DISCLAIMER: The Star Trek characters are the property of Paramount Studios, Inc. The story contents are the creation and property of Gueniver and is copyright (c) 2001 by Gueniver.

Getting to Know You: Christine Chapel

by Gueniver

James T. Kirk got an e-mail with all sorts of questions that were intended to help people learn about him. The e-mail instructed him to forward it to his friends, and one of the people who received it was Dr. Chapel. We have managed to obtain a copy of the doctor's answers; here it is:

NAME: Christine Chapel (No, I will not put that down! Absolutely not! You didn't change your name; why should I?)

SEX: Female (I heard that!), That's right, honey, and I'm all the woman you'll ever need!

HOME: Enterprise most of the time, but I prefer the apartment in San Fransisco.

HEIGHT: 5' 9"

EYES: Blue (Thank you, Spock. That was quite poetic)

HAIR: Natural Brunette

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE WEEKLY ENTERTAINMENT SHOW? I don't watch shows much; I prefer live entertainment. (What? That's not a show, dear, that's just a vid. No, I won't put it down, I don't watch it that often. <sigh> This is staying with us, right? We're not showing it to Jim, are we? Oh, alright). "I was a Vulcan Love Slave".

WHAT'S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? What? (I don't know what this means. Do you? Oh, I see.) I don't use a mouse or a mouse pad, so I guess nothing.

FAVORITE MAGAZINE: Journal of Federation Medicine; Starfleet Science Weekly.

FAVORITE SMELL: hehehe, well, if this isn't going to be seen by anyone, I'd have to say the sweet smell of love. (It is not vulgar! I said love, not sex! I know you know what I meant but I didn't say it, you did. Yes, it was what I was thinking.)

WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD: The day my betrothed died.

BEST FEELING IN THE WORLD: hmm, so many to choose from. I'd have to say the night of the Ahn-woon (evil grin). That was a night of very good feelings.

THINGS TO DO ON THE WEEKENDS: Plan staffing schedules, undo Leonard's messes from the week, workout in the gym, plan my next surprise for my husband. (You know what that means, no, I will not tell you what I'm planning. Hey! Stop that, I'm trying to answer the questions!)

FAVORITE SOUNDTRACK: I'm fond of the track of music on Vulcan Love Slave, it's very ... inspiring (very evil grin).

WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU THOUGHT OF WHEN YOU WOKE UP THIS MORNING? That coffee smells good. I'm the luckiest woman on the ship because my husband wakes me with hot coffee.

DO YOU GET MOTION SICKNESS? No

ROLLER COASTERS -- DEADLY OR EXCITING? I don't know, my husband thinks they're a waste of time (No, that's exactly what you said. You didn't want to go to Anaheim because you thought it was a waste of our leave time. No, I would not have preferred to spend the entire time on a roller coaster than in bed with you, I just wanted to go for the day).

PEN OR PENCIL? Pen. (I know I don't use a pen, I believe the question is in regards to the old style of writing. Pens were ink and therefore permanent, pencils came with an erasing system. I would have preferred to use a Pen. What's that supposed to mean? I don't make that many modifications to my reports!)

HOW MANY RINGS BEFORE YOU ANSWER THE PHONE? I always answer the comm immediately. (What? Oh, you're right.) Unless I'm in the shower.

FAVORITE FOODS: Spock! (I know you're not technically a food, but you're my favorite flavor!), strawberries, bananas, peaches, honey (<evil grin>) especially on some of my favorite foods!

DO YOU GET ALONG WITH YOUR PARENTS? My mother and I have our moments. I never knew my father.

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN CONVICTED OF A CRIME? Not in the Federation

CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA - On what?

CROUTONS OR BACON BITS? Nope, I like my veggies as nature intended them. (No, not covered in dirt! You are in a mood tonight, aren't you?)

DO YOU LIKE TO DRIVE? Oh, yeah. I like to be behind the wheel and in control. (Oh really? Would you prefer to 'drive' tonight, my love?)

DO YOU SLEEP WITH STUFFED ANIMALS? Nope, just my big furry Vulcan husband!

IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY KIND OF PET, WHAT WOULD IT BE? Spo-(<kiss - smothering the answer> Well, I have to answer, don't I?)

IF YOU COULD BE ANY TYPE OF ANIMAL WHAT WOULD YOU BE? I'm not sure I would choose to be an animal. I'm happy being a human, although I'd like to know what it would be like to be a Vulcan sometimes.

THUNDERSTORMS, COOL OR SCARY - Very Exciting.

IF YOU COULD MEET ANYONE DEAD OR ALIVE, WHO WOULD IT BE? Hmm, that's hard to choose. I guess Hippocrates or Surak. I once read a story by a lady named Cheree that I was very interested in.

FAVORITE ALCOHOLIC DRINK: A good stout beer like Guiness, I enjoy the taste of Radal on my husband's lips ...

WHAT IS YOUR ZODIAC SIGN? Aries

EAT THE STEMS OF BROCCOLI? Sure.

GUYS-IF A GIRL ASKED FOR THE SHIRT OFF YOUR BACK, WOULD YOU GIVE IT TO HER? Well, I'm not a man, but I'd offer my shirt to anyone in need. (Whaddya mean you wouldn't 'permit it'? I'm an officer just like you, I can offer my clothing if I want. Oh <blush>, you don't want to share. Well, who said anything about sharing? I was just talking about clothing.)

IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY JOB YOU WANTED, WHAT WOULD IT BE? CMO for Enterprise is the best job I've ever had.

IF YOU COULD DYE YOUR HAIR ANY COLOR, WHAT WOULD IT BE? I'm all done with that. I wouldn't change it for anything.

IF YOU COULD HAVE A TATTOO, WHAT AND WHERE WOULD IT BE? I would get one of those ancient Vulcan clan marks. (Hm? That's not a tatoo? Well, what is it then? A Brand! Holy Mother of Fire! You're kidding! Let me see ... wow!)

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN LOVE? Yeah. I thought I was once a long time ago, fortunately I got a second chance to do it right. I got lucky.

DESCRIBE YOUR DREAM WEDDING: Hmph! I don't dream about weddings, but I sure used to waste a lot of time thinking about it. Mostly for my mother's sake. I'm just happy I survived that walk across the desert to the Koon-ut Kalifee ceremony!

WHAT IS ON YOUR WALLS IN YOUR ROOM? Well, let's see. I've got this pair of Ahn-woon on display. A full length mirror ...

IS THE GLASS HALF EMPTY OR HALF FULL? Yes, yes it is. (I know I didn't answer the question, it's a stupid question. Yes, I recognize it as a pop psychology question. Okay, fine.) It's half full <bats eyelashes - in best Pollyanna voice> Thank you for asking.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SNAPPLE? What in hell is a snapple?

ARE YOU A RIGHTY, LEFTY OR AMBIDEXTROUS? Right handed.

DO YOU TYPE WITH YOUR FINGERS ON THE RIGHT KEYS? Yes, and on the left keys too!

IF YOU COULD BE ONE GARDENING TOOL, WHAT WOULD YOU BE? I don't know. (Hm? Oh, that's good) a bird bath, I love bath tubs. Although that's not much of a tool ... I don't know. This is another dumb question.

WHAT'S UNDER YOUR BED? I don't know, I don't like to look. (sound of scuffling) Hmm ... looks like an old paper novel of some sort, a pair of underwear, one of my husband's socks (It most certainly is yours, here look!).

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE NUMBER? 9 (Why? That's the most times you've ever been able to make me ... <kiss-smothering the answer - evil grin>, Well you asked!)

WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CAR? I never had one, growing up, but I did enjoy piloting classes at the academy.

WHAT IS YOUR DREAM CAR? Don't have one, I'm happy with the transportation I've got now.

FAVORITE SPORT TO WATCH: I dunno, I enjoy watching my husband dance, but that's not exactly a sport. Unless you count the times that I try to distract him ...

SAY ONE NICE THING ABOUT THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU: He brought my husband back to me.

OF ALL THE PEOPLE YOU SEND THIS TO, WHO IS LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND TO IT: Well, since I'm not going to send this to anyone, I can't answer. Oh, no. I don't think so. You come right back here, Mister. You said if I did it you'd do it too! Spock! SPOCK! Don't ignore me! No, I don't think it's a good time to meditate!

DISCLAIMER: The Star Trek characters are the property of Paramount Studios, Inc. The story contents are the creation and property of Gueniver and is copyright (c) 2001 by Gueniver. This story is Rated PG-13.

James T. Kirk got an email with all sorts of questions that were intended to help people learn about one another. The email instructed each of them to forward it to a friend, and one of the people who received it was Mr. Spock. We have managed to obtain a copy of the First Officer's answers. Here it is:

NAME: Spock, son of Sarek, son of Skone (Please do not giggle, Christine, it was my Grandfather's name. It is undignified of the wife of the last descendent to Surak to giggle at the names in her husband's lineage.)

SEX: Male

HOME: I was born in ShiKahr, but my home is on the Enterprise. (<sound of scuffle> Ow!) and I also greatly appreciate my home in San Francisco.

HEIGHT: 5' 11"

EYES: Brown

HAIR: Black

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE WEEKLY ENTERTAINMENT SHOW? I do not view such video presentations. (No, I will not answer that, Christine, that is your vid. I did not say that I did not appreciate it. No, I will not say it, it is undignified. Ow!) <murmurs> vulcan love slave.

WHAT'S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? Nothing, I do not have one.

FAVORITE MAGAZINE: Starfleet Science Weekly, Journal of Vulcan Science Academy.

FAVORITE SMELL: It would be illogical to prefer the scent of one thing over another. Odors are what they are and cannot be changed. (Really, Christine. Certainly bathing will eliminate an odor but it does not strictly change one. Do you wish for me to continue this? Or shall we discuss semantics?)

WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD: Surely you know this. It was the moment I was certain that I was going to die and leave you.

BEST FEELING IN THE WORLD: My wife. (<kiss> Thank you. Yes, that is exactly what I said. I believe you have the best physical sensory input - Ow! Was that necessary?)

THINGS TO DO ON THE WEEKENDS: In my off duty hours I meditate, continue my ongoing research on Human mating rituals and read science journals.

FAVORITE SOUNDTRACK: I appreciate the works of 20th century Terran opera performer Teresa Brewer, as well as the Vulcan opera T'Khut as performed by Tamik of Vulcan. (Yes, I believe that some of his recordings were used in Vulcan Love Slave, but that does not mean they are not superior recordings.)

WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU THOUGHT OF WHEN YOU WOKE UP THIS MORNING? It is 0517, there will be inadequate time to wake my wife for early morning scientific research.

DO YOU GET MOTION SICKNESS? Vulcans do not get motion sickness.

ROLLER COASTERS DEADLY OR EXCITING? I have no opinion to offer. I am told that they are quite exciting, however, I have no experience with amusement parks at this time. I do not believe it would be logical or prudent to offer such a recreation if it were deadly, however.

PEN OR PENCIL? Both are an inefficient means of record taking.

HOW MANY RINGS BEFORE YOU ANSWER THE PHONE? I always answer the comm immediately. (Ow! Christine, please cease striking me.) Unless I'm otherwise occupied.

FAVORITE FOODS: I do not prefer one form of nourishment over another. I enjoy Antarian spring water. (That was not 'racy', it is a fact. I did not say why or how I enjoyed it. It is enough that I enjoy it. It answers the question.)

DO YOU GET ALONG WITH YOUR PARENTS? I have adequate communication with my parents.

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN CONVICTED OF A CRIME? No. (That was not a conviction, that was a war crimes charge made by an enemy of the Federation that I never stood trial for.)

CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA - I do not fully appreciate either.

CROUTONS OR BACON BITS? As a vegetarian I do not eat Bacon, nor do I appreciate hard bread cubes. ('Bacon Bits' are not truly a meat product? I do not understand. What is the purpose of altering the flavor and texture of vegetable matter to resemble animal flesh? Ah, I see.) I do not eat 'Bacon Bits' as there is no significant nutritional value to such foods and I do not eat vegetables altered to resemble the flavor of animal flesh.

DO YOU LIKE TO DRIVE? I derive a measure of satisfaction at my capabilities at piloting shuttlecraft.

DO YOU SLEEP WITH STUFFED ANIMALS? I do not.

IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY KIND OF PET, WHAT WOULD IT BE? I would prefer a Sehlat.

IF YOU COULD BE ANY TYPE OF ANIMAL WHAT WOULD YOU BE? I would not be any animal, it is illogical to wish to change the nature of one's fundamental existence. (Strictly speaking, my wife, you are an animal as well.)

THUNDERSTORMS, COOL OR SCARY - I have had most pleasant experiences in thunderstorms in recent years, I do not find them frightening.

IF YOU COULD MEET ANYONE DEAD OR ALIVE, WHO WOULD IT BE? Surak of Vulcan.

FAVORITE ALCOHOLIC DRINK: I do not drink alcoholic beverages. (Christine, I have only had Radal a few times. Very well.) I prefer Radal or Guinness Stout. If we include Radal, then it would be logical to include the Stout, would it not?

WHAT IS YOUR ZODIAC SIGN? My wife has told me I am a Libra, but I do not hold any credence to astrology.

EAT THE STEMS OF BROCCOLI? It would be a waste of nutrients to do otherwise.

GUYS-IF A GIRL ASKED FOR THE SHIRT OFF YOUR BACK, WOULD YOU GIVE IT TO HER? In an emergency I would offer any assistance I could offer irregardless of gender. I would naturally give my wife any clothing that she would wish (Christine, please stop that <fabric rustling>. There you have it. Are you satisfied? If you wish for me to finish this questionnaire, I would suggest you stop that activity.)

IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY JOB YOU WANTED, WHAT WOULD IT BE? I am satisfied with my current occupation.

IF YOU COULD DYE YOUR HAIR ANY COLOR, WHAT WOULD IT BE? It would be illogical to change the nature of my appearance.

IF YOU COULD HAVE A TATTOO, WHAT AND WHERE WOULD IT BE? I believe I have already answered this question.

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN LOVE? Vulcans do not experience such passionate emoti-(Christine, I must insist that you stop that. I had not completed my response. Do not assume you know what I am going to say.) As I was about to say, Vulcans do not experience such emotions as love, however I have found that my wife is quite correct. Life is too short to not experience it to the fullest. As such, I am, indeed, 'in love'.

DESCRIBE YOUR DREAM WEDDING: I do not fantasize of such things. (You are quite aware of what I do fantasize about, Christine. I do not believe we need to discuss that.)

WHAT IS ON YOUR WALLS IN YOUR ROOM? There is a display of Vulcan weapons. A mirror. A comm panel. (Yes, I mentioned them. I said a display of Vulcan weapons, I did not see the necessity of categorizing them. My ears are not coloring, Christine, it is the lighting in our cabin. If it were fully illuminated, you would see - no, I do not require a medical scan to settle the dispute, however, if you wish to continue this discussion, I can end this questionnaire now.)

IS THE GLASS HALF EMPTY OR HALF FULL? There is no glass. (Yes, that is an answer. It is a direct quotation from a Terran philosopher Keanu Reeves in response to this very question.)

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SNAPPLE? I do not know who or what a snapple is.

ARE YOU A RIGHTY, LEFTY OR AMBIDEXTROUS? I favor my right hand.

DO YOU TYPE WITH YOUR FINGERS ON THE RIGHT KEYS? A tactile interface is inefficient, however if the need arose I would only utilize the correct keys.

IF YOU COULD BE ONE GARDENING TOOL, WHAT WOULD YOU BE? I have never fantasized about being a garden implement of any sort.

WHAT'S UNDER YOUR BED? The space under my bed is occupied by some lost articles of clothing of disputable origin. (That is not my sock. It is clearly yours.)

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE NUMBER? 1 (Why does this surprise you? It is representational of our union.)

WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CAR? I have never owned such a conveyance.

WHAT IS YOUR DREAM CAR? I do not 'dream' of cars. I only fantasize of my wife. (You are welcome.)

FAVORITE SPORT TO WATCH: Intergalactic three dimensional chess Masters Championships.

SAY ONE NICE THING ABOUT THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU: He taught me of friendship.

OF ALL THE PEOPLE YOU SEND THIS TO, WHO IS LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND TO IT: I believe Doctor McCoy would be most unlikely to return this if I were to send it to him. It would be too uncharacteristic of me to do such a thing and it would be difficult for him to respond. (No, Christine, I am not going to send it. I was merely answering the question. Christine? Christine, what are you doing? Stop immediately!)