In a stunning email, Senior Jerome Horshack* told me of his inability to get anything. He writes:

"As a Senior, I think I'm entitled to get some pussy here and there. I'm supposed to be able to pick up freshman girls because I'm a Senior. I'm a fucking Senior, dammit. Where's my pussy? I haven't had sex in approximately 6500 days, now what the fuck is up with that?"

He seemed troubled and dissapointed. He wanted me to invite any interested women to contact him, and he'd do anything, but I refused. That's unethical.^{*Name changed to protect the identity of assholes.}