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What is WRONG with her?If you know me at all, you've asked that question (^^up there :P). If you GET to know me, you WILL ask it...and if you don't know me, you're here for information. Whichever of the above applies, you've come to the right place for answers. This page is just about ME. (Sounds conceited, huh? ) More
specifically this page is about my brain disorder. In April 1999, I was
diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder Type II. I was 32 years old. The process
of being diagnosed and learning to integrate the knowledge that I have
an illness that affects my behavior with what I thought I'd always known
about myself has been tough to say the least. I, like everyone else, thought
that it was all 'just me.'  Now, there are days when
I don't feel like I know who I am at all. Those are the depressed days...and
since I rapid cycle, I might be that way for a few days and then, if I'm
lucky, get hypomanic...which is my favorite favorite favorite place in
the world to be. When I'm hypomanic, I am untouchable, unshakeable, unbeatable,
unstoppable...SO charming...so creative...so productive...so positive...it's
the best feeling in the world, no kidding. Thing is, the crash always
comes, and it really sucks. I'm not much on crying, but when I crash,
my heart cries incessantly...and there's nothing I can do to stop it.
Thank GOD, my moods are stable right now, and I feel like I'M in control
for a change~ I take anti-depressants and mood stabilizers every day,
and they help. (I've finally found my "miracle drug"...check out the update
link below to find out how that's going.) Over the past few years, I've
started having true manic episodes. I get really cranky (an extreme understatement)
when I'm manic, and I'm not much fun to be around. It seems that the 'fun'
parts of bipolar disorder are indeed a thing of the past for me. SO...there's
my synopsis...below are links to more detailed information.
Bipolar Disorder is a mood disorder caused by chemical imbalances in the brain. It's treatable, but not curable. Once you have it, it's yours to keep. Figuring out HOW to treat it is another story entirely. There are three types of bipolar: Type I is primarily mania with depression; Type II is primarily depression with hypomania; Cyclothymia is a mild form of the disorder. If I could pick which I had, I'd pick Cyclothymia, but I can't. My initial diagnosis was Type II. Since then, I've had my diagnosis changed to Type I. I no longer think that's accurate; I believe I'm bipolar II with rapid cycling, which was my initial diagnosis. Bipolar is basically moodswings. Remember I said BASICALLY. There's a whole lot involved with diagnosing, treating, and living with this disorder. What works for one person is not going to work for someone else. Each case has to be treated as its own unique form of the disorder. Below are symptoms of the mood states involved with bipolar disorder as well as descriptions of what it feels like to be in each mood state. Click the links to check them out.
 What it FEELS Like to be Bipolar I've tried to explain hypomania to non BPs as having a second brain attached to the one you were born with. This 2nd brain is actually an extremely fast computer. It is designed to operate at both the concious and subconscious levels. It creates files and stores vast amounts of data in a split second and can locate and organize those files at the speed of light. This 2nd brain can recall verbatim everything you have seen, read, watched, or just heard from another room from as far back as you wish to go. You are never left without something clever to say as creative ideas abound from your internal library and everyone admires your cleverness, intellect, and the confidence you inspire within them as to your abilities. THe computer requires additional power to operate and your body responds gladly in supplying it. You really don't need to go offline much in subconscious sleep, but if you do, rest assurred that the computer brain will still be working feverishly on your behalf and will send you a data stream of creativity, answers to problems, and wonderful ideas for future projects as soon as you wake. Medication essentially in my example, shuts down the extra power. The computer brain burns out due to low voltage but tries to help out anyway by sending what data it can. Unfortunately, the data is mostly in some weird computer language and what isn't coded is of little or no use. There are times when the info is so slow that it provides your best response to a conversation you had days ago and couldn't come up with a reply! [A pet scan] would be hard pressed to find any remnants of my second brain. ~~SEEKERBERNIE Okay, so I am more than my illness...lol...I'm a link freak...deal with it...these links are to the things I enjoy...hope you enjoy them, too. I LOVE to take photos, especially of my daughters. I collect lots of things...Coke stuff, Boyd's Bears, Santas, antique primary and elementary school readers, antique spools and kitchen utensils...I have them all over my house and keep them out all year...and I must say that a Coke Santa is the BEST...lol...I LOVE music...all kinds of music...except country...eeeeeeewwwwwwwww...I love to write...don't really do the poetry thing, but I have thoughts on things and I like to get them on paper. I also like to build things and paint...I'm in the process now of taking and scanning pics of some of the things I've made, so click here to see if I'm a slacker or if I've actually DONE it. (I haven't so don't waste your click  )
©Copyright Lisa Smith-Gosser, 2002-2006. All rights reserved. |
