Gavin:Have you ever cum while cutting or soon after cutting yourself?

Ash:Not came, as in orgasming, but..Wet.

Gavin:Did you cry when you first started listening to that CD? *for log records, its the "studio" cd from the NIN Album And All that Could Have Been*

Ash:I was at Adam's house when I was listening to it, whoreishly drunk. I was more inspired than sad.. but when I came home, and sat down by myself to listen to it.. I did...and we're talking, wailing.

Ash:(Album:Still, Title:AATCHB) It just made me think of things.

Gavin:Do you ever hate yourself when you can hear yourself sobbing, or do you just like...accept it?

Ash:I hate myself, I want someone to hear it, but not be able to see me.. I want to be in a completely black room.. then I'd cry completely..let it all out.

Gavin:Assuming you could stop yourself, would you ever let yourself cry around me, for whatever the reason you were crying?

Ash:I would be silent, I'm sure. Tears, but no sound. (As of December 23, this is untrue)

Gavin:What do you get up in the morning for?

Ash:To die another day...(Insert drumroll and cymbal hit here)

Gavin:Cute.. Are there things you actually care about?

Ash: There are many things I care about..selfishly, but I care..

Gavin:What's something you would want said about you if/when you die?

Ash:That I actually meant something to them. I want people to hurt when I die. I want peoples' hearts to crack wide open and for them to scream. I want people to know that I was much more than I appear to be, that I know more than they think I know, that I WAS someone.. that I affected them in some way.

GavinWould you ever believe that of anybody at present? I'm not implying myself or anyone else

Ash:I want them to be, as someone once taught me how to do. Just be.

Ash:You mean, believe about someone, what I want them to believe about me?

Gavin:Yes.

Ash:Parts of it, yes..other parts, no. I mean, very few people in my life actually mean something special to me, I have a place for them inside. I may think other things about them, other than what I want them to think of me.

Gavin:Describe what it feels like to be worshipped. Draw upon your experiences of being made to feel like a goddess

Ash:I've went through hell trying to get people to see that I care for them, or think highly of them, they just don't understand my methods, which are best left not understood, to me. ...Everyone loves you, everyone wants you, but fails to fully admit it, but you can see it in their eyes, the way their lips move when they talk to you..All eyes are on you, although there are some drawbacks, people expecting a reason to worship you, it like you have to give in a little bit.. I was never put here to perform for people.. And the thought of being feared by people..you know they fear you, because they throw empty threats at you.. Try to get a reaction out of you. ...They try to switch things around, because they can't handle being at the bottom of the hill..they can't handle it, so everything turns into a competition..until finally you give up.. But things remain the same.

Gavin:Do you think anyone understands you?

Ash: No, I don't. I'd like to keep thinking that no one does. Not even me.