Fervent Glow: Punting Squirrels at discount prices.

Monday, March 28, 2005
Tomorrow's her birthday.

I can't believe the position that I'm in right now. Even after 6 months I can't stop thinking about what happened between us. I can't stop wondering what if I did have another shot? Would I take it? If I somehow magically came across some kind of fold or twist in the universal fabric and within it there was a Katie that was actually able to forgive me of my faults and want me again, would I reach back for her and have the will I did long ago to be with her? And if I have to ask myself this after such a seemingly splendid fantasy, then why am I always in this self-indulgent, fantastical, mind-numbing stupor... stagnating and torturing myself? I've seen sides of her now that I wish I never had and it makes me sick to think "hey, was that there before? how did I miss that?" Why can't I just let go? All my emotion for her has managed to switch polarity so...REPULSE HER DAMMIT!
She made it seem so simple that night. Just to turn tail and run into someone elses arms, someone she didn't even know, someone who was still wearing a mask to impress her and willing to capitalize on my mistakes and twist them into things that he knew weren't true. A low life, an opportunistic coward whose only outstanding trait is his ability to prey on the weaknesses of females for his own selfish ends. I guess I had a hand in it...I did break her heart and weaken her to the point of accepting this complete fuck-head for my replacement.
What kind of respect does a boy like that deserve?
It's true we had our problems and kinks that needed to be worked out...but the difference between me and Katie is this: I was willing, she was not. Thus, she, for a very long time...was wearing a cunningly crafted mask herself. She told me she loved me, one late night in December not 2 days after Christmas but I'm starting to believe what she said when I asked her if she still loved me. She said, "I'm not sure if I know what love is." How deep! What complete, cut-to-the-core depth said item is! But you know, I believe it. She doesn't and didn't. If she did, the aforementioned difference would have never been an issue.

The formula: She trivialized every single aspect, and single-handedly shook and crumbled the very foundations of our relationship...just to get away and then obligated herself to situations to keep herself from me...(i.e. "I feel we've just really been good friends for all this time." "I'm moving into a house with Kim and Candy.")
Let me reiterate that.
She obligated herself to situations to keep herself from me.
In the process she ignored all bonds between us and pushed them far away into the back of her mind where she didn't have to deal with them. Who wants a connection with a "bastard x-bf" anyway?

The result: Complete obliteration of all things Michael King.
Good aimin' pardner.

And so...the inseperable were seperated and all was made right in this world named Katie.

Stay tuned, I'm feeling inspired. -----:: 1:11 AM | MK::-----

Thursday, February 24, 2005
Sorry for the drama...hope you enjoyed it though. -----:: 10:53 PM | MK::-----

Well the time has come to tell you all that I've come to a crossroads. As it stands now, this site is in need of so much work and updating that it would really make more sense for me to just scrap the whole thing and start fresh somewhere else. So I can either...(Decision #1): Let this site sit and stagnate and force contentment upon myself or (Decision #2): Do a completely new website and send this one straight to hell and let the contentment flow freely.
There is another path to take. A straight and wide path with lots of light, a road lined with trees on either side of it, creating an overhanging, arched canopy with tiny bars and rays of light filtering through, and warmth, and pavement, and blue birds and a golf cart: I could sit on my ass, forget about my aspirations to renovate or even update at all and not do a damned thing at all. I'm talking about the easy road man,...that road that grabs your attention and seems to sing a song of succour....SUCCOUR to me and makes my soul burn wildly just to think of strolling down that idyllic aisle, but you know and I know that it's a siren's song....drawing me to that rocky shoal... that road wants my bones.

oh sheesh I better do something.

I don't know if it'll be overly drastic, I might add like,...a sticky note pad somewhere. As soon as I get a broadband connection going again, maybe a "song of the week" will be added, but I know I will be doing a new color scheme and graphics and maybe

This is just a ploy for attention though...the rocks will have my bones... -----:: 10:31 PM | MK::-----

Sunday, February 20, 2005
Well here I am again, blogging.
This has been a big week of change for me and my entire family. One of those things that most people take for granted is that the people you love are going to be around for ever. Sure you know that everyone has their time to go but you never really think about when, and where and how it's going to happen and how much it's going to affect you, because hey they're there now...why wouldn't they be there later? I lost my grandfather to bone cancer this past Sunday.
I am sad about it, but I know that his suffering is over forever and I know that he's gone on to an infinitely better place. I saw the suffering. He went so quickly from the time he was diagnosed till the time he died. I visited him a little over a month ago in the hospital and he didn't look well to me, but my mom came in right after me (she'd been there the day before) and said "Wow, daddy you look like you doing better." He nodded and said "Yea." I watched football with him for a bit, while my mom and grandma went to get something to eat in the cafeteria. This situation was completely out of the ordinary for me though, I don't watch football, and I don't like going to hospitals, and I never said much to my papaw anyway. So here I was in a hosital room watching football with him, talking like we'd talked all the time.
Then, on Sunday me and Seth decided to go to Chattanooga just to chill and so that he could do a little Valentine's Day shopping for Sonya. Before we left I received a phone call from my mom telling me that papaw had gotten worse and they were moving him from hospice to Memorial Hospital in downtown Chattanooga. Seth and I ate at IHOP and headed on over to the hospital, he waited in the car and I went on up. When I got inside I called mom and she directed me to where I need to be and met me at the elevators on the 4th floor. She took me to see my grandma and aunt first and they both warned me to be prepared for what I saw in there. It shocked me to hear that. I hadn't begun to think that he was this bad. When I walked in, he was laying back in the bed with his mouth wide open and having the hardest time breathing. It hurt to see him like that and I felt like I was in bad dream that I couldn't escape or wake up from. He looked so pale and weak and I knew that he was really on his way out. I couldn't stay for long, it was a little much to bear and I had to leave. I think I stayed maybe a little more than half an hour. I took Seth home and as I was pulling out of his driveway I got a phone call from mom and she was crying. I knew what had happened before she even said it. My grandfather passed away on Feb. 13, 2005.

It's a rainy, wet, dreary Sunday and to tell you the truth...I'm feeling good, my only complaint at the moment is that I don't have anyone here to talk to while I do my laundry and I have a very minimal amount of things to do ....what I'm trying to say is this. Mikul iz bo-arrd. But it's nothing new, I spend most of my time being bored and bitching about it than actually going on a full-scale offensive against it. I wanted to paint today but my paint supplies are low low low. I actually went to remedy this last Wednesday night. I magically got an idea in my head and fire under my ass at the same time, it was suprising and kinda tingly...made me feel all neat and warm inside. So I grabbed my checked book jumped in the car and headed down to the Hixson Hobby Lobby at around 6:45 p.m. I was psyched, pumped up and I had a fire inside that I hadn't felt in a long time. I get to Hobby Lobby at about 7:30 or so and make a B-line for the art supply section in the back (oh damn she's cute, augh focus Michael focus!). I grab one tube...two tubes....oh ok that's 6 tubes in all, a couple were like 10-11 bucks and the rest were 6...so about 64 bucks in paint...(wow that's a little bit much, but hey I have checks and the money to back'em!), I checked for bandanas too but I couldn't decide on what I wanted and just gave up and headed toward the check out. When I get there I lay out all my paint, whip out my check book and *gasp* I DON'T HAVE ONE EFF'N CHECK LEFT!!! AUUUGH! ! ! ! !

Well I should really get up and do something before I go stir crazy, so I guess I'll bust a post'atcha lata. PEACE!! -----:: 4:53 PM | MK::-----

Friday, October 01, 2004
Now that new phase of my life has opened up and I'm not quite sure if I'm ready to drop the pieces of this wreck that are tumbling out of my hands. I've tried putting the mangled pieces of our relationship back together in my mind and overtly, but they crumble to dust as they touch each other, swept away by a wind never to be made again.

2 years and a month. 2 years and a month of embrace, of intimacy and getting ourselves completely attached to each other, wound up together in a single cohesive spirit. Becoming almost literally conjoined at the hip. 2 years and a month of "I love you" and "I'd die without you"...of tears from overwhelming joy and passionate fights and the sensation of knowing and loving deeply the most captivating, entrancing, intoxicating woman of my life and dreams. Someone who makes my heart flutter at the thought of her looking into my eyes and knowing that behind them there was a mind that was just as powerfully drawn to me. 2 years and a month of long nights...warm in each others arms and hot cocoa in our cups,...watching a movie or TV...both of us never wanting to let go and...now...she did. She left me.

Everything I did was for her and she left me.

I begged her to stay and she left me. -----:: 10:47 PM | MK::-----

Wednesday, February 18, 2004
I don't know why it hadn't occurred to me before to update news of such a grand and fantastic scale (at least from my point of view) right here on my own personal website. It might have been the possibility of my forgetting that I even had a web log... maybe, but...here goes the news.
I would like to announce the engagement of Katie Hazelwood and Michael King (me). Sorry for lacking imagination enough to do it on any other day but Valentine's Day, but really when it comes down to it it's as good a time as any. That night, unbeknownst to her I was packing a ring, and a very gnarled, twisted stomach as we set out to have a nice little romantic night on the town.
We attended a Murder Mystery Show at the Vaudeville Cafe in Chattanooga. The show was entitled "The Redneck-Italian Wedding." It was basically like the Beverly HillBillies meet the Sopranos at a wedding rehearsal, and someone gets wacked and you have to guess "whodunnit." It's pretty cool...the actors interact with the audience. They come around to tables and talk to the audience, put people on the spot and stuff (and boy did we ever!). It was really fun and you get an all-you-can-eat italian meal too.
When we got there a huge line had already been formed at the "box office" which was a big room with an extra large potium in the corner, complete with a computer that was not working that night, the hostess was handing out little squares of paper with table numbers handwritten on them to everyone with a reservation. I get up there to the potium and the hostess is like "Name of reservation" and I say "King" and she says "aaah, I don't see a King...step over here and I'll see what I can do" I made reservations like a week and a half in advance and what did I have to show for it? Jack! They lost em! Katie and I were both upset. The hostess let the whole line go in before us and then dealt with us. But don't worry, it works out alright in the end. She gave us a slip for table "Aux A" and as we wait in line...they start the play... hmm...and curiously it's the only table for two in the place, and the table looks curiously like the few tables they had outside of the auditorium in the box office. How nice! It was also placed ....curiously...all the way against the very same wall the stage was against so....we could only see the show from the side. But, thankfully is was the only table in the house and it was ours...everyone else had to sit with everyone else at big bulky booths.
I think the hostess told about our plight because we were the first to be told that dinner was served so we could be first in line at the buffet, and the actors at intermission were especially fond of us. I believe we got to talk to the entire cast by the time the night was over, but one member we grew especially accustomed to (and I think she liked us too). It was the redneck bride.
When Katie and I come back from the buffet, there she is..... sitting there...as snaggledy-toothed, bleach blonde and dressed-in-white as you can get saying "Hi" to every single person that passed by going towards the buffet. But immediately we catch her eye and she starts in a me.
"Hey, you look like that fellar from R.E.M.!"
"Haha really? I get that a lot"
"Yeah! Can you sing like him?"
"Nah, I can't sing at all"
"Oh Ok...that sucks-is that yur wife, are ya'll married?"
"aah Nah we're not married" ((heart beats faster))
"ya'll engaged?"
"aah no...but we're going to get married" ((I look at Katie, Katie nods and smiles))
"oh really?! well...how d'ya know she'll say yes if you ain't asked her?"
"uh..." ((I look at Katie, Katie says teasingly...))
"yeah how do you know?!"
"Y'know...purty lil' girls like that get snatched away from boys who wait too long..." ((I look at Katie...and pull out the ring))
That pushy bride altered my plans...so I just did it right then and there ...and well...Katie said yes...and I was very very happy to hear it.
=) cheese!

We're already at work on the plans for a June 2005 wedding, even though we haven't even told everyone about it yet. We've told a lot of people yes...but, there's still more to go. Don't think that we're substituting personal announcements for this announcement though. We still plan on telling everyone that we can in person about our engagement.

Well...there's work to be done. Later... -----:: 1:15 AM | MK::-----

Monday, May 05, 2003
I don't really have anything to talk about...except for the tornado that nearly gobbled up Murfreesboro.
Last night I set out to take Katie home without having any prior knowledge of the weather for later that night. The drive was peaceful...I drove with no music because Katie had fallen asleep next to me and I didn't want to disturb her so, for the most part the only sounds in the cab were that of wheels turning against the black-top and the rumbling of riding over rougher parts in the road.
Nearly a half hour from destination...I'm not really sure of where I was there was a huge flash of light...kinda startled me. If it weren't for the lack of apocalyptic heat and the vaporization of my car and everything in and around it not occurring I would have sworn that Murfreesboro or Nashville had been hit by an ICBM. On second thought, if the were the case, the only swearing that I would have been able to get out would've been cut short. Pretty bright, my eyes didn't dilate for at least second or two. After that there was a light show the likes of which I hadn't seen in while. The clouds were crawling with streaks of red and orange light, as if some hungry ethereal worm was on a hunt, dashing madly through the mists, mindlessly searching for nourishment to fuel its rampage. When a bolt of lightning hit it was like a general giving his spidery soldiers the command for attack. A flash and then all around it others would jump to and from the sky. In one instance, a bolt hit in the distance and then several more hit to the right of it and then to the left and continued to go left until the were striking some distance away behind me. Beautiful.
When Katie and I arrived at around 1 a.m. CT it was calm, there was a strong breeze blowing and rain was sprinkling but there was no cause for alarm for us, because we'd neither heard or seen any severe warnings from anywhere. The plan for last night was this: Katie had to work at the front desk at Corlew dorm from 2 til 6 a.m. and I was going to sleep in my car and wait for her to get off of work, we'd go eat, I'd take her back to her dorm and then I'd go home.
I helped Katie get her things into the building, told her I loved her, and kissed her goodbye. I went to my car afterwards and tried to go to sleep, but there was really too much light from the street lamps and on top of that, the wind was really picking up. I must've laid there for an hour and then the tornado sirens went off. Freaky shiz. So, yea I grabbed my keys and flip-flops, locked my doors...out of sheer habit (but of course you can never really assume that a person won't steal your car during a tornado, ha people suck), and started a brisk jog to Corlew. It wasn't until I identified a little white streak on the road as a guy on a bicycle pedalling like mad to get to shelter that I realized how serious it was, so my brisk jog turned into running like hell.
I was half-way there when I saw Katie running toward me. She'd just started her shift when all of this began so when we got back inside she had to grab up all the emergency gear from the front desk and we joined, in the stairwell, the group that had been in the lobby. We sat and waited there from around 2 until about 3:30. After all that I just decided to stay in Murfreesboro for the night...especially because well...the roads were like rivers so I really didn't have much of a choice.
After Katie finished her shift we went out to eat and to see the damage. A lot of traffic lights didn't work so, had to be careful about that in areas where they hadn't been replaced by crossing guards. There were trees down in the streets. There was a small tree that snapped in half next to my car. I passed an old man and possibly his son cutting one up with hacksaws. Parking lots and big parts of the campus and city were flooded. There were huge puddles in the road and roads that were covered with water still for the most part hadn't drained. Bad flooding and light-heavy damage everywhere. There was a music equipment store in downtown Murfreesboro with its roof collapsed.
We ate at Steak and Shake and we were exhausted. We totally crashed (went to sleep quickly) afterwards.
It's been a pretty crazy night. I hope all you guys at UTK didn't get it this bad. That was kah-razy (ala Brian Fellowes).
Well, if anything else happens I'll let you know and if not...I won't....so, don't eat the pudding...and DO NOT touch my granny.
-----:: 5:15 PM | MK::-----

Monday, April 28, 2003
actually no...I've really ran out of stuff to talk about...which I didn't really have a lot of in the first place. So instead of wasting your time with rambling when you could just as easily be wasting your time watching television, playing pc games, playing playstation 2, eating something that you're not supposed to, staring at your hands, staring at the walling...doing backflips, tasting the oranges, smelling the roses, yelling a neighbors, yelling at the ceiling, yelling at the floor...yelling at yelling, yelling at yellow....tasting the oranges...watching television, reading news about rabbits...reading my blog...tasting the oranges, doing a crossword puzzle...tasting the oranges....tasting the oranges ttaassttiinngg tthhee oorraannggeess fas;kgj -----:: 4:19 PM | MK::-----

HA just kidding. -----:: 4:15 PM | MK::-----

Ain't I just a big tease? It's been absolutely MONTHS since my last post and well, there's no guarantee that I'll post again for another couple of months. So...here I am. Here to tell you all the news that's been building since January 27th. But, this is gonna be rather disappointing because I'm not only lazy about posting, I'm also lazy during posting so, whatever news I do tell you will be full of holes, if I ever get past just rambling about posting.
During these last few months those that know me may or may not have noticed that I've kept pretty much out of sight and out of mind. Now, don't think that I don't care about you all or that I don't want to hang out and stuff, it's just that I may or may not have gotten into some very serious trouble with the IRS and I've been trying to lay low as much as possible...but, there is also that possibility that what I just said is a total lie. Yes, there is that chance that I could be lying to you. Doesn't that suck?
But, being away from you all for this long doesn't make me think that I can get away with lying to you...so...I'm just kidding about the IRS thing, and you knew that didn't you? You did! Now it's all better, see?
"But Michael, what have you been up to?" you wonder, frustrated, scratching your head...or elsewhere,...as you sip your delicious Coca-Cola Classic, contemplating whether you should attempt a coke can structure on a much grander scale. Or maybe you sip your Kilian's Irish Red...the last sip...which I know pisses you off, because it was so good from top to bottom. G'head...throw it, there's no more now! If you're drinking Sprite right now you had better just toss it.

I bought a bunny rabbit for Katie for Easter. We named him Cally. Please keep me from calling him a "her" because it's a male...I just associated it with a female when I first got it without ever looking for genitals. Go figure...looking for rabbit genitals isn't on my list of priorities. I feel so bad though because we made it live in a little box for two weeks...waiting on either my aunt or my sister's fiance to decide to bring the cage that both offered for it. But my dad got this old chicken coop from my grandpa and put in there so now...naturally...he probably thinks I'm the worst person in the world to care for a rabbit, and therefore a child because I was waiting on someone to bring a cage that they offered....hmm.

Katie gives me good kisses on my cheek...the one of my face...in fact they're so good that I can't eevnkvaj typetoau

WELL I'M DONE -----:: 4:14 PM | MK::-----