I wonder if I knew before coming to Jesus that he woud try to make me perish all day, If I even would have tried, Jesus tole me he loves it when some one misses it at end of life after sacrificing all

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    JOB 7:14 then thou scarest me with dreams, and terrifiest me through visions: This goes on all night, and even though I love the visions. It seems like the main goal here is to anger me with each one and make me so angry, that my heart is pierced, which is rage beyond what you can bear. It saddens me to try to think on this or imagine why, but It seems that Jesus wants me to hate him all day, and exist in a condition, that all I want to do is backslide and walk away. If time went on, Im sure my teeth would be gone, but I would most likely have gum grafts, and save them, and Im sure God would get those, lest he throw me away for having them. I should take his tithes and get those grafts since. I would ask God about things inthe bible, but it seems to me that it was Jesus!, that wanted me to go into REVELATION. He said something like, do you want to go into REVELATION. Im not sure of my answer, but, for going at his suggestion, Im tossed out all day, and pursued till Im tossed out, and God knows how, and this is killed all day. that is what that means, like paul. Jesus would remind me that he gave his life, and would show me the hole in his hand, but, it was an easy out to me. They took and crucified. About 3 days give or take. Id take the out Jesus had over this. The Lords answer: now heres what I did, I made you quit, and will, keep tossing you out till you leave or stay, but, if you stay, you will be tortured by me and satan, with what I allowed him to do to you, this is why, to keep you, humble, and you are, but, I want you, depaired, and, weepy, all the time, beyond, humble is what I want, now, stay, or, leave. Jesus-God said, you said, you would not comit sin, and now that, im against,you, for saying, that, by accident, im going to make you comitt, sin, and then, take, out, all of, your sins, out of, the , sea, of, forgetfullness, and then, make you, stay in prision, for, saying, that, saith, Jesus,--its now lots of times miserable living for Jesus, like a gold fish swimming in an aquarium filled with barracudas, hoping that one does not strike, but, then, they do, and do again, and again, and again, and finally, dead. if that is what the LOrd wants to do to me for giving him all that I gave, I can not stop. Ive been told that something like, I want to make an example out of you(and more words)ok Jesus, go ahead and throw me in the fire. If that is what you, want. That is my reward, for giving all I gave, and i did what he wanted for the most part and exceeded I beleive. Go ahead Jesus, put me in the fire, put me there quick Lord, make me hell. THne look in the mirror and laugh at my calamity, and ask yourself one question, why did you really do that? Isee Jesus in visions and he says things like, abase, backslide, now stop hanging around. God let me know that namy of you will leave ministry of dreams after reading this, but, this is what paul went thru of some of, and Im asking you to pray for me. read with caution.