Author: Snack Size
Genre: Anakin POV-slight angst
Disclaimer: Nothing belongs to me. George Lucas etc. all own the characters. End of story.
Sometimes I wonder how Obi-Wan truly feels about me. Does he care for me? Does he feel the need to protect me from the everyday dangers that life brings? Am I his first thought in the morning when he wakes-up and his last thought at night before he goes to sleep?
Or am I just another tiresome being who happens to be in his life? Am I simply another obstacle in his path that he tolerates only because he has to? Does he put up with me only because he promised Qui-Gon Jinn that he would look after me, train me and bring me to Knight-hood?
Or does he see me as being no better than one of the sluts you can pick-up from outside Cailey's Bar? Is he simply using me as his own "personal" slave because he knows I adore him. Because he knows I look up to him and make it my goal everyday to please him in ways I shouldn't.
I question all this because my Master has never once told me that he loves me. Never. Not when I nearly died of measles when I was ten years old, not after we made love for the first time and especially not when I proclaim my love for him. Whenever I look into those beautiful green-blue eyes of his and whisper, "I love you". He always just smiles softly at me, kisses me on the forehead and then goes about his usual business as if I've just told him something along the lines of, "I love your new boots". Instead of saying that I love *him*.
Because I do you see. I love him so much it hurts, that it takes over my entire being and I ache whenever I see him. I'm drowning in him, I really am and sometimes I'm scared that I'll never see the surface again.
But I always break free eventually. I always manage to kick that extra bit harder and break out of the ocean his blue-green eyes create. And do you when that is? Do you know when I resurface?
Every time he doesn't tell me that he loves me.
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