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Don't Bug Me: My Life as a Sentricon Inspector
Saturday, 23 July 2005
The Perfect Football
Mood:  spacey
It was the middle of the day, probably about... I don't know... twelve o'clock in the afternoon the sun is blazing on my back. I just got out of my truck to start the wonderful activity I call Hell. I go up to the house and start checking their Sentricon Stations. And would you looky there, i just found out they've covered half of them and six inches of bark, they're my new BEST FRIENDS >:0 After I finish the front of the house, cussing the whole time, I walk to the gate, open it up, and walk into the backyard. To my wonderful surprise... what would you see but a wonderful little football sized Chiwawa that looked similar to this one... yes wonderfully loving and adorable creature that it was wouldn't stop barking as soon as I entered that gate. No amount of cooing and wooing could I do to get that DAMN RAT to SHUT THE HELL UP!!!! No while I was bending down to do Sentricon it was at my heels yipping and yapping and lunging at my heels like it was actually going to do something... someone please tell who in their right mind would want an overgrown mean ass rat that didn't have a sweet bone in its body as a pet (now I may be a little harsh because the last chiwawa I came encounter with, did one of two things everytime it saw me... either bite my leg, or hump my leg... wonderful little creatures). The whole time I considered if the Chiwawa would like to make evolutionary steps towards the ability to fly. But looking up I realized that the house I was inspecting was also next door to a very old lady staring at me the whole time. I decided it would not give the company I work for a good image if she saw one of the employees trying to set a world record for the longest kicked Chiwawa. The good news is that I made it through without any bodily harm or unwanted... "juices"... on me (and incidentally, or unfortunately, the dog either). So here is another story to add to the saga of my job. Please enjoy because I know it brings me great joy to know that you are gaining pleasure out of my suffering, until next time... adios... yo qiero taco bell?

Posted by tn3/termite_killer at 12:15 AM EDT
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Friday, 22 July 2005
I Hate Mean People!
Mood:  on fire
Why are people so Mean?

Okay, now for those of you who don't know what sentricon is... it looks like this... ... i open a little cap on the top of it and pull out the pieces of wood inside and inspect for termites. If you look in the picture you'll notice the top is level with the ground. And as you have already probably guessed, it does indeed get covered, with various things. My favorite... Pine Straw. For all you mean people out there who cover their sentricon stations just because "I don't like the look of it" let me tell you... I DON'T LIKE YOU!!!!! I have to kick around in the burning sun and crawl on the ground to find that DAMN station and check it to make sure YOUR house doesn't get termites. Now please tell me... if I have to find every FREAKING station like that, don't you think I get tempted to say "screw this, I'm not looking for them!" Because I am and I HATE YOU, I really don't care if you get termites... ITS NOT MY HOUSE!!!! I know you don't care about me, and how hot it is outside, or how hard I work to help you, just as long as your flower bed doesn't look funny because a green cirlce about three to four inches in diameter is every six feet. GIVE ME A BREAK!!! And for all you people who have Holly Bushes and the station is under them... I hate you too. let me show you what Holly looks like in case you don't know... oh yeah, bunches of fun. And I know that when the Sentricon was installed the Holly was not that big, but it must amuse you to see a young innocent girl getting ripped apart because you refuse to trim it... well I did it for you. So there, I win. I'm glad that you now understand what it is for someone to check your Sentricon, I now know that I will go to check houses and your Sentricon will be uncovered because you read this and understand me and where I'm coming from... thank you.

Posted by tn3/termite_killer at 10:50 PM EDT
Updated: Friday, 22 July 2005 10:59 PM EDT
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Background Story
Mood:  a-ok
Picture this... you are at a gym playing basketball with your friends, you know a little pick up game with some guys who think they are God's gift to basketball, your dad and the father of one of your teammates comes into the gym and sits in the stands watching you finish up your game. Your dad calls you over and tells you, he has a job offer for you, its a really easy job, all you do is inspect sentricon. You'll get paid around nine dollars an hour, and it will be a breeze, no worries at all. You tell them you'll think about it, you go home and decide you don't want to do it because of the heat and the point about working outside... you later inform your father of your plans, oh low and behold your father has other plans, your going to take that job and your going to do it for a year., and your going to like it DAMNIT! Now here you are stuck in a job you despise, that you hate with a passion greater than that with which you hated the teacher that gave you a detention for being one milisecond late (which by the way wasn't my fault, I had one foot in the freaking door but nope... I'm late and blah blah blah... whoops sorry bout that back to termites... Woo Hoo!). So I have to do about a week of training for the certification test, which means riding in the car with someone while they talk on and on about subjects I really couldn't care less about. In fact they were trying to argue with me and convince me of things, that really didn't matter... who cares if there are no such things as ghosts, but perhaps there are multiple planes of existence, see... but I'll stop I don't want to put you into a deep slumber in which gorgeous surfers are flirting with you, which was done to me several times. Many people would be glad to be put to sleep, I mean sleeping is one of my favorite past times, but not when you are awaken to that person quizing you on what you call the young stage of an insect who is in incomplete metamorphasis. Then when you don't know the answer you look like an even bigger idiot... I really hate my life. I go through all of that so I can go down to the Farmer's Market and take a stupid little test just so I can start my work... Yipee! Can't you just feel my enthusiasim flowing out of the computer screen while you read this. I take the Certification test ( keep in mind you i woke up at five o'clock in the morning to take this... in all honesty the man who inveted five o'clock in the morning should be shot... in the head... five times). I go back to the office so I can sit in the car and listen to more from the almighty know-it-all master in the driver seat. I only look forward to tomorrow so that I may be on my own. I get to drive this really awesome pest control truck with "_______ Pest Control" written on the side so everyone knows that I am a big fat loser who works for pest control. Not only that, I may have forgotten to mention I am a 5'3" 103 lbs FEMALE thats doing this job, I know wow, a bigger loser than you thought. Then I hear the news "you have a uniform" thats right a uniform, and if anyone can tell me, when was a uniform ever cute? So in conclusion a girl with an ugly uniform on and riding around in a truck that has the words "pest control" all over it can only mean one thing, I'm going to look like a dike... not that there is anything wrong with how they live, thats just not how I want to be portrayed, its ruining my hot guy chances. So I recieve the "nice" collared shirt (by the way I haven't worn one of those since I was two) and Khaki pants, khaki GUY pants. I quickly felt my chest to make sure I was indeed female (Mind you I may not have much, but what little I do have tells me I'm indeed female) and realize wait a second, I'm not wearing these, these pants are for the masculine and gender and last time I checked (which was a minute ago) I was female so I decide to go home and find a pair of GIRL khaki pants and wear those instead. After all that you will finally see that this is where my story begins........

Posted by tn3/termite_killer at 10:30 PM EDT
Updated: Friday, 22 July 2005 11:05 PM EDT
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