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cunfusion

June 6, 2000

Where to begin... Well Tenn Ren is over for another year, yet I'm scheduled to work another this month. Plus I'm leading accent workshops, and everything else it seems, all without having a real job still. Boy is my life fucked up or what?

And to make matters all that more screwed up, I don't know what to do with my life anymore. Suicide seems like a choice, but I recall when a friend of mine did that same thing, and what an effect it had on me and my other friends. I don't want to put anyone through that hell.

But I just don't have the desire to go on anymore. I feel so very alone, even the cutting doesn't seem to help much anymore. I just don't know what to do. I would pray if I believed in it, sometimes I make myself laugh about things like that. I don't know if believing in anything is worth it, and I'm sure that love isn't anymore. Just let my rip my heart out and tear it to shreds it would save time.

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