|:.AsIaN GuY tOp TeN pIcK uPlInEs.:|
1- I may look like a nerd but it's only a disguise.
2- I carry this beeper not to feel important but so my Mom knows where I am. I carry this phone to call her back.
3- Uhhhh, no, I didn't play football in high school but I did varsity volleyball and tennis.
4- Has anyone ever told you look like Chun Li? You know, that chic from Street Fighter.
5- What do I do? Gee, I thought you would never ask. Y'see, I'm finishing my first year of residency in internal medicine.
6- Yeah, (sniff) I cried during "Joy Luck Club."
7- Do I cook? Well, not really but I can whip up a pretty mean fried rice!
8- You know what? It's strange, but I get mistaken for a white guy all the time!
9- Hey baby, wanna ride in my 16-valve, twin-cam lowered Acura Integra with BBS gold-spiked rims and a subwoofered stereo that'll leave you breathless?
10- My eyes may seem small but I've got a HUGE personality.
|:.U nOe uR aN aSiaN iF....:|
1- You either got bangs that are long enough to floss your teeth with or spikey hair that's sharp enough to impale animals.
2- You've had a bowl haircut at one point of your life.
3- You're so into brand name stuff that your pocket lint is labeled Ralph Lauren.
4- You only buy clothes that cost too much and say Ralph Lauren, Calvein Klein, Nautica, etc.
5- You go to a party filled wit other Asian people and you can't find your car because everyother one is an Integra or Civic.
6- You alwayz refer your friends with the term "foo".
7- You use the letter "z" too much when on-line.
8- You like to hit on Asian honeys who wear platforms you could've sworn you saw some clown use for stilts at the circus.
9- You substitute "peepz" for people because two syllables is too complex for you.
10- You got a 40 lb. bag of rice in your pantry and an extra 50 lb. bag in the garage.
11- You got a rice cooker with pretty little flowers all over it.
12- Your parents won't stop trying to get you into places for half-price by saying you're 12 when you're really 15.
13- Your parents like to brag about you to other parents. When the other parents leave, they start doggin you and lecturing you.
14- When you get a 4.0 GPA, you get nothing from your parents. But when you get anything less than that, you get lectures from them about how they use to be at the top of their classes in school.
15- Your parents say you can't date until you get out of medical school.
16- Your parents make you play the piano, the violin, or maybe even both.
17- Your parents buy you clothes or shoes that are way too big and say you can "grow into them."
18- When you want to get a car, your parents lecture you about how they had to walk 10 miles through the rice fields to get to school.
19- Everyone thinks you're Chinese no matter what part of Asia you or your ancestors came from.
20- Your parents keep bargaining with people even though the prices are rock bottom.
21- Idiot people try to impress you with imitation Asian languages like ching chong woo bok chi, etc.
22- Your parents expect you to be best friends with anyone off the street of any given area as long as they are Asian.
23- You learn about the "birds and the bees" from someone other than your parents.
24- Your parents cut of the green and black parts of the bread and say, "Eat it anyway. It's still good."
25- Your screen name consists of AzN or other Asian related things and every word in your profile is LiKe tHiS.
26- You claim you have AzN Pride wherever you go, but in fact you're only shaming your race.
27- Even when you're full, if someone says that they are going to throw away the leftovers, you'll finish it.
28- You've had to eat parts of animals they don't even dare to put in hot dogs.
29- Your parents hover over your tired, caffeine-drugged body at 12 midnight and say, "We studied even more (in our native country)."
30- An Asian women comes on campus and people ask you "Is that your mother? Well, then is it your sister?"
31- Your parents say, "Calculus?!? I took Calculus when I was in the 8th grade!"
32- Your parents say, "You want a stereo?!? I didn't even have shoes when I was your age!"
33- You speak "Chinglish" or other related languages which is 40% Chinese, 40% English, and 20% grunt.
34- You never discuss your love life with your parents.
|:.wHaT aSiAn gUrLs haTe aBoUt aSiaN gUys.:|
1- All you wannabes always talk about cars and how you want to fix it up and race and shit, but you don't even got a car! You just be driving your mama's Honda accord with your GOT RICE sticker on the bumper.
2- You always wear the same shit on different days and spray the fake CK1 or the Uni shit.
3- You always have the same fades up the backside of your heads.
4- What's up with the bleached bangs?
5- You always brag about your 2-inch killas! Shoo, you're Asian dammit, admit it!
6- You think that dropped Civics are cool but they're played out.
7- You always brag about breaking and how you can freak and shit but you can't move at all. So watch Soul Train and PRACTICE!
8- When you go to a party, you go in all the fixed up cars and leave your broke ass datsun two blocks away.
9- You all go to the mall and "kick it" looking for all the 12 yr. old girls with their puffy marshmallow jackets or nautica shirts with big boobs and their wonder bras.
10- You think that your import car is hella tight, but your mama paid for it, so get you broke ass to work.
11- On the phone, you guys try to sound all deep and always start a conversation with "Wassup..." but in person, you squeak like a damn mouse.
12- ll you guys freaking share the same girl and you may think that you are all player, but realize that maybe you are the one being played. So there!
13- On your beepers you have a funky little song but it's only background noise so stop and leave a damn message.
14- And when you receive a page you always say it's your bitch, but it's really your mama telling you to get your broke ass home cuz she needs her car to go to the market.
15- always wear those skimpy "wife-beaters," thinking you got a body to sport, but you got to get your ass to the gym and really look good.
16- All you freakin ugly guys get girls by having the nicest cars, but reality check! it's your car we want and not you. "The nicer the car, the smaller the dick!"
17- All you deejays that let us in and say that you are using us for sex. All times, we faked the orgasms and hey, we got in the club didn't we. And hey, we didn't leave with you, we left with the bouncers, cuter than your asses.
18- Superficial and shallow? No, you conceited bastards take pictures squatting in front of your supposed fixed up car, but it's not even yours.
19- And when you stand up, you scrunch your crotch making a bigger bulge, but the truth is you are just checking if it's still there, or if the sock is still in place.
20- You guys that sagg your pants, are just trying hide your flat ass, and you always probably buy 2 sizes bigger shoes making your feet look bigger, but it's not. chill with your size 7 shoes already.
21- And in the chatrooms, you assholes ask "where are all the fine girls at" and also ask "anyone got a pic to trade" but you don't have one yourself.
22- You think that any girl with long straight hair, big fake boobs, and a tight midriff is fine but all you want to do is fu*k her.
23- You think that bumping music in your car is dope, so that all the cars around you vibrate. But you are only hurting yours, ours, and your mamas ears. Watch out, you are gonna get a fixing ticket.
24- On your Hondas and acuras, your headlights are different and damn that's annoying, but watch out you are gonna get a fixing ticket again. and your mama's gonna take the car away.
25- Hey and you guys that wear FUBU, army looking pants, beanies with sunglasses, and warm-ups with slippers and dirty socks, that's out and for one thing, UGLY. Do you guys share clothes?
|:.WhaT AsIaN gUys HaTe abOuT aSiAn gUrLs.:|
1- You all wear too much make-up to try to impress the guys when we clown on the girl with the most make-up.
2- You all go the mall in clans looking the same.
3- You think any import car with any modification on it is "hella tight."
4- You all say "hella" too much. Example: "Dats hella fucked up" or "Dats hella tight yo".
5- You all have fake ass high pitched voices.
6- You only go out with guys that drive a Civic or Integra and it has to be fixed up. Like you girls know about cars anyway.
7- You all secretly compete to see who gets the finest guy and when you've won, that same guy fucks your best friend.
8- You are all too damn superficial and shallow.
9- You all think you're just sooo cute with that fake ass cutie act. I hate to ruin it for you girls, but us guys just pretend to fall for that shit.
10- And on AOL you have to tYpE lYkE tHiS aNd iT'z rEaLlY aNnOyInG...And to guys that type like that, You're a queer!
11- On all of your voicemail greetings you say the same thing.
12- All the fat ones wear the tightest fitting clothes. Eeewwww!!!
13- You all are trend followers, well that goes for the guys too...
14- In chatrooms, the first thing you say is "Where are all the fine guys at?" Oh like you're all that yourself. All the fine guys are out with girls. Not on AOL like your desperate ass.
15- And you AOL girls ask us for a GIF when you end up not sending yours cuz your ugly ass don't have one. Your ugly ass ain't worth a scan.
16- You do not look good in those puffy jackets. You look like the friggin marshmallow man with long hair. And guys, why do you wear those jackets when it's a 100 degrees outside? You look stupid.
17- Polo and Nautica aren't the only brands that exist you narrow minded trend follower.
18- When it's like 10 degrees outside, you bitches still wear daisydukes and other hoe clothes to a club.
19- You think any bald guy is "fine," The "Mr. Clean" look is played.
20- A Civic is a commuter car!! Not a Ferrari, so stop dreaming!!
21- You all listen to the same music.
22- You girls think you're so cool that when you get to a club, you pretend to find your name on the guest hookup list to get in the club for free, but your sorry ass just ends up paying like the rest. Lemme tell you something. Girl you aren't special! Deal with it!
23- You think you're the shit cuz you got in with the DJ who is just using you for sex.
24- And girls, just cuz you can't find a guy to dance with, you all get together into a little corner and dance alone so that when you go home, you can tell your friends that you did dance that night.
25- You teenie boppers think you're the shit using those fake ID's to get clubs. The bouncer knows it's fake, but he falls for your damn cutie pie act. So you get in and tell everyone that you're 19 or 20 and try to mack on guys with nice cars. Then one of those guys fucks you and then forgets you. Haha! You deserve it! Stick to your high school dances until you're 18 aight??
26- You girls wear Nike, and half of you all can't even play ball!!
27- All of you lie and say how can race when you can't even drive a stick! Go with your dad's 1989 gray Camry with only one headlight working...
28- The stupidest think I've seen an Asian girl do: Have a screen name like "Tommygirl." He's a fucking racist bastard you stupid hoe!!
29- You all think you're so cool hanging out with wannabe gangsters. Well ladies, I hate to break it to you. They're only using for sex. Nothing else. They don't give a rat's ass about you. They're just a buncha wannabes with guns cuz they can't fight.
30- And finally ladies, you are all stuck up hoes that think you're all that, and you believe anything any guy tells you cuz you're a used up dirty whore.