Welcome to Sami's Story about her 3 angels in Heaven.
Conner, Maygen, and Charlie. To everyone who is a member of this club, My name is Sami and I thought I would share my story with you. Well, the first time I fell pregnant I was 13. But it wasn't out of choice, I was sexually assaulted or raped as people would say (i don't like the word). I felt I could keep the baby and cope well as I had a supportive boyfriend AT THE TIME. Then, because me and my boyfriend was so stressed out over time we would fight all the time and argue. Then it turned physical. I lived with him and his parents at the time as my own parents found the stress that much that their little girl was attacked they thought it was best if I was in a non stressful environment. So I lived with his parents. They new we fought and they knew it turned physical but they couldn't do anything. I was at that young and stupid stage where I wanted to be loved and stayed with him. Then one day while his parents were out it got out of hand and he pushed me down the stairs. I was 6 months pregnant. I was rushed to hospital and given a scan. NO heartbeat was found. So I pushed my little boy, Conner jacob into the world. I moved back in with my parents but stayed in the relationship with Ali (Conner's dad). My parents still don't know that Ali pushed me down the stairs. This is all in September 1997. Then around August 1998 I fell pregnant with my second child. I was 14. Once again I decided to keep it. Ali had decided to come out of his old ways and treat me with respect for once. The pregnancy was brilliant and I was blooming. I went for my last scan before I was ready for birth a couple of weeks later. The doctor had discovered that the baby was very under developed as in lungs and that lot. I was upset but determined not to give up. 2 weeks later, May 28th 1999, I gave birth to a daughter. Maygen Louise Hope. She was 3 weeks early. She was very very ill. It was like she had been born 9 weeks early rather than 3 because she was that under developed. But she was a fighter and came out of hospital 1 and a half months later!!!!! Ali proposed to me after I gave birth to her and I accepted. He was 18 so we could get a flat (appartment) together. So his parents paid one half and mine paid the other. Maygen was beautiful. Gorgeous blue eyes. Full head of thick black hair which turned blonde over the months. I couldn't believe how much she looked like Conner. Then I knew he was living on inside her. He'd come back. Well, life with me and Ali was alright. But we had a huge argument one night and he left. We had our ups and downs. I thought it would happpen. He moved to Ireland with his Step mum and dad and left me here with Maygen. I stayed in the appartment though and my brother, his fiancee and their 7 month old daughter Liberty Sapphire came to live with us. Then when Maygen was 4 months old she caught a cold. But she was really ill. I took her to the hospital and they admitted her. Within 4 hours of admitting her she was in intensive care. I lived in the hopistal after that. By her bedisde all the time only leaving to visit the toilet. On 26th September Maygens lung collapsed, they revived her as she stopped breathing and then the other one collapsed. All in all she was revived 3 times. I couldn't cope. I felt that if they needed to revive her that much she wasn't meant to be here. I told them if it happened again to let her go. I was in bits when I told them. I spent the next 24-48 hours by her bedside not even leaving for the toilet. It happened again. Maygen Louise Hope passed away 28th September 1999. I was devastated. Then Ali came over and blamed me for what had happened and made me suffer. My parents went away to help them overcome what had happened and my brother worked all the time and his fiancee never stayed in as she always took Lib out. Ali would visit me, argue with me, hit me and on many occasions force me into sex. I was 15 at this time and having lost two children and then having their father make your life hell I attempted suicide. I was always found too soon.I went into hospital and then things happened and Ali would start visiting again, I fell pregnant in December 1999 and had a miscarriage January 17th 2000. I gave this baby a unisex name, Charlie. Everyone pressured me to go to the police about Ali so I did. We went to court and he is now serving a 22 year jail sentance for actual bodily harm and sexual assaults. In the time he beat me up he broke my nose, my wrist, I have scars up my arms, legs, stomach and back.I find it hard to believe that the father of your cildren and the person that is meant to love you the most out of everyone could do such a thing. I have now moved on to a new life and have got into a steady relationship with someone called Steve. He is a life long friend so he knows all my past. Also I have just had Maygen's and Conners bodies dug up so I could have them cremated. This is because I am leaving this island in 2 months and I didn't want to leave them behind. I did the stupid thing and felt I had no one to talk to so I took an overdose but once again I was found to soon. I just couldn't cope with the fact that my 3 angels could be crying out in heaven for their mummy and their mummy can't come. With the love and support of everyone maybe I can get through this. I have some true friends which include Jean. We have both helped each other through the hard times. I'm 16 now and trying to sort my life out. My parents have been great and Steve is so protective nothing could bring me harm. I just want people to know that I was a good mother no matter what people say. Okay I will never get over losing my beautiful angels but you need to make a fresh start. You can always see that god is looking after you angels. Whenever I left the cemetary after visiting Maygen and Conner I always knew I was leaving them in the safe hands of God. He was like an unpaid babysitter! Please if you have the time say a prayer for my little angels Conner, Maygen and Charlie.
sami_grass@hotmail.com
We only have a picture of Maygen because I had none with Conner and lil Charlie was to early. Please look at my lovely angel girl
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