The Page

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***(This is a copy of material that was on my main page mid-March of 2001, archived here)***

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We interrupt our regular rotation of seasonal web pages to bring you the following important information.

We will return with Stumphenge/Rites-O-Spring on April 1st

If you are or have been a victim of Mr. Earl, please read on.....

Hello. I am Steve Ford, previous victim of Mr. Earl (a.k.a. Mr. Earl the prize man). I would like to hear from any of you other tragic victims of Mr. Earl. My story:

When just starting a new shift rotation on night shift, I awoke at 6pm after about 3 hours of unsettled sleep since the last shift. During the hours before sleep, I was frantically trying to finish the last 4 episodes of the cult TV series 'Twin Peaks' to return the tape to the video store.

Now.. the last 4 episodes isn't all 'Coffee and Cherry Pie' or 'New Shoes'... it deals with a knife-weilding demon named Bob (who killed Laura Palmer, but I digress).

So... with troubling thoughts of Bob still clouding my brain, I step half-asleep out of my bed to the shower and pull the shower curtain back, only to be met by a cell-phone weilding Mr. Earl. Needless to say, I was quite in shock.

Later when the pranksters in question called me, I hung up.......might as well, since I had lost my voice from screaming in terror!!!

To this day, I fear Mr. Earl. I pull the shower back with great caution, always warning myself:

GET READY, IT MIGHT BE MR.EARL!!!

To help you from becoming victimized like poor me, I suggest the following:

1. Wear a Mr. Earl Victim Medic Alert braclet if you are a previous victim.

2. Inspect shower curtain: is it just a little too perfect???

3. Know your enemies...listen for snickers (or do you still hear voices from the last attack???)

Thank you for your time, notify other victims, and I look forward to your comments.

...and here's the Mr. Earl assembly instructions I received from some prankster, in a plain brown envelope WITH 11 CENTS POSTAGE DUE!