Warnings: People die, it's in the canon.
Summary: Obi-Wan and Anakin share a bond.
Disclaimer: All things Star Wars belong to George Lucas. Notes: In August 2002 I thought I would write a proper fic about these scratches. In May 2005 I found them abandoned on my harddrive, transformed them into a drabble series. Thanks to Katma for the beta and to Jedi Rita for inspiration and encouragement!
I Obi-Wan Kenobi
We never wanted it.
On Naboo, when he was a child and I wanted to stay as one, we didn't want each other. He wanted his mother. I wanted my master. Neither of us could have what we wanted.
It was a freak accident that our bond formed so strong in the beginning. If we had waited, it wouldn't have happened. Right then we were both too needy and alone. Force knows why I thought it was a good idea to form a bond there and then.
Of course it was stronger than expected. We were unbalanced. We were desperate.
II Anakin Skywalker
We didn't want it.
It wasn't supposed to happen. I wanted my Padmé. He wanted to remember Qui-Gon and the Code.
We can't forget the Code.
But the war made us need things we never had before. We craved something -- anything -- to make the unbearable easier to bear.
So when I got drunk and moody, he stayed with me. Then he drank a few, too. The bastard, he never drank before; why did he have to start then?
Drunkenly unconcerned we fell into bed together. We kissed.
Of course it led to something more. We were unbalanced. We were desperate.
III Ben Kenobi
I couldn't kill him.
My love for Anakin had turned into a perverted tie to the abomination he had become. But I couldn't kill him. He had to do it himself by throwing himself against my blade.
I watched him burn. I believed it was over.
Perhaps it was.
The creature that survived the lava was more machine than man. The faint echo of the past friendship and warmth that I felt in the Force was just my imagination. And even that imagined bond hurt like an open wound.
In the lonely Tatooine desert I waited for it to heal.
IV Darth Vader
I waited for him to come back to challenge me. The first time we fought I hadn't been strong enough. There had been no Jedi left in me, but neither had I yet learned the full power of the Dark Side.
When at last I felt his touch in the Force again, I relished the moment. Finally, I could cut down the last tie with my past, the bond that had tormented me.
I both won and lost. He died by my hand, yes -- but on his own terms.
In the end I couldn't kill him. He did it himself.
V Ben Kenobi
Yoda was wary of Anakin's son. I don't think he trusted my judgement. And why should he have?
I felt sure Luke was the Chosen One, the one who would destroy the Sith. Once I had been certain of Anakin, too. Yoda saw Anakin's faults in Luke and he feared for the boy. I saw Anakin in Luke -- his smile, his generous spirit, his compassion -- and I loved him for it. Luke was all that was left of Anakin Skywalker. Everything that had been right, good, and beautiful in him.
I still kept reminding myself that Vader was not Anakin.
VI Darth Vader
The Emperor was wary of Skywalker's son. As he should be. Everything changed when I learned I had a son. That little detail rearranged my sense of the past, present, and future. Suddenly there were possibilities. We would be powerful together, if he could get over the childish Jedi mantras.
Obi-Wan's influence was obvious. I saw his training in Luke's saber movements. I heard his conviction in Luke's stubbornness. I felt his touch in Luke's presence in the Force.
I was beginning to feel Obi-Wan everywhere. And I hated him. He made me remember that Vader had once been Anakin.
VII Obi-Wan Kenobi
Luke loved Anakin back into the Light. I had always thought emotions were Anakin's downfall. It was ironic that emotions also redeemed him.
My failure wasn't in loving Anakin too much, as I had believed. I had loved him too little. Jedi weren't meant to be misers in affection. The Force connected everything in the universe, and what was love if not a force joining entities together?
My spirit called to Anakin. Nervous and shy as never before I cried out his name. How I had endured the pain of silence in our bond all these years I didn't know.
VIII Anakin Skywalker
When I left the cover of the Dark, I felt our bond, stronger than ever. I had been shielded from human contacts so long its call made me dizzy. *Come home*, it sang.
"I remember you," I said.
He was changed, and I was different from my earlier incarnations -- boy, Jedi, and Sith -- but our bond was the same. Now one with the Force, I saw the paradox of it. Love binding us together cared little about what we are, for only "who" mattered. It was strange to realize that forgiveness wasn't an issue.
He embraced me. I was home.
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