Fa A Bhialainn Ann

part 11 (ugh...how did it ever continue this long?)

by Veralidaine

Bend, little willow

Wind's gonna blow you

Hard and cold tonight.

Life, as it happens

Nobody warns you.

Willow, hold on tight.

Nothing's gonna shake your love,

Take your love away.

No one's out to break your heart,

It only seems that way.

Bend, little willow

Wind's gonna blow you

Hard and cold tonight.

Life, as it happens

Nobody warns you.

Willow, hold on tight.

~ from "Little Willow," by Paul McCartney (yay!) Lovely song; look it up on Napster. Next I plan on a

Joni Mitchell song...Don't ask; I've been listening to "Little Green" all afternoon...

"Let's see..." Fi rummaged around in her trunk, finally coming up with--parchment. She sighed. It was hardly wrapping paper...

"Why don't you just BUY some from Hogsmeade?" Lily asked, conjuring a bow neatly with her wand. It tied itself around a small box wrapped in silver cloth. "I mean, they've got really pretty stuff. That's where I got this. They magic it to make it exactly the right size to wrap it, and they can personalize it...It's really nice." She shook the box lightly, and no sound issued. "Ha! I put a silencing charm on it so he can't shake it to find out what it is..." She smiled triumphantly.

"As if it would be EASY to figure out that it's a remembrall."

Lily grinned wickedly. "He's always forgetting what time our dates are, or when our anniversaries are, so I decided to take a shot at him for it. And get him a really cool gift while I was at it." She sighed loudly. "I love the wizarding world, Fi. Why can't you just do things with magic?"

"I come from a family where Christmas is important for doing the gift yourself. That's why I spent so long working on engraving it," --she held up the silver pocketwatch bearing the carefully carved initials "RJL"-- "and that's why I'm spending so long wrapping it. It's no fun to go buy the paper perfectly fitted. I mean, why not make your own?"

"Because the rest of us aren't daft, like you," Lily said jokingly. "Seriously, though. It's because we happen to believe that you can use magic to wrap a gift."

"Well, yes, but..."

"Why don't you paint the parchment, then?" Lily suggested. "You're a painter; use your skill. Go on, do a Christmas scene or something. Should be cool."

Fi giggled. "You know, it could work..." She grabbed her paint set from under her bed and set up her easel by the window, looking outside at the quickly falling snow. Everything was covered in white, and the bare trees were stock-still in the windless evening. Huge snowflakes fell silently to the ground, adding the last bit of perfection to the scene. As the first stars started to appear, Fi began to paint. Lily stuck around to watch, and to "ooh" and "aah" at her work annoyingly. Before too long, Sapphira wandered in from who-knew-where and joined the fun, prompting Fi to turn around and purposely spatter them with paint, causing all three girls to erupt into giggles.

***

Everything was lovely. There was simply no other word for it. The Great Hall had been decorated beautifully, with twelve huge Christmas trees and a roaring fire in the large fireplace. Tinsel and mistletoe hung above from the enchanted ceiling, which was snowing its magically warm and dry snow.

To top it all off, and much to Fi's delight, small, multi-colored pixies fluttered around the walls, adding their light and glitter to the scene.

Sapphira, who had never experienced a Hogwarts Christmas, was just as awed as Fi. The two of them wandered down decorated hallways with Lily, pointing and whispering at the mysterious lights glowing inside the armor as Lily sighed and rolled her eyes.

"Guys," she'd said one afternoon during a furious giggling fit over Peeves' rather vulgar rendition of 'Silent Night,' "this is just the way we decorate around here, you know. It's not THAT amazing...We experienced students are beginning to think you've never celebrated Christmas before."

"Well, at home," Sapphira said, raising an eyebrow, "we didn't have singing poltergeists." She paused, frowning in mock-concentration. "Come to think of it, Lily, we didn't have poltergeists, period."

"Yes, quite," Fi had added. "We get lots of ghosts, and the occasional banshee, but no poltergeists."

Considering the fact that Sapphira had only been at Hogwarts for three days, the trio of girls became quite close. In between causing mayhem with Sirius, James, and Remus (Peter usually just tagged along, avoiding trouble with the teachers), Fi would paint with Sapphira, who had turned out to be quite an artist herself, while Lily fawned over their work. Fi supposed that once Annelle got back from the holidays they'd have to introduce her to Sapphira--it certainly seemed to Fi that they would get along perfectly.

Overall, Fi was preparing for possibly the best Christmas she'd ever had. Which was why it came as such a shock in the Great Hall the next morning when the post owls arrived. It was Christmas Eve.

Among the usual flutter of wings, Fi had just seated herself with Lily and their new friend at the Slytherin table for breakfast, when Professor Tripwort, who was their current Defense teacher, stood from her seat at the staff table. Professor Dumbledore had been mysteriously absent before Sapphira had arrived, and had taken the next few days off, apparently suffering from exhaustion. Though their professors wouldn't disclose precisely WHAT had exhausted him, Remus suggested to the group that it must have been a spell. At this, Sapphira's face had lit up and she said he had performed a rather complex one while with her. However, despite the pleas of her friends for specifics, she wouldn't tell them exactly what spell it was.

The responsibility of headmaster had been divided between Professors Tripwort and McGonagall. As soon as Tripwort stood, everyone in the hall fell silent, waiting to hear her announcement, whatever it was. She was clutching a letter in her hand, which was shaking violently.

"I...M-Minerva, could you...?"

Professor McGonagall took the letter from the trembling hand of her colleague and straightened her square spectacles. Everyone watched as her beady eyes moved back and forth as she read the letter, then all of a sudden she brought a hand to her mouth and stood very, very still, face paling.

"I wonder what--" Lily murmured, but was interrupted.

"I am sorry to announce to you all that recently, the dark wizard we refer to as You-Know-Who has begun to rise in power. This past weekend, he killed an entire Wizarding family--including one of our students in the house of Gryffindor."

Fi's eyes became very round and her jaw dropped. Surely, SURELY she didn't mean--

"I am...utterly devastated to..." Her throat caught, but she cleared it quietly and continued. "I am sorry to announce that Annelle Jensen will not be returning at the end of the holidays."

Fi's mind went blank. Everything in the room seemed to be moving very quickly--too quickly for her to keep up with. Something in her mind seemed to have broken. McGonagall was lying. Yes, that had to be it.

This was all a cruel joke. Annelle wasn't dead, and there was no evil wizard taking over the world. Annelle would come back from the holidays, and they'd laugh and joke in Defense class, just like they always had.

Vaguely, and with the same sort of grogginess you have during a confusing dream, Fi glanced at Lily. The redhead had frozen in her position of shock. Her face showed a horror uncomparable to anything Fi had ever seen. But then, that was NOTHING next to Sirius.

Everyone in the Great Hall turned abruptly as a chair fell to the floor. Sirius stood next to it, looking possibly more pained and sad than Fi could have ever imagined such a cheerful, jovial person could look. He gave a sort of strangled yelp and ran from the room, while everyone merely stared, too shocked to say anything.

Just down the table, Malfoy, who had been one of the few Slytherins to stay over the holidays, gave a loud snort. "Well good," he muttered. "They were Muggle-lovers anyway."

Something inside Fi snapped. She wasn't really aware of every consciously deciding to climb up on top of the table, march down the center, and clobber Lucius with all the strength she could muster. No, she only really came to realize what had happened when a pair of strong arms pulled her off of him. She turned around to face Remus, who was looking as devastated as she felt.

Suddenly, all feeling came back to her; the numbness was gone and replaced immediately by grief she'd never felt before...Having never lost anyone close to her before, this was a whole new experience, and one she'd rather not have ever had at all. At a loss for how to cope with it, she just leaned forward into Remus's shoulder and cried harder than she'd ever cried before, remembering Annelle, and how her freckled face used to break into a grin whenever she told a joke. How she'd always had a way to solve ANY problem. How she'd always been there to comfort, cheer up, and make Fi and Lily laugh. And how she'd never be there to do it again, all because of a horrid, horrid excuse for a wizard.

She was crying so hard that she didn't even notice Remus's constant orders to leave her be, no matter what she'd done to Lucius. He just held her close and let her cry. The grief was overwhelming. It was like a tight, painful, sickly feeling in her lungs, trying to suffocate her; not allowing her to breathe. She thought she might be sick.

She stood that way, with Remus, for a long time. After awhile, she heard McGonagall ask Remus to walk her back to the Slytherin commons. She heard him ask for a few moments to let her calm down a bit. So, McGonagall must have consented, for she didn't move anywhere. After a moment, she was helped over to a chair, though, and Remus took the chair next to hers.

Remus lifted her chin and made her meet his eyes. "Fi, are you--"

He was interrupted as her eyes overflowed again. She bent over her lap, sobbing quietly. Why did it have to be Annelle? What had she ever done to anyone? She wouldn't wish that fate upon anyone--not even Lucius, whom she hated desperately.

Right now, all she wanted was to be held; assured that everything was okay, and that Annelle was okay.

Assured that everything would be alright again. Why couldn't it? Part of Fi's brain was still stunned and not functioning properly. She allowed herself to collapse into Remus's arms again as she sobbed, terrified and angry and more devastated than she'd ever thought was possible. Finally, she regained her voice and sobbed, "How...How is it possible?"

He brushed her tear-soaked and matted curls from her face and wiped her eyes with his thumbs. "Fi, please..."

"But it isn't fair!" she yelled, burying her face in his shoulder again. "She didn't do anything! Why?

Why, why, why..."

"Because," Remus murmured in an oddly choked voice, "Voldemort is an indescribably evil...being, and he kills innocent people. I only hope we can stop him from gaining too much power. If we don't act quickly, well..."

She brought her arms up around his neck in response, and his wound around her waist, as she cried even harder. Finally, she brought her tear-streaked face up from his shoulder, which was soaked, and met his eyes--a task she'd been dreading but knew was inevitable. "Remus...She's...But..." Her voice lowered to a whisper. "Annelle..." She clenched her eyes shut, trying to stop the tears.

"You need to get some rest..."

She nodded mutely, and stood to follow him to the door. He walked her down to the Slytherin commons, where she murmured the password in an expressionless voice.

Remus sighed. "Get some sleep, Fi. Sleep it off, the best you can. I'll see you tomorrow morning."

She nodded mutely and slowly walked into her common room, not wanting to talk anymore for fear of collapsing in tears again. And that would worry him.

Instead, she found her room. Narcissa wasn't there, and neither was Lily--Fi supposed she was with James somewhere. Sapphira--Fi seemingly just remembered--must have sensed that this wasn't something she was knowledgeable about and was giving the others some space.

Fi slumped down on her bed and cried long and hard, until she fell asleep. When she woke up, about mid-afternoon, she just lie in bed, unmoving, for a long time, staring at the curtains surrounding her four-poster. It was odd to feel this way...She'd never lost ANYONE close to her--she'd never known her grandparents as they'd died in the war against Gridelwald, and she'd never had any real friends before.

That was it, she decided. The fact that Annelle had been one of the first (and only) people to treat her with complete, un-prejudiced kindness and compassion when they first met. It made Fi wonder how long someone like that could make it in a world like hers...

Horrible, guilty thoughts chased themselves around in Fi's brain all afternoon. Why hadn't she ever told Annelle that she was one of her best friends? Annelle hadn't given it a second thought that she was a Muggle-born, and that she was Irish. Or even that she was a Slytherin. She was always there to help with Charms homework, or Transfiguration, and was always there to point out forgotten logic. She'd helped to save Remus, too. And whenever Fi had been made fun of by someone in her potions class for her mistakes, Annelle was always there to murmur rather rude things about them just so she could hear, and make her laugh out loud.

Fi hated that she hadn't spent more time with her. Even though she saw her every day, between classes and walks around the grounds as a group, Annelle was always a tad distant from Fi, due to their houses.

And Fi hated herself for that. She found herself hating the prejudice between houses, and hating the intense rivalries. Especially between Gryffindor and Slytherin. It was so unreasonable...But, she hated Voldemort more than she'd ever thought was possible. He'd killed a completely innocent girl, who had done NOTHING. It was wrong, and horrible, and Fi had this aching inside her to get that creature who called himself a wizard and make him regret ever being born.

***

Christmas wasn't at all cheerful. No one had ever experienced a death like this, and every house was astonished that someone like Annelle, who was quite popular and bright, could be taken away so easily. And the thought that there was someone so evil out there as to do such a thing frightened everyone, and made Christmas all the more dreary, which it is absolutely not supposed to be.

At the feast, one long table had been set up for the remaining students. Glad, at least, to sit next to Remus for once, Fi silently ate her dinner. She hadn't spoken since the previous morning, to anyone. Lily had been much the same. As for Sirius, he had locked himself in his dormitory and wouldn't come out, even for Christmas dinner. It appeared to Fi that he was even more grief-stricken than she.

Sapphira was acting quite awkward, and Fi felt sorry that her fourth day at Hogwarts had been so awful. The new girl had also seemed quite perturbed at Sirius' grief, as she didn't know of Annelle. Somehow, Fiona knew that Sirius and Annelle hadn't ever had a true relationship with real meaning, but they had still been quite fond of each other and flirtatious. And the fact that all of a sudden she died had been quite a shock to Sirius, who had, to a certain extent, taken her presence for granted.

At that moment, Sapphira passed her the gravy and she was brought back to the incredibly silent holiday dinner. Even the few Slytherin boys who had stayed over the holidays were sensible enough to refrain from nasty comments--perhaps it was the fact that Lucius still had a black eye and several bruises.

"Well." Fi turned to Remus and cleared her throat--her voice seemed unready to work. "Here's...uhm..."

She handed him the watch, wrapped in her painting of that snowy evening, before everything went so wrong.

He gave her a sad yet appreciative smile and pulled from his pocket a little box wrapped in iridescent paper. She smiled lightly and he shrugged. "I'm not that great at charming parchment to look nice. Give me a break, here."

"I've not got a problem with it; it's lovely," she muttered, taking it gently in her hands.

They both began unwrapping their gifts. Fi carefully pulled the enchanted parchment off and found a small velvet box. Upon opening it, a tiny, silver celtic charm fell out, it's chain following it and flowing into her hand like liquid. She slid the chain over her head, pulling her hair out of the way.

Holding the charm between her thumb and forefinger, she looked up at Remus, who had unwrapped the watch and was looking quite cheerful, given the situation. She smiled. "Thank you."

"Well, I saw it in Hogsmeade and thought it was nice, and...You know." He shrugged. "The watch is great.

I've always wanted one, but it's been sort of...difficult to get one." He shrugged again. Fi knew he meant he couldn't afford it. He smiled at her when he saw the carved initials. "Thank you."

"Of course." Fi wanted to ask how Sirius was doing, but whenever the subject was brought up, Remus' face clouded over and he got sad again. And Fi didn't want to ruin the moment--however feebly cheerful it was.

Though the thank yous had been short and not nearly as thorough as either would have liked, for some reason it was adequate. Both knew how the other felt, and that was enough for them.