Part 2
Pain –
That is the first thing I register. A while after – I don't know how long – I recognize the pain as a throbbing head ache. Then the dry sour taste in my mouth, a slight ache in every limb in my body…. And the finally, disgust.
This is a hangover. I've done it again. I've betrayed not only myself and the Jedi Order, but also my Padawan in the most horrific way. The boy has enough without a dirty old man adding to them.
But even now my thoughts escape my control and lingers on bright blue eyes, soft laughter and soft lips…. No! Love is indeed the most dangerous drug of all.
At least I paid the young man very well yesterday – Or was it today? Way to young for that kind of life. A boy, really. What was his name…..?
("What ever you want it to be."
"Ani….")
But he wasn't. None of them where ever my Ani. Thank all Gods. It is the only thing I have to say in my own defence. I haven't betrayed my Padawan's trust and I have never forced myself upon anyone.
It is time to be the Jedi Master. I just need to go to the fresher and wash this dirty, disgusting, lovesick fool away.