AMY ACUFF--FEMINIST OF TOMORROW

"I really didn't mind baring it all in order to break down some stereotypes about women atheletes. I wanted to show that a woman athelete can be extremely competitive and driven and successful and still retain feminine qualities."
--Amy Acuff, track & field star, Rolling Stone 814, p. 81.

Some pioneer. Pardon me whilst I finish etching her medal.

Competitive, driven, and successful...and still retain feminine qualities. Those aren't feminine? It's unladylike to succeed at anything? What then defines a 'feminine quality'? Asking people to pay to see you naked? (There's a year 2000 calendar coming out soon featuring various women atheletes posing naked/semiclothed. --Ed.) What the hell is feminine about taking your clothes off for a national magazine? Again, don't get me wrong here. It's not the action I'm decrying. (For more on that, see the 'STOP SENDING ME PORN' article. --Ed.) This is a free country, you can do whatever blows your skirt up, and I'll be the last person to break out the Puritan textbook and wave it like a bloody shirt whining about empty catchphrases like 'family values'. (Hey, Pat Buchanan doesn't need my help to make him look like an asshole.) But I just don't see how dropping trou at the sight of a Nikon is supposed to make anyone more "feminine"; someone please explain it to me. If what Acuff is implying is so, doesn't this mean that porn stars are the Uberfemmes, the ultra-feminine ideal we should aspire to? Shouldn't Miss Manners' syndicated column be booted for "Confessions of a Teenage Cum Queen?"

And the follow-up question: what stereotypes are Acuff referring to? Most history notwithstanding (Acuff's in her early twenties, she wasn't alive then), when in recent history (15-20 years) were women atheletes throroughly castigated by mainstream society for not being 'ladylike', barring maybe the 'roiders and the few who consciously cultivate a 'butch' image? If they are in fact discriminated against, why does every high school and college have bursting rosters in their women's sports, with more women's team sports being lobbyed for all the time? Is she saying that the MILLIONS of women in these programs are going dateless on Fridays because Joe Public's afraid of a girl who could kick his ass? Last time I checked most guys valued a woman who could take care of herself, show some drive, motivation, some independence. Surely there are occasional exceptions, a throwback here or there, but who do you know refuses to date a woman basketball player because he thinks, "well, she doesn't cook, can't iron, she's no use to me."

I mean, seriously, think about it. What man fantasizes about having a Martha Stewart? Who in hell can even stand her?

Oh, look at that, the medal's done. Thumb and index finger forming an "L". It'll look great as a prop in the July centerfold.

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