Hey guys! I spent an obscene amount of time creating this thing - every time I got bored studying for physio and latin, which was about every five minutes. So, now it's your turn to waste some time. And I need some amusement while I study for two MORE f-ing finals next week... So, everyone has to fill it out, and you'd better make it good, ok? So if you highlight the application, then you can copy and paste it into an email. Push the insert button on your keyboard to write over the blanks, and make Yes / No answers bolded. (and if something seems like a TMI, then you should probably be making it up, we're going for ha-ha here!! and p.s. if you didn't pick up on it already, this is not exactly serious, I'm not THAT desperate!!! Geez, guys...). Then email your answers to smitch@brown.edu. Oh, and if I don't have your screen name already, include that in your email too! Best answers get taken out for dinner!! Best of luck! Mwah!
<3, Sarah
Name:________________________________________________________________________ M / F
Age:_________ Weight:__________lb Height:___________feet____________inches
Males Only: Length:______________inches Girth:________________inches
Males:
How many girls have you kissed?_________
How many girls have you gotten head from?_______ given head to?_______
How many girls have you had sex with?_______
Have you ever had a sexual experience with another man? Y / N Describe it:__________________________________________________
Females:
How many girls have you kissed?_______ Boys?_______
How many boys have you had sex with?_______
Have you ever been with a girl before? Y / N
Do you own a vibrator or a similar device? Y / N Model:______________________________________
Both:
How many one-night stands have you had?________ Fuckbuddies?_______
What is the duration of your longest relationship?_________years__________months
Where’s the craziest place you’ve ever had sex?_______________________________________________
Have you named your unit? Y / N If so, is this name still in use? Y / N What is its name?______________________________________
What’s your favorite position?____________________________________________________
Given the choice, would you defecate on a girl? Y / N
What’s your preferred method of birth control?____________________________________________________
Sex fantasies:_____________________________________________________________________________________
What are your feelings on threesomes?________________________________________________________________________
What sort of lighting do you prefer (on, off, blacklight, etc?_____________________________________________________________________
Quickies or marathons? Why?__________________________________________________________________________________________
#1 Mood Song:________________________________________ By:__________________________________________
Feelings on open relationships:_______________________________________________________________________
Is biting permitted? Y / N Nibbling? Y / N
What’s your concentration?______________________________ GPA:________
Extracurriculars:__________________________________________________________________________________________________
Athletics:__________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Intended Career:____________________________________
Likely Salary: $_______ , __________ , __________ , __________ , __________ /year
Any special life goals/dreams?________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Have you ever been arrested? Y / N Were you convicted? Y / N Details:________________________________________________________
Do you smoke? Y / N How much?_______________________packs/day
Do you drink? Y / N How much how often?___________beers/week
Do you take any drugs? Y / N Which?_______________________________________
Languages besides English you are fluent in:______________________________________________________________________________
How often do you shave?_________________________/week
Where do you shave?______________________________________________________________________________________________________
Piercings:______________________________________________________________________________________________
How would you describe your relationship with your mom?__________________________________________________________________________________________
Favorite Ninja Turtle:_______________________________________________
Describe your massage skills:_________________________________________________________________________________________________________
What are your feelings on stay-at-home-mothers?___________________________________________________________________________________________
Can you wash your own laundry? Y / N
What’s your political ideology?________________________________________________________________
Favorite Star Wars movie:_________________________________________________
Dogs or cats?_____________________
Who’s the best James Bond?_____________________________________
Do you enjoy spooning? Y / N
Do you leave the toilet seat up? Y / N
Favorite Disney movie:_________________________________________________
Have you ever cheated on a girlfriend (or boyfriend)? Y / N
Rate your dancing skills:_____________________________________________________________________________________________
Do you cook well? Y / N What’s your specialty?__________________________________________
Describe how you spend money (saver, big spender, etc):________________________________________________________________
Boxers or briefs?__________________________________
About how often do you watch porn?
A) every day
B) once a week
C) once a month
D) less than once a month
E) never
Who’s hottest?
A) Britney Spears
B) Christina Aguilera
C) Nicole Kidman
D) Hilton Sisters
E) Olsen Twins
What’s the ideal breast cup size?
A) A
B) B
C) C
D) D
E) all boobies are ideal
There’s a big game on, but I want to watch Sex and the City. You
A) Watch the game anyway
B) Watch SATC with me
C) Flip between both shows during commercial breaks
D) Go to a friend’s house to watch the game
E) Watch SATC and complain the whole time
It’s our anniversary. You
A) forgot
B) send a dozen roses
C) take me out to an expensive restaurant
D) bought a diamond ring
E) plan a romantic night in (with candles and massage oil, of course)
F) don't celebrate anniversaries. ever.
It’s Super Bowl Sunday. You
A) don’t care
B) take me to the game
C) watch it with me on TV
D) go to a friend’s house to watch the game
E) want me to cater your Super Bowl party
After a long day at work, you come home and
A) expect dinner ready (your slippers and newspaper should be handy, too)
B) cook a fancy dinner for me
C) take me out for dinner
D) eat leftovers
E) worry about dinner after sex
Ideally, a girl has
A) an untamed Amazonian bush (au naturale)
B) a landing strip
C) a decorative design (perhaps your initials?)
D) a neatly trimmed area
E) no hair whatsoever (completely bald)
The ideal first date
A) is dinner and a movie
B) ends with a goodnight kiss
C) includes meeting parents
D) is unique and memorable
E) always ends in sex
Best place to be kissed is
A) lips
B) neck
C) ears
D) nipples
E) down south
Who’s hottest?
A) young Harrison Ford
B) Orlando Bloom
C) Johnny Depp
D) Brad Pitt
E) Josh Hartnett
Which scene is hottest?
A) standing up – The Astronaut’s Wife
B) on the stairs – The Thomas Crowne Affair
C) in the jungle – The Sleeping Dictionary
D) cheap motel room – Wild Things
E) in a monastery – The Name of the Rose
F) another suggestion:______________________
The sexiest lingerie is
A) Black
B) Red
C) Lace
D) Satin
E) Not on
Ooh baby! That's all I got for ya now, but thanks for filling out my application ;) Tell your hot friends!
