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The Squirrel Conspiracy Explained The Squirrel Conspiracy Explained

Alright. Obviously from the contents of the front page, you'll have noticed that squirrels are mentioned. You probably wondered why the hell they are included on this site, and it is likely for that reason, you clicked here. Wise decision, my friend. Sit back, relax, and read on as I explain the Squirrel Conspiracy...the truth that has been hidden from us for so long.

The short of it is that the squirrels are out to take over the world. Once that is acheived, they will slaughter humanity, and change our beloved planet into a giant nut. What type of nut is still unkown. They will then use the Canadarm on the international space station in order to crack it open, and eat it.

You probably think I'm nuts....pardon the pun. You're telling yourself, "How can squirrels take over the world? ow will they get up in space? Squirrels hibernate during the winter! They don't posess the intelligence in order to insititute a world takeover!" Unfortunetly, my friend, you are decieved. What you THINK you know about squirrels is the result of an agressive propaganda campaign on their behalf instituted by the American Government. You see, the squirrels are quite high up on the chain of command...involved with NASA, which explains how they will get into space. Right now, Neither NASA, nor the American government is aware of the Squirrels illicit activities. In the wintertime, squirrels do not hibernate...they go down to Area 51, where they preform experiments in order to figure out how to best slaughter humanity, right under the governments nose.

But what can we do in order to deal with this threat of the squirrels? Plently, actually. You see, socks are the answer. Yes, plain socks. Putting socks on squirrels makes them OK. Not good, but okay. Not socklets, mind you-little socks that only come up to your ankles. Only real socks work in this situation. And so I say to you now, for the good of all humanity, and for our beloved planet-Help save us all. BUY STOCK IN SOCKS!

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