Gavin:How do you think I feel about you?

Ash:I think you have feelings for me that goes a bit beyond friendship, and sometimes you have trouble coping with the fact that you can't have me. But those are only thoughts, heard, but maybe not true.

Gavin:Have you ever cried after you had sex or masturbated?

Ash:Yes, many times after sex..And only once during masturbating, because I was on speed and felt nothing, but I was aroused...and couldn't get off.

Ash:Remember that night I was drunk at your house, the chicken and rice...and beer?

Gavin:Yes

Gavin:Why is it that I "can't have you" as you put it?

Ash:Like I've said before, I don't trust myself with you. It isn't such a bad thing, but sometimes all I sense is danger..And in order for someone to completely have you, or even partially have you, then you need to feel something deep inside for them. I'm not saying that I've never felt anything for you, because I have, but I was, in a sense, restricted. And I'm sure that most of the times, it was the drugs talking.

Gavin:Does indifference come easy for you? Have you ever hated me?

Ash:Indifference, I guess that depends completely on the object or being or whatnot that we're talking about.

Ash:Sometimes, I do believe that I've hated you. I always felt that you gave me many things, and I felt I could give nothing in return. So I hated you for giving me things..for complimenting me on things.. for making me feel better sometimes.

Gavin:If you had to pick one, which would you kill, assuming it would be in a painful gruesome manner. A man, a girl, a woman, or a child? and why?

Ash:It would have to be.. a child. I believe that children have much more fear to let out than older people do.. They haven't seen much of the whorishness this world has to offer, they haven't seen much of reality.. Not the negative part. So if you surprise them..oh, you'll get a rise out of them.

Gavin:Does anyone else ever talk to you like this?

Ash: And I know that when I was a child, I feared many more things than I fear now. No, they don't.(edited 12.17.02: 'Not anymore at least..')

Gavin:Do you like it?

Ash:People fear depth. They fear what they don't understand, so they never care to ask. I enjoy it, yes.

GavinWhat do you fear?

Ash:People like me. People with minds that tick exactly the way mine does. I fear change, I fear growing old, I fear the manner in which I'll die. I fear that I'm weak. And I fear that sometimes, I'm just not going to make it. I fear being happy.

Ash:I fear what I'm going to become.

Gavin:Have you ever come close to removing one of your eyes? If so, why? On purpose, I mean.

Ash:No, never.

Gavin:If either, who would you be more afraid/concerned for, someone I loved, or me for loving someone?

Ash:Someone that you loved.

Gavin:Why?

Ash: I'm not sure if I've ever seen you 'love'..or 'in love'.. but the way, I felt, that you coveted me at points. Made me think that you would kill for someone you loved. Maybe you get too mentally attached to this person.. you take things more into depth than the other person is willing to handle, and the next thing they know, is that they have no clue how they got into this position in the first place, being loved by someone like that.

Ash:Nothing against you at all.

Gavin: Its incredibly difficult to offend me, don't worry about it

Gavin:Why don't you ever ask me anything? Questions, requests, you never seem to ask me for anything.

Ash: I don't like asking people things, they usually respond with something that I don't want to hear. I don't request things from you, because I don't like the feeling of thinking that I owe you something, which is the effects of my requests, because I'll never be able to repay you. All I ask for is honesty..which I've never physically asked.

Gavin:Does it make you uncomfortable when I touch you? Leaving the instances at Jesse's house where you told me if I didn't let you go you'd (I forget what, but I remember it sounded unpleasent)

Ash: Sometimes yes, because I won't respond to something I'm only physically feeling... I don't remember much about Jesse's house.. All I remember is the Everclear, and feeling like a fucking goddess.. But I remember you were in that chair, or on the bed, either one.. Something happened, but it ended quickly.

Gavin: I think I know what you're talking about. Nothing really happened, it was just less then a minute of what I thought was you just fuckin around.

Ash:And I was singing Brackish. *twitch*

Gavin:Do you think I'm a virgin?

Ash: My heartbeat is very irregular. I shouldn't have taken those pills. In all honesty, yes, I do. You don't have to tell me though, I'm really not as curious as you'd think.

Gavin: I know you don't care, I'm just curious as to why you think so. But anyway..

Gavin: Do you ever cut yourself?

Ash: I did a few weeks ago.. 'scratched' if you will. I promised people I'd never do it again, the more I looked at it, the more I laughed, now I look at the scars.. sometimes they're pretty.