Worst Dates

A guy asked me over for a romantic dinner at his house. To my dismay,
I found out after I arrived, that he expected me to cook it!


I met a man from his singles ad in the newspaper. We set up a date
to meet at the movie theater (separate cars and he didn't know my
last name). His name was Terry. I immediately had no attraction for
him. He wanted to know if I wanted popcorn. He said "Does Jean
like popcorn? Terry likes popcorn." The whole night went on where
he talked in the third person. "What does Jean like to do?" "Terry
likes the movie, does Jean like the movie?", etc. I suffered through
the whole movie and couldn't wait to leave in my "own" car. Luckily
he didn't know my last name.


I have to laugh. I never thought there would be a forum for this sort
of thing (worst date stories) but I admit, I was roaring by the time I
finished reading the worst date stories on your web site. I don't know
how funny my story is, but most of my friends find my dating (again,
at 34) to be a better source of comedy than Seinfeld. I used to be
embarrassed by it all, but now it's becoming something of a fascination;
sort of the same idea as rubber-necking a bad accident...

A long time friend set me up on a blind date; I don't normally 'do' blind
dates, because of the horrifying experiences I've had. I figured, this guy's
my pal, he'd never set me up with anyone bad! Boy, was I wrong! I met this
girl in a bar down by the college (my friend's band was playing there, and
this was the premise of the 'date'). She started the date off by lighting a
smoke and saying, 'c'mon, I need a beer;' and then just walked inside. No
hello, no name, nothing; just smoke trailing behind her as she walked away.
After a very revealing fifteen minutes of discussion about our staggeringly
different political views (akin to putting Rush Limbaugh in the room with Noam
Chompski); she puts her hand to the big scab on her chest that I've been trying
desperately not to stare at, and says 'I'm sorry, the wounds' still a little
tender.' What is the wound you ask? She startled her next door neighbour one
morning while he was conducting 'business,' and he stabbed her. Yup, her
neighbour's a crack dealer; but hey, he's a nice guy. Once his client left,
the neighbour took her to the ER. What a guy, right?

After a lengthy sojourn in the ladies' room; (I was hoping she'd bailed on me,
stodgy old bastard that I am), she says, 'Wanna do some 'E' and go back to my
place?' Hey, at least I know who she got the 'E' from, right? I politely declined,
and she said she was going to a slightly 'livelier' place on the other side of town,
and would I like to go? I reminded her that my friend's band was playing (and
it sucked, admittedly), and I was committed to sticking around, at least for a bit
(we're still only thirty minutes into it, here), and thanked her. Amazingly, she left!
She's one of a long series, I'm afraid, but you've heard enough from me. I'm afraid
I've given up hope; and I'm living in my little world with my cat, and allowing the
world to do as it wills! Oh well, hopefully this gave you a chuckle; in retrospect
it's pretty funny to me. Peace.

A Re-Confirmed Bachelor

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