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Dr. Erin by Patricia Hood Aaron had just finished his last quarter of classes before he began his internship as a counsellor. He looked forward to beginning a new life and getting started with his career. It had been several weeks and he had still not heard back from any of his contacts. While looking through a Psychiatric magazine he noticed a small advertisement for counsellors at a very exclusive rest home. Hattenburg Hospital/ Ritensburg Sweden. Wanted:       Research assistant/Counsellor needed. Successful applicant must speak                         English, and be FIS+ and knowledgeable in this field of counselling. For further information call (503) 555-1264. Aaron tried to do some research on the abbreviation, but could find no mention of "FIS" in any of his reference books. "Why do they want the counsellor to have FIS... what ever that is?". With his curiosity at a peak he made the call. The phone number was a US. number but the person on the other end spoke with a thick accent... probably German. After speaking at length, about his counselling credentials, they notified him of a review process that would take place in Canada. They would make the airline reservations if he was interested. Aaron was so excited that he agreed and gave them his information over the phone. They told him to be sure and bring his papers with him, and to make sure he had no pressing business. He was also told to obtain a passport because if he was accepted they would require him to fly directly to Ritensburg. He could hardly believe it. He set about obtaining the necessary releases and Visa he would need. The review was to be in 3 weeks and he was given a name at the Swedish Embassy to contact to speed up the passport process. He was also sent an airline ticket and an expense voucher in the mail. Aaron didn't have much in the way of furniture, and he could easily get out of his apartment if he needed to. Every thing came together nicely.... until the day of his departure. When he arrived at the airport he ran into a small snag... it took several minutes to sort out with the ticket agent that a mistake had been made on his reservation. The name on the ticket was Erin Brown instead of Aaron. Convinced that it was just a simple mistake....he was on his way. The accommodations in Ontario were lavish. A large suite in an top flight Hotel. He was to be there for 3 days for the review process. The review was taking place over the course of 2 weeks. Several applicants would be screened. All of them were kept separate from one another and Aaron never even saw any of the others. Finally he was called to come to a local hospital for his medical evaluation. Aaron was embarrassed at having to undress for the doctor. The doctor was an imposing woman 6ft tall if she was an inch, with short blond hair. She had a friendly smile, but Aaron was always more than a little self conscious of his thin body. Even though the others he had met spoke fair English, it was obvious that the doctor did not. The first thing she did was to draw a blood sample. This was quickly followed by a body measurement. The tape quickly went around several parts of his body... including his upper arm, neck and chest. As she measured his thin upper arm she smiled...."ist good", she said. For the remainder of the examination Aaron wondered what she meant by that. After all was finished he was sent down to a review board. They spent a great deal of time asking some very personal questions. In the end he wondered if he had gotten the job... they seemed so demanding, he thought. Aaron didn't have too long to wait for the answer. Only about 20 minutes had passed before the phone rang back at his hotel room. He recognised the voice of the doctor on the other end. She said in broken English "Congratulations, you have just been accepted as our prime candidate for the position. Please pack up your few things and report back to the hospital at 8 AM tomorrow morning. You won't be returning to the hotel so make sure you don't leave anything behind. Good day Erin". "What was that", Aaron thought, "did she say Erin??? Ahh, it must have been her accent". Suddenly he was wrapped up in the thought of having won the job and felt elated at the prospect of beginning a new life in Europe. Aaron didn't sleep well that night, his head full of thoughts of his new job, so when the alarm finally rang at 6:30 he was feeling pretty beat. He managed to grab a quick shower and threw his things into his suitcase haphazardly and snapped it shut. He caught the hotel shuttle to the hospital and prepared himself mentally for the day ahead. When he arrived at the hospital he was greeted by the same doctor that had examined him the day before. She grabbed him by the hand and started down the hallway saying " come with me, we must make you ready for your journey to Ritensburg and there is much we must do before then." She propelled him down the various hallways and corridors until they finally arrived in what looked like a medium sized laboratory in a secluded section of the hospital. When they stopped in the middle of the room the doctor went back to the door to shut and lock it, and for the first time Aaron got a good look at the doctor and noticed why she was so tall. She was wearing at least 4" high heels which were kept in place by 2 tiny locks on the straps around her ankles. She was, Aaron noticed, very shapely also with a tiny waist. He wondered what kind of doctor she actually was. He could think of a few things He'd like to be treated for at that moment. The doctor returned to stand in front of Aaron with her hand on her hips and told him he needed to remove his clothing again for further inspection and to 'clean' him up for the trip to Ritensburg. Aaron was a bit apprehensive now that he had noticed the doctors great looks but he wanted this job badly and didn't want to cause any problems so he stripped down to his birthday suit like he was told. She walked around him looking him up and down saying "Yes, I think we've made a very good choice after all." Next she went to one of the cabinets and removed a small jar which she then handed to Aaron. She instructed him to rub the cream inside the jar all over his body in a relatively even coating. She told him that it was a depilatory cream and that it was necessary to remove all of his body hair in order to avoid transporting any infectious agents into the Hattensburg hospital as it was always a sterile environment. Aaron again reluctantly agreed, after all, what did he know about European hospital standards??? He applied the cream as he was instructed and it began to itch almost immediately. The doctor assured him it would be over in just a few minutes and it really was necessary. After what seemed like an hour, but it was only 10 minutes, he was instructed to enter the shower stall in the corner of the lab and wash off the cream and all his body hair with it. Aaron was surprised at how smooth his body felt with all the hair removed from it. He kind of liked it actually. But he was wondering if there were any other preparations they would have to make before his trip. Things went rather quickly after that. He was given 2 injections and taken to the airport. He was met there by another female doctor who was to be his escort. A service had prepared his passport for him and he was handed the papers. His hand went to his face. He loved the way it felt with it completely smooth and he wondered how long it would take before he would have to shave again. Aaron was much too tired to be very talkative on the 9hr flight, but he couldn't help but feel that something had changed. Once they landed, it was a short drive to Rittensburg. It was a lovely hospital set on rolling grounds. He was shown his room, and given a quick tour of the facility. Then it was time for more paperwork. The examiner was the same doctor that had been his escort. Her name was Tatiana Falco... everyone called her Dr. F or Miss F. "I need you to sign this.. It is a conformation that you agree with the diagnosis of FIS", she said. Aaron looked over the papers, but they were in Swedish. He was afraid this would happen. With a lump in his throat he signed the papers. "Now, these are the papers outlining our course of treatment... a copy in English is provided at the back". He began to read it, but it was long and legal. He quickly looked over it..... Feeling that Dr. Falco was growing impatient, he signed and handed it to her. "It is our belief here that all our councillors should go through the entire process in order to fully understand how best to help our patients deal with their treatment....   don't you agree?", she asked. Aaron looked at her and nodded. "Good", she replied. "Sign here and we will be finished for the day".   Aaron looked at the paper. It was a commitment form. He was agreeing to a commitment of 6 months of treatment for FIS.................. according to the treatment outline of the hospital. "Is 6 months really necessary?", he asked. She was stern then she looked back at him. "We have found that to be the minimum for full treatment". Aaron couldn't believe he was actually doing this... but he signed and handed the papers back. "Wonderful Erin...   welcome aboard". This didn't make him feel much better. He took the English copy with him to his room and read it over that night. As he read he felt sick.... "FIS: Feminine Identity Syndrome".... "Oh my god... they want me to experience being a girl so I can correctly counsel others.........", he cried out loud. I have to do something about this. He was shaking... all the offices were closed for the day now. Nervously he picked up the phone.... no dial tone and got only as far as the front desk receptionist who only spoke Swedish.   He began reading again to try to find a way out. According to the papers he signed the treatment for FIS was feminization. After a person entered the hospitals treatment program, full co-operation was demanded of them. If full co-operation was given the patient could be out in 6 months. If it was not given.. .. "No, they wouldn't", he said aloud. He had to put the paper aside for a moment to gather his thoughts. Then he read further, "It is our desire to force the subject to face his/her feminine self. If the subject is co-operative we assume the patient is dealing with this on his/her own. If the subject is uncooperative a series of 4 operations are set up to act as both a confidence builder, and as a permanent reminder of the feminine self". They can't be serious he thought. As he looked over the document he realised that normally a patient would not be given this information. He had access to it only because he was a councillor. He read on. "To show an intent to co-operate with the staff the patient is told they should elect the following operation: Level 1) Facial tuning: Cosmetic treatment of nose, cheeks and lips The patient has one month to decide to go through with the operation. If they do, no further operations are deemed necessary and a 5 month regime of training in feminine mannerisms begins. If they do not make the decision on their own within that time, the operation is simply performed without their consent and the next level operation is suggested to show a co-operative response. Level 2) Throat: Vocal tuning, and cosmetic reduction of the Adams apple. If this procedure is also refused, or goes unrequested for the same one month period, the process of corrective operations continues through the next 2 levels.             Level 3) Breast: Enhancement of the breast through hormone therapy.. And finally Level 4) Gender Reassignment: Emasculation, Cosmetic creation of vagina through penile inversion, and full hormone treatment. Penectomy, castration, vaginoplasty, and vulvoplasty. After level 4 the subject is kept under observation for one month to ensure proper adjustment" "Surely there must be a way out of this", he said aloud. He was awakened the next day for his first counselling session. As soon as he walked in he had a feeling he was in trouble. The Woman and Man behind the desk took control of the situation immediately. "When did you first cross dress Erin?", the man asked in a thick accent. Aaron tried to change the subject. "Just one thing before we begi........... :", he started to say before he was cut off. "Listen young lady", the Woman said, "we have a strict protocol here that our patients must follow". The man just sat back and glared at Aaron. "If you have a question you must wait for an appropriate moment in the conversation and let me know". Aaron stared blankly back not knowing what to say. "You then say Dr. F, I have a question", she continued, "do you understand"? Aaron nodded his head.   "When did you first cross dress" the man repeated. Aaron thought about the time he had learned square dancing at his Jr. High. There were not enough girls for partners so the teacher thought it would be cute to bring some dresses to put over the boys clothes.... as he was thinking about that a lump grew in his throat, "I can't tell them about that can I?" he thought to himself. He realised this was going to be a long morning. When the questioning had ended he finally felt it was time that he could speak. "Dr. F, I have a question", he said. Dr. Falco smiled at him, "what is it dear"? Aaron tried to clear his mind of all the questions they had asked him so he could regain his train of thought. He realised this was going to be a tough argument. "When I first came here I didn't know what FIS was..." Aaron spoke quickly. Dr. Falco's smile widened. "I don't think I have it.. . I mean, I don't want to be a girl". Dr. Falco pondered this for a moment. After a long pause she looked at him. "You are brilliant Erin, I hadn't thought of the role playing aspect of this, but you have obviously given this quite a bit of thought". "Oh no", Aaron thought. " She thinks I'm pretending to be just another patient". "Well then Erin, you leave me no choice but to assign you to level 1", she said. "No, you don't understand, I don't....", Aaron tried to get out. He was cut off by the presence of a large orderly that had been summoned into the room.   They quickly ushered him out. His heart sank as he heard the door close behind him. He realised that almost none of the staff spoke English. That was in fact why they went to the US to recruit for the position. Over the next few days he wrote several letters to the US Embassy and to friends in the US to try to get him out of this, but he had no way of knowing if the letters were getting through. One evening after taking his evening tranquilliser he felt dizzy. When he lifted the lid on his food he found only a note that read, "sleep well". He next awoke on an operating table. No sooner did he open his eyes, a nurse in a surgical mask inserted something into his mouth. "She has pretty eyes", Aaron thought to himself. He felt the device in his mouth inflate and force his jaws apart and his tongue down though he could still breathe through a hole in the centre of the device. A quick tug confirmed his fears, he was in fact strapped to the table. Wrists, upper arms, waist, thighs, and ankles. He was quite immobile. Aaron tried to speak, but only odd muffled noises escaped his mouth. Dr. Falcon leaned over him. "Don't try to speak, I can't understand you". I allowed you to wake up so I could explain some of the procedure to you", she continued. "Since you are actually a willing participant in this after all", she smiled. "We will begin by using a paint on mask to chemically disable your facial hair follicles. This will take about 20 minutes. We will then use a little cosmetic surgery to narrow your nose and raise your cheekbones". Aaron could only lie back in horror. "I will then see what I can do to change your lip line a bit. I must tell you that I plan on going a bit farther with you because of your special circumstance". Aaron could not believe this. He saw the mask for the anaesthesia in the nurse's hand. It was designed to secure to the gag in his mouth. He thrashed as the nurse brought it close to his face. He felt another nurse pull his head back to a rest built into the table. He gripped the side of the padding with both hands as they inserted the two nasal tubes and secured the mask. The next few weeks were difficult. Every inch of his face hurt for days after the operation. After 3 weeks he was allowed to remove the bandages. He looked like a battered wife. He couldn't believe the change in his facial structure. Though not fully healed he spent almost an hour gazing into the mirror at some woman's face...his face. Aaron went back to his papers.... "Level 2: Vocal tuning and reduction of the Adams apple". He thought long about the decision but if this would keep things from proceeding further he would do anything. In his next counselling session he told Dr. Falcon that he wanted to co-operate and sign up for level 2. Dr. Falcon looked at him and handed him some papers to sign. After signing them she said, "We'll perform the operation tomorrow. Don't eat anything tonight. Aaron didn't sleep much that night. In the morning a gurney came for him. Ever since the first operation he had been receiving injections every morning. This morning he was given his injection while in the operating room. This time he was placed on the table with the back inclined. His head was tilted back and a brace was inserted between his jaws leaving his throat open. He felt a prick in his arm as the IV was inserted. Dr. Falcon spoke, "Since your voice is not far out of range now I will not remove much tissue, I don't want you to sound like a bimbo, after all you are a professional". A panic came over Aaron. "Remove tissue?", he tried to say, but nothing identifiable came out. He saw the surgical instruments out of the corner of his eye as all went black. When he awoke his throat hurt quite a bit, but it wasn't as bad as he had thought. He was surprised to see Dr. Falcon. She reached over and stroked his head. "Don't talk dear, your voice will be more gentile if you don't try to talk too early". Tears began to well up in Aarons eyes. "At least it's over", he thought. His recovery was going well. He had been at the institute for over 3 months now and his face had healed up very well. It took him a while to get used to his new voice, but he felt he could live with it since it was in a lower register... for a woman. One evening as he was getting ready for his shower, he noticed a slight swelling at his chest. As he rubbed them he noticed them beginning to come erect! "No!!... Damn, how long have they been doing this?" he shouted. He went back to the papers. He was not supposed to get hormone injections... "That isn't supposed to be until Level 3", he yelled. He went to the door and pounded with his fists. "Let me out this instant...I'm not supposed to get the's not supposed to go any further...". Aaron was on the verge of hysterics. Suddenly the small dinner door opened, and a meal tin was thrust in. He lifted the top of the tray and began to sob. On the plate was only a simple note and a pill. "Sleep well Erin" Aaron tried to decide if he should take the pill or not. He thought he might try to escape in the morning. Maybe if he tried he would at least show them that he really didn't want them to go through with their plans. That morning he was awakened with a start as one male orderly and 2 large females set upon him. One of the females pointed to the pill on the tray and shook her finger at Aaron. He struggled, but it was no use. A combination of the hormones he had been given and the IV feeding he had for 2 weeks following his throat surgery had left him weak and unable to fight them off. "Please don't do this..." he cried. Set in the centre of the room was a cushioned table. It was a medical examination table for female patients. Bars, lowered at the moment, could be raised to imprison the female within the table. They ran the length of the table and allowed doctors to stand over the female and operate on her without her rolling off the table. Sticking out from the base of the table were metal stirrups. They were intended to imprison the feet of a female and spread her legs so she could be examined at will. As he pleaded a second time he felt the nurse behind him reach around and place the gag in his mouth and inflate it with a couple of pumps from a ball, then the ball was removed from the valve. He was lifted onto the table and his legs secured at the knee and ankle in a heavy stirrup structure at the foot of the table. "This is a bloody treatment couch for FEMALE patients" he screamed mentally. With the back at a slight incline and his head against it's rest he could see his crotch. He tried to look away, but felt the gag being secured to the headrest. He tried to reach out but his arms were quickly grabbed and brought behind the back of the table. The table had 2 cut outs at the shoulders so the wrists and elbows could easily be secured to the padded underside of the table. Finally the last bit of movement was taken from him when a broad belt and straps were secured around his waist and high on his thighs. He tried to roar his protests through the hole in the inflatable mouthpiece, but any words were unrecognisable. The wait was horrific. He was on the table for more than 40 minutes while he watched electrolysis performed on the few hairs at the base of his penis. Again he tried to protest. His eyes shot towards a tray that was pushed next to him. On it were breast implants, they looked to be at least a C cup size. After what seemed like an eternity, Dr. Falcon came in. Aaron took in a deep breath to scream. He thought if he could get her attention she might notice he was not ready for this. As he took in his breath the mask came down and stifled his scream. As he felt the mask being secured he tried to rock from side to side, but the table was quite immobile. Finally resigned to his fate he felt the scalpel gently incising the right side of his chest as a cavity for the implants was formed. "You will be a beautiful model and example for us " the Doctor mused. 30 minutes later both implants were in place and sutured. The Doctor apologised, "Sorry you cannot see as well now" Motioning to the nurse   the table was adjusted to allow him to see over his breasts!   Just then Dr. Falcon came to his side. His eyes shot to hers, pleading with her. She saw he was terrified. "Just try to relax..", she said in a soft voice. "I see, this isn't what you expected. We don't usually keep the patients awake for this, but since you are going to be a doctor here I thought you would like some insight to what goes on. I see now that may have been a mistake. As I told you earlier, we feel that our councillors need to go through the full treatment to better understand it". Dr Falcon began to explain the sequence of procedures planned for that day: Penectomy followed by castration leading to vaginoplasty, and vulvoplasty. Aaron couldn't believe it... she was actually going to go through with it. Without a break he felt hands rubbing a cool slick liquid on his penis. He was quite aroused now by the rubbing on his groin. He was very near climax. "The last thing we need from you is a sample of your sperm... then we'll begin", Dr. Falcon continued. He saw the side nurse take up a large stainless steel cylinder attached to an electrical wire. Without warning he felt her insert it in his anus.............. The nurse operated a switch and Aaron felt an electrical stimulus on his prostrate......Aaron tried to hold back, but there was no holding it........ The pressure caused by the heat from the nurse's latex glove holding his penis combined with the anal stimulus was too much. He began to ejaculate to order into a small glass held by the nurse expertly masturbating him. His ejaculation lasted for over a minute even after the pleasure had diminished. He was being milked............ As he finishing pulsing into the container he heard the hiss of the gas as it began to flow in the mask numbing him still further. A cloth barrier which had been placed over his abdomen to block his view of the procedure was removed to give him the best possible view. "The first step is for the scrotum to be cut open, and your testicles and spermatic cords will be cut off and discarded. Some of your scrotal skin will also removed, and a circular piece is retained for later use. Your penis will be divided into four parts, of which three are kept: your penile skin will be cut through circumferentially, just under the edge of the glans, and the skin will be removed from the underlying tissue in one piece, just as a glove is taken off a finger. The hollow tube of penile skin is left attached to the skin of my abdomen and pubis. Your penile urethra, with the Foley catheter inside, is cut free from the bottom surface of the penis, and left attached at its base. A ribbon of tissue, running along the top side of your penis all the way to the glans will be dissected out, along with a small portion of the glans itself. This little piece of glans tissue, still attached to the pedicle containing its blood supply and nerve endings, will become your clitoris. The remainder of your penis, consisting of virtually all the erectile tissue and most of the glans, is cut off and discarded. " He could not believe it She was giving him a running commentary on his conversion to a woman!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The doctor continued "Your vaginal cavity is created by dissecting a space between your rectum and my bladder; this is done very carefully, to avoid accidental penetration into the rectum. The tube of penile skin is turned inside-out and is prepared to line this cavity: First, the preserved circle of scrotal skin will be scraped thin to remove hair follicles; then it is sewn to the open end of the penile skin tube, closing the tube at its free end. To avoid putting too much stretch on the penile skin while trying to push it far up into the vaginal cavity, the attached skin of the pubic area and lower abdomen is dissected free of its underlying tissue, so it can take up part of the tension. The downward stretch on this adjacent tissue is maintained by tacking the lower abdominal skin to the pubic bone with heavy retention sutures. Before the skin tube is pushed into the cavity, it will be pierced with two holes near its pubic attachment. Your clitoris will be positioned at the upper hole and sewn into position; its long ribbon pedicle is folded up underneath, serendipitously creating a typically female pubic prominence, or mons. Your urethra, after considerable shortening, and with the Foley catheter still in place, is positioned at the lower hole and sewn in place. Then the penile skin tube is inserted into your vaginal cavity. " "Your remaining attached scrotal skin is trimmed and sewn to create labia. Silicone drain tubes will be brought out through the top of these incisions. Your vagina will be packed with as much antibiotic-impregnated gauze as it will hold, and your labia are then sewn together to keep it in place. It will take nearly six hours of careful work." He felt an injection in his groin area, and thought he could just feel the blade of the scalpel. Dr Falco's hand jerked very slightly and then smiled proudly "Now you are ready to become one of us" she praised him. "No more mess from where that came from. Of course this is the easy bit. Shaping a realistic vulva is not easy although I can use mine for the model. The beauty of this operation is that the scrotum has masses of spare skin to mould the vaginal lips." In disbelieve she reached for his testicle sac and without delay sliced it from north to south......... Another slight nudge and she had severed his left testicle holding it up for him to view. "That will reduce those male urges directly. The oestrogen injections will double in reaction from now on. Your breasts will be magnificent." His right testicle joined its partner and parts of his penis in the stainless steel kidney dish seconds later. He almost fainted as the side nurse casually disposed of them in the nearby incinerator like a waitress scraping a plate clean of uneaten vegetables. "I will now continue with the vulvoplasty and dissection of a perineal space for the neovagina. The vaginal cavity is commonly created by blunt dissection which is performed between the bulbocavernous muscle, Denonvilliers' fascia ventrally and the levator ani muscle and the rectum dorsally and laterally. Dissection is carried distally for about 12 cm until the peritoneum is reached at the rectovesical region. At this site, the risk of peritoneal perforation and rectal laceration is high because the surgical field is located deep in the pelvis and the manoeuvre is completely "blind". Microlaparoscopy is very useful in these cases because the dissection of the rectovesical space may be guided directly, thus avoiding accidental injury of the surrounding structures." ****************************** END OF PA