Never Love a Programmer

Now that I've lived to see this day,
These are the things I must but say.


Die a bachelor, if your options're few,
Never ever love a programmer, they'll make a program out of you.


Don't laugh it away, mine has been an object lesson,
They find syntax errors, even in a romantic expression.


Alas! they search logic in love, where there is none,
Yo heart may skip a beat and they just hit return.


You are in for trouble if you persist,
You'll just be a pointer in a long linked list.


They would never oblige you even with a smile,
And if smile come to their lips, they consign it to a file.


They have little regard for your amorous approaches,
Plight will be yours, infinite loops & blunderous goaches.


You are bitten by different bugs, though love it may appear,
Just when you think you're going steady, you'll get run time error.


And if your beloved may be a programmer in COBOL,
May God be with you for they are the worst of them all.


Sticklers for standards, you'll have a rough time,
You'll die of keeping tabs, in your youth prime.


Beauty and brain together, which was never meant to be,
They have them both and are for sure deadly.


And yet there are Heroes who's love has made history,
But why their fates didn't hang is still a mystery.


So follow my advice if in me you have any trust,
Wait for the day when the beauty becomes an analyst.

Request from GOD...to YOU !!!

   As you got up this morning, I watched you and hoped you would talk to me, even if it was
just a few words, asking my opinion or thanking me for something good that happened in your
life yesterday  -  but I noticed you were to busy trying to find the right outfit to put on
and wear to work.
 
I waited again .    When you ran around the house getting ready I knew there would be a few
minutes for you to stop and say hello, but you were too busy . At one point you had to wait
fifteen minutes with nothing to do except sit in a chair.Then I saw you spring to your feet.
I thought you wanted to talk to me but you ran to the phone and called a friend to get  the
latest gossip.
 
I watched as you went to work and I waited patiently all day long. With all your activities
I guess you were too busy to say anything to me.     I noticed that before lunch you looked
around, maybe you felt embarrassed to talk to me, that is why you didn't bow your head. You
glanced three or four tables over and you noticed some of your friends talking to me briefly
before they ate, but you didn't. That's okay.
 
There is still more time left, and I have hope that you    will talk to me yet you went home
and it seems as if you had lots of things to do. After a few of them were done you turned on
the TV, I don't know if you like TV or not, just about anything goes there & you spent a lot
of time each day in front of it, not thinking about anything - just enjoying the show.     I
waited patiently again as you watched the TV and ate your meal but again you didn't talk to
me.
 
Bedtime I guess you felt too tired. After you said goodnight to your family you plopped into
bed and fell asleep in no time.     That's okay because you may not realize that I am always
there for you. I've got patience more than you will ever know. I  even want to teach you how
to be patient with others as well.
 
I love you so much that I wait everyday for a nod, prayer or thought or   a thankful part of
your heart. It is hard to have a one-sided conversation.   Well you are getting up again and
once again I will wait with nothing but love for you hoping that today you will give me some
time. Have a nice day!
 
Your friend,
GOD

A beautiful Poem sent to me by one of my friends......Hiromi

S L O W   D A N C E



Have you ever watched kids on a merry-go-round?
Or listened to the rain slapping on the ground?
Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight?
Or gazed at the sun into the fading night?

        You better slow down
        Don't dance so fast
        Time is short
        The music won't last!!!!

        Do you run through each day on the fly?
        When you ask "How are you?"
        Do you hear the reply?
        When the day is done,do you lie in your bed
        with the next hundred chores running through your head?

        You'd better slow down
        Don't dance so fast
        Time is short
        The music won't last

        Ever told your child,
        We'll do it tomorrow
        And in your haste, not see his sorrow?
        Ever lost touch,Let a good friendship die
        'Cause you never had time to call and say "Hi"?
        
        You'd better slow down
        Don't dance so fast
        Time is short
        The music won't last
        
        When you run so fast to get somewhere
        You miss half the fun of getting there.
        When you worry and hurry through your day,
        It is like an unopened gift....        Thrown away...

        Life is not a race.
        Do take it slower
        Hear the music
        Before the song is over.

Never Loose Your Temper



   There was a little boy with a bad temper. His father gave him a bag of
   nails and told him that every time he lost his temper,to hammer a nail
   in the back fence. The first day the boy had driven 37 nails into  the
   fence. Then it gradually dwindled down.  He discovered it   was easier
   to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence.   Finally
   the day came when the boy didn't lose his temper at all.   He told his
   father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one
   nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper. The days passed
   and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that     all the
   nails were gone.The father took his son by the hand and led him to the
   fence. He said, "You have done well, my son, but look at the holes  in
   the fence. The fence will never be the same.  When you say  things i n
   anger, they leave a scar just like this one. You can put a knife in  a
   man and draw it out. It won't matter how many times you say I'm sorry,
   the wound is still there. 
              "A verbal wound is as bad as a physical one." 

Some Beautiful Quotes

If Gravity is a myth, then earth Sucks...
Learn to Listen, sometimes opportunity knocks very softly !!
Don't marry for money, borrow it; It costs cheaply!!
Don't waste fresh tears on stale sorrows


Many of these are contributed by one of my favourite friend whom I love to tease..Neelam Nilanker

Some Jokes...You should be Open(Adult) minded to read this...else Go back to where you came from.....Return to Homepage

A young couple were married,and celebrated their first night together,doing what newlyweds
do,time and time,all night long.Morning comes and the groom goes to the bathroom but finds
no towel  when  he emerges from the shower. He asks the bride to please bring one from the
bedroom. When she gets to the bathroom door, he openes the door ,exposing his body for the
first time to his bride where she sees all of him well.

Her eyes went up  and down and about midway, they stopped and stared, and she asked shyly,
"What's that?" ,pointing to a small part of his anatomy.
He,also being shy,thought for a minute and then said,"Well,that's what we had so much fun
with last night."

And she, in amazement ,asked, "Is that all we have left?"






A man was driving down aa quite country lane when out into the road strayed a rooster.
Whack! The rooster disappeared uder the car.Aa cloud of feathers.
Shaken ,the man pulled over at the farm house,rang the door bell.A farmer    appeared.
The man ,somewhat nervously said, " I think I killed your rooster, please allow me to
replace him."
"Suit yourself," the farmer replied,"the hens are round the back."





Jane was becoming frustrated with her husband's insistence that they have sex in the
dark.Hoping to free her husband from his inhibitions,during a passionate evening,she
flipped on the lamp -- only to discover a cucumber in his hand."Is  THIS what you've
been using on me for past 5 years!?!"
"Honey, let me explain!"
"Why you sneaky bastard!" she screamed. "You impotent son of a ---"
"Speaking of sneaky!" he interrupted, "maybe you'd care to explain our 3 kids!!!"





This couple goes to an agricutural show way out in the  countryside on a fine Sunday 
afternoon, and are watching the auctioning off of  bulls.  The guy selling the bulls
announces the first bull to be auctioned off: "A fine specimen ,this bull reproduced
60 times last year." 
The wife nudges her husband in the ribs & comments ,"See! That was more than 5 times
a month!"
The second bull is sold:"Another fine specimen,this wonder reproduced 120 times last
year,"
Again the wife bugs her husband,"Hey that's some 10 times a month. Whatdo YOU say to
that?" Her husband is getting really annoyed with this comparison.
The third bull is up for sale: "And this extraordinary specimen reproduced 365 times
last year!" The wife slaps her husband on the arm and yells,"That's once a day,every
day of the year ! How about YOU?!"
The husband was pretty irritated by now ,& yells back, "Sure,once a day!.......  But
ask the auctioneer if they were all with the same cow!!!!!"





A woman asks her husband to buy her a fur coat for their 25th anniversary.
"HA," he snorted." The day I buy you a fur coat will be the day you can grow hair on
your chest!"
On that she hikes up her skirt ,drops her panties and thrust her pubic area forward.
"There! I have hair on my chest, now buy me a fur coat."
"THAT's not your chest!" he roars back.
"Damn right it's my chest, " she argued. "Before we got married, this was your hope
chest. On our honeymoon it was your treasure chest. Afterwards it became our family
chest. AND IF YOU DON'T BUY ME A FUR COAT IT WILL SOON BECOME THE COMMUNITY CHEST !!





A guy walks into a bar with a pet alligator by his side.He puts the alligator up on
the bar.  He turns to the astonished patrons . "I'll make you a deal.I'll open this
alligator's mouth and place my genitals inside then the alligator will close his m-
outh for a minute.He'll open his mouth and I'll remove my unit unscathed.In  return
for witnessing this spectacle,each of you will buy me a drink."
The crowd murmured their approval.The man stood up on the bar,dropped his  trousers
and placed his privates in the alligator's open mouth.The gator closed his mouth as
the crowd gapsed.     After a minute ,the man grabbed a beer bottle and rappedd the
alligator hard on the top of its head.The gator opened his mouth and the man remov-
ed his genitals - unscathed as promised.
The crowd cheered and the first of his free drinks was delivered. The man stood  up
again and mode another offer.
  "I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try."A hush fell over the crowd.
After a while , a hand went up in the back of the bar.  A buxom young blonde woman
timidly spoke up. "I'll try, but you have to promise not to hit me on the head with
that beer bottle."





A young newly married couple inherirted a parrot from an aged relative.This parrot
was very talkative,  and was forever informing visitors as to what  went on in the
newly weds' home.One evening ,after a very embarassing comment from the bird,  the
husband had enough and said to the parrot,"that's it!You will be covered up in the
future and if you take your cage cover off or embarass us  again ,you will be sent
to the zoo."
A couple of  days later the  couple were  preparing for  a short trip,and as usual,
the suitcase was too full to close. So the husband said,  "I'll get on the top and
jump up and down and you see if you can get it."
After a bit the wife said,"This is no good.I'll get on top and you see if you  can
get it."Thus still did not work, and so the husband said,"Tell you what,let's both
get on top and bounce up and down - that'll get it."
With this,the parrot pulled off the cage cover and said,"Zoo or no zoo,this I have
got to see."





A young punker gets on the crosstown bus.He's got spiked, multicolored hair that's
green, purple and orange. His clothes are a tattered mix of leather rags. His legs
are bare and he's without shoes. His entire face and body are riddled with pierced
jewelry and his earrings are big, bright feathers. He sits down in the only vacant
seat, directly across from and man who just  glares at him for the next ten miles.
Finally, the punk gets self conscious and barks at the old man.      "What are you
looking at you old fart......didn't you ever do anything wild when you were young?"

Without missing a beat,the old man replies:"Yeah. Back when I was young and in the
Navy, I got Really drunk in Singapore and screwed a  parrot.thought maybe you were
my Son."





A worried father telephoned his family doctor and said that he was afraid that his
teenaged son had come down with V.D. He says he hasn't had sex with anyone but the
maid, so it hasto be her."
"Don't worry so much," advised the doctor.  "These thingshappen."
"I know,doctor," said the father,"but I have to admit that I've been sleeping with
the maid also. I seem to have the samesymptoms."
"That's unfortunate."
"Not only that, I think I've passed it to my wife."
"Oh God," said the doc, "That means we all have it."





In a biology class, the professor was discussing the high glucose levels found in
semen.A young female (FRESHMAN) raised her hand and asked'If I understand, you're
saying there is a lot of glucose, as in sugar in  male semen?'  'That's correct',
responded the professor,going on to add statistical info. Raising her hand again,
the girl asked,'Then why doesn't it taste sweet?'
After a stunned silence, the whole class burst out laughing, the poor girl's face
turned bright red, and as she realized exactly what she had inadvertently said (or
rather implied), she picked up her books without a word and walked out of class...
and never returned.  However,as she was going out the door, the Professor's reply
was classic...Totallystraight-faced he answered her question, 'It doesn't taste
sweet because the taste-buds for sweetness are on the tip of your tongue and not 
the back of your throat.





A few months ago, there was an opening with the CIA for an assassin. These highly
classified positions are hard to fill,and there's a lot of testing and background
checks involved before you can even be considered for the position.

After sending some applicants through the background checks,  training and testing
they narrowed the possible choices down to 2 men and a woman,but only one position
was available.   The day came for the final test to see which person would get the
extremely secretive job. The CIA men administering the test took one of the men to
a large metal door and  handed him a gun.  We must know  that you will follow your
instructions no matter what the circumstances" they explained.  "Inside this room,
you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill her."

The man got a shocked look on his face and said, "You can't be serious! I    could
never shoot my own wife!""Well", says the CIA man,"You're definitely not the right
man for this job then." So they bring the second man to the same door and hand him
a gun.          "We must know that you will follow instructions no matter what the 
circumstances", they explained to the second man. "Inside you will find your wife
sitting in a chair.Take this gun and kill her."The second man looked a bit shocked,
but nevertheless took the gun and went in the room.All was quiet for about5 minutes,
then the door opened. The man came out of the room with tears in his eyes. "I tried
to shoot her, I just couldn't pull the trigger and shoot my wife.   I guess I'm not
the right man for the job."  
"No" the CIA man replied,"You don't have what it takes.Take your wife and go home."

Now they're down to the woman left to test. Again they lead her to the same door to
the same room and handed her the same gun.     "We must be surethat you will follow
instructions no matter what the circumstances, this is your final test.  Inside you
will find your husband sitting in a chair.Take this gun and kill him." 

The woman took the gun and opened the door.Before the door even closed all the way,
the CIA men heard the gun start firing. One shot after another for 13 shots.  They
heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. This went on for several minutes,
then all went quiet. The door opened slowly, and there stood the woman. She wiped
the sweat from her brow and said "You guys didn't tell me the gun was loaded with
blanks! I had to beat him to death with the chair!"

Before And After Marriage

Here are a few examples of Before and After you get married:
         b- you take my breath away
         a- i feel like i'm suffocating     

         b- twice a night         
	 a- twice a month         

         b- she says she loves the way i take control of a situation 
         a- she called me a controling, manipulative, egomaniac   

         b- saturday night fever
         a- monday night football         

         b- he makes me feel like a millon dollars
         a- if i had a dime for every stupid thing he's done...     

         b- don't stop
         a- don't start         

         b- the sound of music
         a- the sounds of silence         

         b-is that all you're having?
         a- maybe you should have just a salad, honey

         b- wheel of fortune
         a- jeopardy         

         b- its like i'm living in a dream     
         a- its like he lives in a dorm

         b-  $60/doz.
         a-  $1.50/stem

         b-  turbo charged
         a-  jump start

         b-  we agree on everything
         a-  doesn't she have a mind of her own?     

         b- feathers and handcuffs
         a- ball and chain         

         b- idol
         a- idle         

         b- i love a woman with curves
         a- i never said you were fat

         b- he's completely lost without me
         a- why won't he ever ask for directions?     

         b- time stood still
         a- this relationship is going nowhere     

         b- croissant and cappuccino
         a- bagel and instant         

         b- blind
         a- nearsighted         

         b- you look so seductive in black     
         a- your clothes are so depressing

         b- i can hardly believe we found each other
         a- i can't believe i ended up with someone like you     

         b- passion
         a- ration

	 b- once upon a time
         a- the end      

A Journey to India with a Foreigner

HI All !!! Here is the letter from one of my very nice friend from Spain, Margarita
who went to India for a trip.    Here are the impressions and things she faced over 
there...

Letter starts here.............


Believe it or not, I haven't died!!!. I am here, working a lot and that's
why I haven't been very communicative lately....AND DON'T YOU DARE to get
angry at me!!!! (lol)

I have sent you 2 pictures that I hope we'll give you a good overview of
my stay in India. If you want/need any more, let me know!!

So, you were asking about my true impression of India, right?....I don't
really know where to start!!!   Let's begin from Mumbai, my firt stop in
India and quite an experience. Ready?:

*    2 o'clock in the morning, Mumbai international airport after 7 hours
of flying up in the clouds, very hot and humid weather, 1 hour at customs,
lots of people talking to me, asking if I want a taxi. No one waiting for
me.......Am I in the right place? Did I tell the family my flight number?
Should I look for someone to help me?...NOOO!!!!!! It is just that at the
Indian airports only passangers are allowed in!!!! Uuffff..ok, let's find
the exit then....My goodness, what's this?? I believe half the population
of this city must be here waiting for someone!! Let me see, .....no...no,
that's not me.....THERE THEY ARE, Venod and Mukta holding a big sign with
my name!!! Ohhh,thank God they did come....Excuse me, would you let me go
through this compact mass of human beings? Thanks a lot..........Sooooooo
.....Hi......, I'm Margarita.....nice meeting you and thank you very much
for leting me stay with you.........And from here on, to me,   everything
turned out as a fantastic journey through an unknowworld. 

To start with, How on earth can you drive on the wrong side?? How can you
not bump into all those cows,  porks chickens and dogs that freely wonder
around??Won't your car just get stucked in one of those huge holes in the
middle of the road (or the sides, it doesn't really matter)??How come you
don't use your lights when it's 2 o'clock in the morning and as dark as a
mine?And by the way, don't you know that instead of constantly horning at
other vehicles to let them know you want to outstrip someone , there is a
thing called flashing lights ??   And what about that crazy  Autoricshaws
drivers, don't they understand they are not the one and only kings of the
road?? Will this rain ever stop,

PLEASE?..................................................................
.......................................

The place where I was living in Mulund(suburbe of the big Mumbai)was also
quite an experience on itself: the lift would "sing a song" everytime the
door was open (which,by the end of the 3rd. day,I already knew by heart),
the locks of the front big doors were true pieces of art, the kitchen was
beautifully old and full of  vegetables I had never seen.    I just loved
siting on the floor and having our meals there although,  I have to admit
that, seeing how the cockroaches     runned around was not exactly a very
exciting experience....Neither was the toilet.......and I am sure I don't
have to go deeper on the subject to   make you understand my discomfort!!
And last, but not least, the bed.   If there is something I know for sure
now about  Indian people, is that they must not have any back problems at
all....It was just wonderful I was so tired at night,   otherwise I don't
think I would have been able to fall sleep on that hard piece of wood!!!

To be continued.....................

Smiles and kisses   Marga (why don't you write to me...????)

Sardarji..... !!!!

Sardarji proposes to a woman. She says yes if you bring me a pair of crocodile
boots. He sets off to Africa and disappears.Finally a search is being made,  they find him hunting
crocodiles and watch him killing a huge  one. He walks over the reptile, checks its legs
and angrily exclaims  "71st and *again* barefeet!"




Sardarji calls Air India.   "How long does it take to fly to Amritsar?"
"Just a sec," says the rep."Thank you."says the Sardarji and hangs up.




Sardarji is in Delhi. He is walking on a street which has a Clock Tower when someone asks him if he wants to buy the clock on the	Tower.
Sardarji  says "Yes". "Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder."  The man took
the thousand and disappeared. Having waited for several hours the Sardarji figured he was
taken.  On the next day the Sardarji is again  walking along the same street and the same
man asks him to buy the clock. "Give me a thousand rupees and I'llgo get a  ladder."  The
Sardarji gives him the thousand and says "I am not a  fool. This time,  you wait and I'll
go get a ladder."




Sardarji is buying a TV.
"Do you have color TVs?"
"Sure."
"Give me a green one, please."




Two Sardarjis are in a railway station.
"Can I take this train to Ludhiana?" asks the first.
"No," answers the RR man.
"Can I?" asks the second Sardarji.