In Memory Of Kurt Cobain 1967 - 1994

Kurt D. Cobain was born on February 20,1967 in Aberdeen,WA.He grew up in a middle class family.He was hyper as a child and was given morhpine to help him concentrate.As a side effect,he often lay awake until 4:00 a.m. so he was also given sedatives on a regular basis.He had a normal,happy childhood until he was seven years old and his parents got divorced.After moving back and forth between parents, he was sent to live with relatives.Kurt didn't like school because he didn't fit in.Instead of playing football,Kurt sang songs and painted.Eventually he started to develop a relationship where he at least talked with his dad.He began listening to Led Zeppelin and Kiss among others while looking through his father's records he got from a club.He eventually heard some british punk and his life was never again the same.He got his first guitar on his 14th birthday.Kurt dropped out of high school only a few weeks before graduation.In 1986,Kurt formed Nirvana with a friend:Chris Novocelic.They constantly rotated drummers until they were satisfied with future Foo Fighters frontman Dave Grohl.In 1991 the signed a record contract with Geffen and released the landmark album "Nevermind".It was released on September 24 and with songs like "Smells Like Teen Spirit","Lithium",and "Come As You Are",it established Kurt as the unwilling voice of a generation.On January 24,1992,Kurt married Hole frontwoman Courtney Love.Six months later, their child Frances Bean was born.Rumours of Courtney's supposed heroin abuse during her pregnancy surfaced.They were of course denied but not everyone was sure.In 1993 Kurt was ready to release the next record.Just one minor problem...he wanted to call it "I Hate Myself And I Wanna Die".It was of course later changed to "In Utero" but it's an eerie thought when you relaize that only one year later Kurt was found dead from a self-inflicted gunshot wound to the head.Our leader.The voice of our generation had killed himself because he couldn't take the pressure.According to him,it's better to burn out than to fade away.But his memory will never leave us.He lives on for all of eternity inside all the souls of the kids whom his music saved.

"It's 1995 and I still haven't found the total nirvana... but hope to! Speaking of Nirvana, I miss their soothing, calming effect, their soul and spirit and angst, great songs, antics, and excitement. Where are the exorcists when you need them to calm the beast within?" - Joey Ramone
"Kurt's wounds were so deep that when the music floated to the surface after being filtered through his soul, it was incorporeal." - Steven Tyler
"I went to see Nirvana at a small club called the Pyramid on Avenue A in New York City. It was hard to hear the guitar, but the guy playing and singing had a vibe e hopped around like a muppet or an elf or something, hunched over his guitar, hop hop hop, hippety hippety hop. I loved that When he sang, he put his voice in this really grating place , and it was kind of devilish sounding. At the end of the set he attacked the drum kit and threw the symbols, other bits and finally himself into the audience. Later I saw the same guy passing the bar. He was little, with stringy blond hair and a Stooges t-shirt. I felt proud." - Iggy Pop
Genius is not a generous thing 
In return it charges more interest than any amount of royalties can cover 
And it resents fame 
With bitter vengeance 

Pills and powders only placate it awhile 
Then it puts you in a place where the planet's poles reverse 
Where the currents of electricity shift 

Your Body becomes a magnet and pulls to it despair and rotten teeth, 
Cheese whiz and guns 

Whose triggers are shaped tenderly into a false lust 
In timeless illusion 

The guitar claws kept tightening, I guess on your heart stem. 
The loops of feedback and distortion, threaded right through 
Lucifer's wisdom teeth, and never stopped their reverberating 
In your mind 

And from the stage 
All the faces out front seemed so hungry 
With an unbearably wholesome misunderstanding 

From where they sat, you seemed so far up there 
High and live and diving 

And instead you were swamp crawling 
Down, deeper 
Until you tasted the Earth's own blood 
And chatted with the Buzzing-eyed insects that heroin breeds 

You should have talked more with the monkey 
He's always willing to negotiate 
I'm still paying him off... 
The greater the money and fame 
The slower the Pendulum of fortune swings 

Your will could have sped it up... 
But you left that in a plane 
Because it wouldn't pass customs and immigration 

Here's synchronicity for you: 

Your music's tape was inside my walkman 
When my best friend from summer camp 
Called with the news about you 

I listened then... 
It was all there! 
Your music kept cutting deeper and deeper valleys of sound 
Less and less light 
Until you hit solid rock 

The drill bit broke 
and the valley became 
A thin crevice, impassable in time, 
As time itself stopped. 

And the walls became cages of brilliant notes 
Pressing in... 
That's how diamonds are made 
And that's WHERE it sometimes all collapses 
Down in on you 

Then I translated your muttered lyrics 
And the phrases were curious: 
Like "incognito libido" 
And "Chalk Skin Bending" 

The words kept getting smaller and smaller 
Separated from their music 
Each letter spilled out into a cartridge 
Which fit only in the barrel of a gun 

And you shoved the barrel in as far as possible 
Because that's where the pain came from 
That's where the demons were digging 

The world outside was blank 
Its every cause was just a continuation 
Of another unsolved effect 

But Kurt... 
Didn't the thought that you would never write another song 
Another feverish line or riff 
Make you think twice? 
That's what I don't understand 
Because it's kept me alive, above any wounds 

If only you hadn't swallowed yourself into a coma in Rome... 
You could have gone to Florence 
And looked into the eyes of Beeline or Rafael's Portraits 

Perhaps inside them 
You could have found a threshold back to beauty's arms 
Where it all began... 

No matter that you felt betrayed by her 

That is always the cost 
As Frank said, 
Of a young artist's remorseless passion 

Which starts out as a kiss 
And follows like a curse 

By Jim Carrol from the book VOID OF COURSE
This picture always freaked me out:
To Boddah Speaking from the tongue of an experienced simpletion who obviously would rather be an emasculated, infantile complain-ee. This note should be pretty easy to understand. All the warnings from the punk rock 101 courses over the years, since my first introduction to the, shall we say, ethics involved with independence and the embracement of your community has proven to be very true . I haven't felt the excitement of listening to as well as creating music along with reading and writing for too many years now. I feel guilty beyond words about about these things. For example when we're backstage and the lights go out and the manic roar of the crowd begins, it doesn't affect me the way in which it did for Freddy Mercury, who seemed to love, relish in the love and adoration from the crowd, which is something I totally admire and envy. The fact is, I can't fool you, any one of you. It simply isn't fair to you or me. The worst crime I can think of would be to rip people off by faking it and pretending as if I'm having 100% fun. Sometimes I feel as if I should have a punch-in time clock before I walk out on stage . I've tried everything within my power to appreciate it (and I do, God believe me I do, but it's not enough). I appreciate the fact that I and we have affected and entertained a lot of people. I must be one of those narcissists who only appreciate things when they're gone. I'm too sensitive. I need to be slightly numb in order to regain the enthusiasm I once had as a child. On our last 3 tours, I've had a much better appreciation for all the people I've known personally and as fans of our music, but I still can't get over the frustration, the guilt and empathy I have for everyone. There's good in all of us and I think I simply love people too much, so much that it makes me feel too fucking sad. The sad little sensitive, unappreciative, Pisces, Jesus man. Why don't you just enjoy it? I don't know! I have a goddess of a wife who sweats ambition and empathy and a daughter who reminds me too much of what I used to be , full of love and joy , kissing every person she meets because everyone is good and will do her no harm. And that terrifies me to the point where I can barely function. I can't stand the thought of Frances becoming the miserable, self-destructive, death rocker that I've become. I have it good, very good, and I'm grateful, but since the age of seven, I've become hateful towards all humans in general. Only because it seems so easy for people to get along and have empathy. Only because I love and feel sorry for people too much I guess. Thank you all from the pit of my burning, nauseous stomach for your letters and concern during the past years. I'm too much of an erratic, moody, baby! I don't have the passion anymore, and so remember, it's better to burn out then to fade away. Peace, Love, Empathy Kurt Cobain Frances and Courtney, I'll be at your altar. Pleas keep going Courtney, for Frances. For her life, which will be so much happier without me. I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU!