My night has become a sunny dawn because of you. -Inb Abbad

A man must be both stupid and uncharitable who believes there is no virtue or truth but on his own side.-Joseph Addison

All television is children's television. -Richard P. Adler

Is sex dirty? Only when it's being done right. -Woody Allen

The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you. -Woody Allen

I know I'm an acquired taste: I'm anchovies. And not everyone wants those hairy little things. If I was potato chips, I could go more places. -Tori Amos

Love is blind. I guess that's why it proceeds by the sense of touch. -Morey Amsterdam

People spend a lifetime searching for happiness; looking for peace. They chase idle dreams, addictions, religions, even other people, hoping to fill the emptiness that plagues them. The irony is the only place they ever needed to search was within. -Ramona L. Anderson

We have no say over the hand dealt us in life, but we do have a lot of control over how this hand is played. We are responsible for bringing out the meaning of our own lives in each moment that we live. Remember each moment happens only once and can never be retrieved again. -Roberta Andersen

The best in me will win out in the end. I know it will. It has to sometimes...doesn't it? -V.C. Andrews "Petals on the Wind"

If you don't stand for something,you'll fall for anything. -Maya Angelou

You are wholly complete and your success in life will be in direct proportion to your ability to accept this truth about you. -Robert Anthony

He said, "Come to the Edge." I said, "I can't, I'm afraid." He said, "Come to the Edge." I said, "I can't. I'll fall off." He said, finally, "Come to the Edge." And I came to the Edge. And he pushed me. And I flew. -Guillaume Apollinaire

Women like silent men. They think they're listening. -Marcel Archard

He who believes he knows the ending of things before they begin is either a very wise person or an idiot. Regardless, he is unhappy for he hast drove a knife into the heart of wonder. -Osten Ard

"Are you suggesting I remove my underwear and put perfume there instead?"
"Are you suggesting I remove my trousers and put perfume there instead?"
-Mrs. Slocomb, Mr. Grainger, "Are You Being Served?"

Happiness depends on ourselves. -Aristotle

It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it. Aristotle

That's one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind. -Neil Armstrong

Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life. -Berthold Auerbach

Knowledge is power. -Francis Bacon

The idea of strictly minding our own business is moldy rubbish. Who could be so selfish? -Myrtie Barker

If a child runs into the room saying "Mummy, mummy! I love Jesus and He loves me! We're all going to Heaven when we die and God is looking over us!", people will smile and praise the child. Nobody would say "Don't be silly. You can't possibly say that because you don't fully understand everything about the religion. How can you know that for sure, when you've not read the Bible in the original Hebrew?!?". But if a child (or teenager, or adult) says "I've had a good think about it, and have come to the conclusion that Jesus is a myth and nothing in Christianity makes much sense. I declare myself to be a freethinking secular humanist.", then they are quite likely to receive the latter response. You could have all the theological training of a hedgehog and still get wild applause if you stand up and say you're a Christian, but it seems that atheists are required to demonstrate more intelligence and Biblical expertise than all the clergymen and theologians that have ever lived before they are allowed to publicly express their doubts. -Adrian Barnett

Dear Mister Language Person: I am curious about the expression, Part of this complete breakfast. The way it comes up is, my 5-year-old will be watching TV cartoon shows in the morning, and they'll show a commercial for a children's compressed breakfast compound such as Froot Loops or Lucky Charms, and they always show it sitting on a table next to some actual food such as eggs, and the announcer always says: Part of this complete breakfast. Don't that really mean, Adjacent to this complete breakfast, or On the same table as this complete breakfast? And couldn't they make essentially the same claim if, instead of Froot Loops, they put a can of shaving cream there, or a dead bat?
Answer: Yes.
-Dave Barry

If the people in Europe are SOOOOOO smart, how come so many of them can't seem to locate the deodorant, huh? -Dave Barry

Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer. -Dave Barry

What I think is that the F-word is basically just a convenient nasty-sounding word that we tend to use when we would really like to come up with a terrifically witty insult, the kind Winston Churchill always came up with when enormous women asked him stupid questions at parties.-Dave Barry

Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza. -Dave Barry

Never shall I forget the time I spent with you. Please continue to be my friend, as you will always find me yours. -Ludwig Van Beethoven

Sometimes when the world is dark it is for a purpose...Otherwise you would not see the light of the tunnel you're supposed to choose. -Krista Belles

Eagles may soar, free and proud, but weasels never get sucked into jet engines. -John Benfield

Veronica: I saw somebody peeing in Jermyn Street the other day. I thought, is this the end of civilization as we know it? Or is it simply somebody peeing in Jermyn Street? -Alan Bennett

A fact in itself is nothing. It is valuable only for the idea attached to it, or for the proof which it furnishes. -Claude Bernard

If there's one pitch you keep swinging at and keep missing, stop swinging at it. -Yogi Berra

I no longer worry about being a brilliant conversationalist. I simply try to be a good listener. I notice that people who do that are usually welcome wherever they go. -Frank Bettger

Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure. -Ambrose Bierce

You will never find time for anything. If you want time, you must make it.-Charles Bixton

The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind. -Humphrey Bogart

The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. But the opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth. -Niels Bohr

We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough? -Niels Bohr

If you think education is expensive, try ignorance. -Derek Bok

Laughter is the closest distance between two people. -Victor Borge

The greatest weakness of all is the great fear of appearing weak.-Jacques Benigne Bossuet

Next to being witty yourself, the best thing is being able to quote another's wit. -Christian N. Bovee

The difference between friendship and love is how much you can hurt each other. -Ashleigh Brilliant

It is in vain to say human beings ought to be satisfied with tranquility: they must have action; and they will make it if they cannot find it. -Charlotte Bronte, "Jane Eyre"

Listening, not imitation, may be the sincerest form of flattery. . . . If you want to influence someone, listen to what he says. . . . When he finishes talking, ask him about any points that you do not understand. -Dr. Joyce Brothers

People take different roads seeking fulfillment and happiness. Just because they're not on your road doesn't mean they've gotten lost. -H. Jackson Browne

Do not believe in anything simply because you have heard it. Do not believe in anything simply because it is spoken and rumored by many. Do not believe in anything simply because it is found written in your religious books. Do not believe in anything merely on the authority of your teachers and elders. Do not believe in traditions because they have been handed down for many generations. But after observation and analysis, when you find that anything agrees with reason and is conducive to the good and benefit of one and all, then accept it and live up to it. -Buddha

If we couldn't laugh, we would all go insane. -Jimmy Buffett

Less than 15 percent of people do any original thinking on any subject. The greatest torture in the world for most people is to think. -Luther Burbank

A man can fail many times, but he isn't a failure until he begins to blame somebody else. -John Burroughs

It's not denial. I'm just selective about the reality i accept. -Calvin and Hobbes

It's better to have a morning after, than to have never had a night before. -Andy Capp

Religion convinced the world that there's an invisible man in the sky who watches everything you do. And there's 10 things he doesn't want you to do or else you'll to to a burning place with a lake of fire until the end of eternity. But he loves you! ...And he needs money! He's all powerful, but he can't handle money! -George Carlin

The tragedy of life is not so much what men suffer, but rather what they miss. -Thomas Carlyle

Remember, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday. -Dale Carnegie

My Mind is the ceiling.
My Soul is the floor.
There are walls all about
and I can't find a door.
-John Carr

Ninety-nine percent of the failures come from people who have the habit of making excuses. -George Washington Carver

Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional. -M. Kathleen Casey

As long as people will accept crap, it will be financially profitable to dispense it. -Dick Cavett

An adventure is only an inconvenience rightly considered. An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered. -G.K. Chesterton

You could compile the worst book in the world entirely out of selected passages from the best writers in the world. -G. K. Chesterton

May you live in interesting times,
May you gain the notice of those in high places,
And may your every wish come true.
-Traditional Chinese curse

He who asks is a fool for five minutes, but he who does not ask remains a fool forever. -Chinese Proverb

There are two perfectly good men, one dead, and the other unborn. -Chinese Proverb

Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen. -Winston Churchill

It is a good thing for an uneducated man to read books of quotations. -Winston Churchill

Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing happened. -Winston Churchill

Never, never, never, never give up. -Winston Churchill

I think the next best thing to solving a probem is finding some humor in it. -Frank A. Clark

One of the great tragedies of mankind is that morality has been hijacked by religion. -Arthur C. Clarke

The intellegence of the planet is constant, and the population is growing. -Arthur C. Clarke

I like anyone who doesn't, like, intentionally piss me off. -Jenny Clegg

I hear and I forget. I see and I remember. I do and I understand. -Confucious

To be wronged is nothing unless you continue to remember it. -Confucius

It's a pity to shoot the pianist when the piano is out of tune. -Rene Coty

Live out of your imagination, not your history. -Stephen Covey

The man who rolls up his sleeves seldom loses his shirt. -Thomas Cowan

Irix is about as stable as a one-legged drunk with hypothermia in a four-hundred mile wind, balancing on a banana peel on a greased cookie sheet. When someone throws him an elephant with bad breath and a worse temper. - Simon Cozens

The Past may not be your fault, but the Future is your responsibility alone. -Gene Cruz

Nothing in life is to be feared. It is only to be understood. -Marie Curie

Bad is never good until worse happens. -Danish Proverb

I think music is our most important form of communication, it crosses all boundaries and has the power to affect people's lives-both the songwriter and the listener. -Alana Davis

Here is my secret. It is very simple: it is only with the heart that one can see rightly. What is essential is invisible to the eyes. -Antoine de-St. Exupery

Dream as if you'll live forever. Live as if you'll die today. -James Dean

Power is not revealed by striking hard or often, but by striking true. -Honore de Balzac

Difficulty attracts the man of character because it is in embracing it that he realizes himself. -Charles de Gaulle

Solitude, though it may be silent as light, is like light, the mightiest of agencies; for solitude is essential to man. All men come into this world alone and leave it alone. -Thomas De Quincey

You can't comfort the afflicted without afflicting the comfortable. -Princess Diana of Wales

When we know to read our own hearts, we acquire wisdom of the hearts of others. -Denis Diderot

It's the friends you can call up at 4 a.m. that matter. -Marlene Dietrich

Watch me not care. -Dilbert

Everything comes if a man will only wait. -Benjamin Disraeli

If you focus on results, you will never change. If you focus on change, you will get results. -Jack Dixon

Right or wrong, it's very pleasant to break something from time to time. -Fedor Dostoevski

The minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settled for. -Maureen Dowd

Boys frustrate me. I hate all thier indirect messages, I hate game playing. Do you like me or don't you? Just tell me so I can get over you. Kirsten Dunst

Nothing is often a good thing to say, and always a clever thing to say. -Will Durant

You can be in my dreams if i can be in yours. -Bob Dylan

The most unbelievable social convention of the age in which we live is the one to the effect that all religious opinions should be respected, (no matter how ignorant). -William Edelen

Hell, there are no rules here - we're trying to accomplish something. -Thomas Edison

Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work. -Thomas Edison

Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen. -Albert Einstein

Imagination is more important than knowledge. -Albert Einstein

Few are those who think with their own minds and feel with their own hearts -Albert Einstein

No amount of experimentation can ever prove me right; a single experiment can prove me wrong. -Albert Einstein

Spirited ideas have always found great opposition from mediocre minds. -Albert Einstein

Whoever undertakes to set himself up as judge in the field of truth and knowledge is shipwrecked by the laughter of the Gods. -Albert Einstein

Given a choice between hearing my daughter say "I'm pregnant" or "I used a condom," most mothers would get up in the middle of the night and buy them herself. -Jocelyn Elders

Perhaps the most delightful friendships are those in which there is much agreement, much disputation, and yet more personal liking. -George Eliott

When I discover who I am, I'll be free. -Ralph Ellison

Hitch your wagon to a star. -Ralph Waldo Emerson

It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them. -Ralph Waldo Emerson

People only see what they are prepared to see. -Ralph Waldo Emerson

The creation of a thousand forests is in one acorn. -Ralph Waldo Emerson

The days come and go like muffled and veiled figures sent from a distant friendly party, but they say nothing, and if we do not use the gifts they bring, they carry them as silently away. -Ralph Waldo Emerson

What you do speaks so loudly that I cannot hear what you say.-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Earth laughs in flowers. -Ralph Waldo Emerson

A stumble may prevent a fall. -English Proverb

Money is what people without talent use to keep score. -Jeremy C. Epworth

There are some people who live in a dream world,and there are some who face reality; and then there are those who turn one into the other. -Douglas Everett

Don't bother just to be better than your contemporaries or predecessors. Try to be better than yourself. -William Faulkner

Fish fuck in it. -W. C. Fields, when asked why he never drank water

Failure is the opportunity to begin again, more intelligently. -Henry Ford

Whether you think you can or think you can't - you are right. -Henry Ford

You can't build a reputation on what you're going to do. -Henry Ford

If fifty million people say a foolish thing it is still a foolish thing. -Anatole France

I haven't failed. I've found 10,000 ways that won't work. -Benjamin Franklin

Code of Honor: Never approach a friend's girlfriend or wife with mischief as your goal. There are just too many women in the world to justify that sort of dishonorable behavior. Unless she's really attractive. -Bruce Jay Friedman

We all dream; we do not understand our dreams, yet we act as if nothing strange goes on in our sleep minds, strange at least by comparison with the logical, purposeful doings of our minds when we are awake. -Erich Fromm

A broken friendship may be soldered, but will never be sound. Thomas Fuller

If there is anything that we wish to change in the child, we should first examine it and see whether it is not something that could better be changed in ourselves. -C. G. Fung

The conventional view serves to protect us from the painful job of thinking. -John Kenneth Galbraith

I have never met a man so ignorant that I couldn't learn something from him. -Galileo Galilei

There is more to life than increasing its speed. -Mahatma Gandhi

For it was not into my ear you whispered
But into my heart;
It was not my lips you kissed,
But my soul...
-Judy Garland

True friendship comes when silence between two people is comfortable. -David Tyson Gentry

It is the woman who chooses the man who will choose her. -Paul Geraldy

Believe those who seek the truth; doubt those who find it. -Andre Gide

It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not. -Andre Gide

It's never too late to do nothing at all. -Alan Ginsberg

Nothing splendid was ever created in cold blood. Heat is required to forge anything. Every great accomplishment is the story of a flaming heart. -Arnold H. Glasgow

Stress is an ignorant state. It believes that everything is an emergency. -Natalie Goldberg

The secret to true happiness is a combination of low expectations and insensitivity. -Olivia Goldsmith

Wherever I roam, whatever realms I see, My heart untravelled fondly turns to thee. -Oliver Goldsmith

Love is not blind -- it sees more, not less. But because it sees more, it is willing to see less. -Rabbi Julins Gordon

If to talk to oneself when alone is folly, it must be doubly unwise to listen to oneself in the presence of others. -Baltasar Gracian

You miss 100 percent of the shots you never take. -Wayne Gretzky

Sex is a rainbow, here's to a colorful summer! -Greyhound Bus Station, Hermiston, OR

Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come. -Matt Groening

You can't put the toothpaste back in the tube. - H. R. Haldeman

If you don't have a dream, how are you going to make a dream come true? -Oscar Hammerstein

Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, 'It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver. -Jack Handy

Don't do drugs because if you do drugs you'll go to prison, and drugs are really expensive in prison. -John Hardwick

The danger is not that computers will think like men, but that men will think like computers. -Sydney J. Harris

If I could get all the people in my life who have ever done mean things to me in one room, I wouldn't go in there because, damn, those are some mean people! -LeMel Hebert-Williams

An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools. -Ernest Hemingway

The first draft of anything is always shit. -Ernest Hemingway

You have to go on and be crazy. Craziness is like heaven. -Jimi Hendrix

Passionate hatred can give meaning and purpose to an empty life.-Eric Hoffer

The mind of the bigot is like the pupil of the eye: the more light you pour upon it, the more it will contract. -Oliver Wendelll Holmes

It's email, not magic. It's the electronic equivalent of a piece of paper, yet people seem to think it can accomplish such miracles as curing dying children, stopping the creation of imaginary laws in congress, and nobler enterprises such as getting free clothes from Gap, all for flooding the inboxes of your friends, coworkers and relatives with get-rich-quick schemes a two-year-old could see through... provided it arrived via snail mail. -Carla Homan

I slept, and dreamed that life was Beauty; I woke, and found that life was Duty. -Ellen Sturgis Hooper

A conservative is a man who is too cowardly to fight and too fat to run. -Elbert Hubbard

Don't take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive. -Elbert Hubbard

To avoid criticism do nothing, say nothing, be nothing. -Elbert Hubbard

The safest way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket. -Frank McKinney Hubbard

To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, be nothing. Elbert Hubbard

Etiquette is what you are doing and saying when people are looking and listening. What you are thinking is your business. -Virginia Cary Hudson

A man is not idle because he is absorbed in thought. There is a visible labor and there is an invisible labor. -Victor Hugo

The supreme happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved. -Victor Hugo

The believer is happy. The doubter is wise. -Hungarian proverb

Decide what you want, decide what you are willing to exchange for it. Establish your priorities and go to work. -H.L. Hunt

It is a delicious moment, certainly, that of being well-nestled in bed and feeling that you should drop gently to sleep. The good is to come, not past; the limbs are tired enough to render the remaining in one posture delightful; the labor of the day is gone. -Leigh Hunt

If you don't have passion, change. -Lauren Hutton

I have known many,
Liked not a few,
Loved only one
I toast to you
-Irish toast

If you believe everything you read, better not read. Japanese proverb

Truth is the safest lie. -Jewish Proverb

A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.-William James

Believe that life is worth living and your belief will create the fact. -William James

Never spend your money before you have it. -Thomas Jefferson

Shake off all fears of servile prejudices, under which weak minds are servilely crouched. Fix reason firmly in her seat, and call on her tribunal for every fact, every opinion. Question with boldness even the existence of a God, because, if there be one, he must more approve of the homage of reason than that of blind faith. -Thomas Jefferson

I won't say I miss you
But my pillow answers to your name now
-Steven Javan Jones

It's not how long
Two people have been together
It's how honest
They have been with each other
During the time
They have been together
-Steven Javan Jones

Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't. -Erika Jong

I can accept failure. Everyone fails at something. But I can't accept not trying. -Michael Jordan

Rest is not a matter of doing absolutely nothing. Rest is repair. -Daniel W. Joselyn

Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you. - Carl Gustav Jung

You come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by seeing an imperfect person perfectly. -Sam Keen

It's not what happens to you in life that's important, it's how you react to what happens. -Mike Keenan

The real test of friendship is: can you literally do nothing with the other person? Can you enjoy those moments of life that are utterly simple? -Eugene Kennedy

A child miseducated is a child lost. -John F. Kennedy

And so, my fellow Americans: ask not what your country can do for you: ask what you can do for your country. My fellow citizens of the world: ask not what America will do for you, but what together we can do for the freedom of man. -John F. Kennedy

All this will not be finished in the first 100 days. Nor will it be finished in the first 1,000 days, nor in the life of this Administration, nor even perhaps in our lifetime on this planet. But let us begin. -John F. Kennedy

About one-fifth of the people are against everything all the time. -Robert F. Kennedy

Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly. -Robert F. Kennedy

People are very open-minded about new things--as long as they're exactly like the old ones. -Charles Kettering

I am a part of all I have read. -John Kieran

People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid. -Soren Aabye Kierkegaard

When elephants fight, it is the grass that suffers. -Kikuyu proverb

He's got more degrees than a thermometer in the sun's ass.-Jimmy Kimmel introducing the brilliant Ben Stein

In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends. -Martin Luther King Jr.

The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy. -Martin Luther King, Jr.

God greant me:
the SERENITY to accept what I cannot change,
the TENACITY to change what I may,
and the GOOD LUCK not to fuck up too often.
-I found it in Stephen King's "Salem's Lot", but I'm sure he found it somewhere

Everybody has the will to win; precious few have the will to prepare to win. -Bobby Knight

Life sucks, but death doesn't put out at all. -T. J. Kopp

Parents always know what strings control your heart and soul. After all, they are the ones who tied them there. -Mercedes Lackey

I've found that nurturing one's Zen nature is vital to dealing with technology. Violence is pretty damn useful too. -Lionel Lauer

I do not think I will ever reach a stage when I will say, "This is what I believe. Finished." What I believe is alive...and open to growth. -Madeleine L'Engle

Time you enjoy wasting, is not wasted. -John Lennon

If you were going to die soon and had only one phone call you could make, who would you call and what would you say? And why are you waiting? -Stephen Levine

A person reveals his character by nothing so clearly as the joke he represents. -George Christoph Lichtenberg

People are just as happy as they make up their minds to be. -Abraham Lincoln

It's not whether you get knocked down. It's whether you get up again. -Vince Lombardi

We have uniformly rejected all letters and declined all discussion upon the question of when the present century ends, as it is one of the most absurd that can engage the public attention, and we are astonished to find it has been the subject of so much dispute, since it appears plain. The present century will not terminate till January 1, 1801, unless it can be made out that 99 are 100... It is a silly, childish discussion, and only exposes the want of brains of those who maintain a contrary opinion to that we have stated. -The (London) Times, December 26, 1799

Everything is held together with stories. That is all that is holding us together, stories and compassion. -Barry Lopez

Sometimes being a bitch is all a woman has to hold on to. -Stephen King, "Delores Claiborne"

Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: "What! You, too? Thought I was the only one." -C.S. Lewis

Mistakes are the dues one pays for a full life. -Sophia Loren

The imaginary friends I had as a kid dropped me because their friends thought I didn't exist. -Aaron Machado

A lot of people say they are dyslexic; some have to realize that they are just stupid. -Bill Mahar

Beginning today, treat everyone you meet as if they were going to be dead by midnight. Extend to them all the care, kindness, and understanding you can muster, and do it with no thought of any reward. Your life will never be the same again. -Og Mandino

When you look back... on your love affairs... what you really find out is that the only person you really go to bed with is yourself. -Shirley Maclaine

Don't be so humble - you are not that great. -Golda Meir

A kiss can be a comma, a question mark, or an exclamation point. -Mistinguett

No, it's "Blessed are the meek." I think that's nice, because really they have a hell of a time. -"Monty Python's Life of Brian"

Then did he raise on high the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch, saying, "Bless this, O Lord, that with it thou mayst blow thine enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy." And the people did rejoice and did feast upon the lambs and toads and tree-sloths and fruit-bats and orangutans and breakfast cereals ... Now did the Lord say, "First thou pullest the Holy Pin. Then thou must count to three. Three shall be the number of the counting and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither shalt thou count two, excepting that thou then proceedeth to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the number of the counting, be reached, then lobbest thou the Holy Hand Grenade in the direction of thine foe, who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it." -a line from "Monty Python and the Holy Grail", spoken by Brother Maynard

Character is what you are in the dark. -D. L. Moody

A man travels the world over in search of what he needs, and returns home to find it. -George Moore

After all there is but one race - humanity. -George Moore

Love is the extremely difficult realization that something other than onself is real. -Iris Murdoch

Sometimes someone says something really small, and it just fits right into this empty place in our heart.-My So-Called Life

Love is a word that is constantly heard,
Hate is a word that is not.
Love, I am told, is more precious than gold.
Love, I have read, is hot.
But hate is the verb that to me is superb,
And Love but a drug on the mart.
Any kiddie in school can love like a fool,
But Hating, my boy, is an Art.
-Ogden Nash

I drink to make other people interesting. -George Jean Nathan

Nobody really cares if you're miserable, so you might as well be happy. -Cynthia Nelms

What does the spell checker on the computer have against passive voice? -Dunn Neugebauer

Well, I'm sure we can resolve this in a mature way. Right, Mr. Poopypants? -Leslie Nielson

Without music, life would be a mistake. -Friedrich Nietzsche

What does not kill me makes me stronger. -Friedrich Nietzsche

I contribute my success to this: I never gave or took an excuse. -Florence Nightingale

Greetings, I am pleased to see that we are different. May we together become greater than the sum of both of us. -Leonard Nimoy

Each friend represents a world in us, a world not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born. -Anias Nin

It is a known fact that women have better verbal skills than men. I just have to say: Duh! -Conan O'Brien

The world's a stage and most of us are desperately unrehearsed. -Sean O'Casey

Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it. -P. J. O'Rourke

Making fun of born-again Christians is like hunting dairy cows with a high powered rifle and scope. -P. J. O'Rourke

It is neccessary to the happiness of a man that he be mentally faithful to himself.-Thomas Paine

Figure out who you are and then do it on purpose. -Dolly Parton

A good plan is better than a perfect plan tomorrow. -General George S. Patton

There is no worse bitterness than to reach the end of your life and realized you have not lived. -M. Scott Peck

I don't care how good you play, you can find somebody who can beat you, and I don't care how bad you play, you can find someone you can beat. -Harvey Penick

I am grateful for all my problems. After each one was overcome, I became stronger and more able to meet those that were still to come. I grew in all my difficulties. -J.C. Penney

The happiest person is he who thinks the most interesting thoughts. -William Lyon Phelps

I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face." I said, "You'll be sorry." He said, "Oh, yeah? Why?" I said, "Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well." -Emo Phillips

I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off. so i ran over and said "stop! don't do it!" "Why shouldn't I?" he said. I said, "Well, there's so much to live for!" He said, "Like what?" I said, "Well...are you religious or atheist?" He said, "Religious." I said, "Me too! Are you Christian or Buddhist?" He said, "Christian." I said, "Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant?" He said, "Protestant." I said, "Me too! Are you Episcopalian or Baptist?" He said, "Baptist!" I said, "Wow! Me too! Are you Baptist Church of God or Baptist Church of the Lord?" He said, "Baptist Church of God!" I said, "Me too! Are you original Baptist Church of God, or are you Reformed Baptist Church of God?" He said, "Reformed Baptist Church of God!" I said, "Me too! Are you Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1879, or Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915?" He said, "Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915!" I said, "Die, heretic scum", and pushed him off. -Emo Phillips

He was a wise man who invented beer. -Plato

There is no abstract art. You must always start with something. -Pablo Picasso

The harder you work, the luckier you get. -Gary Player

To believe everthing or to doubt everything are two equally convienent solutions: Both dispense with the need for reflection. -Jules Henri Poincare'

The world is round and the place which may seem like the end may also be only the beginning. -Ivy Baker Priest

I base most of my fashion taste on what doesn't itch. -Gilda Radner

I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. Delicious Ambiguity. -Gilda Radner

Thinking men cannot be ruled. -Ayn Rand

You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by the way he eats jelly beans. -Ronald Reagan

Love is like an hourglass, with the heart filling up as the brain empties. -Jules Renard

Courage is doing what you're afraid to do. There can be no courage unless you're scared. -Eddie Rickenbacher

I discovered a long time ago that if I helped people get what they wanted, I would always get what I wanted and I would never have to worry. -Anthony Robbins

Destiny is as destiny does. If you believe you have no control, then you have no control. -Wess Roberts

Just like what Nazi Germany did to the Jews, so liberal America is now doing to the evangelical Christians. It's no different. It is the same thing. It is happening all over again. It is the Democratic Congress, the liberal-based media and the homosexuals who want to destroy the Christians. Wholesale abuse and discrimination and the worst bigotry directed toward any group in America today. More terrible than anything suffered by any minority in history. -Pat Robertson

Shh! Don't talk so loud! Now everyone will want death. -Joel Robinson

What do women want? To be treated like a queen; but by a king, not a pawn. -James Robison

Love really is a fire that consumes the heart. What most people don't realize, is that fire is painfully hot and the closer you are to it, the bigger the burn you're going to get. -John Roche

Even if you are on the right track, you will get run over if you just sit there. -Will Rogers

Do what you can, with what you have, where you are. -Theodore Roosevelt

The only man who never makes a mistake is the man who never does anything. -Theodore Roosevelt

I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don't even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours. -Rita Rudner

Absentmindedness is looking for the horse you are riding. -Russian Proverb

In science it often happens that scientists say, 'You know that's a really good argument; my position is mistaken,' and then they would actually change their minds and you never hear that old view from them again. They really do it. It doesn't happen as often as it should, because scientists are human and change is sometimes painful. But it happens every day. I cannot recall the last time someting like that happened in politics or religion. -Carl Sagan

I think it's very hard to be naked in a scene and not be upstaged by your nipples. -Susan Sarandon

For the time being I have seen enough of living things, of dogs, of men, of all flabby masses which move spontaneously. -Jean-Paul Sartre

A man can succeed at almost anything for which he has unlimited enthusiasm. -Charles Schwab

Religion is regarded by the common people as true,by the wise as false, and by rulers as useful. -Seneca

You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself any direction you choose.
You're on your own. And you know what you know.
And YOU are the guy who'll decide where to go.
-"Oh, the Places You'll Go!", Dr. Seuss

Illusions are dangerous people. They have no flaws. -A line in "Sabrina"

Be happy while you're living, for you're a long time dead. -Scottish Proverb

Songs are sneaky things. They can slip across borders. Proliferate in prisons. Penetrate hard shells. I always believed the right song at the right moment could change history. -Pete Seeger

Lord, what fools these mortals be! -Shakespeare, A Midsummer Night's Dream

Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage,
And then is heard no more: it is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing.
-Shakepeare, Macbeth (V, 5)

'To thine own self be true,
And so it shall come that you
can be false to no other man'
-William Shakespere

It is generally agreed that "Hello" is an appropriate greetingbecause if you entered a room and said "Goodbye," it could confuse a lot of people. -Dolph Sharp

I often quote myself; it adds spice to my conversation. -George Bernard Shaw

The fact that a believer is happier than a skeptic is no more to the point than the fact that a drunken man is happier than a sober one. The happiness of credulity is a cheap and dangerous quality. -George Bernard Shaw

If we don't change, we don't grow. If we don't grow, weare not really living. Growth demands a temporary surrender of security. It may mean a giving up of familiar but limiting patterns, safe but unrewarding work, values no longer believed in, relationships that have lost their meaning. As Dostoevsky put it, 'Taking a new step, uttering a new word, is what people fear most.' The real fear should be of the opposite course. -Gail Sheehy

Anyone who calls it "sexual intercourse" can't possibly be interested in actually doing it. You might as well announce you're ready for lunch by proclaiming, "I'd like to do some masticating and enzyme secreting." -Allan Sherman

I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. -Frank Sinatra

If you want to make someone hate you, explain to them, logically and politely, why they are wrong. -Phil Simborg

Heh Heh Heh! Lisa! Vampires are make believe, just like elves and gremlins and eskimos! -Homer Simpson

I am so smart! I am so smart! S-M-R-T! S-M-R-T! I mean, S-M-A-R-T! -Homer Simpson, singing, upon finding out he's been admitted to college

Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand. -Homer Simpson

We must bait our hooks with honesty, or else the happy marriage is the one that got away. -The Reverend on "The Simpsons"

Any kid'll run an errand for you if you ask at bedtime. -Red Skelton

Love is but the discovery of ourselves in others, and the delight in the recognition. -Alexander Smith

If it's such a nice day, why spoil it for the rabbits? -Snoopy

Beware the barrenness of a busy life. -Socrates

Finally he released the young man, and waded back to dry land. Then Socrates questioned the man. "What did you most want just now?"
The young man replied, "Air."
"When you want knowledge as much as you just wanted air, you shall have it."
-Socrates

Our youth now love luxury. They have bad manners, contempt for authority and disrespect for their elders. Children nowadays are tyrants. -Socrates

If you are never scared or embarrassed or hurt, it means you never take chances. -Julia Soul

A painter paints pictures on canvas. But musicians paint their pictures on silence. -Leopold Stokowski

Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits and then complain that he's not the man she married? -Barbra Streisand

Fear less, hope more;
whine less, breath more;
talk less, say more;
hate less, love more;
and all good things are yours.
-Swedish Proverb

Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake. -Savielly Grigorievitch Tartakower

I stopped believing in Santa Claus when my mother took me to see him in a department store, and he asked for my autograph. -Shirley Temple

The hunger for love is much more difficult to remove than the hunger for bread. -Mother Teresa

Good humor is one of the best articles of dress one can wear in society. -William Makepeace Thackeray

It's not dying for faith that's so hard, but living up to it. -William Makepeace Thackery

Look at a day when you are supremely satisfied at the end. It's not a day when you lounge around doing nothing; it's when you've had everything to do, and you've done it. -Margaret Thatcher

Love is a misunderstanding between two fools. -Rufus Thomas

Try a thing you haven't done three times. Once, to get over the fear of doing it. Twice, to learn how to do it. And a third time, to figure out whether you like it or not. -Virgil Thomson

Do not look back in anger, or forward in fear, but around in awareness. -James Thurber

Remember, you can't steal second if you don't take your foot off first. -Mike Todd

All that is gold does not glitter; not all those that wander are lost. -J. R. R. Tolkien

Norms are things that are always perceived, but never achieved. Phillip A. Trella

As long as you're going to think anyway, think big. -Donald Trump

Apparently there is nothing that cannot happen today. -Mark Twain

Few things are harder to put up with than a good example. -Mark Twain

Get your facts first, then you can distrue them as you please. -Mark Twain

Man is the only animal that blushes - or needs to. -Mark Twain

Substitute "damn" every time you're inclined to write "very"; your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be. -Mark Twain

The best minds will tell you that when a man has begotten a child he is morally bound to tenderly care for it, protect it from hurt, shield it from disease, clothe it, feed it, bear with its waywardness, lay no hand upon it save in kindness and for its own good, and never in any case inflict upon it a wanton cruelty. God's treatment of his earthly children, every day and every night, is the exact opposite of all that, yet those best minds warmly justify these crimes, condone them, excuse them, and indignantly refuse to regard them as crimes at all, when he commits them. -Mark Twain

There is probably no pleasure equal to the pleasure of climbing a dangerous Alp, but it is a pleasure which is confined strictly to people who can find pleasure in it. -Mark Twain

Love is not a desicion, it is a feeling. If we could decide who we love, it would be alot simpler, but alot less magical. -Mr Twig, "South Park"

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, While loving someone deeply gives you courage. -Lao Tzu

Often we have no time for our friends, but all the time in the world for our enemies. -Lean Uris

Serious people have few ideas. People with ideas are never serious. -Paul Valery

Kindness to me is only powerful if it has the cruel streak behind it. If someone is kind all the time under all circumstances, they're just simple-minded. Kindness is only worth something if you have the cruel streak to back it up. -Suzanne Vega

We have all been placed on this earth to discover our own path, and we will never be happy if we live someone else's idea of life. -James Van Praagh

I wish they would only take me as I am. -Vincent Van Gogh

In the end we shall have had enough of cynicism and scepticism and humbug and we shall want to live more musically. -Vincent Van Gogh

Love many things, for therein lies the true strength, and whosoever loves much perfoms much, and can accomplish much, and what is done in love is done well. -Vincent Van Gogh

Organized religion is a sham and a crutch for weak-minded people who need strength in numbers. -Minnesota Governor Jesse Ventura

Infatuation is when you think that he's as sexy as Robert Redford, as smart as Henry Kissinger, as noble as Ralph Nader, as funny as Woody Allen, and as athletic as Jimmy Conners. Love is when you realize he's as sexy as Woody Allen, as smart as Jimmy Conner, as funny as Ralph Nader, as athletic as Henry Kissinger and nothing like Robert Redford-but you'll take him anyway. -Judith Viorst

Common Sense is not so common. -Voltaire

It’s about how whenever I fall in love, I have these expectations of the experience being a perfect dream, which, of course, ruins it. I imagine cradling my lover’s head in my lap in a cab in the middle of the night, and drinking champagne in an elegant hotel suite. But life’s rarely like that, and I usually end up walking home by myself in the rain. -Rufus Wainwright on "Imaginary Love"

An Academic speculated whether a bather is beautiful if there is none in the forest to admire her. He hid in the bushes to find out, which vitiated his premise but made him happy.
Moral: Empiricism is more fun than speculation.
-Sam Weber

I don't say we all ought to misbehave, but we ought to look as if we could.-Orson Welles

Most modern technology, as good as it may be, is inherently evil. -Gary Welch (of The Katies - its a really good band)

He who hesitates is a damned fool. -Mae West

Whenever I have to decide between two evils, I always choose the one I haven't tried before. -Mae West

The world is full of people who have never, since childhood, met an open doorway with an open mind. -E. B. White

I am not afraid of tomorrow, for I have seen yesterday and I love today. -William Allen White

The art of progress is to preserve order amid change, and to preserve change amid order. Life refuses to be embalmed alive. -Alfred North Whitehead

Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are a good person is a little like expecting the bull not to attack you because you are a vegetarian. -Dennis Wholey

Mythological two headed hound, born with only one head. And here, out of the myths of history: the legendary Esquilax - a horse with the head of a rabbit, and the body - of a rabbit. -Chief Clancy Wiggum

Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months. -Oscar Wilde

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go. -Oscar Wilde

There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it. -Oscar Wilde

There is only one thing in the world worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about. -Oscar Wilde

The man who is swimming against the stream knows the strength of it. -Woodrow Wilson

Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down. -Oprah Winfrey

I used to believe in forever, but forever was too good to be true. -Winnie the Pooh

I think - therefore I'm single. -Lizz Winstead

No man chooses evil because it is evil; he only mistakes if for happiness. -Mary Wollstonecraft

What is the difference between apathy and ignorance? I don't know and I don't care. -World Entertainment War

24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? -Stephen Wright

Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time. -Catherine Zandonella

You are the only person on earth who can use your ability. -Zig Ziglar