What is WRONG with her?

If you know me at all, you've asked that question. If you GET to know me, you WILL ask it...and if you don't know me, you're here for information. Whichever of the above applies, you've come to the right place for answers. In April 1999, I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder Type II. I was 32 years old. The process of being diagnosed and learning to integrate the knowledge that I have an illness that affects my behavior with what I thought I'd always known about myself has been tough to say the least. I, like everyone else, thought that it was all 'just me.' Now, there are days when I don't feel like I know who I am at all. Those are the depressed days...and since I rapid cycle, I might be that way for a few days and then, if I'm lucky, get hypomanic...which is my favorite favorite favorite place in the world to be. When I'm hypomanic, I am untouchable, unshakeable, unbeatable, unstoppable...SO charming...so creative...so productive...so positive...it's the best feeling in the world, no kidding. Thing is, the crash always comes, and it really sucks. I'm not much on crying, but when I crash, my heart cries incessantly...and there's nothing I can do to stop it.

Bipolar Disorder is a mood disorder caused by chemical imbalances in the brain. It's treatable, but not curable. Once you have it, it's yours to keep. Figuring out HOW to treat it is another story entirely. There are three types of bipolar: Type I is primarily mania with depression; Type II is primarily depression with hypomania; Cyclothymia is a mild form of the disorder.

Bipolar, formerly known as manic-depressive illness or manic depression, is a mood disorder. You can't have manic depression AND bipolar; you can't have depression AND bipolar. Bipolar disorder is frequently described as consisting of "mood swings." While that's somewhat true, it does give some folks the wrong idea. Bipolar is NOT "feeling happy one minute and sad the next." It is NOT the same thing as having an explosive temper. It is NOT the same thing as "losing it" easily. So if you are or if you have a friend or family member who is about "throwing tantrums," or if you yourself have a short fuse, it's most likely either another disorder entirely or just bad manners. I highly recommend that these folks check out the facts on Borderline Personality Disorder.

Bipolar is not really about CHANGES in mood; it's more about both the POLARITY and INTENSITY of moods. We're either HOT or COLD...not a lot of middle ground! These highs and lows last for days...sometimes weeks...sometimes months...on end. The most important distinguishing feature of the disorder is that the symptoms cause problems in school, the workplace, the home, and interpersonal relationships. There's a whole lot involved with diagnosing, treating, and living with this disorder.

What works for one person is not going to work for someone else. Each case of bipolar disorder has to be treated as its own unique form of the disorder. Each person is going to have different degrees of highs and lows; different symptoms of mood states; and respond differently to different medications. It can take TIME to find the right combination(s) of medications, so try to keep that in mind and DON'T GIVE UP! There are new medications on the market all the time, and you WILL eventually find your magic bullet!

Below are symptoms of the mood states involved with bipolar disorder as well as descriptions of what it feels like to be in each mood state. I've listed both DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders-the Psychiatrist's BIBLE) criteria and plain English symptoms of each as well as descriptions of what I personally feel like in each mood state. Click the links to check them out.

K...you've been here awhile now...wanna sign? HUH????


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