anything to hold against me, because in truth, there was nothing there for her to hold against me because I had never done her any wrong. Yet, it must have bothered her to some extent why I was "so giving".
When Caroline came through, and presented her version, her perception, her details, perhaps this is exactly what Loreena "psychologically wanted" to vent out her own insecurities or doubts about me. Caroline, became the "catalyst", and Loreena bit on it.
But by allowing Caroline's influences to affect her reasoning towards me, she was not giving me any benefit of the doubt. That totally went out the window. Her "proper judgment" went out the window, as well. Caroline got what she wanted, and Loreena got what she wanted, and both had different reasons for satisfying themselves psychologically, but I'm the reason they're using to alleviate themselves of their frustrations.... the one commonality that glued these two people in conversation, was 'frustration'. Nowhere, were they really discussing, "well, I wonder how Shan-Lyn is doing". Ofcourse not. My welfare was the farthest from their minds.
And it still is.
At present, I feel that I'm unjustly being painted out to be "someone that I am not". They're trying to "create me" by their perceptions. And after they've all had their personal little conversations, then I will be "categorized as a 'business item' in their computerized logistical dossier as being "that type of person".
In other words, I've been marked, stamped, classified and they will avoid me as much as they can. The damage is so deep.
But not once, did they ever examine their actions towards me. Not once, did they think, "Hey, could we have affected Shan-Lyn negatively?". Ofcourse not. These individuals are in high defense and will not even think that they could have been at fault for something. And since they're all there, clutching to each other like crutches, and solidifying each others faulty reasoning about me, they will each walk away thinking that their perceptions are justified as they've discussed my behaviour with each other, and have all arrived at the same conclusion....the conclusion that never has them reflecting upon their own behaviours towards me. Scot free and clean.
The verdict? Shan-Lyn is the one that is unstable, not us.
And I stand alone with their verdict. Salt in the wounds. They did not help a situation, except only to justify themselves.
Talk about beating someone that's already on the ground. By their irresponsible behaviours.
Still, my message towards Loreena remains the same: It is not I, your enemy. If anything, I care about you. Do you see this? Or are you too busy panicking and being defensive.... in truth, you have not a legitimate reason to bind me to your pessimism of me..... because I am secure enough within myself to virtually know, that I would never hurt you. You're not getting the message.
You, of all, hurt me, Loreena. Take responsibility for it, please. Stop running away from this fact. You accused me on the phone. You berated me on the phone. You sought to bring your minions to listen on the phone, making me feel very uncomfortable. You clearly chose to psychologically accost me. I tried to pacify your defensive nervousness and accusations. You kept digging at my life, accusing me, and downrating me especially by saying that I was disrespectful. I did not merit that accusation. You left me there alone, after you battered my mind away.
How would you have me feel afterwards?
Posted by -- at 12:58 PM
.....of Those Who Travelled Far and Wide...
Loreena's frequency is one of which many in the celestial heavens have been imparted to her. That is another reason, why I was "nudged". I was to help "shield" her, from operatives who want to utilize her frequency to affect a mass multitude of people, by assigning their concocted subliminal frequency with hers.
Naturally, she had to be 'shielded'. But she has no awareness in the slightest as to what is seeking to utilize her. She is at her finest age, presently, where her voice will have perfected its peak. I am glad that opportunities are arising for her, and this is her natural path, but the hidden manipulation of her frequency, is not so hidden.
Not for those whom understand what this soul will be subjugated to. And this crime cannot happen. Indeed, part of this is her personal and private life, but there's an "attached reality" there that needs to be severed and cut off from her.
Everything was to be kept as quiet as possible, but the psi operatives did not want any obstruction to their ill-intended deed. These operatives are the same ones that have manipulated SM as well. And now they are endeavoring to use SM's puppets to wrap around Loreena. It goes into intricate details. The point being, I was to be in service for many reasons for Loreena, one of which had to do with 'shielding' her and making certain that her natural frequency would not be manipulated.
Unfortunately, my strengths were being wittled away, and they gave a final blow as of day before yesterday. These psi operatives are that desperate. They had been calculating their strategy for some time. Even before I arrived. By a decade, give or take a year.
My sudden appearance had them wondering, "Who is she?". No answers were provided. But the "games" began, and I held as firmly as I could. It is common procedure in their technique of manipulation, that the closest individuals around the person to be targeted on, will also be affected, but in the most sublime of ways. These poor puppets are like "conditioned vessels", that if anything happens in any event where the intended person to be targeted cannot be reached 'directly', then the operatives bypass their frequencies through the closest people near the victim.
In my arrival, some of these operatives began to feel 'uncomfortable' as their visions were obstructed to prevent them from honing on Loreena. Instead, they began on me. Simultaneously, they also started a conditioning process upon certain individuals close to Loreena. Stress, sleep deprivation, etc. For about a couple of weeks prior to the final blow, they were giving it their best shot to keep me under their subjugation. Two days prior to the final blow, I had managed to break loose from their grip. They announced, "It didn't work". They hurriedly took another course of action. On the morning prior to the incident, I had a holographic dreamstate, of Caroline being with me. It was quite puzzling. I sought to ignore this, and then called QR for more than one reason. I did intend to wish everyone Happy Holidays. Then was surprised to hear Loreena, and the rest is history at this point. But I now see that the operatives had been wittling both at Loreena and myself simultaneously. These are manipulators quite skilled in their work. But not that skilled, as I can't bear giving them that much credit at this point. Loreena became the "sender" and I became the "receiver". I was not only receiving Loreena's energies, but the frequency-energies of the operatives by association. It was too much for me to handle. Their intent was to totally manipulate the situation to bring an utmost discouragement.
What does one answer a woman who asks, "What do you want from me?", and a whole barrage of details surface. It was at that point where I had to ask her to communicate directly with her, but I did not have the time to mention, "in the company of another individual if you wish, who can be capable to keep the information private"...for she quickly responded, "Oh no...etc.". The malcomprehension set in, and the damage had been done. This is exactly what the operatives wanted to derive.
At present, they've kept Loreena on defense since. And they are wanting to make certain that I never get this close again. Loreena engaged herself in multiple phone calls, etc., precisely in the manner in which the operatives expected her to behave.
These operatives now feel secure that they can continue their tactical strategy to their standards and expectations. They also gloat in the knowingness that if I try to explain anything, all my endeavors will be regarded as "unstable". Ofcourse, they made certain to create that image of me with their manipulations. At any endeavor to explain, the conditioning has been embedded that I'm to be shuffled aside, whilst they behave nonchalantly.
At present, Loreena is smiling with a rather strange behaviour, and yet there are times when she seems genuinely concerned, but it doesn't last long.
At this point, much damage has been done and the barriers are up. Other catalysts will have to enter if they don't want Loreena to be used as 'puppet'. There is just so much I can do for her.
In the next year, these "operatives" will be opening up as many opportunities for Loreena as they possibly can, to keep her motivated upon the "public". What hurts is seeing that this soul will be ushered from one place to the next, whilst the operatives do their dirty laundry. All making Loreena feel simultaneously that she will be responsible for her achievements.
I still want the best for her. I'm asking the positive forces to help Loreena. Also, she must take great care of her health.
Posted by -- at 4:09 AM
Subject: RE: An emotional plea
Date: Fri, 14 Dec 2007 16:55:53 -0800
I am empathetic with your suffering of building up a friendship and then having it dashed by Cabal psychic and psychotronic operatives in mind control operations. Take time to heal.
From what I have heard about mind control, when they "turn it off", it's off. The target is free to return to her former thinking, if she wishes, and is independent-thinking, and has not felt too ashamed by burning her bridges with previous uncharacteristic behavior.
Look for opportunities for that bridge-repair later. Meanwhile, there are plenty of other Star Seeds and Humans of good will who will benefit from your awareness and nature.
in the light,
Aye, it will be a bit of a climb but I need to do this. It's not easy being a hybrid. Asheoma has not given any direct response, but I need to admit that he gave a direct visitation somewhere in the previous afternoon. He smiled compassionately.
My Guardians, however, are nearby. Somewhere. Whoah! No sooner written, 'they' just tapped me. Alright, thank you. I miss you so much! My vision has become obstructed. Or am I to understand that you're in stealth camouflage... then so be it. The waves are vicious.
Incoming message: "From those whom have been given much, much is expected". Alas, you do not hesitate to remind. I saw one of my mentor-friends. I wave "Hi" to her from this ground. Indeed, there is much coming for all of Humanity. It stands to reason that my Heart Force will be challenged often.
I give you all my Love, you know this. I miss you terribly. It's not like what it was in '84, but you're still around. My beautiful Guardians, I appreciate your efforts to assist in maintaining equilibrium. Forgive me please, if I do not wear my cloak properly. I am trying.
Posted by -- at 1:58 AM
Friday, December 14, 2007
In the last 24 hrs., I have been weaving in and out of some spiritual and emotional frenzy, endeavoring to make sense out of all that has transpired from within that time frame.
Indeed, I am being tested. I feel like a buoy on water being tossed to and fro. I have been trying to "keep myself together" while waves and waves of searing pain I've been enduring. If I'm mad? No. But I do admit that this is not my true and total natural focus.
Ironically, in the sufferings, I've come to witness that I'm not the only soul that has been affected. I could go into some long elongated technical scientific jargon as to why, not only I am being affected, but many others, but what would it serve? Right now, I'm in my own little "blog sanctuary", alone, and re-channeling my energies via writing. Nobody is bothering me. I'm doing 'my thing'.
It's redundantly obvious at this point that I'm struggling. I can pull out of this.
This situation is likened to the analogy of one who peacefully travels on a road, then some crazy motorist decides to make up their own rules as it pleases them and side swipes the other motorist into a ditch.
Well, I happen to be feeling like a motorist in a ditch right now. Trying to hold on to all her proper faculties. The interesting situation in this whole scenario, is that there's more than just one motorist here that have been affected. AND there's also more than one 'type of reality' that has interceded to create the phenomenon of this tragedy.
I, for my part, am struggling to survive this unwarranted madness that has sideswiped me. This is far from being a...hmmm...persecution complex.
Given the same variables and stimuli upon another individual, I wonder how they would, in turn, fare throughout. I wouldn't know. All I know, is that I have to survive this. To get a footing somehow. Indeed, my veils are down. Indeed, I see this about myself. Indeed, I feel utterly desecrated. But somehow, I have to juggle those balls again with more equilibrium.
The more realities or balls one has to juggle, the more difficult it is to get the routine back on track when some crude energy lashes out.
My journey of life, has without a doubt, been an interesting one. Often, I envy the journeys of others, as I watch or observe them....but....when I look at the whole unfolding scenario of my life and all what I've been subjugated to, I wouldn't trade places with anyone.
I've certainly had a lot of spice in my life, and for a while, the spice had culminated too much and I needed to simplify matters.... I needed something...different.
Ironically, little did I know that even in the weighing of these thoughts, my energies were still being honed on. My life is not easy to explain, and ofcourse, many I am certain, would steer clear from it by the reasoning of their own superficialities and fears, and I judge them not. We all have our different courses.
What is essential to take into consideration, is to maintain a total focus and equilibrium in our life's affairs without unravelling our energies onto someone else's doorstep.
Yesterday, a curve ball was thrown at me. But from the start of that day, I knew from that very first dreamstate before physically awakening, that 'something' had placed a strategy into motion. I just didn't know the full extent of it yet. There are intelligences which exist that seem to have nothing else better to do with their time (if they can understand the concept of time?) except to play with people's lives, as the false gods that they be.
When I'm affected by such unfolding strategies, I not only have to take into consideration my energies, but the energies of others around me. This 'subliminal blow' (not so subliminal to me, at this point) was struck, and the waves are still permeated with the essences of these gameplayers, but they curiously want to see how I will survive it.
Naturally, it doesn't sit well with me to be tested in such a way. And it won't be the first time they've thrown marbles on the steps as I'm trying to climb UP.
I've just finished invoking the positive forces that be, to assist in this situation. I'm slowly picking myself off the ground. It was quite a fall. Rather embarrassing I might add. I don't like it when 'others' have control of my reins.
Well, as the old maxim goes, "What doesn't kill you, just makes you stronger". But they struck at me, right where it counted... the HEART FORCE. Ofcourse, these are desecrators.
Now, many would think, "Who are 'they'?" ...Ahhh... legitimate question grasshopper.
It would be a bit challenging for me to explain, but the assurance is there that 'they' are definitely not a figment of my imagination. Oh no. 'They' are quite tangible and real. But for other individuals who have never experienced 'they', these individuals would be naturally prone to think, "Hmm, is she playing with a full set of cards? Or is she one sandwich short of a picnic...".
I would understand their curiosities, but simultaneously, I would caution them of the mires around me. Don't get closer, as you don't understand the ground you're walking on. You don't understand these...territories. Many have been entrapped in them, and I find it so sad that whilst they're sinking in the mires, they don't even see what's going on and they have these really weird dumb smiles on their faces as if they are so certain of their grounds.... but there they are sinking.
Well, I'll get out of my quicksands first.
Now, I often express myself with symbolisms, metaphors, etc., but behind all of this, there are very "constructive realities", that not too many would be able to mentally digest. It's definitely not for the 'shallow in soul and mind'.
Internal tenacity, muscles, wisdom and knowingness culminate and build through/via experiences. I have gone through experiences within my life where much wisdom and strength have come about, and I can't deny the wisdom that has ensued. I can't lower myself to the standards of individuals who swim around, cluttered to each other, like a bunch of school fish all swerving in the same direction. That is not me.
I can respect a system of grounded principles and logic, but if I so much as sense one detail that doesn't make sense in a supposed foundation of compiled "rules", then I take the blueprint back out to examine the structure. Only what is salvageable will remain. The rest is tossed aside. And what is tossed aside, is not being done so by my 'personal ideology for comfort'. No. Some would quickly say, "Ah, what you've tossed out may not be good for you, but others could use it"... Alas, allow me to clarify: What I toss out, is not good for ANY body. I repeat, I do not perceive for my personal comfort zone. I always think in terms of the most basic necessity first. If there's room for comfort after, then so be it.
So, there are many intriguing realms of diverse realities in my life which have visited me within my own realm of affairs. And when I say 'different realities', I mean DIFFERENT REALITIES.
Extra-terrestials; dimensional beings; earth-bound souls; ad infinitum. I cannot expect people in my life to understand or accept any of this. I've even come across many charlatans that seek to take advantage of the natural comprehensions of other individuals, trying to 'force entry of themselves' .... and this is where I am the warrioress.... I don't agree with what they do. They are like spiritual/psychological pedophiles seducing and raping the minds of other people that don't know better, because these individuals have never experienced these types of knowledge.
Hence, this gives way to a very interesting 'life journey' comprised of very unique variables. It is naturally expected, that individuals that have never had experiences with such realms, would feel terribly uncomfortable. So with such individuals, I am able to respect their realities as I know within myself that I am not one to encroach, but I see many in the near distance that DO want to encroach and they want me out of the way, and they will stop at nothing to bring such a reality about. It's sad, but true.
At this very moment, there are people on this earth, who are making weapons out of themselves, by studying remote viewing, telepathy, psychokinesis, etc., just to have the "power privelege" to take advantage and manipulate other people's energies.
When an "unsuspecting soul" is surrounded by such manipulators, and if I happen to be in the vicinity at the time, it does not take long for the 'invisible family' to tap on me, and here we make arrangements. They already know what is inherent within me, as obviously, they have the advantage to see it being 'outside of the box'. We corroborate together, and they 'nudge me' towards their loved ones.
This is where Loreena came in. Ahh, but it did not take long that others came in as well. Loreena does not see what is around her.
The details of this will be expressed later.
Posted by -- at 11:42 PM
Su smiles. Trish's name has come onto the carpet. You can analyze Trish all you want, I left her to the winds.
These people are getting noisy with their thoughts. I wish they would just keep quiet.
I'm hurting here...
Don't you ever challenge me Loreena! I am not one of your enemies here! Now you're really beginning to ignite me!
You have not a clue what you're dealing with, and frankly, you're testing my patience all time. I gave you all my support and you have the brazen audacity to make mockery? How dare you and why? I gave you just about my soul, and you're now spitting your venom on it!
I seriously need to settle... God Almighty, what DO they take me for? As if yesterday wasn't bad enough, with two of them talking at the same time in my eardrums, with Loreena's agression spitting out her rules, with Su patronizing and thinking she's got the right beat on everything? ... no Su, you don't, with all due respect.
What respect have you people ever given me? Except to "pat me on the head", good little girl... you follow our rules, and you'll be fine with us. If you don't, we'll kick you out so fast it will make your head spin. WE control you here.
You always think that you give so much, and that you've given so much...have you ever stopped ONCE to take into consideration what I've given you? I guess not.
And the question was asked, "What do you expect from me Shan-Lyn?".... How about respect Loreena! For starters. Is it my fault if you've been imagining all sorts of things about me because you allow other people to influence you? Then you dump your frustrations on me? Did I deserve this? No! I did not! You ALWAYS had my utmost respect! Always! You hurt me beyond words, and you can't even take proper responsibility for your own actions... is this what you want me to keep believing about you?
What have I done to you Loreena, to deserve this aggressive behaviour on your part which you lashed out at me yesterday? Am I supposed to just sit there and accept whatever you suddenly and impulsively decide on the unethical way you treat people? Correction, on how you treated me?
Do you think I don't know what you're trying to do even now?
Respect begets respect. It's a very simple formula, and YOU are the FIRST ONE that broke the cardinal rule, and you're STILL doing it!
ALSO, you're messing in the private details of my life! And what lame excuse are you going to use? To continue doing this injustice?
I have always been straight and on the level with you. Could you please do the same? If you have questions about me, all you have to do is ASK! Instead of snooping in the background of my life because you can't get rid of your paranoia!
You threw the first punch Loreena! I didn't deserve it! And you expect that I just sit back and take that from you? Are you kidding me?
You seem to have a VERY bad habit of doing this, by what I've gathered by the 'victims' you've left behind, especially at OWLs. And I defended you even there! You have NOT a clue as to how many distraught people you have left behind yourself! You have enemies all around yourself....
I guess it was just a question of time that you would eventually lash out at me without legitimate reason. And you have done so. And you have hurt me beyond words lady!
I was the one marching for you...I was the one that supported you in so many areas! And you had the brazen audacity to try to make me believe that I was so disrespectful, and because of some e-mail that should have been kept between Caroline and me, you decided to impulsively act on that just to vent out your illegitimate and unwarranted frustrations on me?
Do I look like your personalized displacement punching bag? Is there a neon sign on my head that says, "Hey Loreena, go ahead and treat me any which way you want?"...wow! Is this the REAL Loreena in the background scenes? Is THIS the Loreena that so many people have complained about?
And when I said, "It was going well between us", and you said, "Hmmm..noo...not really Shan-Lyn"...oh, it wasn't? So am I to presume that you were just being hypocritical? Hmm? It was just an acting game for you? And what was NOT going well Loreena? Hmm? There I was, giving all my sincerety, and you're playing this really weird game in your supposed office?
You people should be reported to the BBB (Better Business Bureau) in the area of ETHICS. Where I come from, people don't do that to people.
You didn't care at all what I was going through yesterday. All you wanted was to use people to give yourself more credit, because as one OWL member said, "Loreena doesn't want to have her image tarnished.".
If anything would have happened to me Loreena, people really would have started wondering eh? Because EVERYBODY KNOWS THAT I NEVER MIS-TREATED YOU! I was your staunch supporter in everything! EVERYTHING! So much so, that it literally sickened people who HAD been abused by you previously and that's why I received their threatening, spamming and obnoxious e-mails.... but you never saw this... you didn't want to see this... you just want to lock yourself away in your own little reality and pretend you never do anything wrong! Whilst you keep deluding yourself!
You hurt me Loreena! You don't even have the courage to apologize! It was so simple, all you had to do was be mature enough to keep Caroline out of this picture, because in essence, what transpired between Caroline and myself was really none of your business!
NOW, if I would have affected Caroline's performance on STAGE, THEN maybe you would have had legitimate reason to lash at me.... but from what I saw and heard, Caroline's performance on stage was fabulous! Your accusations on me had nothing to do with YOUR BUSINESS IN OTHER WORDS! It had to do with YOUR PERSONAL FEELINGS about something that really was none of your business to begin with.
You need to learn how to separate the apples from the oranges Loreena. Big time. You can't have your cake and eat it too. I never mistreated you, and this is what you should have taken into consideration. Did you? No. You rammed at me with your personal feelings, trying to pass it off as business! You never once gave me any benefit of the doubt, because you lacked the "ethical maturity" to understand that I'm a person also that has rights, and who are you where you think you can treat anyone in any which way you want just to satisfy yourself?
I think Caroline is a big girl, and can manage her own personal affairs, don't you think so too? Hmmm?
If you became caught in the crossfire between Caroline and myself, it's certainly not I that implicated you.
Now, there's either one of two situations here: 1. Either Caroline wanted to childishly lament and get your approval or, 2. You wanted to get Caroline's approval for your loyalty to her ... by bashing me? What in the world did I do to you? Are you married to Caroline?
Either way, it spells MUSH.
You're not thinking Loreena. You have everyone else do it for you.
You didn't care at all what happened to me yesterday. You just wanted to get cozy with a couple of Constables, who were really nice, and you played them out, and I knew what you were doing. And that hurt me even more. And these Constables came here twice, because you just weren't satisfied. It wasn't for me you cared for, you were just using these Constables to do this ALL FOR YOU. You wouldn't care less what happens to me.
Posted by -- at 3:22 PM
Today, is not a good day, beyond any understatement. I've made an emotional plea to Asheoma. I don't know if he will respond. These cabalists drove their hardest sword into me, but now, my 'sister' must be shielded. The ignorance has to stop, and the awareness has to be ignited. It cannot continue this way.... my soul is wailing to my Guardians as well.
Though they had said that I had received 'compensation' on several occasions, as they knew the puppeteers were playing their game, I relinquished this compensation for this soul that seems to have no understanding whatsoever as to what is going on.
I appeal to the Highest...please grant her the sight. She doesn't see the connection! My soul is wailing! This soul is embedded in a mundane box, and can't see into the greater waves of evolution!
I wail an emotional plea... the cabalists know they can continue playing the game, knowing they have the advantage by the ignorance embedded in these people's lives. They cannot be blamed... as they don't understand that subliminal energies that are seeking to usurp their proper states of mind....
A wise priest once told me, "You can point never point your finger at the enermy, for he always leaves an exit for himself... his specialty his switching everything contrary to what actually is".....
At this very moment, while I'm lying in the middle of this battlefield, somewhat incapacitated, this...'enemy'....is busy placing doubts. They must really have felt threatened by the positive energies being manifested... they want to territorially encompass the soul closest to me. Their frequencies have to be severed.
Please Loreena...keep an opened mind.... you don't understand what's going on. For the love of God! Keep an opened mind without doubts and stop being so finicky on everything!
You don't understand, because you're not allowing the awareness and knowledge to filter through! There's just so much I can do, and you must do your part also.
Think 'outside the box'. It's not me that's losing it dear soul, it's you! I'm trying to shield you as best as I can.
If I walk away, they win. And you have no idea the events that will be set into motion.
But then...maybe this is what this is all about. Maybe you need to be subjugated in order to understand. I can speak no further on this. Btw, your mother is not well, take care of her.
You really don't understand what was being offered to you, do you. So be it. I can't believe within myself that you are that shallow.
You're dealing with something that is beyond the scope of your reasoning...as you have proven that you can't seem to grasp it.
As for Caroline, I was quickly reminded that I was there for "her".... that my powers are to be used to assist her, because Caroline is being used and manipulated.
God Almighty... they all think that I'm the one that's out to lunch.... aye, the enemy and I are dancing in the battlefield... you'll not have them!!
Posted by -- at 1:34 PM
....for her next lashing. Something has to be done about this. I think I will contact Richard. This can't go on. I don't have to let this happen. I was afraid all this pain would ignite me.
I was taught never to strike, but I am allowed to shield. Aye, that I'm allowed.
Caroline is giving it all she's got just to convince Loreena to come against me. And Loreena is falling for it, hook, line and sinker. Not once, did she ever give me benefit of the doubt... she may not think it's necessary, but it's not her right to mistreat me so much... and she has the brazen audacity to think that I'm the one that never respected??
I , too, have decisions to make.
But wait...I seriously need to give Caroline benefit of the doubt. After what I experienced from Loreena, she's very controlling.
And I just heard Loreena, "Oh let her continue to write...blah blah blah".... whilst Caroline is on the other end... are they enjoying themselves?
My powers are igniting. It's starting. I forgive them both. Pain....has always been a catalyst. The more pain, the more my potentials ignite. I don't want to cross the threshold. If my Guardians have to arrive here, just for this obnoxious drama that is so unnecessary, realities will vibrate very quickly. Trust me on that.
If SVs have to enter into this equation, yes, things will vibrate very quickly. None of this makes any sense. Don't challenge me because I know in full conscience that I have done no wrong. I gave my loyal support to one, and my good intentions to another, and all they want to do is play this weird game behind my back?
Aye, she's thinking of me right now. I don't think it's funny. I also don't see what possible legitimate ground you may think you have to justify your wrongdoings.
It's the next lashing she's thinking about... like a puppet being used. I treated you with full respect....and all what you're obsessed with, is how to hurt me. That does not compute to me.
You're old enough to be able to understand the difference between apples and oranges. And right now, you want to make a MacDonald Slush. Nyette. I have never abused you, but you have abused me. By wanting to use Caroline, and that is the error in your judgment. And the reason why you were respected, was because you had never given me reason to disrespect you.
It's very simple to understand. What is/was between Caroline and myself, should have stayed between Caroline and myself. Caroline and I had issues, which really didn't concern anyone else, because in essence, it was no one else's business. Caroline should have been mature and secure enough to understand this. If I wrote to Caroline the way I did, then obviously she didn't respect me at a certain point, and I lamented.
But you Loreena, there's was nothing for me to lament about, because you had never mistreated me.....until now. You cannot ever say Loreena, that I ever mistreated. Never. There's no proof of it. There's only evidence of how all what I ever did to you was to support you in everything.
Caroline is not your property that you think you can control. She may be one of your colleagues, but that does not mean you own her. Nor should you even take her 'supposed' problems upon your back, no matter how long you've known each other.
Give credit where credit is due. Learn to discern when you should enter, and when you should not. Again, I have never mistreated you. I pray you can at least recognize that reality.
Posted by -- at 7:50 AM