Before an emergency joint session of Congress yesterday,
President Clinton announced US plans to deploy over 75,000 vowels
to the war-torn region of Bosnia. The deployment, the largest
of its kind in American history, will provide the region with
the critically needed letters A,E,I,O and U, and is hoped to render
countless Bosnian names more pronounceable.
"For six years, we have stood by while names like
Ygrjvslhv and Tzlynhr and Glrm have been horribly butchered by
millions around the world," Clinton said. "Today, the
United States must finally stand up and say 'Enough.' It is time
the people of Bosnia finally had some vowels in their incomprehensible
words. The US is proud to lead the crusade in this noble endeavour."
The deployment, dubbed Operation Vowel Storm by the State
Department, is set for early next week, with the Adriatic port
cities of Sjlbvdnzv and Grzny slated to be the first recipients.
Two C-130 transport planes, each carrying over 500 24-count boxes
of "E's," will fly from Andrews Air Force Base across
the Atlantic and airdrop the letters over the cities.
Citizens of Grzny and Sjlbvdnzv eagerly await the arrival
of the vowels.
"My God, I do not think we can last another day," Trszg
Grzdnjkln, 44, said. "I have six children and none of them
has a name that is understandable to me or to anyone else. Mr.
Clinton, please send my poor, wretched family just one 'E.' Please."
Said Sjlbvdnzv resident Grg Hmphrs, 67: "With just
a few key letters, I could be George Humphries. This is my dream."
The airdrop represents the largest deployment of any letter
to a foreign country since 1984. During the summer of that year,
the US shipped 92,000 consonants to Ethiopia, providing cities
like Ouaouoaua, Eaoiiuae, and Aao with vital, life-giving supplies
of L's, S's and T's.