Things that Bart has written .....
- I will not waste chalk
- I will not skateboard in the halls
- I will not burp in class
- I will not instigate revolution
- I will not draw naked ladies in class
- I did not see Elvis
- I will not call my teacher "Hot Cakes"
- Garlic gum is not funny
- They are laughing at me, not with me
- I will not yell "Fire" in a crowded classroom
- I will not encourage others to fly
- I will not fake my way through life
- Tar is not a plaything
- I will not Xerox my butt
- It's potato, not potatoe (This was used for the second airing,
a reference to Dan Quayle's gaff while visiting a school)
- I will not trade pants with others
- I am not a 32 year old woman (To put it another way, Nancy
Cartwright is not a 10-year-old boy)
- I will not do that thing with my tongue
- I will not drive the principal's car
- I will not pledge allegiance to Bart
- I will not sell school property (The only episode so far to
use a "repeated" blackboard opening in its first showing)
- I will not cut corners (It actually looks like this : I WILL
NOT CUT CORNERS " " " " " " "
" " " " ")
- I will not get very far with this attitude
- I will not make flatulent noises in class
- I will not belch the National Anthem
- I will not sell land in Florida
- I will not grease the monkey bars
- I will not hide behind the Fifth Amendment
- I will not do anything bad ever again
- I will not show off (This was written in an "Olde English"-style
font)
- I will not sleep through my education
- I am not a dentist
- Spitwads are not free speech
- Nobody likes sunburn slappers
- High explosives and school don't mix
- I will not bribe Principal Skinner
- I will not squeak chalk (Bart squeaks the chalk while writing
this)
- I will finish what I star (This appears on one line; the rest
is blank)
- "Bart Bucks" are not legal tender
- Underwear should be worn on the inside
- The Christmas Pageant does not stink
- I will not torment the emotionally frail
- I will not carve gods
- I will not spank others
- I will not aim for the head
- I will not barf unless I'm sick (Lisa has a blackboard punishment
of sorts during the episode; she has to clap erasers)
- I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty
- I saw nothing unusual in the teacher's lounge
- I will not conduct my own fire drills
- Funny noises are not funny
- I will not snap bras
- I will not fake seizures
- This punishment is not boring and pointless
- My name is not Dr. Death
- I will not defame New Orleans (New Orleans complained about
the opening song in "Oh,Streetcar!")
- I will not prescribe medication
- I will not bury the new kid (During the episode, Marge wrote
"I will try to raise a better child")
- I will not teach others to fly
- I will not bring sheep to class
- A burp is not an answer
- Teacher is not a leper
- Coffee is not for kids (Each line becomes less and less legible;
the last line is a scrawl)
- I will not eat things for money
- I will not yell "She's Dead" at roll call
- The principal's toupee is not a Frisbee
- I will not call the principal "spud head"
- Goldfish don't bounce
- Mud is not one of the 4 food groups
- No one is interested in my underpants
- I will not sell miracle cures
- I will return the seeing-eye dog
- I do not have diplomatic immunity
- I will not charge admission to the bathroom
- I will never win an Emmy (This was the first episode after
1992-93 Emmy nominations were announced, the first time the show
was eligible for "Best Comedy Series", but it wasn't
nominated (the show has won "Best Animated Show" Emmys
in the past))
- The cafeteria deep fryer is not a toy
- All work and no play makes Bart a dull boy (This was not written
"line by line" like the others)
- I will not say "Springfield" just to get applause
- I am not authorized to fire substitute teachers
- My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man (A reference
to "The Fugitive")
- I will not go near the kindergarten turtle
- I am not deliciously saucy
- Organ transplants are best left to the professionals
- The Pledge of Allegiance does not end with Hail Satan
- I will not celebrate meaningless milestones (This was first
used for the 100th new episode)
- There are plenty of businesses like show business
- I will not re-transmit without the express permission of Major
League Baseball
- Five days is not too long to wait for a gun
- Beans are neither fruit nor m (?)
- Pork is not a verb