DEPRESSION


I'm in a black mood today,
something rare in the days since I left
the bottle & dope behind & found 
my one true love again.
But today the sky bleeds rain & my soul
seems chilled by it.
On a day like today I remember how I enjoyed
perching on a bar stool in the neon light,
a glass of Johnny Walker & a smoke at hand,
feeling like King of the World,
full of myself , sure of myself as well, 
a  sodden soldier going about the holy work 
of doubt eradication.
I recall how the words came in blossoms,
booze opened the basement door & let them
rush forth to freedom like children loosened
from some mad god.
Today, the words are lodged in some crack,
some dank cranny of a mind too far gone
to give a damn.
Somewhere along the way I missed the train,
the plane, the boat.
I was left standing in the terminal dust alone, frowning
at lights fading in the distance, sounds falling
away to the ethers.
Shortly they were only a memory & soon
not even that.
When there are no more words,
words matter no more.
I was a long time getting there,
if here is there.
And it really doesn't matter.